• Masterbation guilt help!

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    Emilyyy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello,

    I have a problem with masterbation and need your ladies help! I have masterbated before, also bought some toys however I can't help but feel really guilty and dirty doing it. If I am wanting to do it something is holding me back making me feel like what I am doing is wrong. Please help- how can I stop this!

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    What are the reasons you think it is dirty? I think you have to find that before trying to fight it. Work directly on your thoughts.

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    Emilyyy [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know, I just feel like it's something I shouldn't be doing and that I am doing something that is really wrong. I think this is partly to do with wny I struggle to orgasm! Im only 20 aswell so this shouldnt be a problem!

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    You are probably struggling to orgasm because you can't relax when you masturbate and are thinking that what you are doing is wrong.

    Why do you think you shouldn't be doing it?

    Do you find it ok for a guy to masturbate?

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    Emilyyy [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know, like I want to do it, I just feel like I cant relax doing it and that I am doing something wrong. I am not religious or anything so its not that. Yeah I have a boyfriend and Im cool about him masterbating and my friends discuss it all the time and I am cool with that. It's just me doing it, I get the guilty feeling after sex sometimes aswell. I dont know what is going on with myself!

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmm, I don't know if I can help :/ Maybe try to remind yourself that sex isn't only for reproduction and has a lot of benefits on your health, same goes for masturbation. It's like taking time for yourself for a better health (be it mental or physical), it's comarable to meditation or taking a bath of having a glass of wine. And if people can do it, then why couldn't you allow yourself? you diserve it too, there is absolutely no reason why you wouldn't.

    Maybe try to masturbate with your bf so you can get used to it. Since it would be associated with sex maybe you wouldn't feel guilty doing it alone too after a while.

    I really wish I could help you.

    Waiting for some other members to pop in and bring great advices.

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    Emilyyy [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Mamz for your advice so far, didnt think of trying doing it with my boyfriend. I have lost a lot of confidence aswell due to weight gain etc so I reckon that also could be the key that I feel like I dont 'deserve' it!

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    So here's my 2 cents -

    In my 20s I struggled with similar issues. Partially because of body confidence issues but also because I felt dirty and almost silly doing it. And because I struggle to orgasm off manual rubbing if just my clit I decided something was wrong with me.

    My advice is to learn to love your body, even with a few extra pounds. If you need to masturbate partially dressed to get comfortable do it, there is no wrong way to masturbate. I often put lingerie in for solo play because it makes me feel sexy.

    Next, you need to get in the right mind set. If that means having a glass of wine to relax, soaking in your tub, reading erotica of watching porn it's finding what helps you feel sexy vs.overthinking.

    Using toys with your partner is always a great idea because you won't feel like your masturbation is sonehow interfering with intimacy.

    That may also help create a sexual highlight reel you can replay in your mind when you play solo. Try different types of toys and stimulation .

    I hope this helps Hon :)

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    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
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    All great advice above!

    I struggle with chronic self-loathing. Like, sometimes I don't want to touch my own body. I think for me it's weight related and I've always had this issue.

    I think the situation is exacerbated by the fact that while my family isn't particularly religious, I grew up in a community that is UNBELIEVABLY Christian in the negative way. i.e. damning of sexuality generally. Perhaps this is part of it?

    Remember that though you are a woman who is taught to think of her sexuality and sexual pleasure as secondary to a man's (I'm an academic who studies gender relations so this is a general cultural statement, not an attack on all men!), you have a body that feels pleasure for a reason. If mutual masturbation with a partner helps you, absolutely go for it! In fact, it's super pleasurable and a total turn on. However, there is something to be said about learning your own body and sensations. All women are different. Maybe see it as an experiment to make sex with your partner more rewarding? Though ultimately masturbating can be quite empowering and I suggest you do it for yourself. You have every right to love your own body and orgasm!x

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Emilyyy

    I can be a bit streight talking so please don't be offended.

    Did you know orgasms are good for you? In a similar way to crying is too. Having an orgasm can release endorphins, reduce pain and relax your body entirely. If that doesn't sound like a benefit then think of the calories burnt. Sex and masurbation can be part of your health eating and more excersize regime. An orgasm a day keeps the Dr away. . . . Ok so maybe not, but it's got to more fun than an apple.

    You have no reason to feel dirty do bad about masturbation. You mention you have a bloke. Could you masterbate him, (hand job), you could learn what he likes, then maybe he could do the same to you. Using toys if you prefer, this way you can associate the feelings and pleasure with being with a man, as I think this might help your mental parachute to masturbation.

    As others have said being relaxed is crucial, if your not feeling horny or sexy don't bother, it's probably not going to work and might make the problem worse. Im a woman for a practical solution, so have you tried a set of jiggle balls? They can be very inexpensive, but wearing a set might stimulate you a little. So your not going to orgasm from wearing them, but the free roaming balls inside might remind your body that they are there, making you feel a bit horney or sexy, maybe even wet. I get very turned on with mine and almost every time I have worn them (which is almost daily) I will masturbate or have sex with my OH. It might be worth a try. But check the sizing, if you have not had children not too big will be better.

    I hope this helps.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    There is absolutely no need for you to feel guilty about this. As FL has said...its actually good for you. Its also a great way of getting to know your own body so that during sex you can direct a partner to what ypou enjoy.

    Its important to get yourself comfortable and somewhere you know you wont be disturbed so that you can relax. Use whatever you're comfortable with, fingers, toys etc and dont forget lube too. Take your time, do what feels good.

    You're happy to tell us that you do it and a lot of women wouldn't be able to do that so you're heading in the right direction. For what its worth I masturbate loads and I have done from a young age (I'm now 50). If it feels good then why shouldn't we do it ? x

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    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh babe please don't feel guilty. It is one of the most beautiful natural things gracing this ugly earth!

    our bodies are the greatest instruments we'll ever own... Your body is YOURS. Us humans are built to self pleasure, that is amazing in itself! There is noting at all dirty about pleasuring yourself. It is a right of freedom, pleasure, and what makes you a woman comfortable and feel ultimately sexy about yourself.

    When i masturbate (I did last night and I had 5 Gspot orgasms and squirted literally EVERYWHERE) after a session like that I feel so liberated, as a woman, because our orgasms as women are unique, from them lasting up to 30 seconds (or more?) and men only up to about 10 seconds. So yeah 5 of them i was rather tired lol.

    You need to turn your thinking into liberation, freedom, sexual, confident and satisfied your body can make you feel so good.

    You deserve to feel good. It's OKAY. :)

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    Emilyyy [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for your advice ladies. You are all so lovely! It has really helped. I also told my boyfriend about the issue I have with me masterbating and he is being really encouraging which is a huge help. xx

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Good luck Emilyyy. Glad your boyfriend is encouraging you to let go of the guilt you feel about masturbating.


    Excellent advice from the other forum members too.

    Really the best thing you can do for your future sexual happiness is discover by yourself what works and turns you on. As Jim's dad from American Pie would say it's a "perfectly natural, normal thing" to do so just relax and enjoy how good you can make your body feel.
    Have fun :)

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