• Help please!

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    Emilyyy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello! I am really needing some tips and advice so please be honest with me.

    The first thing is my sex drive has plumited. I am in my 20's where I should be in my sexual peak but I can literally go weeks without thinking about sex. Any tips on how I could get it back?

    The second thing (which could also relate to the first problem) is that my boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and hes developed a 'routine'. Sex always happens at the same time, and the same things happen in the same order in the same positions. How should I bring this up? I don't want to isult him but it's kind of becoming more of a chore and boring now.

    Please help Ladies and gents!
    Thanks

    1456445375
    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Welcome!

    Communication really is key. Have you suggested trying other things? Do you talk about fantasies with eachother on what you may like to try? Has he suggested anything?

    Sounds like your drive may have plumeted as you have expressed that you may be bored with your current sex life. I am almost certain once you start shaking things up, you'll be back to it. All that aside, just because you're sex drive isn't sky high all the time, nothing is wrong with you, it's completley normal. Me and my partner go through bouts of this. Somedays we can be at it all the time, other times we can go over a week without sex. Every couple really is different.

    You could try having sex somewhere different in the house. While you're watching tv one night you could just get on your knees, pull his trousers and boxers down, suck him off and ride him on the sofa. Invite him into the shower with you or walk in on him and share a shower with him (if he isn't funny about that kinda thing)

    Are you stressed at the moment? Stress can cause havoc on the body. Do you use any contraception? My pill can make it dry up like Ghandi's slipper or other times it can be a swimming pool down there. Sorry for the vivid imagery, but I always seem to be one end or the other at the moment, and it's my pill making my hormones go nuts.

    1456450140
    FirstTimeLovers [sign in to see picture]
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    I think its normal to go through spells, theres normally some reason for it which will normally pass.

    Obviously talk to him but if you prefer to just act i'd use your routine to your advantage. Make it a day event, send him firty messaged to try tease him and build up the anticipation all day. Some of the best sex we have had is when i went to and my girlfriend makes me wait and just teases me for hours so when it does happen its more explosive.

    I'd also suggest getting him to try different positions, theres plenty of sex position apps out there and you can get packs of cards that do the same on here. Alternatively if you first want to get out of the routine i'd suggest surprising him one day with sex so thats at least one obstacle out of the way.

    1456473694
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    If your finding it hard to talk to him about sex then maybe a couples game like monogamy might get you both talking about your desires.

    For you, do you have a set of jiggle balls, they are more of a toning aide than a stimulant but just having something inside moving gently might remind your body that this area needs a bit of attention.

    1456475792
    Beximo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello
    This happened with me and my ex when I was in my early 20's. I could set my watch to our "routine" from the moment it would start until it ended. It would be the same thing each time, done in the same order and same positions *yawn*
    So...one day while he was at work I decided to spice things up a little. We had discussed fantasies and I knew he had a thing for secretaries, I got all dressed up and went into his home office with the idea of recreating one of our favourite scenes from the film secretary.
    When my partner returned home he found a note I left which hinted at what I was upto. He came running to his office and without saying a word he fu**ed me like he used to. There was no routine only hard passion.
    Afterward we spoke about it all and he said he was grateful that I had the guts to change things because he knew we were stuck but didn't know what to do about it.
    For a while it helped and we began to explore again...unfortunately the relationship ended because we were heading in complete different directions in life but at least for the last few months the sex was the best it had been in the whole 5 years together.

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    Hanky Spanky! [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Emilyyy,

    I know where you’re coming from. My OH and I went through the same situation as you guys. Firstly it's normal, secondly we fixed it only last year.

    Mind you we have known each other 20 years so it was no surprise for us, when we sat down this year and questioned why.

    I think everyone goes through this at some time in their relationship... How did we fix it? Well my wife suggested to me that I bought some sex toys. (surprise, surprise!) So unwittingly I stumbled across, you guessed it. Lovehoney and I bought some cuffs, lube, a spanker & I think a simple eye mask. I was amazed and it may sound corny but it kicked started out sex life with an almighty kick up the arse we needed!

    We have progressed and have got a lot more toys since then, and we are experiencing the be sex ever!

    Personally, I think I would have been a little miffed if my OH told me I was boring which I probably was... well not quite like that, but you know what I mean. lol

    So get a few toys, send him a few naughty texts while he is at work and tell him what YOU are going to do to him when he get home and he it will get him thinking about it all day. Any guy likes his OH in a naughty school girl outfit. Well I hope this helps you guys and best of luck for the future!

    1456482855
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Emilyyy

    If I havn't already welcomed you then welcome to the forums.

    What follows is assuming that there are no medical issues that are affectng your sex drive.

    I am looking at it from the point of view that it is a realtionship that perhaps needs the spark reigniting.

    I think you have altready mentioned it that youthink the cause of your lobido being lowered is because your sex has become too routine. I am gussing its something like 10 o,clock on a Stureday Night , time to get the clothes off, slip between the sheets and handsome starts making love to you in the same old missioney position and then after he rolls over and falls to sleep . Perhaps not quite like that but maybe someything on smilar.lines And your thinking is the best its going to get and litteraly getting bored hence your lower sex drive. Someitmes its better not having sex at all than boring sex. With the sounds of things he is quite happy for some reason of this arrangemnt possibley because he doesn't know anything better .

    What I think you need to to is perhaps get him to work for his sex. Perhaps a little romance , cuddling and groping each other with clothes on at first and then both of you diissappear upstairs and then you take control in the bedroom .

    What you need to do is to communicate that type of scenario to him and you need to do that through talking which is something that some couples are a little uneasy in doing. Its easier do it in conjunction with a meal out together , essentailly a date night. or have dinner at home ( I hav e no idea of your living arrangments here but assume that you live together) Perhaps both of you can dress to impres each other as well . Guys are stimiulated by visual things. But get around a table and talk to him this is what I would like and perhaps start getting to know each other more and try and get that feeling back when you first dated each other .Perhaps when both of you start opening up more to each other then discuss your fantasies , every one has them , whether they can be acted out though is another question but it will give you some ideas on what you both want and like.

    Now going back to taking control in the bedroom , why not suggest when you are both undressed that you tie his hands ( in front) with a none threatening object such as one of your scarves. This will help you keep control the situation and then perhaps you can tease him in your fore play and for making love , try the cowgirl position or reverse cowgirl for a change ie with you on top .after you make love don'nt just both of your role over and go to sleep give each other a nice " I love you" type cuddle in bed and then drift off together in each others arms.

    I am sure both of you wiill find that sort of secnario far more satifsying for you both than your current arrangements. What BOTH of you need to do and I have said this many times before treat your relationship as an investment . The more BOTH of you put into the more you will get out of it and have a satisfying sex life together. If you don't put anything into it then don't expect much of a return .

    Good luck

    1456483022
    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Hi Emilyyy

    If I havn't already welcomed you then welcome to the forums.

    What follows is assuming that there are no medical issues that are affectng your sex drive.

    I am looking at it from the point of view that it is a realtionship that perhaps needs the spark reigniting.

    I think you have altready mentioned it that youthink the cause of your lobido being lowered is because your sex has become too routine. I am gussing its something like 10 o,clock on a Stureday Night , time to get the clothes off, slip between the sheets and handsome starts making love to you in the same old missioney position and then after he rolls over and falls to sleep . Perhaps not quite like that but maybe someything on smilar.lines And your thinking is the best its going to get and litteraly getting bored hence your lower sex drive. Someitmes its better not having sex at all than boring sex. With the sounds of things he is quite happy for some reason of this arrangemnt possibley because he doesn't know anything better .

    What I think you need to to is perhaps get him to work for his sex. Perhaps a little romance , cuddling and groping each other with clothes on at first and then both of you diissappear upstairs and then you take control in the bedroom .

    What you need to do is to communicate that type of scenario to him and you need to do that through talking which is something that some couples are a little uneasy in doing. Its easier do it in conjunction with a meal out together , essentailly a date night. or have dinner at home ( I hav e no idea of your living arrangments here but assume that you live together) Perhaps both of you can dress to impres each other as well . Guys are stimiulated by visual things. But get around a table and talk to him this is what I would like and perhaps start getting to know each other more and try and get that feeling back when you first dated each other .Perhaps when both of you start opening up more to each other then discuss your fantasies , every one has them , whether they can be acted out though is another question but it will give you some ideas on what you both want and like.

    Now going back to taking control in the bedroom , why not suggest when you are both undressed that you tie his hands ( in front) with a none threatening object such as one of your scarves. This will help you keep control the situation and then perhaps you can tease him in your fore play and for making love , try the cowgirl position or reverse cowgirl for a change ie with you on top .after you make love don'nt just both of your role over and go to sleep give each other a nice " I love you" type cuddle in bed and then drift off together in each others arms.

    I am sure both of you wiill find that sort of secnario far more satifsying for you both than your current arrangements. What BOTH of you need to do and I have said this many times before treat your relationship as an investment . The more BOTH of you put into the more you will get out of it and have a satisfying sex life together. If you don't put anything into it then don't expect much of a return .

    Good luck

    +1......great advice xx

    1456484752
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Jusy needed to add as well.

    Whatever you do when you talk about the situation do not under any circumstances blame him for this situation . That could lead to an argument and clearly we don't don't want that to happen. What I suggest you do is take the blame yourself by saying something like " Its really all my fault as I have let it carry on like this " . I think that will be enouigh to duiffuse any potential rows or arguments .

    1456498255
    greeneyed_girl [sign in to see picture]
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    For your first question I feel that sitting down and thinking about things that you would enjoy sexually helps a lot. Think about things you would like to try/explore and things you would like to look into more.

    Before I met my current boyfriend my sex life was very much a chore. It was penis in vagina with nothing much else in between with the same positions over and over again. My current boyfriend (who I've been with a year and a half) loves experimenting, he truly cannot get enough of it. He is very open to the idea of trying anything and everything. We always try to come up with new ways to spice up our sex life.

    Why not try suggesting to your other half some things you would like to try. For example involving a sex toy. I personally absolutely love being in missionary position and using a vibrator on my clitoris it definitely heightens my sexual experience. Surprise him with something such as some new underwear or if he enjoys you dressing up a new outfit.

    Have a look at the Kama Sutra (there's actually an app you can get too where you can shuffle the positions randomly) suggest to him to try out new positions and experiment and find out what you like.

    Even bringing a new lube can seriously enhance things. The Orgasm lube that durex does or the tingling lube work wonders in enhancing sexual play. Even flavoured lube is great to use.

    Sit and have a chat with him and find out if there's anything he wants to try or anything he wants to experience because he could be thinking the same thing as you are and be in the same position of not wanting to say anything. Just be open with him :) you don't have to mention that sex feels like a chore but just ask him if he's okay with trying some new things

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