• Overcoming performance issues

    1467931993
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I hope the doxy, works well for you. Sorry I got you wrong about you trying dominant positions, but I'm glad you feel able to have him lay on top of you, and enjoy feeling his strength and domination but knowing you are not being used. I wish he didn't make you feel that he wasn't enthusiastic about things like trying a strapon, he should be enthusiastic about anything for you, but men can be like that at times hunni.

    Tell him how this makes you feel, if you just let it slide he's never going to know. I know it feels hardly worth the effort some times, especially when it doesn't go in to their heads at the first attempt, but getting him trained up on the few bits where he needs it, will do you both good in the long run. especially as you could be together for a long time.

    I noticed you didn't comment on my thoughts about giving yourself time to let your mind reprogram, I may be wrong, but I do feel that this maybe the way to go. And I also know you don't feel you can go there; this is going to be my issue as I said. Because much as I wish a woman will be happy for me to be female with her, I have the feeling that it will end up some sort of compromise. Then I will end up having to try to be a man for her, in part, I have tried, with my FWB, and there is little there for me. So I will either just do it for her and it will always be like that, or something will come back; but I have gone over to feeling female now so I don't think it will. But you are not in any kind of gender flux, you just need to push through the block.

    Forgive me if i'm pushing you where you don't feel able to go, but I want you to at least know that such a path exists. So it may feel boring, but try focus on what you do feel, his body, him kissing your neck, whatever, it will be a big effort, but if you can let go of the block it will be worth it. Just keep it in mind, thats all I ask, you must find your way; the way you feel able to, I'm just trying to give you other things to try, rather than have you come to a dead end, with it. I will be here; and some day you will get to kick my butt into gear; well you already made a start. remember I'm just as stuborn as you, so I ask you to kick hard if thats what you feel you have to do. But with a smile on your face, to make me feel better after.

    You didn't sound harsh mamz, just honest and I need that. You are right about how I don't love myself enough, I know, but when people say so my face you are not nice to look at it hurts, and I end up believing them, because no one says oh you look nice, just the bad things, thats what it was at work, about looks.

    I feel so pretty in that pic, for my avi; because it's me, the real me. But I feel I should have said how I felt along time ago, now it feels like an after thought. And a part of me feels like I don't deserve to be female, because of this. I have tried not to be like this, to be happy with the body I have, and be grateful. But then I'm lying to myself, to make others happy. I wish I was so much stronger, and able to be female for all the world to see.

    It made me smile so much to think of you taking me dress shopping. Maybe some woman will accept me for me, if I even try to find someone. Work is more on my mind for now. To know how you see me in your dreams, and to see me happy there, I wish I could see me through your eyes. Though my avi, pic kind does that, and thats why I put it up.

    my femine nature, goes back beyond my first relationship, in my 20's. Even in that first relationship, I could often find myself struggling to reach a climax, even before she became abusive, and brought her girl friends home to use me. Sex to me was about being penetrated, but i feel if I had been born female things would have been different for me. ( I can't say any more on here)

    This means what it says. ^^

    Slinky I hope things go better for you, now, I was bad with social anxiety, still am a bit. I'm sure you know that anxiety can't be good for your feritlity, if I can help I will try, if you want to talk, that is.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't be sorry about this :P my bf is just never enthousiastic about anything, it just isn't like him. When he says he doesn't mind, it means he doesn,t. That reminds me when we tried taking a sex survey. He had some "yes" answers that he would like to try himself, and everything else was a "if my partner is into it". He's just open about anything but not necesarily enthousiasic :P so I guess I'll just have to compose with that. I'm gonna let the idea sink into my head and see where it goes, I'll try to continue on the "share love" path and then I'll see if the idea still is in my head and then I'mm talk to him about it.

    I didn,t comment on that paragraph because I felt I had nohing to add. I agree with it and also feel it is the way to go. And for the part about yourself, remember that if we meet a woman as another woman and you fall in love, she'll be wheter bi or a lesbian. I don't see why a lesbian would ask you to be a person your not and would need you to be a man or to penetrate her. Plus if she really loves you, she won't want to change you and she'll love you for who you really are :)

    I find people who find the need to bitch people in their faces are just moron with anything else to do than that. They have absolutely no depth and sorry but if a person has nothing better to do than to insult and criticize and judge people then they are crap and don't diserve a second of your time and a tiny bit of your attention. You are someone who's worth so more than that, so why care about those empty headed people? You can do better than that (here's your smile :) )

    I'd like to see your smiling in your pic as much as you were smiling in my dream. You seemed so happy and even if you say your pic makes you happy well you're not smiling in it! you already are pretty but would be 100X more with a big happy smilly face! One day I am gonna see that face on you, I guarantee it. One day you'll show everyone that happinnes that's on your face and that'll make them know how you couldn't care less about what they think of you because you are happy anyway!

    I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You are able to see yourself through the eyes of mean people but not of people who like you, that is sad, it should be the oposite.

    Oh and I'm in need for another kind of advice. How can he keep my mind occupied during sex? You already know we suck a dirty talk, but one time he asked me something pretty random and I wasn,t even that into what we were doing but just the fact of having to concentrate on my answer was enough. I was struggling so hard to answer because it became feeling imensely good. I want to be able to do that again

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    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    Hunni, I came across as harsh saying about the online looking. whereas it wasn't meant to be that way (I come across wrong alot, i do it in real life too!) you know yourself not to look at those things but needed a push. It's the worst idea to look online as worst case scenarios or even misinformation appears which gets in our heads and rules the thoughts. An example; me the other day and today I'm freaking out about something but I had all my bloods done a couple of months ago so if there was ought it would of shown on blood counts etc. Went on such a freakout until finally told hubby who helped me rastionslise it (a nurse and the fertility Dr also told me it's nothing to worry about, so hopefully it stops interfering with my thoughts.) Basically what I'm saying is you're doing the same but with the orgasm thing and other stuff.

    I'm sooo glad and happy you realise because it's happened previously it's possible. Some women can't orgasm but you can and will 😊 Like I said you can't put a time-frame on it, carry on as you are and you'll do just fine 😙

    Aww, don't knock yourself it's because I know folk in a simular position they've been in a women's body but felt obligated to be male because of others in their lives. It's really sad when folk can't be themselves. Which brings me to my next point.

    Alecia - it's taken awhile yes but you're the real you now and I'm honoured to meet you and see you in person 😊 There's plenty of time for you to find somebody who will understand Alecia. There's somebody for everyone, because you've never felt thoroughly comfortable to be yourself you've not met them as you've compromised too much to be who they want you to be not yourself. And yes that's a sign of not loving yourself enough too. I'm so sorry to hear you say it (well see it written,) it's obvious but hurts to read. Anyway correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to be making progress there? Alecia has arrived and she's adorable 😊 I feel you have more confidence than previously through your posts and couldn't be happier genuinely from the bottom of my heart hunni 😄

    When people say you're bad looking they don't mean it. Could be a number of things; A - jealousy, B - they don't get you, C - they're mean people with bad lives who need to make somebody who's lovely sadfor personal gain etc. Your avi is beautiful, you are a good looking lass and the right lass will come along and sweep you off your feet hunni 💟xx

    think I've posted this on period pain thread y heads minced,) but it went so well, better than expected 😊 we are super happy. The dr was sooo lovely and is even going to help with our gp situation! How awesome is that? The evidence is there of how he writes sarcasm and what not, so I'm hoping it's just a matter of time until he leaves as he did his last practice miles away (nobody knows how or why!)

    There is a big journey though so failiure is possible. But there's hope which is great as We was worried they'd not help us.

    The priority is health before hand for us and we wont make the big changes straighg away as drs say don't change ought whilst having any stress and this will be huge! That's all good though we're very happy 😊 Especially the fact that hubbys got Olympic swimmers lol. Was soo nervous incase as it'd of broken his heart. He even said he hoped it was him so we could get the "goods" elsewhere as he's super protective of my feelings and always looking after me. I'm so proud of him and relieved that his "goods" are fine 😊

    Mamz of course you were right it went great 😊 we were there for aaaggges though talking to the Dr. She's so lovely I can't explain how nice she is. Hubby cracks me up as he says whatever's on his mind and something came up about getting to the other hospital a couple of hours away at latest 9am his face dropped "impossible never going to bsppen" 😂 I was cringing 🙊

    We wanted to be ourselves so we came across well and it worked yay 😄

    We've agreed not to say our options to anyone including family but it looks good. Obviously I'm not going to write them here either because no idea how many folk I know are here 😂😂

    Alecia - anxiety is the devil to me and hubby, your help would be so appreciated. It's very bad though even the drs say it's not going to be fixed for a very long time, but I'd love you to try.

    Thanks to you both and big hugs for you's too 💟xx

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Slinky you didn't come across as harsh at al! I totally agreed with you and I totally got what you were saying right the first time. Don't worry. And I am a though girl, I can take way more than this. It didn't even corss my mind that what you where saying could come across as harsh. It takes me a lot to take something personally or to be hurt by it and if it's the case I mention it so it can be clear if it was intentionnal or not. There really is nothing for you to worry about.

    I've received the doxy yesterday and conversly to what you two are thinking, it's only worsen things. I haven't tried it yet as I'm to anxious about it. I'm thinking "what if it does not get me to orgasm? What if the most powerful toy out there can't satisfy me? What else will??".

    I'm also thinking that the "love is the only thing that is important" can't stand because I don't feel satisfied on my own. I also feel like I can't be turned on by anything when I'm alone. I decided I wanted to try the doxy with my bf so I could feel satisfied with him and be more turned on maybe or whatever but now I'm just afraid it won't happen and I'll be sad. I put pressure on myself to feel turned on with him so I just block and don't feel anything else than sadness and stress. I just block. I don,t know what to do about it anymore.

    I knew your appointment was gonna go well and that the doctor would be lovely. I'm glad I was right :) Good luck for the futur :)

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Mamz, sweetie; You can't put all your life and dreams, into a machine, it's just a toy. You are giving too much over to one object, bringing everything down to one, win, or loose forever moment.

    You know thats not the right thing to do, it's the worst possible thing to do. What happened to the Mamz who was distracted by a question, and felt pleasure seep into that moment , and wanted to find away for it to happen again.

    one time he asked me something pretty random and I wasn,t even that into what we were doing but just the fact of having to concentrate on my answer was enough. I was struggling so hard to answer because it became feeling imensely good. I want to be able to do that again

    You are thinking too much again, creating failure before you even try to do anything. I know because I do this too. I don't remember the last time I felt turned on, even with my FWB, sure it felt good with her, but not turned on, just a few seconds here and there where i felt something, but no passion, not even anything remotely like love. And I don't get turned on, when I"m on my own either.

    The love you have with your bf is pricless, cherish it. You need to stop putting pressure on your self, on both of you; you know this. You said you were ready to stop over thinking, so do it !!!!

    I don't know what to do about it, anymore, for myself, but it won't stop me trying, when my time comes; I don't think about it. And I have no one, you have your bf. Do you want to be like me 55 years old and only just ready to let go, and alone.

    Don't try to get turned on, try to enjoy the sensations you are giving yourself, let go, let your mind fill with thoses sensations, think of nothing but what you are feeling from one second to the next. No goal, no destination, just the moments; wether it's alone or with your bf.

    "Love is the only thing that matters", ( it can't stand !!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY,) it is not a goal, it's a state of mind, to help you let go of the chains you bind yourself with. So you block, well yes you do, and you don't get turned on, thats true; but you are turning this in to door of Titanium, that comes down with a defening crash, each time you even think of your problem. YOU BRING DOWN THIS DOOR, because you are afraid you will fail, we all fail, it's what we do after that should define us, and that is keep trying. Was it Edison that was told he had tried to make a light bulb a thousand times, so it must be impossible; and he replied, no, I have simply found 1000 ways you can't make a light bulb.

    If you make it so the block doesn't matter to you, deep inside, then it no longer has any power over you.

    We are so alike, you say don't care what anyone says to you they are not worth thinking about, and you are right, if I didn't care what they said than they would have no power over me. And you can do this, but yet you give yourself the power to put yourself down, and you believe it.

    If I had someone to love, who loved me, then I know I would fear nothing. I know how hard this is, because I'm going through it too, but I can't stop other people for putting me down, I must find a way to not let it bother me; but you are doing this to yourself, you can stop yourself.

    Accept the present, to be free in the future.

    Sorry if I'm sounding hard on you again, but it's only because I care so very much about you.

    Have a great big hug, take a deep breath, and onward and upward. Both of us. xxx

    1468024053
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Slinky, what do you think of starting a thread on anxiety, there are a few of us on here that may benifit.

    1468035149
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    You are right, it's just an object there's no way I wanna put my hope for the futur on that.

    I agree too with the thing about being turned on, but only at a certain point. You are right that I shouldn't base everything on that and excpect it from myself, but I don't know where lies the line between having sex if you are not turn on or having sex when you don't want to. I also don't see why that would help as things don,t really feel good when not turned on and aren't exactly fun either, so why would things get better and why Would I end up wanting sex if we are always in that situation?

    I really need to let go on wanting some control. I should be living day by day, taking what comes and not think about the rest. Live the present. That way there is no "goal" to be achieved. It's hard though as I'm feeling like that would mean throwing myself off a cliff not knowing what's a the bottom of it. I also feel like I don,t see where this would be going or what is the purpose of doing that, but I know it's what I should do. Maybe trying bondage again could be helpful for that as it was helpful (I don,t know why we stopped doing it). Maybe we should agree that he takes the lead. He can decide when we have sex. He ties me up to the bed (or other furniture) and can do whatever he wants to do to me and I have to trust him and let him have total control of what happens, except for hard limits. That way maybe I could learn to stop getting anxious about sex. I couldn't overthink on the next time we have sex or whatever because I would know it wouldn't change anything as I would have no control over it. I feel he would have trouble taking his role to that point though, He would never be confortable to decide when we have sex if he doesn,t feel like I want it at a particuliar moment. What do you think about all this?

    Don,t think I am giving up, I never am. In fact, I think I'd better give up as I would just accept things as they are and that would prevent me from blocking myself with all this.

    Of course, you are also right about the fact that if I don't care about blocks, it won't have any effect on me anymore.

    1468036508
    Snowy71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Anyone online

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I am?

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    Snowy71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wat u wanna chat about

    1468036796
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    If you wanna chat there is some other threads just for that (if you have read the forum rules, you should know that we must stay on topic)

    1468036861
    Snowy71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok chat on other thread then

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    1468050890
    Sex Squid [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey mamz, totally agree with Alicia that you shouldn't put all your faith in one object. Little steps...maybe the first time you use it, don't be chasing that orgasm, just see if it feels nice...and that's IT. No further pressure on yourself.

    Regards feeling turned on, how does it feel with your OH, when he kisses your neck and ears, massages you with oil, plays with your breasts...do you get anything from it? Or is it a case of 'feels nice ' but not 'aroused'?

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    As I see it you have 3 choices, either you decide that you can't do the sex thing, and just accept that it's not something you want to do. and enjoy the other parts of your relationship, other things you do together, go on dates out, have a meal in, or out, take a shower together, give each other a massage, kiss, cuddle, talk, laugh together, play games, go dancing, whatever; theres lots of things a couple can do to have fun, and just be together. People do this, companionship.

    Or you take back your sex life, yes it is hard to do, you already know this, yes it can feel point less. the point is that you try, that you want to try. See it as a journey (I have said this before, several times) not jumping off a cliff. That as a thought implies that there is a crash landing at the bottom, there is always that at the bottom of a cliff, in some form or another; this kind of thought pattern, shows that you are focusing on failure, as the likely out come. As such you will just find a way for your fears to become reality; a self fulfilling prophecy. Thats choice number 3, and trust me it's the worst of the 3; how do I know this? yes you guessed it, THATS THE CHOICE THAT I MADE. It's a life time of regret, pain and emptyness, a road that no one wants to travel with you. 30 years wasted, I gave my self a life sentence, for a crime that someone else perpertrated against me.

    So lets assume that you, want to at least try. You were off in the right direction, by realising that you feel fluid in your ability to want to try sex; let that guide you, as to when you will be most receptive. But first do more of the other couple activities, instead of lazy days, and lay ins. Learn to play with each other( call it teasing if that makes you understand me) when you are out wisper things to each other, but agree you won't act on them. Such as he could say I want to kiss your neck, or touch you where ever, find out what makes you itch at the thought of hearing it, but not being able to do anything about it.

    Play games at home, tie each other up, or just you if thats your thing, blind fold and tease. You set off to try that then stopped. LH sell games to play, or make up your own. Do you like or have you tried spanking, or watersports, is there something you want to do to your bf that you have never tried. Explore your body, and your mind, alone and together. Find every little thing that makes you go hooooo ahrrrr.

    You gave yourself a fright with anal play, but I would bet you were tense about it, try again something smaller if you like, work on things, take it slow, build on successes. I know you think it's your bf's thing, but it could be yours too; something special that's both your thing could be a way in, thats different. Terri JJ says she prefers it, so if it's something your ex never made you do, think of it as loosing your vaginity to your bf.

    I wouldn't give him cart blanche to do what he wants when he wants, and as you say, you don't think he could do this anyway. If you want to surrender to his control you deside when your mind is letting you want to go there. I don't think you are the take charge kind, but don't close your mind to it, if in one moment you feel like trying go, for it, if it doesn't work thats ok, but don't let that stop you from trying again, thats how trying new things work.

    You need to have this talk with him about his lack of enthusiasm, it's hard enough you choosing to have sex of what ever kind, when you don't feel turned on as such, without having him dragging appathy into the mix, and killing the moment altogether for you.

    I spoke to a sex therapist about this thing we both have, over starting sex when you don't feel turned on. And she said that it doesn't have to be that you are turned on first, and want to have sex, it's ok to let yourself be receptive to someone arousing you, and then letting yourself get turned on, and want it.

    There is so much more to sex than just the act of mating, seek out and explore these things find joy in those things too. The simple joy of being touched, is vast, from the feel of warm breath on your neck, to the slap of a hand on your bottom.

    You say you suck at dirty talk, and you don't get much from the romantic talk, you don't intend making it easy for me LOL. If thinking of some ramdom problem helps as you say it did once, try it again, it shows the block is you creating it by thought from one moment to the next. Personally I would focus all my attention, on what my body was feeling, other than penetration, and keep that focus through foreplay, relish every touch, every sound, bring smells into it , your favourite aftershave, on him, anything; coconut, vanilla, chocolate, bring tastes in to the mix; melt chocolate and cream together, pour it on to each other, and eat it, smell it, feel the warmth of it, get wild, buy a play sheet and wrestle with each other and get covered in the chocolate, laugh, get passionate, get sensual. Play !!!!

    There is so much fun to be had, seek it out. I once had an orgasm when FWB ran her stileto heel down my spine as I was giving her oral, it surprised the hell out of me, but it was amazing, it just happened, all by it's self, I was distracted because i was focused on her, and it just happened.

    Try finding things to say to each other, remind me, why do you suck at dirty or romantic talk, have a think about what is going on there.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Squid, I can get orgasms when I am alone (and could with my bf before) but I just don,t feel satisfied from it cause something is lacking ( I wish I was sharing it with my bf but when we are together it's just not the same and I'm not as relaxed).

    I do feel turn on sometimes. when I am more relaxed, and less focuses on orgasms. It really depends of my state of mind but I just struggle to let go on the overthinking or anxiety that blocks me. The only thing that is a case of "feels nice but not turned on" everytime is having penetrative sex. My mind blocks to a level where I try to enjoy it but just feel out of my body.

    ---

    Alicia that post just got straight to my heart. I don't know why. When I read it everything just feels so fresh and genuine. You bring me back to heart but with so much sweetness.

    When I talked about jumping off a cliff, It wasn't exactly like that. In fact it was totally like that but instead of just crashing to the ground, there's a chance you may learn to fly before hitting the bottom. Like a baby bird who spreads his wings for the first time, it has to jump and have blind faith.

    " I gave my self a life sentence, for a crime that someone else perpertrated against me." That sentence. It simply is perfect. I feel that's the thing about rape, it leaves the victim helpless and affects them for the rest of theyr life when it's something that someone else did to them. They are not even responsible but their life will be affected forever after. They simply have to find a way to take their life back and get up on their feet again. I find this may be easier for people who, unlike us, have seen better, when it's happened once through everyother good and healty experiences. But I still don't wanna wake up in 30 years realising that I've killed my own sexlife and hope and happiness because of another one's doing when I could've lived those years being happy.

    "You were off in the right direction, by realising that you feel fluid in your ability to want to try sex". See, I did realise it but not with these words. I LOVE that way of seeing it. I always thought of sexuality and gender as fluid things, but had a view of sex and desire and everything related to it that was so strict! It's like if I was pressuring myself to have constant wants and needs, and to be always aroused, or to always enjoy the same things, or always feel for the same things, etc., where those things should come and go, naturally, without me trying to force on them. I've been forcing myself to be what I though was my ideal, but god damn, where was I going with that? You now managed to make me feel like all those things are fluid and now I just want to embrace it. That was a turn around for me and I can only thank you for that. It is stupid because it's only a case of you using the right word (fluidity) but it made all a difference in my mind. I feel like it also fits what my boyfriend's been trying to make me understand (which I never accepted). He keeps telling me that I should not pressure myself into sex and that his ideal is that we only have it when we both are feeling like it, and otherwise we just do nothing, that it'll just come and that we should trust that it will.

    I like the idea of going out and whispering things in each other's ears. That's the kind of things I'd love us to do but feel we just can't as we have no interest in being sexual together. (but now is a good time to try).

    I'd lke us to be switch but for now I feel like I must learn to let go, and then build up my sexual confidence and feel ok with the though of him being in the center, and then feel the desire to do it, etc. I'm just not there yet. I would love to try a game. Era once suggested the tie and tease game to me and it looks great, but it's a bit expensive I find for a board game. We haven't tried it yet and don't know if he would be interested (by that I mean, answer by more than a 'yeah if you'd like to". I even think that he would say that but be a bit surprised by the demand). I'm starting to be a bit more interested in objects that can be used. I still don't get the difference between a flogger, a paddle, a whip, etc (so if you wanna help there, this was your cue :P)". watersports is a hard limit for us both, even though I once squirted in the shower but never could do it with him or in the bed as I fear I might just be peeing and he says he doesn't mind and wants me to let it out, even if it would be piss, he doesn't care if it's to give me a great orgasm.

    I don't really anal play if just for my bf (as it is right now, not talking about anal sex). I do it alone most of the time and enjoy it. The problem is I might be putting too much pressure on myself for that too :P The first toy I used had a circomference of 3,75 in and I took it all on first try when I really wasn't expecting it, and the orgasm was amazing. After that I just bought medium sized anal toys even though I am a beginner because I thought I could take them (and I can) and because the largest part of that toy was brought me the greatest feeling once it was inserted. I just think too much about it too and kind of want to go too far. That scare I had has nothing to do with this though as the plug was pretty easy to insert, but yeah I was definitely being a bit tense as I was pressurizing myself.

    We've already talked about his lack of enthousiasm. His is mostly for the same reasons as mine. All this is hard on him too and he just gets to feel it's not going anywhere or it's too complicated or whatever. And about when I suggest trying new things, I guess it's just how he is. I trust that he is willing to try mostly anything if I am into it, but he just doesn't souns enthousiastic about anything in life, he just has a chillax attitude. When we started together, he wanted me to tell him about my fantasies so I am sure he wants to know them and to try them for real, he just sucks at showing it.

    And you are right about what the sex therapist says. It is a great way to view it, and I find it also goes along well with exploring what makes you go ahhh and ohhh together. I like the thought of it.

    I don't remember saying I suck at romantic talk. I don't know if I've even ever tried it. And it was not thinking about a random problem. If I remember well, I said something and he asked me to repeat, and I just couldn't because it was demanding too much concentration, and he was there just looking at me not being able to say full words because the sex started to feel so good at that exact moment. I sure am going to talk to him about it so we can do it again. I've already asked him to keep my mind occupied during sex but both of us just never knew how.

    And we suck at dirty talk because we are just so awkward when trying to do it. We don't even intend to engage in dirty stuff, it's just us saying what we'd like to do to the other / the other to do to us etc.

    I really like all your ideas. It has a positive spirit with the way you are talking about it and that's just the spirit I want. It feels encouraging and full of hope and joy and etc. Thank you!

    It just sound like going with the flow, and now I just feel like surfing that wave!

    1468063197
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    Alecia your advice on this subject is second to none! You really are in inspiration 😊

    Defiantly think the anxiety threads a great idea. Do you feel comfortable to start it? Nooo pressure if you dont ferl you can that's absolutely fine. im going on how far you've came and what I've seen from the real you - Alecia 💟xx

    Mamz - I'm glad it didn't come across that way. I analyse everything that I say so was worried it sounded a little harsh. Anyways glad you seen exactly how I meant it. Please try not to look online (the sites filling your head with nonesense,) and bookmark the stuff on here that's helped you come so far. I think it would be far more beneficial.

    Also wholehearedly agree with Alecia and squid you're putting too much faith in this machine.

    Great idea about trying it with your boyfriend I love that but maybe put it away in a drawer and forget about it for awhile as you know yourself it will fail if your thinking this way. Sometimes I'm using toys and I can't let go (always a solo problem.) I think it comes down to how "wrong it was" always put into me. I never masturbated by myself or for hubby until a couple of years ago because of these factors so more times than not I can't let go.
    Does this help - being solo I've actually only had one orgasm from a toy! Just one! and its totally because of mindblock.

    The thing is you're making so much progress, you're clearly with the right guy (I have images of your friends telling you this after reading the post lol.) Basically you have everything to gain. You're in a wonderful "loving " relationship. If only you could let go it'd all fall into place 😄 and you will get there, there's no reason to doubt so looking at the progress you've made. The fact you're trying and willing to speaks volumes.

    I agree maybe take a step back from it all at the moment as it's overwhelming right now. Love for the moment as you were, which led to oral. That's awesome, stay proud. And you're so right you're a very very strong person hunni 💟xx

    1468066430
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    Mamz - I started the above post before your post (rushing around, phones in my hand then out of it etc, ) so seems ages after it. Just to say ignore all irrelevant parts.

    I'm thinking your boyfriend's lack of enthusiasm is either that he's so chillaxed.I have a friend like this, she's so happy and carefree and reading her thoughts and opinions are extremely difficult as she always responds "yeah if you want". So 90% of the time I don't know if she's interesting or not.

    It it could be he's actually worried youre setting your heart on something so he gets scared of failures and it pushing you backwards if you get me?

    Boardgames I've never had a possitive reaction from oh, it's always the same "if you want", which means "not really, but I'll go for it if you want too". I never know his true feelings until finding out when it arrives "don't know why you bought that", "well why didn't you speak up"etc 😂 but we've had a couple of cheaper ones lay around for ages until it was a bondage situation and I told him "you're not getting anything until you play the game", he was so I'm the moment he'd of agreed to anything. Turns out he loved it. Anything we choose that's not up our street just gets taken out the pile of cards. I do think these games help. Hubby didn't see the point as we have great sexlife etc etc, but they give ideas for different situations.

    I feel the bondage route is one you really want to explore too. I was in the situation where i always felt turned on thinking about being tied up etc but hubby had no interest until I showed him things on here. I'm sure it was a bondage article by Jess on the blog that made him realise it's not as taboo as it's made out. It was defiantly a big part of helping.

    Totally get where you're coming from with "squirting" being scared you pee. Another thing we have in common. It's happened a handful of times but now after reading stuff I've stopped allowing it incasr it is. Hubby says he wants me to and doesn't care just like your boyfriend, But I can't get it out my head.

    The thing you wrote about rape really got home as it's so true. You couldn't of said that any better 💟xx

    1468100600
    69u [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all


    Please help

    I can't stop my self from Cumming been like this for a while not sure what it is like tension, and pressure of family life I been tensed a lot lately and Cumming a bit too early weather i been trying to hard to stop myself Cumming any ideas

    1468101170
    Sex Squid [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1160
    • Joined: 13 Sep 2006

    69u wrote:

    Hi all


    Please help

    I can't stop my self from Cumming been like this for a while not sure what it is like tension, and pressure of family life I been tensed a lot lately and Cumming a bit too early weather i been trying to hard to stop myself Cumming any ideas

    Not sure if what I suggest will be useful as have never experienced premature ejaculation before, but in my experience...when I have been really turned on and close to cumming before I want to, it never hurts to tell your partner "slow down, don't move for a moment, you've got me so turned on and I'm going to cum, but don't want to yet"... most people will completely understand, may even see it as a compliment that they've got you so worked up! And masturbation helps, edging yourself to the brink and stopping repeatedly, builds stamina :)

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