• How to help over someone's insecurities?

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    So this guy doesn't like his tummy, said he always keeps his top on when making love and I can touch under it but only his chest. From what I've seen his body is perfect but how do I make him see that I like it and that he doesn't need to be shy with me? Ok it might be a once off sex situation but we've been talking about doing it more so I'm hoping with time I can help him.

    I've obviously told him I like it but obviously he won't listen. I want to tie him to the bed, pull his top over his head and just kiss him and tease him until he believes me. But that might scare him and is a tad extreme so any other ideas?

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it would take time for him to feel comfortable taking his top off if it's something he's really insecure about. I know for me I am insecure about my size but after seeing my partner point out plus size women as being attractive and seeing him watch bbw porn it made me realise to him I am sexy even if I don't like the way I look. It took quite a long time for me to feel that way though.
    Try not to seem pushy about it. Kiss him on top of his shirt. Compliment him. Don't do anything to highlight that area. And if all else fails get him drunk and then whip his top off lol

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Haha no I won't be pushy and thanks for the ideas kissing him over his top sounds a good idea then I can slide my hands under his top and maybe gently "accidentally" brush it on the way to his chest in time but I won't be pushy I'm not particularly comfortable either but i think I'll take mine off

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    Man_wife86 [sign in to see picture]
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    I totally understand from the guys perspective as I'm a larger guy.
    I compete in strongman so I'm never going to be a slim guy and I do struggle with my own body image sometimes and this is with my wife who I've been with for over 12 years.
    The only thing that helps me is when the wife says that she wouldn't do the things she does (undress me, play with my chest hair etc) if she didn't like what she sees so maybe try that.
    Low self image is a horrible place to be in mentally and isn't a quick fix.
    Hope things get sorted for you both :-)

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 - I would say ease into anything. If he is insecure about it enough that he has expressed it verbally already I would not "accidently" do anything or it could freeze him up or be a trigger. He may have scars or something may have happened to his tummy area that he is not ready to tell you yet. I think if you progress into a realtionship with this man you can help him feel more secure with any issue. Just my 2 cents.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the help I'll just give him plenty of love and attention for it

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I say attention I don't mean draw attention to it

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ahh thanks Vanessa that's true I don't want him freezing up I'll just kiss him over his top and tell him how gorgeous he is

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    I definately think this is something for softly softly. He might let you kiss his chest under his shirt if you offer to do this wearing a blindfold. But to be honest, I think it's far too soon to be trying to change his deep seated insecurities, these things take time.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    You also dont know if a past partner was cruel and said something to him about it... words are very damaging. But again just take it slow and take your time for trust to develop. I would keep the fantasy of tying him down to yourself for now =) I really hope for a positive experience / realtionship to develop here for you Kirsty.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Just take it slowly. Suggest he wears a button up shirt and when you are cuddling just undo slowly a couple of buttons. And ask him how he feels. You could make the room quite hot as well.Just keep working on it each time you see him and try an extra button on each occasion. But keep asking him how he feels.And after a month or so the shirt will be on the floor .just keep complimenting him as well. I do know how he feels because just over 4 years ago I was massively over weight and you do lose confidence in a similar way you ladies do. I am glad you are respecting his wishes and placing no pressure on him. I am sure he respects you for that.

    For a quick sharp shock suggest a date at your local swimming baths. Perhaps when he sees other guys in all shapes and sizes it may make him more at ease .

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    Dali256 [sign in to see picture]
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    Just let him wear his t shirt and dont make an issue of it or try to sneak a peek. It will take time for him to relax around you and for him to trust that you find him attractive. Eventually it will come off but patience is needed as it could take a long time. In my experience pressure just makes things worse.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not planning on rushing him I'm planning on taking plenty of time as much as is needed im just wondering how to make my way towards that. I think he's had someone cruel have thought this for a while but was just hoping I can slowly show him it's gorgeous like the rest of him. I'm not literally gonna pin him down on day two lol

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    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Things like this can take years. I was with my husband for 11 months before we had sex, and even then he didnt like me to see him naked. It was either naked under the covers or partially clothed.

    Fast forward ten years and even though we are comfortable with each other we still both occasionally get body hang ups triggered by random things.

    i would just agree with the others and take his stomache as a no go area if hes expressed that, for now anyway.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah I will thanks

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    Dali256 wrote:

    Just let him wear his t shirt and dont make an issue of it or try to sneak a peek. It will take time for him to relax around you and for him to trust that you find him attractive. Eventually it will come off but patience is needed as it could take a long time. In my experience pressure just makes things worse.

    Yes this!

    I've got issues with my mummy pooch and that's lasted 28 yrs! I don't like it being on display or being touched ! He'll either become comfortable in time about it or never! I fully understand where he's coming from!

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    fantasia fairy [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    So this guy doesn't like his tummy, said he always keeps his top on when making love and I can touch under it but only his chest. From what I've seen his body is perfect but how do I make him see that I like it and that he doesn't need to be shy with me? Ok it might be a once off sex situation but we've been talking about doing it more so I'm hoping with time I can help him.

    I've obviously told him I like it but obviously he won't listen. I want to tie him to the bed, pull his top over his head and just kiss him and tease him until he believes me. But that might scare him and is a tad extreme so any other ideas?

    I think this is a complicated situation, on one hand i totally get the whole wanting to make him feel special because i have been with people like that. On the other hand i get where he is coming from because i am insecure about my body and get nervous with letting anyone touch me or see me naked (i legit hate it thank god for beautiful LH underwear to cover my ugliness up!!!!!!)

    Maybe try sex in the dark? explain to him that your not going to judge him and it's a turn on for you to be able to feel all of him and that there are parts of you that your not keen on to. Tell him that you wouldnt be having sex with him if you didnt find all of him attractive. Then start slow, above the shirt first then carress him underneath (his stomach) take it really slow then maybe ask him if you can light a few candles so the light is dimmed. See how he goes a build it up. Trust will come in time as will openess.

    Good luck hun. I iwsh you all the best im sorry im not on here enough to support you more

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys and of course I understand I won't push or anything I do genuinely just want him to realise how good he is but I understand he has insecurities and won't force him xx

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    Thanks guys and of course I understand I won't push or anything I do genuinely just want him to realise how good he is but I understand he has insecurities and won't force him xx

    In time he will get more confident esepically if you keep complimenting him. But do try the buttoned up shirt , I think it will work over time. Don't forget you can still slip your hand under neath like a t shirt. I think once he sees you without your top , that may also help him .But having sex in the dark can be difficult with having to place a condom on him and making sure his body fluids don't come into contact with your own lady parts .

    It's difficult really this one as If it was a lady with the same problem she could wear a bustier,corset or baby doll.

    I suppose you could suggest one of those mesh type vests in the men's new Lovehoney range.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah I could do. I just don't want him feeling so insecure that he feels he has to hide it in case I react negatively because that's not who I am and he's so sexy I don't care if he's got 1 or 1 million scars, if he's "flabby" "fat" or "fit" I'm hoping I'll be able to make him realise that and realise that I like him how he is

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