• Gender/Sexuality breaking the mold

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    GollyGotha [sign in to see picture]
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    I was born in the late 80s and from such a young age I was introduced to artists like David Bowie, Eddie Izzard, Elton John, Prince, Freddie Mercury, Marilyn Manson and so many other flamboyant characters. So, I never really took gender / sexuality too seriously as I was so used to androgyny.

    Somedays I'd wake up and want to shave my head and wear a studded leather jacket, tight ripped jeans and knee high leather boots, but that didn't mean I wanted to be male, it's just what I fancied looking like at the time and then I'd grow my hair out past my shoulders and wear long romantic gothic gowns. To me, evolving like that was just normal.

    As for sexual attractions, I treat love like you would friendship, I don't care about your gender, if we click then we click. It's as simple as that. But, I have always found more feminine looking men to be attractive, bar a few exceptions, where as I'm slightly fussier with women, but perhaps that's because with women it's harder to suit things. Hopefully that won't be taken the wrong way, but there's more to take into consideration with women, like how the clothing is cut and such...so, it's not a case of liking a specific look, it will just be a case of 'Damn, she's gorgeous'.

    Personality wise, like Friday13, I do have a more masculine personality in the sense that I'm blunt, speak my mind and tend to typically get on with men more and although it's more common these days but growing up it was more of an issue, tend to like more 'masculine things' like Science Fiction, Video Games, Comic Books etc...but I think some of that is more to do with upbringing than anything else.

    But I don't think all these new names / terms are helping with the feeling of 'not knowing where you belong', as instead of bringing people together they're just creating more pidgeon holes and making people feel more alienated. My brother has an online friend who is gender fluid, but they have different names depending on the gender they are, but they don't tell people what gender they are that day and then moan when they don't use te correct one and such...

    So, I tend to stick to my simple approach. I'm the same person, same name, I just have different clothes / hair today. Just treat me like you did yesterday :-)

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    Zephron [sign in to see picture]
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    GollyGotha wrote:-
    Personality wise, like Friday13, I do have a more masculine personality in the sense that I'm blunt, speak my mind and tend to typically get on with men more and although it's more common these days but growing up it was more of an issue, tend to like more 'masculine things' like Science Fiction, Video Games, Comic Books etc...but I think some of that is more to do with upbringing than anything else.

    Its funny, but as I was saying I identify with the feminine personality types, I do find myself drawn to women who are more masuculine/have more masculine traits.
    When you mentioned shaving your head, I thought that was a good example of not necesarrily upbringing, but an ongoing loosening of our strict gender roles. Years ago to have ones head shaved as a woman was a disgrace (to remove ones feminine locks, lol.) which is why they shaved the heads of collaborators after WWII.

    Blimey, but the Punk movement has a lot for us to be thankfull for really, shaving heads, breaking down boundaries, and inspiring loads of kids that they could be exactly what they wanted to be.

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    GollyGotha [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh really? That's quite amusing as last night my best friend offered to help me work at a convention later this year and said 'I shall enjoy watching you work, I have a thing for women in positions of power' as he knows I can be very bossy haha! I never thought of it as an attractive trait before then.

    Oh I really agree with you, but for me it was also due to my upbringing as my parents were so laid back, especially during my teenage years. I shaved my head, had a mohawk, had an undercut, bleached my hair, dyed my hair, had synthetic dreads, got piercings.... and even if they didn't agree with all of it, they let me do it.

    And whilst I'm slightly more toned down now, I still have 2/3 of my head shaved though, being able to experience that was amazing and I wish more people had that opportunity.

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    Zephron [sign in to see picture]
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    GollyGotha wrote:- Oh I really agree with you, but for me it was also due to my upbringing as my parents were so laid back, especially during my teenage years. I shaved my head, had a mohawk, had an undercut, bleached my hair, dyed my hair, had synthetic dreads, got piercings.... and even if they didn't agree with all of it, they let me do it.

    And whilst I'm slightly more toned down now, I still have 2/3 of my head shaved though, being able to experience that was amazing and I wish more people had that opportunity.

    *heart flutters*

    Sounds fantastic!

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    GollyGotha [sign in to see picture]
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    Haha, saying things like that will definitely ruin my masculine appearance. Any form of compliment makes me go bright red! Thank you for the kind words though :-)

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    Zephron [sign in to see picture]
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    GollyGotha wrote:- Haha, saying things like that will definitely ruin my masculine appearance.

    We wouldn't want to ruin you in any way ;) ;)

    But your welcome.

    Was just thinking the other day that its a shame that mens roles haven't changed as much as womens tho.
    And this isnt meant to sound like a rant, (It might end up like that, but it's not meant to) but everything that aims for equality seems to be aping the men/masculine culture, remember the laddettes of the 90's. That makes me think of my favourite quote that "A woman who wants to be equal to a man doesnt have much ambition" but I cant think who its by now.

    Anyway, when was the last time you saw a little boy running around the schoolyard in a skirt? Girls are allowed pants tho. Girls climb trees etc, but you dont see many boys plastering said girls knee when she falls.
    Men aren't allowed to cry, unless its over 'sports' and their team gets a trouncing from the other bunch of chaps who also sported very well that day etc.

    I could be a little bitter as, being one of them sensative, delicate little flowers, that was always scorned for my behaviour, laughed at, or told to 'Man up' (yeah, nice huh!) I'm not the biggest fan of this patriarchal b*llocks.

    And will just park this up for now...

    https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/112730796893033449/ (hope this one is allowed)

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    Zephron [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, how handy is this, a friend on FB just posted this into my timeline. An article delving into native american indian sexuality, with (at least) 5 recognised genders.

    http://bipartisanreport.com/2016/06/19/before-european-christians-forced-gender-roles-native-americans-acknowledged-5-genders/

    Also interesting but not really surprising that the they tried to completely crush it, and all information about it.

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    Zephron [sign in to see picture]
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    After posting up the link to the story of the american indians I got to thinking about my own position in my tribe (well, social position anyways). As I have always thought of myself as having a more feminine spirit, more empathy, caring etc. So looked into this twin spirit ideology. It kinda strikes a chord with me on different levels. And feel more of a kinship with it than most other religions/docterines. Even when it starts off on the first page talking of having an animal spirit, the indians saw that as perfectlynatural as their religion had shapeshifting in, wheather that was more ceremonial or not is open to debate, but another sign that it was more encompassing of the human experiance.

    At the same time thought about classifications (Yep westernisation and labels and putting people into boxes again) and, low and behold as well as an alpha and beta male, after thinking about myself in a delta context I found gamma and delta in a net-search, theres even the omega too.

    I'd just like to thank Vanilla_kink, Mamz and Alicia4Ever. for the thread. As it has given me so much to think about recently.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Zephron I'm glad you find whats written here has given you food for thought, it's been my route to shedding my skin so to speak. I have tried to maintain the outward apperance of the body I'm in, tried to be male for the sake of others, and to avoid, the stigma that is associated with transgender identification. Some have far more courage than I, and have made the transition, I feel like I have avoided the issue so long I don't really quallifiy as transgender. I have tried to hide from it, to tried and fit in as male, but I know that I'm not, it just isn't who I am.

    I have blamed a past partner for stopping me finding love, and while thats true, what is also true is that I knew, in any fututure relationships, I would have to be Alicia, openly. And thats a major stumbling block, I have tried, and been rejected for it, or more precisely been pushed away from my true nature, to suit the other persons wants. Like the thing where guys think all a lesbian woman needs is a "real man " in her bed; well women take that route with me, and it's Bull****.

    I feel trapped in some interland between the two, only here am I treated as female, only here do I feel safe to be real, and I get spoken to as a female, and called Alicia, by women who see me as a female friend, and by some guys, which is so sweet. When I first came back here I felt like a man who just wanted to be female, for lots of reasons, and to not want to be male for even more reasons. But as I have looked back over my life in these last weeks I can see all the times when it was so obvious I prefered the female outlook on life, in an age when boys played football a went chasing girls, I was sat doing embroidery.

    I have accepted myself as bi-sexual, but that doesn't really fit, because I fancy guys, but I want them to see me as female, not gay. In otherwords I like straight men, as a bi woman would. Then how I feel about men fits with whats in my head, but I still don't feel like I could fall in love with a man, it's just a sex thing.

    Your spritual take on things, sadly isn't in me, though I can see why it would be in others, and I respect that, and respect others for what they choose to be in life. But I so hate this if you aren't like me, then you are not human, attitude that so many have.

    I like your individuallity, and openness, it's refreshing.

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    Zephron [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia4Ever wrote:

    Zephron I'm glad you find whats written here has given you food for thought, it's been my route to shedding my skin so to speak.

    Thank you.

    I remember findng your name change, and was very happy that it had totally flipped in it's connotation. Seemed to be a very posative affermation for you, and a step in the right direction.

    I personally identify very much with the term 'sapiosexual' too, even though it has become quite trendy of late. Most atractions are, for me. formed in the head anyway.

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