• New partner is a virgin - introducing kink?

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    J-Curious [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey all!

    So recently I've started seeing someone new and as well as knowing nothing about kink, she's a virgin and hasn't done anything more than kiss. It's gotten to the point where she's making it clear she's ready for something more, which I'm fine with slowly introducing, but what I'm more curious about is the idea of slowly introducing someone to the wonderful world of kink. She knows I'm into and has specifically mentioned being interested in trying it. Obviously this is a conversation I'll have with her, too, but I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for things to try with a new, inexperienced partner? For the record she finds being a sub more appealing and I'm definitely a Dom.

    So far I'm thinking some cuffs, a blindfold and maybe some ice or a bullet, when she's comfortable with nipple play, but what do you think?

    1452150828
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't do anything too fast , you don't want to freak her out and lose her.There are probably a few ways of going about this but take it slowly..There is a big world of difference between saying that your interested in something than actually doing it.

    Yes the blindfold and ice play (A summer thing for us) is a good place to start, possibly a tickling feather as well. Keep it all innocent though .Once acclimatised to this sort of thing then why not start talking say whilst you are out over dinner about fantasies. This could reveal more and perhaps if it's doable suggest if she would like to act it out.A further stage on you could do a sex survey on each other and this will help for new things and to establish perhaps early boundaries.

    I would also browse through the Lovehoney website together including lingerie and talk to each other about things to try and wear etc.

    What you have suggested is good but just be careful and nurse her along but don't rush her and be patient.

    Just my thoughts and have fun

    1452150985
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd probably take my lead from her. Ask some questions about which types of things excite her (being restrained, being told what to do, spanking etc) and start at the least threatening end for whatever she says (silky ties, light spanking with a hand, being told to do things that she would do without asking anyway etc).

    I wouldn't be introducing kink until we'd actually got used to just having vanilla sex together though. That's an adventure in itself. I'd also be wary of introducing any kind of power imbalance, even consensual, with someone who could be seen to be on the back foot because of inexperience.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't introduce any kind of toy or bondage until she's had some sexual experience, it might be overwhelming to her. You could try one  of those sex surveys in the meantime and see what she would and wouldn't be interested in trying.

    1452157144
    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd suggest you slow down first, she may have mentioned she may want to add kink but as a virgin how can she know what she's going to like. My personal opinion would be drop the cuffs and blind fold ect, I understand these are your thing but this isn't your 'first time' is it. Romance her, let her enjoy some other sexual experiences before adding a wallop of kink to the mix. Tbh if I was a Virgin and you suggested cuffs ect I'd be running for the hills.

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    Goatboy Hicks [sign in to see picture]
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    Isn't this part of the plot of 50 shades?

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Goatboy Hicks wrote:

    Isn't this part of the plot of 50 shades?

    And did that end well ?

    1452159070

    [suspended user]

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    Friday13 wrote:

    I wouldn't be introducing kink until we'd actually got used to just having vanilla sex together though. That's an adventure in itself. I'd also be wary of introducing any kind of power imbalance, even consensual, with someone who could be seen to be on the back foot because of inexperience.

    This!!! Later on: Tie & Tease board game (available here). This changed our lives forever!!! In a very good way. We were both completely new to BDSM.
    1452159243
    Shadow Collector [sign in to see picture]
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    (not letting me quote)

    I agree completely with Couple Looking to Spice Things Up. There's a whole world of sexual experience out there, start with vanilla and romancing for her first time build up from there.

    1452159565
    Goatboy Hicks [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Goatboy Hicks wrote:

    Isn't this part of the plot of 50 shades?

    And did that end well ?

    No idea, I have seen the film, well while strapped to a chair and my eyes forced open like Alex in A Clockwork Orange.

    And the odd "you will find this funny" quote from the books.

    No spoilers please 😀

    1452160411
    Goatboy Hicks [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Goatboy Hicks wrote:

    Isn't this part of the plot of 50 shades?

    And did that end well ?

    No idea, I have seen the film, well while strapped to a chair and my eyes forced open like Alex in A Clockwork Orange.

    And the odd "you will find this funny" quote from the books.

    No spoilers please 😀

    On a more sensible note, go slow, start with tie and tease, I would recommend the LoveHoney silky restraints http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33637 you can link the restraints together to achieve may different positions. She won't feel shackled or tied down.

    Go at her pace and ability, listen to her enjoyment and you won't go wrong.

    Don't forget your safe word.

    1452163358
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Goatboy Hicks wrote:

    Isn't this part of the plot of 50 shades?

    And did that end well ?

    Yeah it did, spoiler free version they lived happily ever after. I mean she totally hated him for a while first but they had a happy ending :p

    But no, I do agree with you all (and would never actually advocate following any fictional relationship much less FSOG, I'm just kidding). Slow slow slow. Also be expected for the possibility that she will dislike the roles; she says she likes being a sub, but she never has been so how can she know. Devils advocate here but maybe if she knew more about kink she wouldn't like it, bear in mind a lot of women learn their initial 'kink' ideas from books or stories that are all about focusing on females getting pleasured to the point of basically being worshipped. Which obviously is a very idealised notion of what kink (not to mention sexual activity as a whole) entails and could mean she's actually interested in being pleasured in that way, not in full blown kink. Make sure you are both fully aware that she can change her mind and have a totally vanilla relationship if that's what she prefers just so there is no pressure, a lot of people are made to feel that once you start on the kinky road it's a one way slippery slope where you can only get kinkier. It's important to stress that that is not the case when you have that conversation with her.

    I personally would be inclined to stay as vanilla as possible for a good while, just so she can experience a sexual relationship for what it is, without needing a bunch of extras.

    You sound like you've got the taking it slow thing down anyway, I guess my main point would be don't get over excited once the kink comes out and do too much at once or too much too soon, and then don't expect one kinky session to mean you've got yourself a new sub as opposed to a partner. Though chances are if she's into the idea and you take it nice and slow, she'll love it :)

    1452164789
    Onlyones [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Don't do anything too fast , you don't want to freak her out and lose her.There are probably a few ways of going about this but take it slowly..There is a big world of difference between saying that your interested in something than actually doing it.

    Yes the blindfold and ice play (A summer thing for us) is a good place to start, possibly a tickling feather as well. Keep it all innocent though .Once acclimatised to this sort of thing then why not start talking say whilst you are out over dinner about fantasies. This could reveal more and perhaps if it's doable suggest if she would like to act it out.A further stage on you could do a sex survey on each other and this will help for new things and to establish perhaps early boundaries.

    I would also browse through the Lovehoney website together including lingerie and talk to each other about things to try and wear etc.

    What you have suggested is good but just be careful and nurse her along but don't rush her and be patient.

    Just my thoughts and have fun

    +1 Mysteron is spot on slow and easy is a must if this girl has no experience at all the last thing you want is to freak her out ,personally I would not even use the blindfold at first let her see you and let her enjoy adding new experiences slowly.A feather tickler is a great place to start and remember it is not a race to see how kinky she likes it but more about what you both enjoy doing together.

    1452169276
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I.have has another rethink on this as you have stated she hasn't done anything more than a kiss.

    I remember the days when I was a virgin and some of this may surprise some of you but when my girlfriend at the time who was more experienced than me ,whilst very much wanted it , I was filled with dread at the same time .If being honest and I know some you think I may be a bit of a wuss here ,I was quite shocked when my girlfriend started undressing me starting with my top half and then she took her own top off. And very shocked when we both ended up naked.This was the first time I had a naked girl in my presence .Sure like most guys we had seen the girlie magazines (the Internet was still a figment of somebodies imagination then) and drooled over the pictures but to see a naked girl in the flesh was a shock to my system.

    So whilst not backtracking as such on my first post,I think you need to start at the very beginning first and make sure that she is comfortable seeing you naked and her being comfortable being naked in your presence.

    So to progress from kissing ,I would suggest you both start heavy petting which is basically kissing and caressing each others body with clothes on first.If she still feels comfortable then slip your hand up her blouse but not on her boobies and caress her .Then perhaps you could guide her hand up your shirt to caress you. You will need to gauge her reaction at all times but if she feels comfortable remove your own top and then slowly remove hers.Then in a similar fashion start going below the waist. The objective hee is to slowly end up naked in each others arms and her being comfortable about the process.

    From this point onwards you can start engaging your partner in vanilla sex sessions and perhaps make love before progressing onto what I posted in my first post .at a much later date once she has become comfortable.

    Good luck

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