• I dont cum during sex (female)

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    nastygrrl [sign in to see picture]
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    Lola6977 wrote:

    I currently have incredible sex with my partner however I never cum. I regularly can do it myself with either bullet or my fingers rubbing my clit and can cum within minutes. I've tried using the bullet during our play but it never has the same effect and can take ages for me to cum. This has always been an issue with every partner and I used to fake it. I'm aware it's my problem and not something they are or aren't doing. Recently though it has been getting to me as I want to experience the mind blowing orgasms I have on my own with my new partner.

    Sounds like we're in the same boat

    1451849652
    Kazamarie [sign in to see picture]
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    Me to I have the same problem I have been having Sex now for 26 years and never managed an orgasm through intercouse only while using my toys by myself or in front of my partner or through oral. This to has bugged me for years. I have tried alsorts of different things but nope.

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    Lola6977 [sign in to see picture]
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    It's very frustrating even though doesn't take away from my enjoyment of having sex.

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    mrandmrsakn [sign in to see picture]
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    mental block? let him lick you as you use bullet a few times. the more relaxed you both get with this the more likely it will happen

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    Lola6977 [sign in to see picture]
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    And its reassuring to know that it seems to be a common issue with women x

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    Ready to Play [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm a guy, so take this for what it's worth.

    First of all you said you enjoy sex. That's great and I would start there. I would say to relax while you are having sex and try not to just "enjoy sex" but take pleasure in every single moment. The touch of your partner. The feeling of your body on your partner's body. The smell of him (her). Don't think of a "destination" or something you have to "achieve" for the experience to be complete.

    There is a technique first developed by Masters and Johnson (I believe), called sensate therapy (or a similar name). The focus (at least to start) has nothing to do with genetalia at all. It has to do with getting in touch generally with your own body all over.

    Although I believe it was first developed to help men with anxiety based erectile dysfunction I believe it has a good record with women dealing with orgasmic response.

    You said you come easily with a.bullet vibe
    This means the problem isn't that you can't come. What if you have the partner use the vibe on you during sex? Then you would be coming "during" sex. If you are talking about coming during penetration then how about using the vibe or having your partner use the vibe on you during penetration?

    If you want to come only during penetration then I would say to realize that this may simply not be the way your body responds. You would then be simply keeping company with the majority of women.

    Above all though I would simply say to get out of your head during sex and just have fun during each moment of pleasure your body gives you and quit thinking of this destination you are after.

    The other thing you might look into is Tantric sex. I do it on occasion (actually during solo sex) and for me it can be the most primal AND spiritual moments I have ever had from sex.

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    Lola6977 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ready to Play wrote:

    I'm a guy, so take this for what it's worth.

    First of all you said you enjoy sex. That's great and I would start there. I would say to relax while you are having sex and try not to just "enjoy sex" but take pleasure in every single moment. The touch of your partner. The feeling of your body on your partner's body. The smell of him (her). Don't think of a "destination" or something you have to "achieve" for the experience to be complete.

    There is a technique first developed by Masters and Johnson (I believe), called sensate therapy (or a similar name). The focus (at least to start) has nothing to do with genetalia at all. It has to do with getting in touch generally with your own body all over.

    Although I believe it was first developed to help men with anxiety based erectile dysfunction I believe it has a good record with women dealing with orgasmic response.

    You said you come easily with a.bullet vibe
    This means the problem isn't that you can't come. What if you have the partner use the vibe on you during sex? Then you would be coming "during" sex. If you are talking about coming during penetration then how about using the vibe or having your partner use the vibe on you during penetration?

    If you want to come only during penetration then I would say to realize that this may simply not be the way your body responds. You would then be simply keeping company with the majority of women.

    Above all though I would simply say to get out of your head during sex and just have fun during each moment of pleasure your body gives you and quit thinking of this destination you are after.

    The other thing you might look into is Tantric sex. I do it on occasion (actually during solo sex) and for me it can be the most primal AND spiritual moments I have ever had from sex.

    Thanks Ready to Play, lots of helpful suggestions x
    1452138430
    Ready to Play [sign in to see picture]
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    To Lola:

    Your post really got me thinking and a special memory came back to me that I hadn't had for years (thanks by the way). I'm going to share it and again we're all individuals so take it or leave it as you wish.

    This memory made me think. I'm not sure how adventuresome you or your SO are but I will tell you about a game I invented with my last girlfriend (well at least I'd like to give myself credit for it - although I'm sure some variation on it has been tried by others).

    My girlfriend already had a dildo when I first met her. She enjoyed it she told me and usually used it with solo play to "warm herself up" then she would start using her fingers on her clit while continuing to thrust her dildo in her pussy. She liked both clitoral and penetrative action and she usually needed both at the same time to cum. Sometimes she was self conscious about needing both to come when we were having intercourse. I asked her why? She was afraid I'd feel inadequate somehow if my dick couldn't do it - I told her that whatever she needed to max out on the pleasure front was okay by me.

    Anyway that last part from me was somewhat of a digression so back on topic:

    So I had this idea. We would sometimes do foreplay in the form of kissing, and cuddling, sometimes (although not often) watch a bit of porn, or whatever.

    So my idea was this: when she was feeling ready I would sit her on this really comfy recline, spread her legs and begin to give her oral - nothing passionate yet - just gentle tongue flicks, etc.

    As she got more arroused I would finger her. Finally, and ever.so gently I would start to penetrate her with her dildo. To make sure she was continuing to become.more arroused while I trusted the dildo I would again gently tongue her clit. I would do deep long strokes with her dildo while at the same time alternating between tonguing her and doing nothing at all except to continue thrusting the dildo.

    Generally she.would kind of get to a.point (and I certainly did my best to get her there!) where she was arroused but simply in that moment of pleasure. (in other words being exactly where I thought you could benefit - from being - in that single timeless moment of pleasure with no idea of any destination or goal).

    But then here was (I believe) my stroke of brilliance:

    I imvented a rule: She couldn't touch her clit UNLESS and UNTIL I gave her.permission and then only for the length of time I allowed. During that time she could do her clit however she wanted ( she preferred fingers for her clit but it sounds like for you that might be a bullet). But all during this time I would continue to pump her pussy with her dildo.

    I would watch her face and see her hands wanting to move towerd her clit but I would't let her. So I'd keep pumping the dildo and maybe say okay you can do your clit for 30 seconds: and I'd say 30 seconds starts now...and then give a count aloud at 15 and then at 5 to count down to 0 aloud, at which time i'd .make her stop, or I might not tell her when she had to stop but wait till she was really close and then suddenly say "OK, you have to stop."

    Anyway, to get to the bottom line of what is becoming a tediously long story somewhere along the line I discovered that if I would accelerate the pumping and do a little side to side and up and down I could keep her going up after I had forbad her from further touching her clit. It almost became like a violin as I orchestrated a symphony. Back and forth, clit no clit, up and down in arousal level, while stroking her dildo she would gradually become ever more hungry to rub her clit to the point where it would turn into a sweet angony. Now for a long time I would usually end that sweet agony by saying "OK baby - i give you permission to finish off your pussy and then she'd come in like 30 seconds.

    But one afternoon I was feeling particularly mischievous and I wouldn't give her.permission to come with her clit. And so I guess I started pumping a little deeper and then holding it or something (which I'd never really done before with her dildo). Anyway there was this pattern and then suddenly for the first time ever with her toy (and VERY rarely with me) she had this absolutely pure raging vaginal orgasm - no clt stimulation at all.

    When she realized that it COULD be done with her toy she suddenly WAS able, even by herself, to do it.

    Like I mentioned to you I'm not sure if this'd is what you meant as far as " not coming during sex
    because to me an orgasm is great however it presents itself.

    Incidentally, one of the skills i think I developed during my 20 or so years of exploring Tantric sex was this appreciation for the pursuit of the eternal now as a sensuous moment both in a primal and spiritual place - and to me the ironyy is that the further your mind gets from you genetalia the better they feel.

    I hope this didn't seem pervy to you. It's funny because the last time I had even remembered this was probably 5 years ago and thinking about your post brought it back.

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    Lola6977 [sign in to see picture]
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    @Ready to Play not pervy at all, very interesting and slightly erotic reading lol. My SO and I actually discussed earlier things we could do to help and his suggestions were similar to some of the things you have said. Thank you for your advice x

    1452385494
    WinoSaur [sign in to see picture]
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    Im sorry to hear this. My first advice is to stop faking it. If your faking it he thinks that your getting there and he is not going to alter what he is doing to get you to cum. I would be honest with him. How do you feel about the idea of mutual masterbation. That way its not just focused on you and there is less pressure because he is involved too, but he can still see what it is that your doing that works for you that he is not.

    You mentioned your bullet... could you introduce this into the mix so when you guys are active you can have the clitoral stimulation that you need? Are you getting enough foreplay? My DH has learned over the years exactly how to make me cum, but sometimes (depenedig on the day ive had etc.) it can take a while to build up .

    Also, if your partner cums and you still have not. Ask him to finish you with his fingers, oral whatever. There is nothing worse than not being able to O. Hope this gets better.

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    AJ' S [sign in to see picture]
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    Try getting your partner to take more time building you up to an orgasm. Attention to the clit always works for me, gets the juices running so when penetration happens the pussy is ready for action.

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    Mavic [sign in to see picture]
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    AJ'S advice is very good.

    It takes time to build up a woman to an orgasm. It might not happen on the first date but a man must be patient. Fingers, lips and tongue must be put to good use gently caressing the whole of her body without being too eager for penetration. You must show her you care for her and put her pleasure before your own lust.

    Stroke her, caress her neck, let your lips pay attention to her ears, her back. I had sex with an experienced woman the other week (no problems about orgasms with her) but she went weak at the knees when my tongue flicked over sensitive points on her arms and I gently sucked her ear lobes. Previous lovers had not done that to her.

    In time, rest assured, men; you will be able to bring your woman to that mind-blowing state of mutual orgasm.

    Have patience!

    It's taken me much of a lifetime to learn this!

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