• Submissive /dominant question new to this

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    ladylou321 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 25 Jan 2016

    I've met a guy online we've been talking a while he's asked me to be his sub. After much thought I agreed. We've discussed certain things but he has asked for money from me as a gift to show my commitment. This flagged up warning signs would a true dominant ask this ???
    I also asked about safe words and he said he'd never needed them before . I'm new to this he's not.
    If I disagree the sub dom relationship is over.
    Not sure what to do so advice from other dubs or doms would be gratefully received.
    Thanks in advance x

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    susan50 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    I would find someone else. listen to your inner voice - feeling wary of him already? don't proceed any further, you'll find the right man eventually.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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     The first thing most doms do is discuss limits and a safe word and/or signal. This is definitely a red light. He may just be thinking he can do whatever he wants as a Dom... I don't believe he is truly going to have best intentions in mind, and doesn't sound like he's too concerned about safety either. The money thing doesn't sound right to me at all, I would not send him any. x

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    Echo32B [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly being a sub is not all about blindly doing everything you are told. its more than okay for you to say no to something without 'breaking' some imaginary sub/dom rule. Submission is a gift that you choose to give to a worthy dom, you can take it away at any time, hence why any self-respecting dom would instist on you having a safeword so you can let them know when you are not comfortable about something. Theres something very sensual and fufilling in serving another person but please don't ever believe that subs 'have to' just obey everything without thought for their own safety and mental well being, all good doms will also have your safety and mental wellbeing at heart. Afterall if you want to play with your toys, you dont break them, you look after them. xx

    Quite frankly this guy sounds like a knob :(

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    ladylou321 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 25 Jan 2016

    Thank you for all taking time to reply to my message I guess my inner gut feeling tells me to not to proceed with this guy. I'm in no rush so will. Make my decision.
    Thank you for the advice I have taken it all on board a d it's good to have more knowledge.
    X

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    j&lxxxx [sign in to see picture]
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    This sounds like a scam to me, pay him nothing, and dump him fast.

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    Elelou44 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    • Joined: 26 Dec 2015

    j&lxxxx wrote:

    This sounds like a scam to me, pay him nothing, and dump him fast.

    I agree, he sounds very wrong. Avoid.

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    Jokerboy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 24 Mar 2014

    Elelou44 wrote:

    j&lxxxx wrote:

    This sounds like a scam to me, pay him nothing, and dump him fast.

    I agree, he sounds very wrong. Avoid.

    stranger danger

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    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    j&lxxxx wrote:

    This sounds like a scam to me, pay him nothing, and dump him fast.

    +1. There is literally nothing to think about here. Stranger online asking you for money and if you don't give it to him your 'relationship' is over? No, this is nothing like a sub/dom relationship. Not at all.

    If he's not a scammer, he's clearly just an idiot that thinks being a dom means being a controlling dick who gets to take advantage of you. Again, nothing like a sub/dom relationship. You are both equals when deciding how your relationship will work; just because one person is submitting doesn't mean the other can control.

    Nope nope nope. Stay away from the creep. He is definitely not a dom.

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    Shadow Collector [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    Money should NOT be exchanged for this, safe words should be a NECESSITY, especially if you're new to this and with a person who doesn't know you, your limits, preferences, body language etc. Honestly, it has scam written all over it.

    He's either a con artist or a douche who has no real comprehension of how the Dom/sub dynamic works in a true relationship.

    Give him a wide berth, you deserve ten times better. Say, for instance, someone who knows what they're doing...

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    Shadow Collector [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3460
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2014

    Echo32B wrote:

    Firstly being a sub is not all about blindly doing everything you are told. its more than okay for you to say no to something without 'breaking' some imaginary sub/dom rule. Submission is a gift that you choose to give to a worthy dom, you can take it away at any time, hence why any self-respecting dom would instist on you having a safeword so you can let them know when you are not comfortable about something. Theres something very sensual and fufilling in serving another person but please don't ever believe that subs 'have to' just obey everything without thought for their own safety and mental well being, all good doms will also have your safety and mental wellbeing at heart. Afterall if you want to play with your toys, you dont break them, you look after them. xx

    Quite frankly this guy sounds like a knob :(

    Also, +1 to this. All of this.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Run away. Delete this jackass.

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 25 Apr 2013

    I'm sorry you have had this negative experience. I wish you all the best for future dom/sub relationships. Always follow your gut instinct xx

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    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
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    Chuck him, he's not a dom, he's an idiot.

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    MissNoir [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with everyone else, get out now. He's chancing his arm, you deserve better than that, sorry you had this bad experience but you did the right thing flagging this up before it went any further x

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6256
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Lovebirds_x wrote:

    j&lxxxx wrote:

    This sounds like a scam to me, pay him nothing, and dump him fast.

    +1. There is literally nothing to think about here. Stranger online asking you for money and if you don't give it to him your 'relationship' is over? No, this is nothing like a sub/dom relationship. Not at all.

    If he's not a scammer, he's clearly just an idiot that thinks being a dom means being a controlling dick who gets to take advantage of you. Again, nothing like a sub/dom relationship. You are both equals when deciding how your relationship will work; just because one person is submitting doesn't mean the other can control.

    Nope nope nope. Stay away from the creep. He is definitely not a dom.

    +1 to this - he is definitely not a dom!

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    Platinum [sign in to see picture]
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    VioletWolf wrote:

    Chuck him, he's not a dom, he's an idiot.

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    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    literally sending out every predatory signal. don't send him money, lack of safe words implies danger/inconsiderate and never contact him again.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Lovebirds_x wrote:

    j&lxxxx wrote:

    This sounds like a scam to me, pay him nothing, and dump him fast.

    +1. There is literally nothing to think about here. Stranger online asking you for money and if you don't give it to him your 'relationship' is over? No, this is nothing like a sub/dom relationship. Not at all.

    If he's not a scammer, he's clearly just an idiot that thinks being a dom means being a controlling dick who gets to take advantage of you. Again, nothing like a sub/dom relationship. You are both equals when deciding how your relationship will work; just because one person is submitting doesn't mean the other can control.

    Nope nope nope. Stay away from the creep. He is definitely not a dom.

    Nothing to add really but agree

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    ladylou321 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 25 Jan 2016

    Thank.you everyone I really do appreciate your.honesty and comments.
    I have asked him not to contact me again.
    Thank you x

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