• Do i have too many sexual partners? Boyfriend thinks so...HELP!

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    LLHR [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow my jaw dropped. I would run for the hills if it was me. It's not a competition. It's quality not quantity and if he doesn't feel like he is giving quality then he should drop the ego a bit and learn from you. Sorry to sound brutal I don't mean to, but this sort of thing well...just no! Good luck and hope he wakes up to how lucky he actually is xx

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I really feel for you, and only you know the full extent of your relationship; and the depths of your feelings for him. But to be in love takes two people, life is short and it's hard to find someone for some people, I know, and ending a relationship is hard, you get scared you may not find another: but being the only one to feel love in a couple is an awful place to be, and people in love may choose to bring in someone else to share, no one who is in love wants to go out and level the playing field thats total garbage if he needs confidence building then that is what growing a relationship is all about.

    The others are right he wants a complient safety net while he goes out and acts like a !!! well I won't say it.

    I have stayed with a violent partner because I loved her, it's the biggest regret of my life.

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    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    Jaw drops, run and keep tuning, exes shouldn't count now but if he want more experience get him a decent book, but seriously my ex was crap at sex, fumbled, same moves everytime, I tried to get him to be better but he said my problem I gave up. Hugs lots of them.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I can recommend a top notch book that will teach him everything and it will be fun for you as well as you can help him and guide him around your body.it's written by a woman for men .Unfortunately it not stocked by Lovehoney but it's still in print and available from that we'll known Internet book stockist beginning with A .

    It's not expensive and it's my bible .

    'How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure " by Lou Paget .

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    I can recommend a top notch book that will teach him everything and it will be fun for you as well as you can help him and guide him around your body.it's written by a woman for men .Unfortunately it not stocked by Lovehoney but it's still in print and available from that we'll known Internet book stockist beginning with A .

    It's not expensive and it's my bible .

    'How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure " by Lou Paget .

    Off topic but I actually purchased this after I saw your post in a different thread. Its GREAT

    1454882116
    VR [sign in to see picture]
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    Love is a wonderful thing - in most cases.

    However, in yours I'd say it's a most unfortunate thing. We can't choose who we fall in love with sadly, and if we could, I certainly wouldn't want to fall in love with a selfish man like you have.

    I don't want to sound harsh, but like most have said, you really need to have a serious think about the future of your relationship with this man. Yes, he's had fewer lovers than you, but so what? We don't all need to even up the tally for a good relationship. Quite frankly, as well as selfish, he sounds very immature.

    He's less experienced as you and I get the feeling that he's using that excuse to get away with being a selfish in-and-out lover. What a load of bollocks! There are a lot less experienced people out there who care enough about their partners to WANT to satisfy them sexually.

    I'm all for taking a doer-upper in hand and helping them out with gaining experience, but not like he's expecting. I've come across men like this before and their immaturity also means they frequently don't want to use condoms from a health point of view - where would that leave you if he was having sex without protection with others? So as well as physical health, how would your mental health suffer knowing he's sleeping with someone else? Where will it end? Will he stop when he's at a level with you or will he carry on behind your back?

    Sorry, it's all a big no for me. I have friends who fell in love with the wrong men and the heartbreak is hard to watch let alone suffer. Of course, if you're up for a threesome and a bit of fun, that's great. But a serious relationship with a man like this. No thanks.

    Just my opinion, and probably not what you want to hear, sorry. At the same time, I wish you luck and hope you get sorted without having your heart broken along the way.

    1454882295
    katiexx1 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with all the posts above.

    I don't think it's a healthy conversation to have in the first place with when you get with a new partner. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years but we have never had the conversation about 'numbers'. It should be irrelevant? I can gather from conversations that i have definitely slept with more than him but it just makes us feel awkward and jealous and i don't particularly like hearing about it.

    I have found i have learnt much more and developed in the bedroom when in a long term relationship, rather than one night stands/occasional sex in a fling. I am much more comfortable and willing to explore new things with a long term partner than someone i don't know very well. I think this would be a bad mistake for him and your relationship. You also seem like you are knowledgeable and more experienced through your reading and research. I think it is a confidence thing and he probably feels slightly emasculated? I think you should try and improve his confidence in the bedroom by guiding him and telling him how you like him to do it/what feels good to you. Also, when he's doing something well tell him. Everyone loves to be complimented!

    If not, potentially involve someone else so that you can be part of it too, if you are comfortable with that.

    1454883428
    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    nah ditch him.

    if he really loved you, you could have 1000 ex-partners and he wouldn't care or want anyone else :P

    1454884414
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to say I read the and could not help but sigh...The number of partners you have had is not a game to compete with.

    We all come into relationships with different levels of things, age, experience, friends, family etc it is the not the differences that matter but how you grow as a couple in your relationship.

    Ask yourself if you had worked 2 more jobs than he had in his life would he leave a job he really loved and enjoyed to go and catch up on the number of jobs you have had?

    I have had 4 partners including my husband who has had a few more but if I suggested going to sleep with a few more men to make it even he would be gutted and wonder what respect I had for him or our marriage, I doubt I would remain married for long.

    You are both in a position where you can gain experience together, if he feels he doesn’t have enough experience, then learn and there are many ways of doing this than sleeping with other people.

    Open relationships do happen and many people are happy in them but the question you have to ask do you want to know your partner is sleeping with other women then coming home to you?

    Whatever you decide ensure it is what you want not just your partner and don’t allow yourself to be pushed into a situation you are not happy with.

    Wishing you all the best x

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    [suspended user]

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    Just to clarify my point: I think talking openly and honestly about anything, previous sexual partners / experiences included, is the utmost important factor for a happy relationship. My husband confirmed that for him it was better knowing that I talked about any previous man easily and in detail with him, as not talking about previous sexual partners might have come of as if I had something to hide or protect him from. But he also says he had nothing to accept, my previous partners were already a part of my story when we met, all he was left to do is acknowledge it.

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    Arajuna [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello again dear friends, thank you all so much for your support.

    Here is the update for those of you who are curious...

    I gave him the boot earlier and i got the classic 'Please, i love you, i need you to be happy, please just stay with me' response from it... i am sure ill be ignoring his calls for a while now. Im feeling much more in control now and feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest...obviously its hard, but im happy knowing ive come out of it early and not got hurt later down the line.

    Thank you to each and every one of you for embuing me with the confidence to make this decision easy. Your words have really meant the world to me and im so glad so many of you came to reach out to me and offer your knowledge. You guys are what makes this a real 'community'.

    Bless you all!

    xxx

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    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, good on you for having the self-confidence to put yourself and your needs first! If you feel like a weight has been lifted, then there you go, to me that shows you did the right thing :)

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    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
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    I know I've only just weighed in on the subject, but honestly, I saw this post earlier and only didn't respond because of the brilliant advice other people were giving without me.

    Well done you for viewing yourself as worth more than simply a number! You deserve someone who loves you because of your past and how that has shaped you, not someone who loves you DESPITE all of that. Decision well made. If he can't man up (I hate this gendered term but it's all we have in English!) and see your value as an independent person with her own agency who is beautifully in touch with her own sexuality, he really isn't worth your time. Proud of you!x

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    susan50 [sign in to see picture]
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    Arajuna wrote:

    Hello again dear friends, thank you all so much for your support.

    Here is the update for those of you who are curious...

    I gave him the boot earlier and i got the classic 'Please, i love you, i need you to be happy, please just stay with me' response from it... i am sure ill be ignoring his calls for a while now. Im feeling much more in control now and feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest...obviously its hard, but im happy knowing ive come out of it early and not got hurt later down the line.

    Thank you to each and every one of you for embuing me with the confidence to make this decision easy. Your words have really meant the world to me and im so glad so many of you came to reach out to me and offer your knowledge. You guys are what makes this a real 'community'.

    Bless you all!

    xxx

    well done, it can't have been easy. but you knew his earlier idea was wrong, and that's why you felt uneasy enough about it to ask for opinions.

    there'll be someone better out there for you!

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    Ghostly82 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm pleased you found the confidence to come to that decision, and I'm sure you will find someone who will show you the respect you deserve.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm so glad you got out of that toxic relationship, don't ever answer his calls. find someone who deserves you.

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    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
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    Seriously? This guy is an idiot and he's taking you for one. Tell him life went on before him and it will go on after him. What a chancer.

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well done for giving him the boot, hun! You have done the right thing if you feel a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Don't answer his calls, find someone who will love and respect you for exactly who you are. He sounds terribly immature. Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship.

    As I always say, you'll never find mr right if you are with mr wrong. Get out there and have fun! x

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    You have probably had a lucky escape. Trust is one of the things that underpins a relationship and if he is sowing his oats with others then I think it would be difficult to trust the guy. Your only chance would be to teach him in the bedroom and change his ways but as just stated, would you honestly be able to trust him?. As for confidence in the bedroom malarky that is nonsense . I think we all go through a "not sure what to do" bit sometimes in a bedroom and the way around it is you just ask your partner or let your partner guide you as to where they want to be touched.

    I know he says that he loves you but i am not convinced he really knows the true meaning yet, otherwise he wouldn't want a few more notches on his score card .

    You are only 21, so your still a baby yourself so to speak. So you have got lots of time on your hands to find a new partner , someone who will respect you and will want to be with you for all the right reasons.

    Good luck x

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Well done for having the strength to walk away.

    That was truly the most bizarre thing I've ever heard !! x

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