• Overcoming performance issues

    1469243658
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2672
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2015

    Mamz - I'm super duper proud of you sweetie 😄😄😄 what vibe did you use if you don't mind mr asking? Me thinking I need to invest when finances allow me to.

    It's only natural that you felt free at first, but you let go and I couldn't be prouder 😃

    It's so incredible that you ended up letting go and coming hard. You and your boyfriend must be elated 😀 and you got to share something extremely special together which will make you stronger 😄

    With that 'need to pee', you were most definantly about to come, but maybe held back? But now in future you're going to let go which is incredible and your oh will enjoy it as much as you. He'll be super proud that you've come to this stage, as am I 😄

    So yeah towels are a necessety for future sessions, you're both doing incredibly well, coming on leaps and bounds.

    I'm so happy, you've got me crying happy tears again although I've got crap on my plate it doesn't matter as my beautiful grid d Mamz is happy and experiencing incredible stuff with her boyfriend.

    So prounf of you both hunni 😙💟xx

    1469243658
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2672
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2015

    Mamz - I'm super duper proud of you sweetie 😄😄😄 what vibe did you use if you don't mind mr asking? Me thinking I need to invest when finances allow me to.

    It's only natural that you felt free at first, but you let go and I couldn't be prouder 😃

    It's so incredible that you ended up letting go and coming hard. You and your boyfriend must be elated 😀 and you got to share something extremely special together which will make you stronger 😄

    With that 'need to pee', you were most definantly about to come, but maybe held back? But now in future you're going to let go which is incredible and your oh will enjoy it as much as you. He'll be super proud that you've come to this stage, as am I 😄

    So yeah towels are a necessety for future sessions, you're both doing incredibly well, coming on leaps and bounds.

    I'm so happy, you've got me crying happy tears again although I've got crap on my plate it doesn't matter as my beautiful grid d Mamz is happy and experiencing incredible stuff with her boyfriend.

    So prounf of you both hunni 😙💟xx

    1469244301
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    Ohh thanks slinky, that's so sweet! I really hope things get better for you two :( do you still have to endure that situation for a while ?? When will it get better? I whish the best for you both

    1469245727
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2672
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2015

    My pleasure Mamz - I've became very fond of you and really enjoy chatting with you here, it makes me happy knowing that you and your boyfriend have turned a massive corner 😙

    Aww, well it's going to be the fight of our lives and hubby will put his all into it, as will I. We will know how things stand for our future in 10 months, so I guess we can just take it one step at a time 💟xx

    1469247851
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    Ohh that's cute. I don't get why you like me but thanks!

    May I ask what is this fight all about? You talk about it a little on the forum and I don't think you've mentioned exactly what it's about. I'll understand if you don't wanna talk about it, really. Feel free to answer or not. Know that I believe in you two and I'm behind you :)

    1469251969
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2672
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2015

    I really, really like you hunni because youre so intelligent, sweet, kind d hearted and lovely. And you're a sweetheart and the sooner you realise it the better 😙

    It's kinda hard as it involves me and oh and I'm trying my hardest not to divulge too much as it's not just decision to make. If all goes well I'll tell you exactly what it is. Hope you don't mind me being cryptic? The forums are the only place I can kinda talk about it, whilst restraining myself from spilling all as it's comforting to talk, if oh was in her too it'd be different, so unfortunately I can only tell so much. You probably get the just of it but I have to try and not spill all.

    Having lovely lasses such as you lovely 😙 and if course Alecia 😙 along with lovely lads helps keep me strong. Fighting for life day by day 💟xxx

    P.s sorry 4 the late response I missed your post hunni💟xx

    1469259112
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    I understand and it's totally fine! I can only wish you good luck and to stay strong I guess. I'll have to guess what it is :P (I already have my guess)

    1469286637
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1292
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    I think I gave myself a sore throat, and the neighbours will be wondering if I have won the lottery, but I wouldn't have it anyother way. No guessing; things are going fantastic, for you both. You got yourself out of that negative thought, tout de suite, I knew you could do it.

    Now you have a base of possitive memories to build on, the foundations of your new life, it must feel blissful; you should sleep much better too.

    Looks like one of these will be on your next order to LH

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=6730

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34896

    I'm so glad you have decided to let you body do what it wants to do for you, "it doesn't matter" what's in your squirt, ( or you could be a gusher) enjoy it he will too. Pee is sterile anyway, so you don't have to worry over that part either( even though you seem to be letting go a bit on worrying too much about germs; just normal hygiene is all thats needed.)

    The world is all yours now, eyes and mind forward.

    You have made me so happy words will never be enough to express it, ( no pressure there)

    To have been a part of your journey ( well lets call it, getting you to walk on the road) the real journey starts here, and it's the rest of your life, a very happy one; has been a honor. You two have come through so much together, this will make your bond so strong.

    I am and always will be your friend, and your mom; all my love Ali. xxxx ( I have a big smile on my face )

    1469287207
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1292
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Slinky I'm thinking of you, and wishing for your dreams to come to you.

    Do you still want to talk about your social anxiety, to see if I can help a bit, I will do what I can. Someone that posted a short time ago, made me doubt if it was right for me to try, but I will, if you want me to.

    1469316419
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    I am not really into vinyl or pvc sheets, I'd get the librator throw though. It's been requested in the pander to me thread and I really hope they'll get to stock it.

    What is a gusher??

    I feel that you may be too happy for me :P but you know there'll still be downs :P

    I see you don,t mind me calling you ali :P I too have a big smile oon my face reading your post. I'm happy that you're happy (and I know it's the same for you).

    Do you both have social anxiety? Do you want to talk a little about it on here? You know I love talking about mental illnesses. What do you doubt about Ali-baby (hehe I find myself funny, sorry). Open up, your free to do so

    1469320098
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1292
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Ali- baby ? you sound ever so sllghtly drunk, sweetie.

    I don't mind you calling me Ali, it's kind of cute that you feel like you want to give me a friend name, a shortening.

    Ok so I'm an over excited little girl hehe, but you did make a big turn around, I have never heard you sound so possitive, and hell you are cumming hard now too, thats massive hunni, even you can't deny that much. So yes I'm super excited for you, I needed a good excuse to go get a little glass of Chardonay.

    No need to start talking of the possibility of going on a downer, already. !! ever the pessimist, although I supose you will just say you are being prosaic. hehe.

    Some women squirt, as in it's like a water pistol, other women say that it comes out more like a gushing tap, but it's the same thing just a different physialogical response.

    I told Slinky that I would try to help her a bit with her anxiety, she and her oh both find it hard to go out, travel on public transport etc. I suffer the same kind of thing, only I havee found ways to cope with many situaltions.

    The one where I still fail is going out to a pub type envoironment. It seems to come from after I was raped, I would still have to go out with my then OH, and they would taunt me, come up behind me, and do things like put their hands in my jeans pocket and touch me there, while wispering just what they would do to me next time.

    She would come up to them and tell them, to keep their hands off me until she said they could. The feeling was unimagineably horrific, it was like torture, never knowing when they would find a chance to torment me when she wasn't looking, and they did keep doing it.

    So if I go somewhere that has the same social dynamics as where I had to go, then I freek out totally loose the plot. It used to be like that in most public places unless I had someone with me, just going to the supermarket alone was frightening, I would have store assistants comming and saying are you ok and I would feel like I was watching them on a viewing screen from somewhere else, but through my own eyes, and my body would carry on as if without my control, like being an unwilling passinger in my own body.

    Some times I have had women come up to me in supermarkets and just start to chat to me, the next thing I remember is opening the car boot to put my shopping in. I must litterally have finished my shopping and payed for it, without even remember doing it.

    But all this is rather off topic. but someting I could never seem to get my therapist to help me with, I felt like she didn't believe me.

    1469331714
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    I'm not drunk at all. I just like silly nick names. But I prefer Ali.

    I don't agree with you. I was feeling better ant even more positive when I had that realisation thing about rape. You know what I am talking about. Now I may be more realist though. I know that things may go down again, but for now let's just take it like it is.

    And now I feel like drinking a good chardonay too :P I'll think of you and cheers with you when I get to drink that glass of wine (I only have red wine here :P)

    I still don't get the difference between squirting and gushing. I guess squirting is less violent and intense (talking about the flow)? I "squirted" only once. I don't know if I ever told you about it. I was in the shower and had just peed before getting in there. Since I was in the shower I decided to just let go and a big squirt just occured. the flow was heavy and looked just like a very powerful pee. the liquid was totally clear but I thought it had a slight urea smell. It didn't feel espacially pleasurable either. If it wasn't of those two aspects I would be sure it was squirt because I had just peed max 20 min ago, but I stil have some doubts. The fear with your therapist could be classified as social anxiety though (depending of the intensity and motives etc).

    What you are describing isn't social aniety, it's agoraphobia. Social anxiety is the fear of being judged by other people when you're doing something like speaking to them, eating, writting, giving a speach, or whatever, while agoraphobia is the fear of being unable to espace. It often comes with panick attacks and for example the person would be scared to go to the grocery store because she is afraid that if a panic attack occures, she won,t be able to escape. It can also be a fear of bridges or things lile that. Having someone else helps with that fear. Some people also overcome it by getting out with an animal, walking their dogs for example. That is a fear that can be overcame with expositions too, just like mine.

    Slinky and her hubby should definitely try to fight theirs together. As I said earlier, being with someone you trust is really helpful. It's little steps.

    I kind of understand that kinf of fears. I have it sometimes when I am not intoxicated in crowds. I fear of loosing sight of the people I am with, I fear of being alone with no way of leaving the crowd, etc. But I try to find something to hold on. For example I have faith that with so many people, at least one could want to help me if something happens. I also think of a safe place and how easy it is to get there, etc. I don,t suffer from agoraphobia but I am sure these are some tips that can be usefull to those who do.

    I understand that you fear those places where you where vulnerable and surrounded by people who could be mean to you. Am I right? It's so sad that you don't have anyone worthy of trust around you in real life cause you could go to those places with them and rebuild your security. I'd go there with you if I could, and you'd see that bars are a great place to be and have fun with nice people.

    1469394008
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2672
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2015

    Hey you two lovelies, I'll come back to write a response to you both. I reckon me, hunby and Alecia and maybe you too Mamz have agoraphobia, as, leaving the house is a massive problem 90% of the time. Me and hubby and maybe Alecia have anxiety aswell as social anxiety. It's really awful and takes over our lives. However I'm sure we will get through it eventually as we can all help eachother come out the other side 😊

    I'm a wee bit busy right now or I'd reply both your messages on here in full. I wish there was somewhere we could all talk in private as I there's alot that can't be said infront of so many folk. No harm intended. I would love to explain the situation what we're going through but I simply can't on here. Maybe one day we will be able to get together and could divulge all our secrets.

    Anyway I'm rambling as per lol.

    I'll send big virtual cuddles to you both and I'll be back later hunni's 💟xx

    1470188801
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    Alicia I've read in the other thread that you,re not feeling good. Do you want to talk about it babe?

    Same for slinky, I guess we were hijacking that other thread a bit :P But it's so hard not to talk about that stuff there when it's thinking about it that keeps us awake.

    Btw thanks for contacting livechat for me. I'm back home now and just ordered the bundle! :D And I even found a code!! I got it for 61$ can with a pair of stocking and storage bag, as the pound is getting lower ! What a great deal. I had not thought about the fact that I could wipe down the items to be sure they are clean :) thanks a lot for that!

    1470190403
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1292
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    I just put some stuff on the insomniacs thread for Slinky, but I knew you would read it.

    I'm just letting things get to me, I think telling you about what my ex's girlfriends did to me in the pub after, just set me off a bit. I thought I had put it all away, but it's still all there. Then the other threads set me off ranting in my head, the ones I just mentioned in the other thread. Plus the T girl thread, both have been cruelly dumped for who they are; what hope does that leave me. ?

    I hate this f*****g body but I'm stuck with it, at least I feel better about who I am, and as I just said in the other thread I found out I can get turned on by a proper lesbian love story, not that hetro pseudo lesbian porn rubbish. I actually got turned on, I still can't belive it, but it was only one out of quite a few I read, along the same lines.

    Then theres the been the night mares comming back, accompanied by bed wetting. And the job situation, I've been thinking about what I could do self employed wise for years, but nothing realistic comes to mind. Thinking about my anger towards mom, such mixed feelings there, sometimes I dream she has not really passed, and has come back and starts to take over my life again, I wake up hysterical, and it takes hours for me to calm down.

    It's lots of things all coming at once, mainly stuff I can't discuss here.

    1470193638
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    I was writing a response on the other thread but I guess I'll just paste it and finish it here instead:

    Ali, I can totally get where you're comming from. I way too familiar with threads having a bigger impact on me that they should. And as you know it, I could count the number of time I've made love in my whole life because of how small the number is. Maybe not in my hands, but I could with this year's. So what? I know what you are gonna tell me, The only thing that is important is that I am with a guy I love and who loves me back and that we're perfect together. Then why would the number of times you've had sex be relevent ? You know I (and I know it is the same for you) would rather not have sex than have sex with someone who's not worth it.

    When I read this, a think flashes to my mind. Let me set the mood a little before talking about it.

    You seem to be very lost. I can remember feeling like this about a year ago. I was the most depressed I have ever been. I had just started realising that what happened to me was rape, and that I had been psychologically abused and it dragged me down, so much that my bf (with whom I am at the moment) couldn't take it anymore and left. At that time I also wasn't sure what I'd do with my life, as I had only that change to get to med school and I HAD to succed. I didn't know what else I could do. I was just going to school 3 days a week, partying with some guy friends and not knowing what I would do with my life and if I had just lost the man of my life. I was crying all the time, even in public, one of my friends even told me rencently that I was a wreck back then. I didn't know who I was, past or future. I have never felt that lost.

    I went to see a psychologist. She didn't do much on those problems diractly, but she helped me so much get through it. She thaught me how to live, how to feel. I had always kept all my emotions inside, trying to hide them and to rationalize them with my mind. She thaught me how to live these emotions instead, how to feel in my body, and to trust myself, trust that these emotions know better than my mind. I learned how to let go and just live, for myself. I learned to listen to myself instead of thinking. And I had faith. I had faith in myself. My mind and my heart finally were at peace. It also helped me a lot because before that, I was fearing that my bf would be using me without me noticing, but after I learned to trust myself and to listen to my deep feelings, and to live life for myself, I knew that it could never happen again. If you,re connected with yourself, you'll get where you're meant to be.

    Do you see how this is relevent to your situation? I know it sounds silly and worthless to you but it is a key in my opinion. I think that getting closer to your inner self may be just as helpfull for you as it was for me (and still is). I am sure I am not wrong on this one, especially because I know that you've been disconnected to some of the emotions related to your trauma. That's totally normal, but you gotta live them. Do you know about mindfulness meditation? Try that. Do it each day.

    I am sorry talking about what happened in the pub made you feel this way. The fact that it did though is a sign that you,re not over it, and the only way you can get over it is finally living that emotion that you've been hiding all these years. See it as taking care of your self.

    You've had me a bit concerned. Please tell me you don't consider life is not worth living for you anymore. Don't leave me alone in this world, crying about my mom who though life wasn't great enough. You know you've been so helpful to me. There only a few parts of my sexual life that I don,t regret, and one of them is lovehoney. It's been so helpful, especially because I discovered sex toys because of it, because I met an amazing community, but most importantly, because I met you. Look at how far I've gone since I got here. You took a great part of your life to go through that path, "tu l'as défriché" (sorry I didn't know how to translate it) and you finally went back to pick me so you can guide me through it. You've been with me on the road that you've walked alone first, and that's something incredibly great of you. I wouldn't gone that far if it wasn't of my mom always picking me up everytime I take a step and fall.

    Now it's time to do the same thing with yourself. Let your heart guide you through life and pick up your mind and take care of it when it falls. I can show you the road, but it's you who's gotta take care of the rest.

    You can still talk to me about everything's that going wrong. I'm here and I will listen and let you cry on my shoulder untill there's nothing left to get out. And I won't judge. You know you can tell me anything. I understant if you wanna keep some things for yourself though, as this is an open community (or even if you simply don't want to share some of it with me).

    I am glad that you finally got turned on and it's helped you confirm a bit of who you are.

    Love you xx.

    1470206593
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2672
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2015

    Alecia and Mamz - I started a reply on other thread ages ago but got my 2 hours sleep....yay! 😩😩😩

    How do I paste my post and Finnish it here? 💖xx
    Btw Mamz brilliant post. I read that nodding my head to everything. We have to realise what happened to us and not latch into it, letting those people who hurt us so badly it completely changed out lives, outlooks, how we view the world, and everything. I know this may sound 'easy to say', but I've been there too, raped at a young age, date-raped, had an abusive relationship, never thought orgasms for us gals existed!

    And I was on a path of destruction, didn't care if I lived or does, certainly had no cravings for sex. Even when I was with the abusive guy I did after awhile but after awhile it turned into just letting him do it! I remember lighting a ciggerete once and he carried on! Resilient or what. I didn't know how to say look I don't want to because I thought there was something wrong with me, but I was broken and he didn't help being controlling and abusive! For the last few years of our "one-sided-relationship, I made excuses and can count on my hand how many times I let him because I didn't want too. I did it for the sake of it. Now I know I'm my mind I shouldn't of done that. But can't change it.

    After I got away I went wild, would drink alcohol like there's no tomorrow, I abused party drugs and really didn't care if I lived or died! Infact I felt like a waste of life, as though I shouldn't exist.

    Now that's a brief description as it's relevant as it's becoming clear that alot of people who suffer abuse or rape feel this way. Its so wrong. But Alecia i promise you yoy can get through this hunni 👍 I know you can because you're strong as you've came through so much and for such a long time you've hidden these feelings inside. The way I got through it was confiding in oh, and he made me realise what had happened to me and that in his words 'everytime you think about this, you're letting that bas###d win'. Which was so true, it taken along time and lots of these conversations to make me realise I had to bury the demons (rapists and abusers,) yes in the way Alecia deceived so incredibly previously.

    So going on that, Mamz story and how far she's came. There's many others too but obviously they aren't all coming forward and that's totally a personal decision, as it is very hard to talk about and admit what happened to us.

    And I totally agree, you seem lost, like we've been in the past. I feel you make 5 steps forward then take the same amount back. You can keep walking forward. Look at how far you've came, you're Alecia and have an Abu 😆 did you ever think you'd have the strength to do this? I don't think you did. Try to see the positives, you've came so, so far. You're finally being Alecia the person you've always been but not felt able to.don't change this for anybody, you're you and that's what will bring you the love you deserve.

    I'm very worried also. Please try not to feel like this. What's bought you back to this place? A mean comment, over-thinking, something else? Your life is valuable, you're one of the loveliest people i know. And +1 don't leave your daughter, she needs you and you have your motherly duties 👍 also don't leave me. You've helped me too more than you know. And what you've done for Mamz you should be rewarded. I know you're proud and so you should be, I'm so proud of you too hunni 😙😄

    Also you've got turned on. Another big step which is fantastic. I think you have to re-discover who you are now you're Alecia and get to know yourself again sexually 💖xx

    1470246211
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1292
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Mamz, I'm not going to leave you alone sweetie, not if I have any say in the matter. So don't worry.

    Right now I can hardly see, I have very bad hayfever eyes, it stings like shampoo, but I can't rinse it away, I will tell you more when I can see. I could tell you anything, no fears there, it's just doing it here, that will limit what I can say.

    Love you too, xx

    1470267267
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1736
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    Another positive news from me: I finally got to tie him up to tease him a bit and I surprisingly enjoyed it! I thought I would feel insecure and unconfident but it was the oppisite, and I liked being in control. he didn't feel as confident as I was though so I was a bit insecure about this but it was the only thing. I sometimes would've spanked him if we had discussed it before and if I knew he was ok with it (but we haven't and I don't think he'll be into it for now). I also had him on all fours so I could insert a butt plug and I felt that I would like to peg him if he wanted too.

    Too bad he said that being ties up didn't do anuthing special for him. I guess next time I'll try not blindfodling him and leaving him out a little as I pleasure myself. He gets turned on seeing my body and when I am having pleasure so I hope he gets so excited that he can't hold himself anymore and then I can play with him a little ;)

    And oh, I bought the bondage bundle hihi so we'll have plenty of reasons to explore with bondage even more 

    1470274978
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2672
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2015

    That's awesome 😄😄 you display all the signs of a dom, possibly a switch like meee, where you can adapt to either sub or dom. I think you need the control element so you are in control of your boyfriend's and your pleasure. 😄😄

    Good idea leaving the blindfold out as that may raise insecurity with some folk. Hopefully he'll adapt, its all a big learning curve where taking baby steps can be required.
    Great idea about tying and teasing, he'll be begging for your touch 😄

    Go Mamz - did you tell him whilst he was tied up ibwant that bundle 😉

    Joking aside couldn't be happier for you hunni 💖xx

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.