• Going naked to an event

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    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    So I'm getting well into the BDSM scene and have been invited to an exclusive event where probably about only 15-20 couples or poly groups will attend. It sounds fantastic and the people and facilities are great. Only thing is the dress code for woman is naked.

    They accept a minimum of breasts on show at all times but prefer women to be full kit off nude.

    Now I've been to events before and ended up pretty scantily clad in the dungeon but the thought of chilling about social areas in my bday suit is a bit daunting especially with there being other thinner, prettier women likely to attend. I don't want to dress up much and just get my boobs out as it makes it obvious that I'm not comfortable with myself but at the same time I'm not as pretty or anywhere near as thin as most of the other female attendees (I consider myself to be BBW at a 16/18)

    Any advice for how to accessorise, hair/make up or generally how to be feeling myself when there's no chance of wearing spanx :P

    1462199047
    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    H, I have never been to such an event and doubt I ever will so probably can't add much constructive advice.

    My opinion however is as follows-

    By virtue of the fact you have been part of this scene before I don't fully understand how you don't already feel confident. Yes, obviously there will be skinnier ladies there, but you can guarantee there will also be larger ladies too - are you likely to judge them in any way? I doubt it - so why do you feel anyone will judge you?

    You are all attending for the same reasons and experiences - so just have fun!

    1462199631
    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    Why not wear something like an underbust corset and a pair of knickers to start with? It's your first event, I don't think anyone is expecting you to jump in and be extremely confident straight away, everyone has to start somewhere!

    You'll still show off all your best assests in an outfit like this, but in a way that's comfortable for you. You can always take it off later in the night if you want to!

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry, also meant to say that judging by your avi you have absolutely nothing to worry about!

    I do like NatandToms suggestions though.

    Good luck xx

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    You have a stunning body if that's you in your photo. You should be proud to show it off. Having said that I do understand your fears. I'm a larger lady and although I'm very pleased to be naked, it is usually on my terms.

    What about a spanking skirt and a dog collar! I find showing my vigina the most shy part of me.

    Or a pair of backless knickers and a feather boa. The boa could be used to entice and tease others as well as a comfort if your feeling exposed.

    I hope this helps. Have a great time, I'm sure you will love it.

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    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    lovingnewtoys wrote:

    H, I have never been to such an event and doubt I ever will so probably can't add much constructive advice.

    My opinion however is as follows-

    By virtue of the fact you have been part of this scene before I don't fully understand how you don't already feel confident. Yes, obviously there will be skinnier ladies there, but you can guarantee there will also be larger ladies too - are you likely to judge them in any way? I doubt it - so why do you feel anyone will judge you?

    You are all attending for the same reasons and experiences - so just have fun!

    I guess that at a normal event I'm in a dress with underwear so I can cover up my tummy pouch, keep my boobs from pointing south, sinch in my waist, etc. Nakedness is a more more exposed. I just hate drawing attention to myself irl. I've been referred to as "the fat one" in groups before (not at any events thank goodness) and it has knocked me a bit especially in line up photos and things.

    Thanks for your comment about my profile pic. I'm going to still go and have fun and just try to give myself confidence in other ways like heels and good hair.

    1462200533
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    NatandTom wrote:

    Why not wear something like an underbust corset and a pair of knickers to start with? It's your first event, I don't think anyone is expecting you to jump in and be extremely confident straight away, everyone has to start somewhere!

    You'll still show off all your best assests in an outfit like this, but in a way that's comfortable for you. You can always take it off later in the night if you want to!

    I think having a back up outfit is a good idea that I didn't think of :) I might try starkers but have something I can slip on if in doubt. Thanks!

    1462201072
    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    MondaySixteenth wrote:

    lovingnewtoys wrote:

    H, I have never been to such an event and doubt I ever will so probably can't add much constructive advice.

    My opinion however is as follows-

    By virtue of the fact you have been part of this scene before I don't fully understand how you don't already feel confident. Yes, obviously there will be skinnier ladies there, but you can guarantee there will also be larger ladies too - are you likely to judge them in any way? I doubt it - so why do you feel anyone will judge you?

    You are all attending for the same reasons and experiences - so just have fun!

    I guess that at a normal event I'm in a dress with underwear so I can cover up my tummy pouch, keep my boobs from pointing south, sinch in my waist, etc. Nakedness is a more more exposed. I just hate drawing attention to myself irl. I've been referred to as "the fat one" in groups before (not at any events thank goodness) and it has knocked me a bit especially in line up photos and things.

    Thanks for your comment about my profile pic. I'm going to still go and have fun and just try to give myself confidence in other ways like heels and good hair.

    OK, more understanding of how you feel if you have been on the receiving end of such unnecessary comments before.

    I would suggest however if you are going to have a 'back up' outfit, you start with it on and as you become more confident take bits off. If you work it the other way round you will only be putting clothes on as you are feeling less confident and then you will be going backwards so to speak.

    The hair, heels and a nice face with makeup and strong coloured lips will probably automatically draw peoples attention away from what you see as your not so good bits and seems like an excellent idea xx

    1462201599
    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    No one is perfect. I'm sure other ladies who you see as pretty and slim dislike parts of themselves just as much as you do...we all do, its natural.

    I dont think people at these kind of events (I went to quite a few when I was younger) judge others on their appearance. Everyone is there for the same thing after all......

    Hair, make up, heels.............and wear a smile, you'll be great xx

    1462202804
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe wear a ponytail or bunny tail butt plug to draw the attention from the parts of your body you are less happy with. And remember thin doesn't equal happy. Your beautiful go and show them this.

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    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    Fun Louise wrote:

    Maybe wear a ponytail or bunny tail butt plug to draw the attention from the parts of your body you are less happy with. And remember thin doesn't equal happy. Your beautiful go and show them this.

    Any excuse to get some of the cute tail plugs from my wishlist <3 Great idea! I've been itching for a fox one for a little while now.

    1462205743
    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know if this will help or not, but I find the bdsm community a lot nicer than ordinary folk.

    i attended an event and I was so worried about my body. When I got there I had no worries at all. Yes there were women with better bodies than me, but everyone was a different shape and size. There didn't seem to be any judging and everyone was appreciated for who they were.

    1462209143
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    JM88 wrote:

    I don't know if this will help or not, but I find the bdsm community a lot nicer than ordinary folk.

    i attended an event and I was so worried about my body. When I got there I had no worries at all. Yes there were women with better bodies than me, but everyone was a different shape and size. There didn't seem to be any judging and everyone was appreciated for who they were.

    I know they're all wonderful the people I've met. I think it's more me in myself than anyone there being mean.

    1462215041
    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    I find that if I am trying out a new outfit that I wouldn't necessarily have chosen myself and I want to feel confident I opt for a pair of Killer Kurt Geiger shoes, false eye lashes and I curl my hair do that I feel the rest of me is sexy and "at its best"

    Above all, a gorgeous smile and a "fake it til you make it" attitude of confidence as most will be nervous regardless of size at first and then all your inhibitions will go xx Have fun!! Xx

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    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wear some clothing to cover up the parts of your body your not as confident with, you can always take them off during the night. Don't let the opinion of one idiot make you feel self conscious though!

    1462232074
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Just wondering if you could wear something like a body stocking ,which may give you the confidence you need.

    You could also do more tasks naked ,say in front of your partner to help you get used to the idea.

    I'll be do in something not a million miles different. I'll be part of a butler auction for charity of which I will be doing tasks for a day just wearing a pinny or at most a pair of butler shorts ,probably for a lady punter .To get me used to the idea I am doing one or two tasks around the house when our son is out just wearing a pinny .I have to say though because I have lost weight I am more body confident than I used to be.

    1462272804
    phil [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi MondaySixteenth, I have been to lots of B.D.S.M. events. From experience everyone in the B.D.S.M. scene does not care about body shapes,lumps, bumps or anything else. In fact you cannot find a group of people that are so laid back about nudity, sexual orientation or what your particular kink is.

    The saying is whatever floats your boat is O.K. within the etiquette of the venue, this does vary. I realise that going naked for the first time is scary but you will not be the only one and you will not be singled out for comments or judgement. I have wonderful friends in the scene, amongst the most friendly open community you could join. If you need further help join FETLIFE if you have not already, a bit difficult to use at first but a very good source of info.

    I wish you well and hope my reassurance helps.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I am also curious to know why there is a different "dress "code for the women and men at this event .I presume men don't have to be naked but women do ?

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Say whaaaaaaat???? I just want to point out that although kinky dress codes are pretty much expected within the fetish scene, having a separate dress code for women is extremely jarring, worrying and EXTREEEEEMELY sexist. All my feminist alarm bells are ringing and screaming at the top of my brain-voice "this place needs to be shut doooooowwwwn!!"

    On top of that, the fact they ENFORCE nudity makes me want to run a mile. Seems a bit dodgy if you ask me.

    No venue or event (and I mean NO event) can or should enforce nudity. Even at naturism events and nudist festivals nudity isn't forced. Although nudity is sort of expected to make everyone comfortable, it's still up to the individual as to whether they decide to bare ALL or not. To have this enforcement focussed on just one gender makes my skin crawl. 

    If you want my advice, steer VERY clear of this event. Sounds dodgy AF. 

    1462279531
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess wrote:

    Say whaaaaaaat???? I just want to point out that although kinky dress codes are pretty much expected within the fetish scene, having a separate dress code for women is extremely jarring, worrying and EXTREEEEEMELY sexist. All my feminist alarm bells are ringing and screaming at the top of my brain-voice "this place needs to be shut doooooowwwwn!!"

    On top of that, the fact they ENFORCE nudity makes me want to run a mile. Seems a bit dodgy if you ask me.

    No venue or event (and I mean NO event) can or should enforce nudity. Even at naturism events and nudist festivals nudity isn't forced. Although nudity is sort of expected to make everyone comfortable, it's still up to the individual as to whether they decide to bare ALL or not. To have this enforcement focussed on just one gender makes my skin crawl.

    If you want my advice, steer VERY clear of this event. Sounds dodgy AF.

    And also @mysteron.

    It is the theme of the event. They allow some clothing for women but the nature of the event is meant to be like a gentlemens club and is primarily for people in d/s relationships. I know the organisers and have been to a host of their other events where there is no dress code or a code of "minimum all black". This event is simply just themed that way and it highlights the d/s dynamics of the attendees. It's also, as mentioned, pretty exclusive with only a small number of couples/groups in attendence. It's by no means the only event in the area so no one is singled out and made to feel they can't attend anything because of this dress code.

    Many fet and swinging events have themes that are gendered such as women as tarts, men as vicars, etc. and many people like the guidance. I really hope that people don't get the wrong idea about this event because all their other events have been such fun and people who have been in the scene longer than me and attended this event before have said it's brilliant.

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