• Dom or sub or both?

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    More_Matters [sign in to see picture]
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    When I was much younger and didnt really know what kinda sex i was into i often seemed to be with guys who didnt seem to have a clue what to do with me! So consequently i ofen took the lead, As the years went on i realised i didnt want to do this. I didnt like having to take control in yet another area of my life. I reallised i like being submissive. As more time has passed that is the role i play. My man is dominant over me sexually and i love it. But reading on here i see that some people like to play both roles? Is this something that switches within your relationship on a weekly basis? Never switches or switches between relationships? Please share ;-)

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm one of those people who like to play both, I have issues with control in other areas of my life so it's nice to give it up on occasion and just be completely dominated. I am known to panic during sex as a submissive, so tend to take on the dominant role. My partner is happy to switch also, but I'd say he's more comfortable as a submissive. It works out pretty well for us, sometimes he's in the mood to tie me up, other times I'm in the mood to cuff him to a chair and have my way! I think it depends on how secure or insecure I'm feeling on any given day, I probably have two or three days a month where I feel safe and on those days, I can give up the control. It's not a regular thing for me though, especially as we are long distance!

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    More_Matters [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi NatandTom, I do understand what you are saying about needing to feel secure and safe to give up the control. I too have control issues and sometimes being totally submissive dosnt work out because im having an insecure day, That is why i so love it that on most occasions i can be submissive for him. Because of the trust needed it brings us very close together. I never have the urge to dominate him, and also the chance would be a fine thing - he just so wouldnt let me ;-)

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    Sex Squid [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm naturally submissive but can switch. My OH prefers to be in control at all times, so if we're doing anything kinky I play sub, she grts off on pegging me and I love it. If we're having vanilla sex, then I have more leeway to take the lead...

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I am naturally dominant. I tend to make tough decisions at work and stand by them . I am also naturally dominant in the bedroom and tend to organise things. So for me to relinquish those powers isn't so easy but I may test the water in a role play to see what it's like.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm submissive both in life and the bedroom. I can switch if I'm told to but I find it difficult..... it dosent come naturally to me. Apparently I'm quite good at it though x

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I am definitely a switch, I can be both sub and Dom and I like to switch both roles, if I can be honest.It depends on my mind and also on my partner.

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    Jimjam392 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would love to be dominant in the bedroom but the oh is not keen on it.
    How would I approach this with her?

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    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm switch, but most recently had the chance to Domme a lady for the first time and I loved it

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    Painte [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 29 Jan 2016

    I consider myself to be a switch, however in the past I would primarily be the sub. I'm introducing my OH to the world of BDSM and find myself taking charge a lot more than previous as I help her explore.

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    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am definitely naturally submissive and my partner is definitely dominant! I love it this way although I am trying to persuade him that blindfolding would be okay for him but know he would never dream of wearing handcuffs! I too am very much in charge else where but when it comes to sex I love to be under his power and control. We are new to BDSM and each other although we have both dabbled a tiny bit in the past.

    There is nothing sexier that to be pinned and fu<Ked, although I am usually on top. Is that unusual for a submissive? Not that it will change, you like what you like!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Jimjam392 wrote:

    I would love to be dominant in the bedroom but the oh is not keen on it.
    How would I approach this with her?

    You could try roleplaying as the characters or roles would allow one partner to be the dominant just for the duration of the play. Track down my "Help me Devise a Roleplay" thread which also tells you of some of my reserbvations of being dominated as well.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Jimjam392 wrote:

    I would love to be dominant in the bedroom but the oh is not keen on it.
    How would I approach this with her?

    Bring the subject up during an evening when you're both relaxed...not during sex !

    Have a look through on here together and suggest a few things you'd maybe like to try ? Dont wade in full throttle, being submissive is a huge step for anyone. Have you tried smacking her on the bum a bit during sex with your hand and guaging her reactioin ?

    Something like this maybe a good place to start. Its pretty, comfy and non threatening.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33708

    I was sent this as a tester and although I'm used to being restrined by things on a much more industrial scale....I really liked this. Or maybe one of the board games Lovehoney sell could be a good starting point.....makes it fun as opposed to threatening.

    At the end of the day if shes really not into it, you cant force her but it may be worth exploring the possibility x

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    kusanagi [sign in to see picture]
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    I switch but it usually varies either on my mood or the partictular dynamic I have with a partner. Their personallity has a big impact on weather I feel sub or dom with them

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    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
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    Bit of both me thinks! I'm pretty dom in day to day life, I like being in control of my life, but in the bedroom my greatest desire is to be completely dominated. I've always had to take the lead, would be nice to have someone direct me instead!

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    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 11 Dec 2014

    I am definitely naturally submissive and my partner is definitely dominant! I love it this way although I am trying to persuade him that blindfolding would be okay for him but know he would never dream of wearing handcuffs! I too am very much in charge else where but when it comes to sex I love to be under his power and control. We are new to BDSM and each other although we have both dabbled a tiny bit in the past.

    There is nothing sexier that to be pinned and fu<Ked, although I am usually on top. Is that unusual for a submissive? Not that it will change, you like what you like!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    VioletWolf wrote:

    Bit of both me thinks! I'm pretty dom in day to day life, I like being in control of my life, but in the bedroom my greatest desire is to be completely dominated. I've always had to take the lead, would be nice to have someone direct me instead!

    Can you easily do that ? I am having difficulty in giving up my normal dominant side even in a role play. The Police woman roleplays were a bit different because she caught me off guard and didn't have time to think about them too much lol.

    But this headmistress roleplay I am writing is messing with my head a bit. She is also intimidating me a bit as well by swishing the FSOG ruler about in the air. I really feel nervous for once !

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    VioletWolf wrote:

    Bit of both me thinks! I'm pretty dom in day to day life, I like being in control of my life, but in the bedroom my greatest desire is to be completely dominated. I've always had to take the lead, would be nice to have someone direct me instead!

    Can you easily do that ? I am having difficulty in giving up my normal dominant side even in a role play. The Police woman roleplays were a bit different because she caught me off guard and didn't have time to think about them too much lol.

    But this headmistress roleplay I am writing is messing with my head a bit. She is also intimidating me a bit as well by swishing the FSOG ruler about in the air. I really feel nervous for once !

    Lol ! I love how you keep coming back to that ruler ;)

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Terri JJ wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    VioletWolf wrote:

    Bit of both me thinks! I'm pretty dom in day to day life, I like being in control of my life, but in the bedroom my greatest desire is to be completely dominated. I've always had to take the lead, would be nice to have someone direct me instead!

    Can you easily do that ? I am having difficulty in giving up my normal dominant side even in a role play. The Police woman roleplays were a bit different because she caught me off guard and didn't have time to think about them too much lol.

    But this headmistress roleplay I am writing is messing with my head a bit. She is also intimidating me a bit as well by swishing the FSOG ruler about in the air. I really feel nervous for once !

    Lol ! I love how you keep coming back to that ruler ;)

    Honestly I am not kidding it is messing with my head and she knows it and revels in it .It is so intimidating . She's even been tapping me with it ! And I am the one with the psychology qualification !

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Terri JJ wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    VioletWolf wrote:

    Bit of both me thinks! I'm pretty dom in day to day life, I like being in control of my life, but in the bedroom my greatest desire is to be completely dominated. I've always had to take the lead, would be nice to have someone direct me instead!

    Can you easily do that ? I am having difficulty in giving up my normal dominant side even in a role play. The Police woman roleplays were a bit different because she caught me off guard and didn't have time to think about them too much lol.

    But this headmistress roleplay I am writing is messing with my head a bit. She is also intimidating me a bit as well by swishing the FSOG ruler about in the air. I really feel nervous for once !

    Lol ! I love how you keep coming back to that ruler ;)

    Honestly I am not kidding it is messing with my head and she knows it and revels in it .It is so intimidating . She's even been tapping me with it ! And I am the one with the psychology qualification !

    You'll pull back the covers one night to get into bed.....and it'll be sitting there looking at you !

    I can just imagine it.....psycho music and all !! (it really does sting) ;) lol

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