• Overcoming performance issues

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    mf77 [sign in to see picture]
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    mamz wrote:

    And how are you now? How did things got sorted out? did you stop taking them?

    I am fine now. I have vowed not to take antidepressents anymore. They have a place but also I have accepted that sometimes it is normal to feel bad i.e. if something bad happens to you it is normal to feel bad about it and I have learnt to accept this. It took some councilling but I got there. Sometimes you have to fall a long way to come back up again. If you ever want a chat about it I will spare you the time.
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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Do you mean like the arrow analogy? I wish it would be my case right now and that I will soon get better quickly

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    mf77 [sign in to see picture]
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    mamz wrote:

    Do you mean like the arrow analogy? I wish it would be my case right now and that I will soon get better quickly

    Yes I do, although I don't like that particular turn of phrase. I would prefer to say something more like, when you do get better it is important to stare down the abyss that you have crawled out of to remind yourself not to go there again. You can control these feelings but you have to recognise the problems and how to deal with them. For me I had to make major life changes that involved some drastic steps, but everyone experiences things differently. Can I suggest talky therapy as I feel taking drugs is kicking the can down the road.
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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Mamz I just saw your posts on tea and simpathy. I'm so sorry I missed them.

    You really are just like me! I spent years going through the it never changes thing, and to be honest it hasn't changed for me either. What has changed is that I have decided to try not think that any more. I realised that it really is up to me to make me change. I can't make someone love me, i can't make someone give me a job; but I can stop beating up on myself for what others did to me.

    i don't go on the Tea and simpathy thread, because I would just feel like you, that I was just going on and on; I feel so alone, if not for people on here, especially you. There are days when I feel whats the point of living. I just wish someone would just love me thats all I want; thats all I think of, that only this will make things change for me.

    I just wish I could get you to let go "for now", to just enjoy sex the way it is for you, to enjoy the love you have with your man. I know you feel whats the point of having sex if you get nothing from it, but is what you get so little? This may sound selfish of me, given the way you feel, but I would kill to have someone love me like you have; just the intimacy of of sex would be enough for me, if I knew I was truly loved.

    If you can only let go of this mind set of yours that you have to orgasm, and do it quickly, that men have it better. You are putting so much pressure on both of you; my FWB tried to help me by saying I need you to come, but that just made me go limp in an instant. So I flipped her over and gave her a massage, followed by finger DP, and I just felt so warm inside, that felt so satisfiing.

    Only when you have let go of your burdens, can you move on. Then and only then will you be free in your mind, it will not matter to you what others have in terms of sex, that is when I feel sure your abillity to orgasm will come back.

    Go back and start again with a clean slate, I know thats what your therapist has said but it's true. You are making yourself pay for something that was not your fault, you let it happen because you felt you had no choice; this does not make you culpable for the whole situation you were in. That is his burden to bare, not yours.

    Please try. I know how hard it is; to me I felt like letting go of the past, without a future to get hold of. It was like being alone at sea after a ship sinking, and having someone you hated, dead in the sea with you, as the only floating thing left to hold onto, and the shore out of sight. How do you let go and swim for it; even though holding on to it makes you want to just let go and drown, because you don't know if you can make the swim to shore, hell you don't even know which direction the shore is.

    Swim for it Manz, you can do it, I know you can, for you, for your OH, and for me too.

    P.S. The French thing you found so funny; je peux un peu, was what i meant, so my spelling was really bad, but I can speak French a little.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    That swim analogy really is great (of course it is, you know exactly how it feels). I was hesitating and didn't know if I would post in this thread instead abd ask you directly, because I knew that you probably feel like that sometimes. Thats sad, but something in what you said caught my attention: "if I knew I was truely loved". I can imagine us both feeling the same about this too. I am stuggling (but efficiently working on it) to feel truely loved because it can be so damagine to love someone who doesn't diserve that love and just hurt you instead. I trusted my ex and let that happen because of love and am afraid deep inside that it could happen again. I'm sure it's also your case isn't it?

    I read sometimes yesterday that changed my mind a little for now.
    First:i already knew that the clitoris is bigger than ee think, but I managed to see penetretion differently. It is just another way to stimulate it even more, so it is supposed to be pleasurable and that makes penetration also "for women".
    Other thing: the article was talking about everyones view in female orgasms, that it's sometimes mysterous, difficule to reach, optional, complicated, etc and that just fits the view society has on women in general too. If you are believing that (you or even worse, your partner), of course for you will find it hard to achieve one. Someone also commented on that post sating that this couldn't be more true, and that she's been struggling to reach orgasm until she realised that the only thing that was preventing her from having one was this belief.

    I ask my partner "could we agree that feminine orgasms are just as easy than male's ones to achieve, that women are just as easy to arouse, etc etc" and he was like "of course". So we'll see if we are gonna make something out of this or if we've just put even more pressure on ourselves.

    I don't feel respinsible anymore fore what happened. I don't blame him either. I guess I'm just looking for someone to blame so I unconsciously just blame my body and organs and biology and sexuality in general. I am slowly letting go off the past but I feel like the present is even harder to handle because of everything that I just added to the problem that just wasn't there in the first place. When I think about it, I think I was happier when I hadn't opened my eyes and just had sex because I knew that was what the other person wanted.

    Thanks for your support alone4ever. I really wish I could help you finding a job and finding love (in yourself) but we're so far appart. I recently watched some videos of a trans girl who was talking about uer transition and I found it fascinating. It makes me want to work with trangenders even more so I could help them the best I can and be there with them in the process but also in all the other harder aspects of their lives. Ok i'm getting lost right now but you get it :P

    Ps. Sorry for this post being full of typos, i'm on my phone and didn't bother switching my keyboard to english.
    Ps2c oh c'est bien!

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    You are so right, loving someone who doesn't deserve, really hurts; especially when you are the kind of person who's love for someone runs right to the core of your soul. It's a betral of that love, because in some way they actually believe that the way the treat you is them loving you.

    And yes I am so afraid that it will happen again, because you fall in love with them, and only then do you discover who they really are. I will try if I get the chance; but I'm also scared that I won't be able to let myself fall in love, because of that fear. And in doing so loose someone how does truly love me. But how do you know; only time with them can answer that question.

    i have been trying to tell you that sex is 99% in the brain, so what you believe about it even on a subconcious level, can translate into the physical aspect of sex in a profound way. Like the way I find it very difficult to get and keep an erection. There is the little voice in my head, that says I'm not going to enjoy this, because of being raped; I got aroused by them touching me and I couldn't stop myself feeling it I couldn't make my erection go away. So now I do make it go away, make myself not feel the contact on my skin, but I am doing this on a subconcious level; so again I have no control over what happens.

    My FWB was helping me to let go of this, but she has gone now so I can't practice. It's all down to what we are thinking from one micro second to the next. But to let go on a subconcious level, you first have to let go conciously, with deep conviction. Then it's just a case of keeping that conviction long enough for your subconcious to reboot it's self. And that can take quite some time. So thats why I have been telling you to forget your orgasms "for now" so you can reboot.

    You told me, you used to just let go, and let happen what happened to you with your ex. Thats how you were programmed to be the way you are now. You did it to protect your mind from what was happening to your body. The same method but now in reverse, will get you back to how you are supposed to be.

    So just enjoy sex, and enjoy it to your core, don't think about orgasms either of you, just be in the momment with each other. let yourself love what is happening to you, without concerns for orgasms. when your subconcious begins to realise that Hey this sex thing is now actually a really wonderful thing, that makes me feel great make me feel loved. Then it can start to make new neural conections that corresponds to this new situation. Then your mind will associate sex with physical pleasure, with love, and you will be able to let yourself orgasm.

    Because I believe that the route to having orgasms first lies in giving yourself permission to do so, and believing that you can. If you set out to have orgasms before giving your mind chance to reboot you will put too much pressure on both of you. Just belive to your core that it will happen when you are ready.

    I know that you want your man to be dominant with you, tell him to just let go and be that way, I know that if you feel that your man is enjoying him self, and not trying to make you orgasm, then the pressure to cum for him, so that you please him, will be off you, so you can orgasm for you.

    There are two things here; good guys worry that they won't please the woman they love, and that is all we live for, but in doing this it puts pressure on the woman to give her man this, and it's too much, I belive thats why women fake orgasm, and end up not having them. If each learns what the other likes in terms of stimulation, and incorporates this in to sex, then seeks to find their own orgasm within these terms. As long as you both get there, but also don't see no orgasm as a bad thing, for either of you.

    You may be supprised to know that guys fake it too. I have often done it, and heard other guys admit the same. the thing is sometimes all a guy feels when he comes is quite litterally nothing, it's a bit like bursting for a pee, then when you go it's like oh is that it. Like a gun going off but with no "bang" but the bullet gets fired, so the end result is in the condom but it feels like you may have well just spit in the condom.

    finding techniques that work, so for example, if the guy comes too fast find ways to slow him down, or get the woman far more arroused by oral or fingering first so that you get to orgasm while he is in you. Use variety even in one session start slow, then go rampant passion, or the other way round, or have one whole session one way and something different the next. I know you hate slow, but try starting slow, and ramp things up; it doesn't have to be always fireworks, try not to be stubborn and get stuck in one rut.

    Sure I still feel like ending things sometimes, but don't worry about upsetting me; if you want to talk I will be arround, even if I find a job, and love; you are like the daughter I never had, and you always will be. If you feel like it's the end you can tell me, I know how just telling someone that without being affraid of how they will react, just makes things feel a bit better. Gets the thought out of your head, and makes you relax a bit. No one I know understands this, but i think you do.

    Love your guy mamz, find strength in him, you got a good one there, keep him close.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't disagree with any of what you said. I'll just let that sink in for a moment. I'm seeing my therapist today so maybe it'll be worked on a little too. Thank you

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Annddd i'm back there again. We had a great week and everything was going well. We didn't have sex but we took some time each day to give each other affection and cuddle and all and that made me very happy, but two days ago I was feeling horny and he turned me down. Since then, I strated feeling unsatisfied again and unsatisfyable. I'm not even able to orgasm alone anymore and I'm just so tired of all this. I can't see how things could ever be different and that makes me so hangry and sad at the same time. I can't just accept not being able to feel pleasure and just continue to have sex anyway so my partneris satisfied. I don't want to get back there at all, maybe I was less unhappy then but I still don't want to live all the rest of my life faking it and convincing myself that it's ok and that I'm not supposed to feel any pleasure anyway.

    How can I get myself to orgasm again? My bf keeps telling me that I need to see things from a different perspective and just find other goals that aren't performance centered but I can't do that because to me it's just like accepting that I'm never going to be satisfied ever.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like you took his rejection to heart; now you are denying yourself gratification, as some part of your mind took his rejection of your sexual overtures, as being his right to deny you satifaction. You are letting some part of your subconcious, feel that you do not have the right to orgasm; because your OH denied you that right, you have projected that rejection on to yourself.

    You are still trapped in the past, if only on a subconcious level; and acting according to how things were for you with you old partner, transfering his power over, onto your new OH. Effectivley putting yourself back in the past. You OH denys you satisfaction, so you give him the power to take your ability to orgasm from you, not only in his presence; but even when he is not there.

    A sort of self imposed, and subconcious vow of chastity, and self denial, of satisfaction. On a concious level you feel sure you have let go of the past compleatly; but I don't belive you have fully let go.

    Did you write down the things about your ex's control over you and cerimoniously burn them; you thought it was a good Idea, when I first told you to, but i bet you didn't do it.

    Sit down and re-read everything in the threads involved, and think, see, and realise, just what you are doing to yourself. You want to go into helping people, like us; stand back and see yourself as one of your future clients. Ask your self what is going on in her mind, how is she blocking her innate, sexual abilities. How does she see herself, is she confincing herself the past is in the past, when her symptoms say other wise.

    Is she resisting the requests to let go of everything "for now" and just focusing on the distant future, as an unobtainable goal. Does she feel that she should some how be able to have an epifany; a panacia, that will end all her problems in one go, in one instant. Is she stuck in a mobius loop, of her own creation. ?

    Does she need to remove all goals and just be in the moment, to not see everthing as having already ended before she has even tried.

    You don't need to fake it Mamz, my dear, dear friend. But you do need to accept the way things are "now", in order for there to be change in the future. Do you understand me Mamz; accept your situation, fighting this is getting you no where but back to the same spot on the Mobius loop. IT IS NOT ACCEPTANCE, THAT THIS IS HOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE; BUT IF YOU CAN TRULY ACCEPT "THIS FOR NOW" THEN IT NO LONGER HAS POWER OVER YOU.

    Stop with this forever, the rest of my life ,and never business. In your mind you have lost the game, if the other team scores a goal. You are paying a long term game, and trying to win it without conceding a goal, without injuries, in one minute flat. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

    Trust me in this, I have played the game your way for over 30 years; IT DOES NOT WORK, I FAILED UTTERLY.

    Only now in extra time, have I seen what I have been doing; and you are doing it too, only if you will just stop and listen, there is a way out. it's called letting go, and accepting.

    Untill I accepted I was bi-sexual, and wished I was a woman, and there was nothing I could do to change that; I was in so much pain, I could bare it no longer. Now I don't have to choose for ever, I can be all these things at once, or one at a time as I choose, me nobody else. NOBODY ELSE GETS TO DECIDE THAT FOR ME, NO ONE!!!!!!!! Not from my past or into my future.

    Thats the power that accepting yourself gives you. When you don't care if you orgasm, if you don't care if your OH rejects you when your'e horny. Then the ability to orgasm, is no longer a goal you have to fight for, and loose, it becomes simply, something you choose to do, or do not. Entirly on your terms.

    Find enjoyment in other parts of sex, hell enjoy your OH having his orgasm, when it matters not you can just enjoy it for what it is; and thats something you made happen to him. If you want feel some power in your ability to do this, to him. It will all come back to you in time; but you have to let it; you and nobody else, can do this.

    If your OH turns you down when you are horny then thats his right; but it does not give him any rights over your abillity to give your self an orgasm; only you have that ability; but you are using it. STOP.

    How can I make you see what I mean. ? There is a young tree in a storm, it asks the bigger tree near it ; how can I resist this storm, I'm holding myself upright as best as I can, but the storm is going to blow me over. The older tree says, let the wind blow you as it will for now. Enjoy the wind, it can feel so good the way it moves you as it will. Tickles your boughs, and your twiggs, flutters your leaves.

    The young tree says but if I do that I will always be, pushed around, and I will never be able to grow straight again, to flower, to fruit as I once did. Because this wind will always blow. Oh but you will, the older tree said, because one day the storm will end, your leaves and branches will follow the sun, not the wind any more, and you will grow tall and straight and strong and flower.

    What would you do if you were the young tree.?

    I think of you all the time, Mamz. You are the younger me. You are the daughter I never had. Always remember that.

    Massive hugs, and I'm not shouting at you I just don't know how else to get through to you. You can do this Mamz.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    This is not an easy one. You made me realised that I am back at being blinded by myself. I'm seeing this in a way that's so limited instead of seeing the whole situation. Viewing this from another's perspective, from a doctor's perspective is a great idea and could possibly work but I just can't get out of my feelings, I can't view this from outside at all, the emotionnal implication is too strong.

    You also made me realise that I tend to think too much about the future. I feel hopeless because I don't see any solutions right now so I feel like there's never gonna be one and that everything's never gonna be different. I agree though that what should be important is the present. I still don't know how to enjoy myself in the present but it is still a better way to deal with the problem (focussing on accepting the situation for now and accepting that it has to be like that for now, even if I don't know if it's ever gonna change. This scares me, a LOT.) If I was the young tree, I don't know why I would ever feel like the wind's gonna stop blowing, I'd be so bad at being a tree :P.

    What scares me about letting go is the idea that I am supposed to be the one having control over this, but I don't. If I let go, no one will be in charge of making things better for me so I can't see how it would ever get better. I am not even able to to that myself, what if I just give up on it?

    All you are saying makes perfect sens when reading, but when I start to think about it and about how I could apply it to my life, I just can't see anything. I don't see myself being happy with what I have, especially as I think my OH isn't acting like I would like him to in order for me to feel "satisfied" with the sex we have. I can't see ourselves enjoying sex together in our situation, even if we decided to let go, it would just be really boring and non exciting. I'd have no interest in sex (just like it's the case right now) and he'd be doing things without any passion or anything because he would feel that I'm not into it.

    I didn't want to sound like I disagree with everything you said but this is pretty much what it looks like right now. I am sorry for that. I am trying to concieve how the situation could be different but there is so many obstacles in the way that I almost feel like it would be impossible. What would be the most realistic is letting go for now, but the idea of it gets me so anxious.

    I am not saying I cannot do it though. The biggest obstacle to go over is I don't know how I could have an interest in sex after all that.

    Thanks for your help my friend. I am still actively considering everything you said and trying to find ways to apply it.

    How did you get to do that yourself?

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    mojojo [sign in to see picture]
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    Sxleksaker wrote:

    I don't think it is bad to want an orgasm. It is a big part of the sex and personally I don't feel satisfied if I don't have an orgasm. I also think it is not fair that men can come so easily while some women have to struggle a lot to be able to have an orgasm.

    I can only orgasm by clitoral stimulation and it just makes me so jealous knowing that some women can come from vaginal or anal stimulation. It does not feel fair.

    My girlfriend would only rarely vaginally orgasm (we're talking once a year). Now I'm using the Vixen Collossus and she seems to orgasm every time. I think it's something to do with the angle.

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    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    I sympathise with everyone in this thread. for various reasons I've been put on some anti depressants (citalopram) about 2 weeks ago and have lost a lot of sexual desire and can't seem to orgasm.

    I'm hoping it will be better when I'm on the right dose, but I'm really worried (it's likely to be a higher dose). when I'm down I tend to have a higher drive, which is good as my partner has a low drive naturally (unless I initiate we have very little sex) if I loose my drive I'm worried about he quality of our relationship.

    any tips?

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    sweetlove666 wrote:

    I sympathise with everyone in this thread. for various reasons I've been put on some anti depressants (citalopram) about 2 weeks ago and have lost a lot of sexual desire and can't seem to orgasm.

    I'm hoping it will be better when I'm on the right dose, but I'm really worried (it's likely to be a higher dose). when I'm down I tend to have a higher drive, which is good as my partner has a low drive naturally (unless I initiate we have very little sex) if I loose my drive I'm worried about he quality of our relationship.

    any tips?

    I sympathise with that, I am too afraid of affecting my relationship because of a lack of sexdrive from both partners. What we found worked for us is set a time before we go to sleep when we are together and just cuddle and kiss each other, so the passion doesn't go away and it can lead for sex if we feel like it (there is still better chances of it happenning than if we didn't had some time together at all). The only thing is that it's hard to take this time everyday, but if we put the effort, it's worth it and is really healthy for the relationship (I find).

    Your antidepressant is well known to cause sexual dysfonction. It depends on the person but if one SSRI has that effect on you, they probably all will. I don't know if lowering the dose will help or not but I'm not positive about it. You may have to change for another type of antidepressants, unless you two are ok with your lack of sex drive (cause it doesn't cause a difference of drive in between you too).

    Good luck with that

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    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've only been on them for 2 weeks, and my OH has been on the same medication in the past so he luckily knows what it is like.

    its probably me being anxious about it because it's so unlike me. We have yet to try something like arousal gel or tingle lube, or even have full sex, so i really hope its ok..

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    To start get a copy of Starwars the Empire strikes back, put a blind fold on and listen to it; really listen to the words, not the action, but the bits where characters interact, particulally when Luke and Yoda are together on Dagoba, and Yoda is trting to teach him. Tell me what you learned.

    next, what sort of food really, really, does it for you; for me it's my own made chocoloate ice cream. get a really small spoon and eat it one tiny bit at a time. Put it in your mouth, taste it, think to your self why it tastes so very good, feel that shiver run down your spine; it's so gorgious, you want to live on it, and nothing else. feel it in your mouth, think about how that makes you feel, feel that shiver again. Now another mouth full but not until the last tiny bit, of the first bite has compleatly gone; do it again, and again.

    I bet there are people on the forum who will be saying if I did that, I would pratically have an orgasm!!! It's called image therapy, it uses visualisation to stimulate the physical senses. Some people would call it mastubation. You may not actually orgasm, but oh is it good; what are you feeling;? I would call it passion; do you need to orgasm to feel passion? I don't belive so.

    ( i can't visualise) Think of something you do all the time; lets say opening the door to your house. If you close your eyes, and in your mind, can you walk down the path to your home and open the door. can you feel the path beneath your feet, see the colour of your door, feel the door handle in your hand, feel how easy or hard it is to work the handle?

    You are goal oriantated, and feel that without orgasm there is no passion. Passion is about how you make your self feel when you do something, sure it's great to score a goal, but there is still passion to be found in trying.

    The present is important, but answer this; is it stupid and pointless to spend 8 years of your life, studying to be a doctor, when you could be out partying, and not stuck studying; boring, and a waste of the best 8 years of your life???????

    Sit down and contemplate the meaning of the words "faith, and belief" think globally, and I don't mean about the world, but about the wider implications of faith, and belief beyond religion.

    (i'm scared that if I let go then no one will be in charge of making me better) Misconception!!!!, letting go of goals and boundaries to perseption, is not letting go of control; on the contrary( such a French saying, but as you know I can't spell it, in French.) freeing ones self of predispositions is the greatest route to self control there is.

    (The thought of letting go makes me so anxious, I feel like it's impossible.) taking the above clariffication into account, or even not. Say for 1 year; would your world really end, is it worth the possible end result? Is the alternative, i,e, not trying for the rest of your life, really the right thing to do? Is just enjoying the joys of being touched, and the feelings of passion you could still have even without an orgasm, not still wonderful; if you know you are not being used, and being truly loved.

    I have spent over twenty years afraid to try and even touch a woman, all that time so empty and alone, devoid of all feelings except self hate. When there was nothing left, no choice but die or try, I thought it can't be worse than death, I tryed. Yes I felt sick and couldn't even stand up straight, I tried again and again and slowly, it started to feel ok. Then I met someone and went to bed with her, even though I couldn't even get hard it was wonderful. I used my fingers and such to please her, and it was good to be touched again.

    I was ready to settle, for this person, I told her about me, and she was kind of ok about it, but didn't want to be with me dressed as a woman; but I thought ok this is so much better than what i had contemplated as being the rest of my life. Then, one time, she let me spend 4 hours pleasing her, and I said just touch me, give me a massage, this time she said no, it would be too much effort. I ended it, and all she could say was well isn't it better than nothing. So I gave up again, for years, and only in this last 8 month have I changed that.

    What a dammed waste of my life, I could kick my butt, from here to you, and still feel i needed more; all for the want of trying, for taking the chance to find someone better, evne 20 chances.

    I am a compleate and utter, fool. If it's the last thing I ever do YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING ME DOWN THE SAME STUPID PATH. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but sweety I will kick your butt from you to here, and back again, if I have to.

    And a lot of hugs on the way.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    And now all I want is to spend loving time with my man. I just don't know how to dissociate the tought of performance. The weird thing is I know if we would have sex in that set of mind, we would have a great time and I would cum for sure, but if I did, then I would want my partner to cum to, and then after that we would go back to being orgasm focussed. Contradictory isn't it?

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    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    Sweetlove I am on Citalopram too. Its still early days for you, side effects tend to last for around 6 weeks and ease off. If they last longer than 6 weeks or your first check up let your gp know. I was lucky I had the jitters just. It was really annoying but they just vanished. I've been on them a long time now though.

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    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    RosyCheek wrote:

    Sweetlove I am on Citalopram too. Its still early days for you, side effects tend to last for around 6 weeks and ease off. If they last longer than 6 weeks or your first check up let your gp know. I was lucky I had the jitters just. It was really annoying but they just vanished. I've been on them a long time now though.

    I'm on a low dose atm to try to limit side affects, which is working as this is the only one I've had so far, considering what it can do to people I am counting myself lucky! we have ordered some bombshell balm this evening to have a try. I really would like to know how other people coped and if they found anyhing particularly useful for this problem toy wise, as I'd like to be able to orgasm sometime in the next 6 weeks LOL!
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    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    Bombshell balm is really good! We bought it in our first order. Gives quite a unique sensation! I struggled with orgasms a while ago, its only recently I've been enjoying sex again, I previously mentioned on this thread that he may as well shove his finger up my nose for all the pleasure I got.


    There are 2 toys that do not fail for me and they are the LoveHoney wand and the LoveHoney g-spot vibrator slim. I don't orgasm through penetration, I did perhaps once. I've been on antidepressants since I was young so for all I know it killed my sex drive before I even had one if that makes sense.

    It'll just take a lot of patience and working out what works best. Easier said than done but try relax. Make sure there are no distractions, I would often find my mind wandering to the unfinished ironing pile or I would think of my shopping list for the next day. Soooo unsexy!

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I guess a wand could make anyone orgasm, it may be a good investment to make, plus the LH wand can be part of good deals (like offers and vouchers and bundles)

    Bumshell works for me but I still sometimes can't orgasm with it at all. It helps on the physical level but not on the psychological one I'd say

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