• Relationship problems :-(

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    Skarta [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello,
    I'm having massive problems in the bedroom. Me and my hubby been married since 2009 and I have gone all cold.on him when it comes to sex. I just can't get aroused any more I want it in my head but my body says no.....and now after a few years of not very nice sex I just don't want it anymore and its killing us.
    I want my mojo back I'm quite experimental in the bedroom but he is not so much I tell him loads of times surprise me buy something for us but he doesn't 'know' what to buy I'm like I don't care just go for it. But nope nothing. He is the only guy I have slept with and its also hard that I cannot make him cum. He tells me it's just the way he is but it's kinda disheartening. I don't feel like I'm pleasing him enough. So I also feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's so frustrating. Argh!!!!

    1462309705
    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there.


    Hope you don't mind me asking but do you still masturbate or have you lost the urge to do that too?

    1462310109
    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    We went through a stage after having family that sex became just another chore on the endless to do list. By the time I got to bed at night the last thing I wanted to do was have sex. This led to OH feeling very sad and unloved and the longer we went without the worse it got and was more of a thought it was to start doing it again.


    We took it back to basics and started being more affectionate again without it leading to sex. Kissing, holding hands, spending quality time together.


    I started reading up about better sex, different positions, learned to masturbate and discovered what my body liked and we ordered and tried new things from here to bring the spark back. I finally got my mojo back and sex is better than ever these days. Like you I've only slept with my OH but he has always been the more adventurous one in bed and I've always been very reserved but now I've finally been able to let go


    Maybe have a look on here for things you would like to try together. Nice lingerie, massage oil, a cock ring or a couples toy.

    1462311451
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    Skarta, I have been in a similar situation. I got to the stage where I couldn't be bothered with sex at all. I got little pleasure from it and was miserable. A lot was down to my depression and having to fit a love life round our children. I'm on medication for my depression which helps. Its only been the past year we are finally getting through it. I only made my first purchase with LoveHoney around a month ago but I honestly feel like our sex life has been saved.

    We spoke about introducing toys to the bedroom but I'm such a private person even to my husband so it was tricky for me. He told me just to go for it and surprise him. We got a love egg, cock ties, a gspot vibrator, tingle balm, bondage tape and a massage candle. It was a random bunch but was good to experiment! We have since bought a wand, a make stroker attachment and a few other bits. For the first time in ages I actually feel comfortable talking about sex. We have been together for over a decade and I think we just lost touch with each other.

    You're not alone in this. Just takes time. My biggest find was if I had sex I would want sex in a day or so again so we have certain days for it. Its for baby reasons but one is to keep it regular so the passion is there as well as our love for each other.

    1462352749
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Skarta wrote:

    Hello,
    I'm having massive problems in the bedroom. Me and my hubby been married since 2009 and I have gone all cold.on him when it comes to sex. I just can't get aroused any more I want it in my head but my body says no.....and now after a few years of not very nice sex I just don't want it anymore and its killing us.
    I want my mojo back I'm quite experimental in the bedroom but he is not so much I tell him loads of times surprise me buy something for us but he doesn't 'know' what to buy I'm like I don't care just go for it. But nope nothing. He is the only guy I have slept with and its also hard that I cannot make him cum. He tells me it's just the way he is but it's kinda disheartening. I don't feel like I'm pleasing him enough. So I also feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's so frustrating. Argh!!!!

    First of all welcome to the forums .

    As some of the others suggested it may not be a bad idea to get checked out by your GP .

    Assuming everything is alright in that ddepartment thne it looks like perhaps both of you have lost that connection you once had.

    I had a similar situation a few years ago when our sex lifes was just boring and we had what I call bad sex once a month . Which is basically just going through the motions . In my eyes its as bad as having no sex as it does nothing to add the relationship.

    I hope you have kept your lines of communication open becasue communication is the biggest important thing that underpinns a successful relationship . If not then you really need to restablish this as you both need to talk,

    Sex I would put on the backburner for a while like we did. IMO what you need to do is to start doing more things together as a couple . We started going on date nights and we can't go out enough these days! Both of us just luv them. So that could be a first thing for both of you start going out to the pub together perhaps something trendier/posher than just the local around the corner . Order a meal at the pub and then get talking to each other just about general things .Some posters will diagree with me here but we like to dress to impress as well . Guys in particular are impacted by visual things . You only need to see all the eyes gaze at a pretty girl wearing a dress when she walks past. a group of guys Thats why I suggested a pub thats perhaps a bit posher than your local so you can dress well and stimulate the visuals of your partner .Get him to fancy the pants off you again as you would if he wore say a smart shirt , jacket ( blazer type) and trousers/jeans .If you have acorner table instigate a game of footsie. I like nothing more than my partners stockinged foot rubbing my groin area . I think its more exciting becasue its a little naughty

    Keeping a lid on sex for the moment , when you get back start cuddling and kissing each other perhaps to a background of dim lighting and music . Or watch a raunchy movies together but try to refrain from sex this one time and just keep kissing and cuddling. Again no sex in this session although you both may feel the urge . Well I hope so anyway as that is the idea .

    Then try again the following week , do somthing similar but this time see were it will take you. Wear some nice little nothings underneath your outfit that you know he will like and take it from there.

    If you can you can do a lot of this whilst away on a weekend .

    I am not saying it will work with your situation as it did with ours but there are bits in what I have posted that may give you some ideas to put that Va VA Voom back into your relationship.

    Good luck

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    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would repeat what the others are saying about dating and going back to basics, enjoying intimacy rather than expecting to want sex when you have drifted apart a bit. I'd definitely agree with what Mysteron was saying too about dressing to impress as you feel better about yourself too then as well as turning your partner on!

    I don't know whether your man is shy about buying things or just petrified of getting it wrong but you could always make a wishlist on here, that way he can still surprise you but he will know it's something you would like too!

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    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    Great idea about the wishlist to help him buy stuff from here Gem276 :)

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    Skarta [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all for your suggestions gonna give em ago. Luckily we are very open and very romantic together we still hold hands etc I think it's just a series of bad life stiff that has made me close off the parts of me that tend to get hurt so I need to break down some walls. Back to basics defo. Thanks all.

    1462439403
    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Skarta wrote:

    Thank you all for your suggestions gonna give em ago. Luckily we are very open and very romantic together we still hold hands etc I think it's just a series of bad life stiff that has made me close off the parts of me that tend to get hurt so I need to break down some walls. Back to basics defo. Thanks all.

    That's good to hear that the connection is still there between you. It sounds like you just need a little bit of routine maintenance and then you'll have your relationship back on track. The GP visit is a good suggestion to get a blood test to check hormone levels etc in case you are lacking in something which is causing the low libido and other symptoms. I forgot to mention that I started to take a multi-vitamin supplement and evening primrose oil capsules to boost myself up again and help relieve PMS symptoms. It definitely worked for me but you maybe have a really healthy, balanced diet and don't need to do that at all. I think the wishlist idea is great that Gem276 suggested. That would be great fun to receive a little treat or two now and again as a surprise from your OH that he knows you definitely would like. It might then lead to him looking and finding some other things he would like to try too. I don't know if you've used any toys before but a good starter is a clitoral toy like a bullet vibrator and some orgasm balm that you can use yourself to begin with and then introduce during sex as it adds to the experience but doesn't get in the way too much as they are so small. Good luck. Please come back anytime that you want to ask any of us for any other help, advice and ideas or just to have a chat. There is always plenty of people on the forums willing to help out if they can :)
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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oops! I forgot to add if you are relying on condoms for contraception and you do decide to get some orgasm balm please double check that the one you choose is condom safe as not all of them are compatible :)

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