• Possible to start over?

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I also swoon when I see my OH is relaxed and happy, laughing and has a twinkle in his eye.


    Workout for yourself if it makes you feel good and gives you a boost. That's good that your OH complimented you. I like nice arms too and a flat stomach but I'm not a huge fan of the Rock hard abs and deep v look. Reminds me too much of an action man doll. Lol.

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    bondagegod [sign in to see picture]
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    The advice people are giving sounds like the right advice to take. If you are going to write a letter then like you have said give your wife time to talk about it when she is ready. If you was at home with your job then it could help so you can do little things together more. Going back to if you was first dating could help flowers and taking a bath together and give her a massage.

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    stressedmale82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Two random questiins....sorry my mind is busy!

    what could be used thats edible to write on breasts? is lipstick suitable in that quantity?

    also i am thinking of getting waxed but want her to do it she says it will hurt a lot and she is afriad of getting it wrong. i lokked and it costs a huge amount to get a whole body done thought i am not hugly hairy.

    1461509291
    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Waxing your whole body at home could be really, really sore! Might be better just to shave or use Veet cream but be very careful as it's not for delicate bits!


    Lipstick would be really messy to get off, taste horrible and why waste a good lipstick? Much better to use chocolate body paint or other edible flavours. Squirty cream would also work but goes a bit sour quickly and is really sticky or you get the face painting kits or crayon make-up for kids to draw with but you couldn't lick it :)

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    So After seeing this thread I decided to take a look at your other one too. I feel like I can relate to your girlfriend.

    Have you ever wondered the reason behind all that? Have you asked her why she feels like that or if she has experienced bad things related to sex that might have brought her to feel this way? I am asking because for me it's the case. I never told my boyfriend until I realised myself that there was a problem and that I wasn't happy at all with the situation. Maybe try to make her feel safe and accepted and not judged so she can feel safe telling you. If she doesn't don't worry, only continue to make her feel like that until she feels safe to do. There must be a reason, we just don't know what it is yet.

    It's been two years since I decided I wanted things to change, and things are getting better but we are just overthinking things right now. Because of all we went through together, we cannot just restart like nothing ever happened. We both would like to, because it was great and passionnate and really easy in the beginning, but it is just impossible to do. So try to focus ona cceptance of the situation instead? Accept the fact that you are there and the reason for it. Accept her like she is and with what she likes and doesn't, and love her inconditionnaly. If she feels that it's the case she may feel safer with you and thus be more confident in doing sexual acts.

    It still happens for me and my bf that I just don't want him to touch me and just don't feel like sex at all because I don't feel safe and loved and all. I know that for him there is nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love but I can't help to feel pressured to have sex and it's a big turn off for me. Try to avoid making her feel that way. Why don't you just forget about sex fora while? Or focus on pleasing her and make her feel like you want to have sex so she can enjoy it, even if you get nothing in return. In the way you speak I can feel that a part of you wants to have sex and want to convince her to do so, well she probably can feel it too. Don't do all that only because you want to have sex, do it because you love her and want her to feel better. Forget about sex for a while, just touch, kiss, date, massage, show her you love her without expecting anything in return. That's how it must always be. When she feels that you are doing this because you love her and want her to feel good and not because you want sex, then maybe she will be more open and feel safer with you and then want to share intimity and passion with you. But this won't happen if you do always keep having better sex as the ultimate goal. The goal should be to get closer together and to share love, nothing else, sex should only be a way to do so.

    I hope I'm not getting lost because I haven't read all the other response. I hope this can help and is not too off topic.

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    stressedmale82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for that long response. I can see what you mean. Thanks for all the help within this thread I will try to come back in around a month after I have been home a couple of weeks and see how it's going.

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    stressedmale82 [sign in to see picture]
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    so a little update.

    I did not get to writting the letter due to being ill in the time before i came home. I may still do it but i am not sure if it will make any difference.

    I feel like maybe i should just accept the way things are. My wife will always be the dominant one in terms of general things we do or not do day to day. i do have more luck with suggestions but she generally has her routine and that is something that is hard to go against.

    She has also repeated to me the same as she said last time i came home, that she shoul really live on her own as she likes it that way but she says although she does not need me she does want me which she says and i agee is more important. although it would feel nice to be needed a bit more as it can feel that there is not much i can do that she needs or that she cant do for hersself.

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Then change that. I really mean this in the kindest way and I'm sorry that it's about to come off as harsh. But...

    You say you feel down that your presence does not affect her life at all. But who's fault is that? My man is the dominant one, he brings in the most money by all intents and purposes he'd have a very similar life is I wasn't here. Except he'd be stressed to his eye balls, would have no clean clothes, would stink and would have gut ache every night from the chippy.
    Just like when I met him.
    He hasn't eaten from that chippy in 2 years, because I cool ever meal he eats, and make sure they are healthy and filling, I buy him new clothes, I buy food, I clean his clothes, I run his bath, I buy shower gel and bubble bath.
    Yeah he'd still have money, but he couldn't get by without me.
    You need to make yourself irreplaceable, even if it's only by pampering her, running a bath for your wife for when she gets in from work while you cook a nice dinner is one of the best things you can do. Get her used to this stuff and she'll find that she can't live without you dispite her not needing you.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    Then change that. I really mean this in the kindest way and I'm sorry that it's about to come off as harsh. But...

    You say you feel down that your presence does not affect her life at all. But who's fault is that? My man is the dominant one, he brings in the most money by all intents and purposes he'd have a very similar life is I wasn't here. Except he'd be stressed to his eye balls, would have no clean clothes, would stink and would have gut ache every night from the chippy.
    Just like when I met him.
    He hasn't eaten from that chippy in 2 years, because I cool ever meal he eats, and make sure they are healthy and filling, I buy him new clothes, I buy food, I clean his clothes, I run his bath, I buy shower gel and bubble bath.
    Yeah he'd still have money, but he couldn't get by without me.
    You need to make yourself irreplaceable, even if it's only by pampering her, running a bath for your wife for when she gets in from work while you cook a nice dinner is one of the best things you can do. Get her used to this stuff and she'll find that she can't live without you dispite her not needing you.

    I agree

    In most rerlationships its very rare everything is equal .Similar to the above I bring in most of the money and pay the bills ,so on that basis I should and do get more of a say . However we do work as a partnership and my wifes vews count.She works "part time" so she does all the washing on her days off , I do the Vacumming though .

    In your situation its more of reversed. So you have to play the role of the house husband and organise the house and her to a certain extent and make yourself as Y & F stated irreplaceable.

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    stressedmale82 [sign in to see picture]
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    So a little update. Initially me making the effort to do things seemed to pay off.

    the general atmosphere was better i gave her space and there was one very good short burst of sex one day. Therehas been no sex since and that was the onlky occasion in almost a month there has been anything other than hugs and kisses - clothed. However much of this is down to me sleeping in the spare bedroom due to a very badly infected foot - very bad exzema which led to glands being up. She did not want me in our nice bed with nice sheets etc. I and her have come to get used to being in seperate bedrooms and to be honest it can be better and lead to less frustration and getting annoyed with each other. Although it was nice when she came last tuesday and said come back and she did say it had nothing todo with her leaving her phone in work so no alarm!

    It feels rather strange but i have kind oflost interest in sex i have other things to ocupy me its a nice house we have and it nice to keep clean and tidy and i have a garden to look after too which i like.

    But there are still a number of things i am not happy with and dont seem to change as when i bring them up all i get is anger.

    The good news is that i have got a new job starting at the end of the month which menas i will no longer be away and there should be a change in the house work sharing etc.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Are you happy in this marriage?

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    stressedmale82 [sign in to see picture]
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    It would seem that i am not happy!

    However soem of this has to be down to me - i have a lot on my mind at the moment that i am worrying about.

    and i do wonder if soemn of the things i want are unreasonable?

    1. A tidy bedroom - clothes not thrown on the side but folded and put away i should not have to pick up after her - i do it but if i didnt she would not do it.

    2. not watching TV everynight for the entire time once tea is eaten or tea is even eaten on the sofa.

    3.she is tring to do the wheat belly diet and i feel paying for almonbd flour is ridiculus and said she can oay for it if she wants it £10 a pack! I just cant afford it and she can.

    4. she does not accept that losing weight is about eating less and moving more or at least cannot get her head into it. now that my foot is better i want to go out running and it would eb nice if we went together liek we used to years ago but she has said she does not like runnign with me.

    I begin to question what she does like doing with me or if she has any ability to do things just to be nice even if she does not want to even the little things like sitting at the table for meals and chatting.

    i find her to have taken to living in her own box and onlky wanting me close when it suits her no matter how much i have doen around the house she still wants a lot of space away from me.

    i hate to push things but feel that i risk looking back and wishing i had.

    we are going on holiday for a week next week and i want to go to a water park but she does not and i am thinking of just going on my own and she can have a day by the pool at the hotel.

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    stressedmale82 [sign in to see picture]
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    sorry there were a few typos inthe last post i was typing quick and i need to type more carefully!

    1465216592
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    This does not sound healthy at all. If she dirs not want to do her part in order to make your relationship better there is a problem, it shouldn't be one way.

    These are not major things but it serms that her personality is what is stopping you both to je happy together. There is somethings you can change but you can't change her personnality, especially if she doesn't want anything to make any effort in the first place.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    OK

    1) A tidy bedrrom. Yeah alright, I am messy . I would just give her a bit of slack here being honest.

    Its not really a deal breaker. Just once a week spend about half an hour tidying up between you.

    2) If she is working then mid week that is fine That's all we feel like doing after work . Sometimes we may go out in conjunction with a parents evening at school. Whats not to like footies coming on the the Euros?. If your thinking about in terms of excercise as I did see some reference to weight issue of your OH, then go out for a brisk walk together.Weekend is different. Don't watch much tv , too much to do !

    3) If she wants to diet then you really should show somw support. Paying for it is another matter. If she is workiong and you arn't then yes she should be paying for it.

    4) Not necessarily . Its about eating the right things . Slimming World tend to work on larger portions and it works for many. Running isn't every ones idea of fun. Try walking together its more fun .Best checking out "Get It Off support Thread"

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    As I said these are not major things but there seems to be a bigger problem underlying

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