• Overcoming performance issues

    1471504971
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Sweetie how could you ever belive I would want to shut you out, I feel the same for you as you do for me. You know that, as far as it can be from here my life is an open book to you and always will be. Please don't ever think that I think you are being harsh with me, or feel bad, because I need to be put straight.. I trust you to say what needs to be said, as I hope you do with me.

    Just know that it may take a while for me to stop finding logical rebufs to your words, just as you did with me. It does seem asinine in the extream, to see that I am being just like you, after what I have said to you in the past, you are correct there. I wish I could just stop, I feel foolish, but even that doesn't stop me. All I can see right now is what seems the probability factors of where I am, and that it feels like it's in the hands of other people, not me. No matter how much I belive I deserve love it to me seems it won't just appear. And I suppose I'm terrified to go looking for it, people scare me. It scares me how easily I became the "property" of my ex. and how willing I was to remain with her.

    I know you love me as I do you, but forgive me here for saying , to love someone is not the same as being in love with someone. You are the dearest friend I have ever had, and while I feel a bond of commonality with the other trans girls, what we have transends even that, and you know this to be true.

    If I asked you to stay away from that thread that would be rejecting you, and I could never do that, and I hope that you would never abandon me, you said you would not, and I believe you.

    I'm sorry for how I am being, but I just can't make sense of things at the moment. Your problem involved only your perceptions of your reality, you have your bf. what I do is question what others will think, and I have no control over others, I only seek to find my place, and understand who would love me. So I may know if they exist. And where to look. You can't denie, that it's statistically a limited possibility, there just are not that many people to find. even cis people find it very hard to find someone particulaly at my age. Sure it happens, to plenty, but it's not easy.

    But you are right in that I feel if no one has ever loved me, why would someone now, when I'm am becoming female. I get told I'm ugly, and old, and fat., by several people. I can't make a door out, because it's not just me who has to make and open the door.

    Please for give me Mamz, for being like this, I'm still lost, I'm just glad you are so much better.

    The love I have inside to be "in love" with, shines like a thousand suns, but without a someone to shine it on.

    It is my heart to give of myself and to care for someone, and that is why I search for love, I don't know how you know that of me but you do. As for worthy to be loved, I will trust that you say I am, for to say otherwise would be to say you don't love me. It's just so hard to imagine finding that person, somewhere close by, to be in love with.

    I too have never really had good sex, except for that brief time with my FWB, but it lacked heart, it was empty physicality. But it did start to make me realise I was truly female, while being pegged and my hair pulled hard, because I knew I wasn't having anal sex, a far as my mind was concerned.

    This is all nothing without a job anyway, that has to come first, and I have been trying the best I can for 5 years. But I am so grateful that you are there for me, in this.

    Please just do what you feel needs to be done for me, if that means being tough then thats what I need. Only you truly understands me, because we are so alike, and have had the same life.

    1471543056
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I must admit that before getting to this thread here, I thought you might be mad at me and that I might have hurt you or something. THat is because you kind of ignored me else where, and I was keeping myself from comming here and asking if everything was ok.

    I also did not want to sound rude in front of trangers. I mean, these people are helping you and I just get in the conversation and start shouting at you, and then you don't answer haha :P

    I know love and being in love isn't the same thing, but you missed the point. What I mean is if it's possible for people to love you, it's also possible for some to fall in love with you. The feeling is based on the same thing. You love someone for the same reason you are in love with someone, only the "motive" is not the same. Do you know what I mean? There's only a little extra but the love is still pretty much the same. Think about what you feel for me. Isn't the desire to date me and to be sexual with me the only part that's missing ? TO me there's the only difference. (saying that feels so weird haha especially cause your my mother, that'd be so wrong haha)

    YOu have the right to ask me to stay away from the t girl thread. The only reason I go there is to read you and get to know you even better, but since I have nothing else to do there it's kind of like violating your privacity. I would totally understand you know

    And do you really think that you need to tell me everything explicitely for me to understand you? We've talked so much that I know some aspects of you that you've never really mentioned, it's easy, cause I feel like I know who you are. It's the same for you, you know parts of me that I,ve never told you about, but you discovered them by yourself. You're able to predict how I will react to some of your sayings so you must know me well for that.

    To me it is obvious that you need to give love to someone to be happy and fill fullfilled. That's why I think you want a child, and that's why I think you should seriously consider having one. Who cares about age.

    Trust me, I know how it s. I've never been in your situation but when I was with the other guy, I would think that everyone was like that and that I'd never find someone better. I could've gone back to him if I did not met my boyfriend. He helped be understand that there were some nice people out there and that it was possible for me to find one, and then we fell in love. It was unexpected, and before meeting him I did not believe this would ever happen.

    I think the thread about the girl being emotionnally abused touched something for you right? You kind of mentioned it. It did not for me. (the one with the guy who doesn't seem to care and cum in minutes did though). I think it's because I am over that part of my life and you are not. You haven't healed from being abused yet and to me that a sign. A psy once suggested me to write down everything my ex did that hurt me. I never did it but maybe it would be usefull to you. When you're done, why not do your classic move and burn it? haha

    On another note, I am not doing that well either. I don't feel depressed but I have absolutely no intereste in sex. I am starting to wonder if I may be addicted to porn. I don't even like it but I kind of do like it at the same time. I try to recall if the last time I had sex was mastturbating watching porn (I think it was). It killed my sex drive. I don't know what's worse between having a sex drive but not feeling turned on by my bf and feeling unsatisfied with him, or not being turned on at all and having absolutely no interest in sex. At least with the last option I can't be disapointed.

    1471546547
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Right now I feel sad because I feel like I am never going to experience sex where it feels great and where there's plenty of passion and love :(

    1471551092
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    when i thought you had left the forum because I had said, I don't know what to say to you anymore, and it was that word anymore that I felt I was wwrong to use and the reason why you had left ,because I though you were thinking I didn't want to help you "anymore" which is so very not the case, I do, and will as long as you want me to, I will be there. We sorted that out and settled that we both felt the same way. But I don't mind reinforcing that sentiment, here and now.

    You didn't come and butt in on the t girl thread, or do anything but tell me what i needed to know; and that means the world to me. It strengthens our bond, you know I will tell you my feelings that I won't hold back, or hide the truth of what is behind my thoughts., and I trust you to want only the best for me. Even when I can't see what you mean, I still want your help. I want, and need you to stand up to my silliness, and just keep at me. I can see where you are leading me, I just can't help feeling scared, and tturn to logic for answers. You do just the same, how many times have I had to go over things with you, and will still have to do, I can see your last post.

    I can't be mad at you, you are my friend, most of all, and you are right the only difference is as you said, that we are not dating, and a sexual couple. Yes it feels, not weird, but somehow inappropriate because you are in a relationship and "in love" with your bf, and thats somewhere I don't go, I think cheating is so very wrong. And I know you believe that too. So we are just very close, and do happen to feel love for each other. I say I'm your mom because I wanted to feel like I ccould have that fantacy to make me feel more feminine, more like a woman, and something I felt could never happen, for real.. But as you have said I'm first and foremost your friend, and thats more important. I don't mean to make you feel wierd, besides you are somewhere 5000 miles away, and on here, not 2 doors down my street, so cheating can't happen.

    I don't avoid you, infact I always try to find your posts, it's just the way things happen talking on here, and living out here, things to do, trying not to spend every moment on here. So please babes, don't ever feel that, I did'nt reply there, as I came here as soon as I saw your post there, to keep it thread appropriate. Here is sort of home to me, and where you are, and where you will see, so please don't avoid me either, or this thread.

    You are free to read any thread you want there is no privacy, but most importantly, I do not want to exclude you from anything, and wish you didn't feel that I would want to. I never will and not because I can't stop you, but because I don't want to. Lets not pull appart over this, missunderstanding. For me we are solid, and I dearly hope it's so for you. I need you to know me right though, and you know I will show you every thing, I'm not a man you know hehe.

    We will both get there in the end but you know only too well that it's a rocky road for use both, you have healed where I have not, and I have healed where you have not, each to make the other whole, by virtue of that one difference. I know you feel never, and I do too, but it's only because we can't see the way out, YET.

    chin up babes, and I will too, And i do love you, even if it makes you feel weird, thinking how close we are to another kind of love. And thank you for pointing out what the difference between the two really is, I have always seen them as being, two very distinct states of mind, but you are right, I conceed, to your wisdom. Stay away from watching porn, you know it will desensitise you. better to have no interest in sex, that can change much easier, than dealing with a porn addiction; I thought you had stopped, please try again. I have done the no intrest in sex for 30 years, it's not the end of the world, and it teaches you that sex can be something you can choose to do when ever you have the emotional strength. I have no interest in sex, no sex drive what so ever but I have found I can choose to enjoy it, and not feel pressured by my own urges, to do so. It's kind of liberating.

    We are strong, yes. ?

    1471558716
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I am sorry I made you feel like our relationship is in danger :O Please stop worrying about that. The only reason why I would go away from you is if you would tell me straight that you hate me and don't want anything to do with me anymore. Let's keep is simple and let's stop overthinking everything. I mentioned my concern but it was nothing serious really, just a little something that shouldn't even been mentioned but you know me, I say everything that's on my mind.

    And what maed me feel even worse is your comment on our love :O I still think that there's not many differences between romantic love and other types, but yeah, you made feel even more weird haha. I know I was the first to talk about "if we would be in love" and that was what felt weird, and you pushed it even further talking about cheating and the distance and etc :P It feels weird to me cause I love you just like a best friend or a sister, and imagining dating my sister feels disgusting to me (not that you disgust me of course). I'm sure you get it, but again I just had to address the awkwardness :P

    Of course we're strong. Don't you know it yourself? I don't fear that anything will get through our relationship. and we're strong on our own too. We are two increadibly strong women :)

    1471562046
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I was Just making sure there was no missunderstanding, without saying I thought it was strange for you to go there with what you said, by relating it to us.. It's all fine, "disgusting" thats what I was trying to avoid, and made it worse. Sorry.! And yes awkwardness addressed.

    I did feel like you were being a bit odd, saying I was ignoring you, and the other stuff, then the love stuff. Lets not go there again, I'm not mad at you, or anything else like that. I will tell you how things are going for me, and you do the same. here is for when one needs the other, and I like you to say whats on your mind, you won't upset me or make me mad at you. So please if I do the same, it's not malicious; I do try not to be blunt, too much to the point, as it offends most people. but I think as we are both like that, it will meen we can just say, what is without fear of smashing our friendship.

    I would never say words like I hate you, or I want you to leave me alone, I may pull you up and say whats this all about, if you start with the are you mad at me thing, because I want to know why you would possibly think that, And you do the same if I get like that too. and I will stay intouch, and be there for you. but things happen, and if it comes that I just stop posting, well please don't think it was anything to do with you, If for some reason, Ilke a partner doesn't like me being on here then I will say I have to go, first. But if my lap top dies, don't plan my funeral; but people do have heart attacks too.

    Sorry I'm being blunt, but I just want you to know how it is. I don't want you to feel hurt, and blame yourself, ever again.

    1471562988
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I think we're being so funny right now. Look at us, trying to make sure e verything is absolutely right, but I cana ssure you it is. I did not feel hurt nor did I blame myself. I probably didn't accentuate enough how small of a concern it was. It's like a 5% over a concern scale where 100% is "omg I'm sure sh'e's mad at me!". Please stop worrying about hurting me or anything cause you know you could say almost anything and I wouldn't feel hurt, and if I did, I wouldn't hide it at all so you'd know anyways :P

    You know I can take almost anything :P No worries there. I know you're also here to stay (I mean, near me).

    The only thing I dislike in what you said is the part about a partner. Please, never leave the forum because someones wants control over you. You know if someone really loves you they'll let you do what makes you happy, even if they are not 100% comfortable with it. My partner doesn't really like me talking about our sexlofe on here but he would never ask me to leave the forum!!

    And ugh, don't talk about you're possible death and I'll stop planning your funeral haha

    1471588168
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I got some news! :) earlier I've gone to the bedroom to try on my new clit clamp, and after a while my bf just came in to find me and he started kissing me and cuddling me. I had an amazing orgasm, then we continued playing on anf off, while simply being happy and in love, it felt to great. Twice the thought "what if it feels better for him" (cause we were rubbing) crossed my mind and I told him, but we had an amazing time over all and I am very happy. After we were both finished (and me not wanting anything more) I asked him what he would think about using a strap on on me and he said that he would be ok with it. He also said that he thinks it is a great idea and totally see why I am asking and why it woul be helpfull. I am so happy :) I will finally be able to feel the passion we were sharing while being penetrated by him, but without all the invading thoughts! I'm super excited!

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    mamz wrote:

    I got some news! :) earlier I've gone to the bedroom to try on my new clit clamp, and after a while my bf just came in to find me and he started kissing me and cuddling me. I had an amazing orgasm, then we continued playing on anf off, while simply being happy and in love, it felt to great. Twice the thought "what if it feels better for him" (cause we were rubbing) crossed my mind and I told him, but we had an amazing time over all and I am very happy. After we were both finished (and me not wanting anything more) I asked him what he would think about using a strap on on me and he said that he would be ok with it. He also said that he thinks it is a great idea and totally see why I am asking and why it woul be helpfull. I am so happy :) I will finally be able to feel the passion we were sharing while being penetrated by him, but without all the invading thoughts! I'm super excited!

    mamz wrote:

    Right now I feel sad because I feel like I am never going to experience sex where it feels great and where there's plenty of passion and love :(

    Hold on to this moment, and come back to it when you feel things are going wrong again, and see how quickly you got here (just one day between the two posts) from thinking that it would never happen. I'm glad you finally asked this of him, it seems a long time since I sugested it may help you. if you want help to choose which harness I can help, but basically you need a unisex one, ssome of those designed for women only have one lower strap, and that would part his sack, and be uncomfortable, or even painful. Plus I the ones I recomend can be adjusted so that the pad on which the dildo is held, is in different possitions on his body, which will effect how it compares to the real thing in terms of the positions you use.

    also if you set it up with the dildo clamp higher up onto his pubis, it will mean he came have a comfortable erection, as it can hang down below the harness. And allow you to play with his erection while he is in you, the possition called the cross would be one possition where this is possible, maybe kneeling doggy too. Thats if you feel you can give him some pleassure while he is in you without it causing thoses bad thoughts, to spoil it for you. If you put it over him so the dildo is in the same possition as his natural erection, then when he gets hard it will be trapped behind the harness, and cause him discomfort. It wouldn't be any more than discomfort, so talk to him, it may even be used to bring a bit of BDSM into it for you; so you know not only is he not getting any direct plessure from it, but he is pleasuring you while feeling some small discomfort him self. if that sounds like someting that would float your boat, talk to him about it. It would show him one side of BDSM thats not exstream.

    If you put it there on his body, and say nothing,(asuming I had not warned you) he is likely to either say nothing about the discomfort, and suffer it building resentment in him, or say I can't do this, and spoil the moment or even make him not want to do it at all. So you can work on fitting it on him so it's comfy, or ask him if he would feel that discomfort some times for you, and tell him why if it indeed it would help your mind set, even increase your feelings of power over his pleasure, but yet as in all BDSM put him in control by giving him a safe word so he can stop if it''s too uncomfortable for him. Itt may help him understand what BDSM is about, he may even start to get turned on by having his erection constrained in such away, and get harder, and feel the dicomfort more. What a mind twister.

    Have fun sweetie, and I'm so happy for you to be having this break through, I'm still here if you want to come and say it's all gone to c**p again. But for now enjoy the feeling, each time you have one of these moments, you add to your possitive sex life bank account, and eventually you will be in the black again, and home free.

    1471629255
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I was thinking about the tantus on or lovehoney one. I know both are unisex as I had already thought about that. I must admit that I was also wondering about his peni, and the solution seems to be really complicated to me. However, I am sure if he feels a little discomfort he is going to mention it, meanwhile if it's something major, or afterwards if it's minor and something he can tolerate.

    I won't be introducing BDSM though as I think he is not keen on feeling a bit of pain (even though he'll let me do almost anything if I want to), and I am afraid it builds a pathway in his resulting in him associating penetrating me with negativity. We already struggle with not associating sex with negativity so hum.

    So the plan is he'll keep his erect penis behind or under the strap on, but in his boxers. The most exciting part now is finding harness compatible dildos. I know there's plenty out there but all my dildos are not :P I now have a good reason to buy that purple dildo I have been after! and I'm also thinking about getting a dual density dildo :O

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I fancy on of the dual density ones too, but no parrtner plus limited funds, means that will have to wait. they are in the £70+ price range. sex squid has reviewed quite a few of them so you could check out his reviews. I have got this glass one, it has a flared base, as do a couple of others I have.and fancy trying it, as I love glass dildos. again it will have to wait for a partner, the second link I have too, but she left before I tryed it, but it looks amazing, for hitting those sweet spots, I think I will try it by hand this weeked to see.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30947

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30947

    I would get a set of "o" rings too to make sure you have one to fit as the harness dont have a full set, which for what they are I think thats a bit cheap of them.

    Have fun choosing, you know as long as a dildo has a base or balls they fit, but you are limited by which ones are silicone. As Like me you will only use those type, I would bet. Thats another reason I fancy the glass ones, that and I would be able to use a thick oil based lube, which is better for me for anal.

    I don't know what you me that the soution seems complicated to you, If it is uncomfortable for him you could put a small face sponge in betweem, or a foulded up face cloth. adjusting the harness is easy enough, so the harness pad, is not over his penis. It just puts it in a position he will not be used to, so some postions may be difficult. `Also I know hes good at using his pubis to rub your clit, just remind him he won't be able to do that, for the harness, and the fact that the dildos don't bend much, like his natural equipment does.

    The tantus one has 2 didos, and you have the choice of diferent sizes of dilodo with the beginers kit or the intermediate kit, but the intermediate doesn't always show on the site, and I'm sure I came across an advansed kit but I can't seem to find it, again.

    Oh and I think you use pjur woman, don't for get that it is a silicone lube, so you will have to get a water based one, if you don't already have some. I'm so excited for you babe. xx

    1471644132
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    haha don't worry I have plenty of silicone toys and I know how to use luve with them :P I have only one silcone lube that I almost never use as I don,t like it as much on glass and I only use it when we have sex (and almost never do in case we get toys out). I have so many water based lubes that I only use half of them (cause the other half aren,t good ones and they irritate me, but I still use them on my clit hehe).

    I too love glass but I wouldn't use it on a strap on. Especially as my bf won't be used to it's rigidity, it might hurt while he tried to get the right angle, wereas silicone offers that flexibility.

    I wish lovehoney stocked more tantus toys, some of their dual density look great too! (I'm also interested in the vixen mustang but I couldn't buy more than one if I purchased that one).

    The solution to the trap on doesn't look complicated to me. I'm thinking we're just gonna experiment and find out how it works for us.

    Do you think I could find a toy that's long and flexible enough so I can rub on his belly?

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    for long and flexible, most are replicas of porn stars, and have a 6.75 inch girth or more, but this LH pvc one (condom would be needed) is 10 inch long but only 5 inch girth so it's super flexible.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34871

    The suction base is ofset I think to make it harder to pull of the shower wall, so you can angle it. On a strapon if you put the wider part of the base opposite side to the direction it's going to get bent in it will help stop it come out of the harness which it would possible do if you put it in the other way round.

    The only possition I can think of where this dildo ( I had to retype there I put dikdo first time LOL maybe it will catch on.) would give you the oppertunity to rub your clit on his belly would be cow girl, with you leaning right forward, the one they use in porn so the camara gets to see every thing from behind. Also I think it would help if you put some pillows under his bum to lift his hips, so meaning the dildo won't need to bend so much. Less likely to slip out; you will have to watch out for this as he can't feel it start to happen. But I think I remember you don't really like to top, may be thats changed. You would get to control every thing depth angle speed. and your hip rotation angle for rubbing.

    In mish, possition it would be possible but I think you would spend mor time trying to put it back in, I suppose you could tie some cotton webbing tape around it leaving 2 long ends that you could put under you then out above your hips, for you to pull on, to keep a set length in you. This is making me go all wobbly thinking about some woman having me with a stapon, with FWB I only had an old one I got for the girl friend I had 7 years ago, that she wouldn't use. After saying she would. Hang on I just thought it may be possible for him to rub you with the inside of his thigh, in side scissors. In case you don't know that one, you lay on your side, one leg straight down, the other up over his forearm, or a shoulder if you are flexible enough, he straddles your lower thigh, and clamps his thighs tight against you from both sides, you would only need an ordinary length dildo, although one a bit longer would men he could have a longer rub stroke. If he comes in at a slight angle using the thigh to your front to rub you, that would make it better too. also that would angle the dildo more towards your g spot. so he would twist his body from left to right in a pivoting action rather than a straight thrust.

    You could let him rub your clit with his fingers, maybe at some point think about bringing in your but plug, if you feel confident. Having a vagina and doing DP, is my fantacy. ( hope telling you my fantacies doesn't feel weird for you) I don't like making you feel like that.)

    Make sure he understands he could hurt you even with a siliclone dildo, if he does long fast thrusts and pulls out without realising. I suggest you take it slow, at least to start ( but you know this. I'm fretting like a mom who's daughter is going to loose her virginity, and they have been talking about it )

    I'm going to try the glass, if I ever do get the chance, (sorry for saying that, no need to say what you are going to say) In cow girl, reverse cow girl, the cross, side saddle, spooning, and doggy both ( if partner swears to remain still and let me do the work. all give me compleate control for using glass. But you don't get to lay back and be dominated, thats the down side. I I prefer, to be sub, but I would make an exception for the chance to use glass. I'm deffinatly a glass whore. lol

    1471650752
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with you, I'd had an eye on that glass dildo for a while too (there is simply to many toys I want). But why couldn't you try it on your own??

    I'm not sure I understand how he can rub my clit using his tight :O

    I must admit I was imagining something more like we usually would do. I mean, me getting my legs around his hips, and him leaning a bit forward so his pubis touches my clit, leaving a few inchez of his penis free. I was thinking maybe a dildo about the same size could do the same?

    And the fact that he couls still hurt me with a silicone dildo is why I am interested in dual density dildos, as I guess they wouldn't be squishier, like a penis. It would also feel more similar to the real thing and would be helpful in that way.

    And I too would love trying a butt plug while being penetrated. I still haven't done it on my own (as I tend to use wether clit vibes, clit vibes + dildos, or clit vibes + anal toys, but not anal + vaginal ). I am also yet to find a butt plug that doesn't feel like it's completely in the way. I only own two but both have a large round base, I'd prefer a T bar but I feel like it'd get in the way too, unless I wear it perpendicularily to my butt crack

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I do use it on my own, but by that statement why do you want to have sex with your bf lol it's just not the same as being bent over , grabbed by my now longer hair and and be well and trully seen to, by a sexy lady. After 30+ my imagination can create the sensation of a vagina for me but it cant yet pull my hair and kiss my face off.

    The thigh thing; do this for me, stick the first two fingers on each hand up ( two handed "f" off Engish style, it seens to be middle finger in the US, dont know for Canada. ) any way, put your right hand back side facing you , get a ball point pen or imagine where your clit would be based on how your two fingers look like a woman on her side with her legs spread, and put your two spread fingers on your other hand between them, and curl the fingers of your left hand so it looks like a pair of legs kneeling straddling the woman, then swivel your left hand away from you and back repeatedly, making sure the inside of the nearest finger ( inside of your bf upper thigh) rubs against the spot between your fingers that represent where yor clit would be, by swiveling far enough. That should show you what I mean.

    The t bar is suposed to run up your butt crack, and along your perimeum, towards your vulva. or get this

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30888

    A love egg with a long silicone loop end, but it's cost again.

    Or a rabbit with a condom put on it, you would just have to get him to hold it, say in doggy, it's do able if he stays shallow with his thrusts, and leans back, so there is room.

    Don't over worry about him huting you with the silicone toys, use the topping positions I told you about, to get a feel for things, if you feel able to, then just make him understand that he could hurt you if he pulls out compleatly and goes back in hard and misses. Choose positions like doggy where he can see what he is doing, and make hin stay still and you back on to him the fist few times, and that he must stop and let you back on to him if he comes out, until you feel safe with his skills with it. Just control the situation, this will be good for you anyway. you will need to feel incontrol to start with.

    The dual density ones will still hurt if he pulls out and goes in wrong, but yes they would feel more natural for you, but the fact that it's a man on ther other end is what is triggering thoughts for you I suspect far more than how life like the dildo feels.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I must admit I was imagining something more like we usually would do. I mean, me getting my legs around his hips, and him leaning a bit forward so his pubis touches my clit, leaving a few inchez of his penis free. I was thinking maybe a dildo about the same size could do the same?

    You are forgetting the harness pad that holds the dildo would be mostly covering his pubis and if he hit your clit with the edge of the pad, your clit may take a bashing, rather than getting a rub..

    1471663350
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    That's why I think dual density dildos could be great, as I would get used to a feeling similar to a man, so it would be easier to cope with a real penis if/when we get there.

    And maybe I am imagining the harness lowee than it should be but I feel like he could still rub his belly? anyways it's not really the rubbing, it's more about the pressure that's applied on my clit (cause it dissapears)

    I'm not really interested in using anal toys during penetration that don't have a flare base. the only ones I own are http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21767 and http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30575 and I really feel like the base would get in the way. I know how a t bar is supposed to be wear but I'm sure it'd get in the way too, that why I said that I probably could rotate it a bit to make room for the rest. Maybe it's cause I'm quite small. I've tried a clit clamp yesterday and the clamp ended over my anus. I don't know.

    Overall I'm pretty confident with my bf using a strap on. He's very careful and worried about hurting me. remember sex used to hurt so he is used to being very carefull and listening to my directions about the pace and all. And he never pulls out and then gets in really quickly, so I don't fear him doing that with a dildo, itMs not even worth mentioning in my opinion as I know the idea won't ever cross his mind.

    And I don't know, I probably associate using toys alone to be more pleasurable than with a partner so that must be why. I don,t know why I want to have sex with my bf wither, but I really like the feeling yesterday and thought it would be great if there would be more. This way we can share something (even if it's not physical sensations) that we can't when having oral sex.

    1471724271
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Of course your clit disappears, you are feeling turned off, it's female ED, exactly the same thing. I too can turn myself on enough to play, but the second I try to get it on, it's gone. But I have anal to turn to, but you don't. I wish that would be the same for you, but your block is about the others pleasure, so it can transfer to other areas of your body; mine is the sensation, and the act it's self. I don't doubt my ability too feel it, my mind just hates it, because it takes me back there. I wish that had happened back then, but it doesn't at the time, only latter. And as my anus was not involved, it hasn't been affected.

    You do know why you want to have sex with your bf, it's just hard for you right now. But you do feel the love for him and enjoy kissing and cuddles. You should do more, touchy feely stuff, massage, bathing each other, get used to having bare skin to bare skin, in more ways.

    This no job thing is my nemisis atm, and for some reason I don't get, I'm really getting to fancy guys more at the moment, as I told you a while ago. I was watching a film yesterday, with a mens locker room scene, with all these gorgeous guys tight abs on display and I was positivly druling.

    1471977562
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Meh I'm keeping myself from being passive agressive on that other thread about the guy being an ass with his girl and not caring about her at all.

    1471981295
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Why did I know you would say that, but it's her who is posting. I'm glad you are showing restraint, I don't want you to get suspended.

    Stay cool babes. xx

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