• How to Re-gain Self-esteem After Disastrous Threesome?

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    KittenFeatures [sign in to see picture]
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    Apollo2016 wrote:

    Update for all: I took my wife out for a romantic dinner and a frank talk. I told her about the escorts, and (as many of you warned) she was unhappy with me, mostly because I didnn't go to her first. Since I used condoms, she was less bothered by my seeing the escorts. She said she isn't threatened by a "sex specialist" (as she put it) because there is no emotional bond.

    She has not seen the young guy again, which I believe, though she admits to craving the feeling of being entered and filled by such a big cock.

    THEN came a curve ball. She had confided some of this to a female friend who is also in an open-minded marriage. The friend suggested we try to find another man to play with, hung enough to please, but who is a total sub, and who therefore would be less threatening to me. In years past we were swingers and occasionally she and the other wife would get into it. A few times we would let the other hubby lick her clean after i finished and even give me oral. I never failed to be rock hard and come loads in that situation.

    It's been more than ten years, but I admit the idea did arouse me. Probably it would be difficult to find the right person.

    Advice is welcome. At this point I don't see much of a downside, but am I missing something?

    Thanks again to all. Your understanding and support is just what I had hoped to find in the Lovehoney community.

    A.

    So your wife wants to try something that you didn't enjoy again despite the fact you told her this? It wasn't the dominance of the first male you were bothered by, was it? Was it just the fact that he was hung? If that's the case, you will probably end up feeling exactly the same way, it will just be that your wife has the control. I really wouldn't recommend going down that road when you've had issues so recently.

    You should think it over first. Is your wife doing this because you can't satisfy her or because other people satisfy her more? You should really find ways to enjoy each other BEFORE introducing others into the relationship, because this only causes the issues you're running into and I am honestly going to say that I think it's far too soon to be playing with your own feelings by running into the same situation as last time - a hung guy satisfying your wife more than you feel you can. You should remember why you chose each other in the first place, indulge in each other. Talk to each other about what can help you two as a couple before you turn to other people for something that you may not even enjoy. Your wife seems to be pulling the strings here. Maybe you should have a think about what you want and see if she will let you try some new things with her before branching out again. If none of that stuff works then sure, try the threesome, but I'd leave it as a last resort considering the way it made you feel last time.

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    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    Quite the predicament going on here.

    There is only talk of having sex with others... are you sure you two don't want to try to just have each other's bodies for a while and rekindle the intimacy for just each other? Having DP and that stuff could in theory be replicated by buying toys from here, without involving anyone else for the time being?

    Where you say the escorts made you feel macho, could your wife not offer reassurance and big you up instead? If you had the frank talk, and I presume you said because you felt not macho/hung enough or whatever, could you not ask her for more reassurance? Once again, you could feel big with a penis extender or something.

    I dunno, I just feel like there seems to be lots of having sex with other people like "oh whatever", but stuff like feeling not macho enough happens because of things like this, where people go outisde the relationship, consensually or not, but miscommunication complicates things :/

    +1 for medical checks btw (just in case, can't hurt)

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Can you just be totally honest and tell your wife that although you love her and want her to be happy that seeing her with another man inside her is shattering to your confidence and totally destroying your self esteem. Another threesome sounds like a really, really bad idea. You didn't like it that time so why would you like it any better the next time?

    There are plenty very, very large dildos, butt plugs and double penetrators for sale on here that you could use together as a couple to satisfy her craving for fullness without needing to add in some young well hung buck to service your wife and erode your confidence further.

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    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    +1 lmh95

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    lmh95 wrote:

    Can you just be totally honest and tell your wife that although you love her and want her to be happy that seeing her with another man inside her is shattering to your confidence and totally destroying your self esteem. Another threesome sounds like a really, really bad idea. You didn't like it that time so why would you like it any better the next time?

    There are plenty very, very large dildos, butt plugs and double penetrators for sale on here that you could use together as a couple to satisfy her craving for fullness without needing to add in some young well hung buck to service your wife and erode your confidence further.

    +1 to this and Terri's post.

    I don't think another threesome is a good idea either, it's not that particular guy you had an issue with is it? It's seeing your wife with someone else. It could be hard to come back from if this happened again. You could also look into extenders, there are plenty of girthy ones on the market, so you could place one on yourself and give her that filled sensation she's looking for. Ultimately, she should be happy with what she has at home and not ask you to do something that clearly distresses you. Don't do it if you're not sure.

    I hope you can sort things out and come to a compromise.

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    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    This will feel almost like a real penis and if it does not make her feel full, I don't know what will.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33946

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    Apollo2016 [sign in to see picture]
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    I appreciate the thoughtful help more than I can say. It is confusing when my sexual turn-ons don't follow the usual image of a "man".

    For example, besides loving regular sex with my wife, I love taking her anally, which she likes most when she feels totally dominated. I love that feeling too, but then I also like being pegged, especially when she has total control. It's confusing.

    Being totally honest, I enjoyed seeing her being taken by a huge guy, but I don't see myself as a cuck. I enjoy being told to masturbate in front of my wife and another woman. Maybe some form of BDSM would add another dimension.

    After I turned 60, I felt an urgency to perform in the bedroom. My wife, after turning 60, also has become more sexual. She needs an orgasm at least daily, and she likes getting herself off watching porn. She loves me deeply and really tries to help me feel young. But as a man, I'll never be able to keep up with her sexual needs, which I'm OK with.

    I am struggling to have my cock keep up with my sexual appetite. We are now trying to get her to squirt more often, which she just started doing.

    For now, no more escorts or other men for threesomes. I think the advice I've received here has cleared my head, and many thanks to all of you who have taken time to help me. I'm lucky to have found this forum.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm glad that you have come to this descision...for both your sakes.

    Trying new things with your wife (the squirting for example) is much more likely to enhance your sexual relationship than using other people. And your not as unusual as you may think...my oh loves taking me anally and also loves me pegging him for example. Individuality is good...it would be a very boring world if we all liked the same things.

    Look into the BDSM aspect.....if it turns you both on, and I suspect it will, then thats definitely worth exploring and would add a completely new dimension.

    I'm sure I speak for everyone and will say that we're very glad we could offer you some advice...you sound like a great couple xx

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Apollo2016 wrote:

    I appreciate the thoughtful help more than I can say. It is confusing when my sexual turn-ons don't follow the usual image of a "man".

    For example, besides loving regular sex with my wife, I love taking her anally, which she likes most when she feels totally dominated. I love that feeling too, but then I also like being pegged, especially when she has total control. It's confusing.

    Being totally honest, I enjoyed seeing her being taken by a huge guy, but I don't see myself as a cuck. I enjoy being told to masturbate in front of my wife and another woman. Maybe some form of BDSM would add another dimension.

    After I turned 60, I felt an urgency to perform in the bedroom. My wife, after turning 60, also has become more sexual. She needs an orgasm at least daily, and she likes getting herself off watching porn. She loves me deeply and really tries to help me feel young. But as a man, I'll never be able to keep up with her sexual needs, which I'm OK with.

    I am struggling to have my cock keep up with my sexual appetite. We are now trying to get her to squirt more often, which she just started doing.

    For now, no more escorts or other men for threesomes. I think the advice I've received here has cleared my head, and many thanks to all of you who have taken time to help me. I'm lucky to have found this forum.

    I have stayed out of this debate on purpose. My views on threesomes when in a relationship arn't too favourable . As you have experienced they just open up like a can of worms and can do irrepairable damage to the soundest of relationships.

    I am happy that you have seen the light of day and I am sure you both can find the happiness you need with just each other. Perhaps just a little imagination is required to spice things up a notch when required. But best kept with yourselves.

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    Colonel Lube [sign in to see picture]
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    Not really able to offer any advice but would like to say that this is a fascinating thread. It is very interesting seeing the dynamic between sexual and emotional needs and how they come together here. I love the fact that you and your partner can be so open about these things.

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    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    Just Jenson wrote:

    I cant believe Im reading this!!

    first rule of threesome: ALL three people MUST be comfotable with it and respect the boundaries.

    The only problem you have is your wife! The moment she saw your distress (as you put it), the whole thing should have stopped - regardless of whether you were encouraging her to carry on for her own pleasure.

    Her priority should've been you and your feelings and not her impending orgasm with some 25yr old guy you both hardly know.

    To then go on and discuss meeting him again is awful in my opinion and shows a total disprespect towards you.

    I also don't think going to see the escorts has done you any favours whatsoever.

    This whole thing needs to be discussed with your wife properly starting from beginning when you first felt uncomfortable.

    Imagine if it was the other way around and she felt uncomfortable seeing you with a 25 yr old woman, but you just carried on regardless.

    It will be a very very difficult conversation for you to have and for her to listen to without feeling like she is being accused but it needs to be done for your own self esteem and maybe even your marriage.

    This 100% this.. I think somethings got to give.. I'm glad you've talked to your wife, I don't think this should continue really and from what you've said its already effected you not to mention your sex life with her, who knows maybe even your marriage eventually.

    I'm not saying this because I don't understand swinging either, I've been envolved in swinging for over 5 years and cuckolding but if I ever caused my partner or saw the distress during a meet it would of been cut short and ended straight away. I could never imagine doing that to someone and then ask for another encounter?! No way.

    Glad you came to the right descison for you both, swinging isn't for everyone and I've sadly seen some lovely couples break up over it. It's thankfully not done any damage to my relationships and friendships.

    Have you thought about visiting clubs? that might be exciting for you both? x

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    MysticalMayhem [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have any advice but I'd love to slap your wife into some sense. Open relationship or not, she's hurt your feelings and then hurt you more by telling you she wants to be filled with a huge cock. Wow, kick a man while he's down!!

    You need to tell her how you feel and she needs to understand how much she's hurt you and how much her words have affected you. :(

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    Apollo2016 [sign in to see picture]
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    UPDATE:

    My wife and I are better, though not without help from an unlikely source.

    We have been friends with a swinging couple, in their late 60's, for many years, but have not played with them for years. My wife described our situation to the wife, Eva, and asked her to join us in bed and to help get me back on track if she could. Eva was happy to oblige.

    Eva is still highly sexed, and could probably teach a few things to an escort. She and I got my wife very aroused (edited by moderator). Eva then fluffed me like a pro, and also played with my prostate until I as big as I've ever been.

    She then guided me into my wife's pussy, filling her as much as she could take. She kept her finger on my prostate as I thrusted. After only a few minutes, my wife shreaked with a huge G-spot orgasm. I was surprised and happy (edited by moderator) I pulled out as I came, a huge amount, onto my wife's (edited by moderator) Both my wife and Eva screamed with delight at the sight.

    I felt restored, vindicated and young again. The anger I had repressed also moved me at this point, and I decided to even the score with my wife by taking Eva as my wife watched. As I mentioned, we had swung with Eva and her hubby, but always in different rooms. Now my wife would have to watch.

    Though Eva had not expected sex that night, she wasn't going to say no. Somehow my cock was restored at the thought of taking Eva, and I got her on all fours. With my wife next to us on the bed,(edited by moderator)  I slowly fucked Eva, my eyes locked onto my wife. Eva climaxed quickly, and I felt another load building in my balls. Knowing she would want it inside her, I shot a huge load into her. After pulling out slowly, Eva pushed it out as we all watched.

    I've never felt better.

    A.

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