• How can I spice up my sex life when my OH doesn't give me anything?

    1451843901
    amyy01 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2014

    So I've been with my OH for just over a year, and recently he has been extremely stressed with work and our sex life has taken a big hit. It's gotten to the point of having sex once a week or fortnight, even at times it has been three weeks between sex (!!) when I would like to have it two to three times a week.
    I've tried talking to him about this a few times and he puts his low libido down to stress, but after asking what I could do to spice things up, I'm met with a lot of "I don't know what would turn me on" and more general "I don't know"s when I ask if he would like to try sex toys, bondage, nice lingerie etc etc. I was wondering if anyone else in the LH community has had any similar experience to this and what they did to make it better?

    I have tried using a butt plug and vibrator in the bedroom before but it wasn't met with much enthusiasm sadly :(

    1451844477

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2844
    • Joined: 16 Jan 2015

    Well hi for starters an welcome.....have you done the whole romantic dinner thing? Mellow lighting, nice wine wearing something sexy for him to peel off you?

    Retiring to the living room and straddling him and making a fuss. Nice and slow foreplay so that the tension can mount slowly?Sharing a glass of wine between your mouths, if that doesn't get him going then he's mega stressed! A good blow job is fantastic for relieving stress in your man, that could lead to that. You don't always need sex!! A mis conception in my view. Have bags of foreplay with him, you can both orgasm that way.

    He may need you to take control for a while to get past this stressful period! We've all been there! x

    1451845295
    Fozzbear [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 592
    • Joined: 27 Nov 2015

    Perfect Blue I totally agree with what you're saying.

    im an agricultural engineer by trade so I'm up at 6 in the morning and can sometimes not get home till 7 at night and it really takes it out of me sometimes, my ex at the time we were together had a high sex drive (as do I) and this ment she wanted it a lot from me even though I was beat from work so she used to do similar to what Ozz described, she'd sit me down with a nice meal and beer which is better than just throwing yourself on the couch and we had a great time just like a date! She'd then begin getting me aroused by sitting me somewhere and she danced and stripped for me she then began giving me oral and by this point my stress had pretty much dropped off and we then enjoyed great sex. It wasn't the same thing every time as it would get stale but that was my favourite.

    id just recommend breaking his habit of things like if he gets in and sits straight on the couch take him too the dining room or if he comes In and gets a wash/shower join him, just don't make it plain that always got my juices flowing. This is just my opinion and works for me it isn't for everyone but I highly recommend it. I hope this helps :)

    1451848321
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4811
    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Hi I'm sorry to say I'm familiar with this problem. Both myself and my OH have fairly stressful jobs. Recently I was so stressed that I just could t even think of sex. For me this is huge as I usually masterbate once a day. It was not that I didn't fancy my OH it was purely that I was too stressed. In honesty there is nothing that my OH could have done to make want to have sex with him.

    So my suggestion, play with yourself, don't pester for sex. Listen to your OH, make him coffee, cuddle massage him, run him nice baths and try to support him. When his stress subsides he will be back to full strength. For me the best thing my OH did was just hold me, made me feel safe and loves.

    Patience is the key and understanding.

    1451849751
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2249
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    Fun Louise wrote:

    Hi I'm sorry to say I'm familiar with this problem. Both myself and my OH have fairly stressful jobs. Recently I was so stressed that I just could t even think of sex. For me this is huge as I usually masterbate once a day. It was not that I didn't fancy my OH it was purely that I was too stressed. In honesty there is nothing that my OH could have done to make want to have sex with him.

    So my suggestion, play with yourself, don't pester for sex. Listen to your OH, make him coffee, cuddle massage him, run him nice baths and try to support him. When his stress subsides he will be back to full strength. For me the best thing my OH did was just hold me, made me feel safe and loves.

    Patience is the key and understanding.

    Totally agree with this. If it's an easily identifiable cause like stress over work, 'spicing it up' won't solve the problem at all. It's his work situation that needs to improve, not the things you do in the bedroom together. It's work that is to blame, not you or the things you do to your partner.

    Ease off the pressure, take care of yourself and accept that there are simply periods in life when sex is limited or indeed entirely off the menu down to stress, illness whatever. Focus on keeping non sexual physical contact alive and, of course, staying connected on an emotional level. Don't punish him by withdrawing from him in any way just because he is not up for sex and don't pressure him; the last thing you want is for him to become resentful or build a negative association. One of the worst feelings when your libido is low is the feeling that your partner cares more about sex (or the lack thereof) than you.

    As soon as the stress at work is over, he'll likely be so appreciative at the support and understanding you've given him that you'll find your sex life sky rocketing.

    1451849756
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 222
    • Joined: 1 May 2012

    My advice would be to temporarily forget about sex and trying to make him want sex. When you're head isn't into it due to stress it can be made worse by feeling that your OH is trying to get you interested. Instead focus on non-sexual nice stuff - as above a meal, or share a shower but keep it intimate but non sexual, get a bottle of wine and a favourite film, try and get out for the night doing something a bit different (comedy show maybe).

    All that helps by

    + relieving stress

    + rebuilding the intamcy in your relationship

    + creating at times a date like atmosphere

    Sex will likely come along naturally after a few weeks of changing the focus.

    1451849763
    HaveAGoAndy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 43
    • Joined: 29 Dec 2015

    I agree with all Fun Louise has said, when I had a car accident 15 years ago I was out of action for 17 months and incapable of having sex. When I had recuperated enough I felt under a lot of pressure and was worried I wouldn't be able to perform and was very self conscious of my new set of scaring. Patience, understanding, tenderness and romance bought my libido back with gusto, which my wife was very appreciative of and I very thankful for.

    1451850684
    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1544
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2015

    In my opinion, you want more sex the more you want the person. Write sex off for now, and concentrate on everything else.

    If I do my OH's lunch, I'll write a funny joke and fold it up and put it in his box. Sometimes one just telling him I love him. Make his favourite food, run him a nice bath, is there a nice spa nearby you can book yourselves into for a massage and spend the day relaxing? Book a cheap city break away somewhere to take his mind off things (I went to Sweden with Ryanair for £14 without baggage for 2 nights so it can be done).

    1451871727
    Sir Psycho Sexy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 61
    • Joined: 16 Dec 2010

    I love it when the OH is off work, she will do all my chores I usually do when I get home, makes sure there is something cooking in the oven when I walk in, have me a bath run with candles (yes us blokes like it too) and she will put some sexy underwear on waiting to give me a nice massage, she starts off with my back and then she flips me over and instructs me to keep my hands to myself, she then works my cock and eventually ends up fucking me cowgirl style. I then usually get in the bath, have a soak, eat tea and then I'm ready for more!

    1451922390
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3145
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    scarab9 wrote:

    My advice would be to temporarily forget about sex and trying to make him want sex. When you're head isn't into it due to stress it can be made worse by feeling that your OH is trying to get you interested. Instead focus on non-sexual nice stuff - as above a meal, or share a shower but keep it intimate but non sexual, get a bottle of wine and a favourite film, try and get out for the night doing something a bit different (comedy show maybe).

    All that helps by

    + relieving stress

    + rebuilding the intamcy in your relationship

    + creating at times a date like atmosphere

    Sex will likely come along naturally after a few weeks of changing the focus.

    exactly this!

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.