• I dont cum during sex (female)

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    nastygrrl [sign in to see picture]
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    I enjoy sex but ive never been with someone who can make me orgasm and alway end up faking it. I have great sex with my current partner but he still cant get me to reach climax. Ive been in this situation with other guys before and have spoke to them about it but it only makes things worse. They focus on trying to make me orgasm which makes me feel under pressure and i get so so conscious about the time its taking. Also I dont want him to feel bad becaue he cant make me cum, because i know i would feel pretty rubbish and really unsexy if i couldnt do the same for him. The combination of all these things means I cant orgasm at all.

    I can make myself cum within minutes with a bullet or after about 15 minutes with my fingers on my clit. I have only ever cum through clitoral stimulation

    I know some will say to get my partner to use the bullet or show him how i do it with my fingers but then the worries mentioned before about, pressure, time and lack of success come back. Its got to the point where I dont even want him to try.

    Like i say the sex is great and im enjoying experimenting with hum but its just not completely satisfying without being able to cum at the end.

    Anyone experience anything similar or have any advice? I'm not sure what to do

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    As a bloke, I can always make the OH cum (OK, not 100% but definitely 95%+ of the time), normally with my tongue, and sometimes just fingers. But as for orgasms during sex, they have happened, but are few and far between.
    Wha would recommend is oral, and to tell the gi wher eto go,and how you want t, fast slow,hard etc. We do not mind being helped to make you cum, and next tiem we might just get it right on our own lol.
    But never be afraid to help the OH so that you get what you want.

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    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yep. Definitely been there. I didn't have an orgasm during sex for the first 3 years I was sexually active.

    When I'm stressed, it can take a good 30 minutes before I'm ready to orgasm. That being said, getting there is half the fun.

    The best thing I can suggest is to stop faking it. I can put my hand up and say I used to do it every time and it meant I never gave them the chance to get to know my body properly. In the past with my partners, often I was just too concerned with their pleasure and not focussing on my own. It's okay to be a little selfish in bed! You might want to try mutual masturbation so you both see what you like. Maybe try a toy and communicate what feels good and what doesn't.

    Personally, I don't have to orgasm to enjoy sex. It's an incredible perk but it should be as much about the intimacy and just having fun. Relax and get to know each other's bodies a little better and it will probably just happen naturally.x

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    I have only recently been able to orgasm during sex and it has only ever been with my current partner. I can't orgasm unless I'm using my we vibe tango at the same time and even then sometimes it's a struggle. I tried a lot of other bullets before I got that one which is extremely powerful. I would be honest with your partner. If I don't orgasm during sex I ask my man to finish me off with fingers and the tango bullet. Even then the pressure to orgasm can make it take a lot longer then it normally would x

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    It's all in the mind. It's got so much to do with letting go, that doesn't come naturally for a lot of us. I always panicked about would I break wind when I went. Or God forbid I would pee and not Cum.

    These thoughts are all normal I came to discover. Only then could I fully relax and squirt. You can do it for yourself because the defence walls are down. You need to let your man bring you to that delicious place and just give it up for him. Don't think about it, worry about it just be in the moment. I'm sure he's doing all the right things to get you there.
    You know everything is in working order, it's the mind you need to let go.x

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    Some women can't orgasm from penetrative sex, even if the sex is good and they enjoy it. Tell him you'd have stronger orgasms if you could use a bullet on your clit during sex, I don't see that as extra pressure it's just enhancing what he already thinks you're having. Onto that, stop faking it. That's more of an insult than going without orgasm. Some women need intense clitoral stimulation to get off and if your partner wants to make you orgasm, he can give the sex toy a try, or use his own hand. The pressure is coming from yourself, stop thinking about the end result and just let yourself get lost in the moment. Relax and stop trying to force an orgasm, it won't happen that way.

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    kinkytaffs [sign in to see picture]
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    Ozz wrote:

    It's all in the mind. It's got so much to do with letting go, that doesn't come naturally for a lot of us. I always panicked about would I break wind when I went. Or God forbid I would pee and not Cum.

    These thoughts are all normal I came to discover. Only then could I fully relax and squirt. You can do it for yourself because the defence walls are down. You need to let your man bring you to that delicious place and just give it up for him. Don't think about it, worry about it just be in the moment. I'm sure he's doing all the right things to get you there.
    You know everything is in working order, it's the mind you need to let go.x

    Definitely this!!

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    nastygrrl [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanke evryone, I know i need to just relax and go with it, but its so much easier said than done. I think my biggest worry to overcome is hurting his feelings/denting his confidence if it doent happen.

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    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe work on solo internal pleasure? I had never cum through penetrative sex until I bought a glass dildo and had an internal orgasm through that. Lo and behold, after not being to cum through penetration for the entire year I had been having sex, I came a few days after the glass dildo orgasm and now come regularly like that. So I would highly recommend solo practice in that respect :)

    Also, for clitoral orgasms, have you tried rubbing yourself on him during penetration, or even just generally? I find even if what he is doing doesn't seem to be working (a rare occasion), I can usually manage by simply straddling him and rubbing my clitoral area against him/on him. It means you can control the pressure/positioning :)

    Another thing that helps me with oral is to have a finger inside me. I tend to tense up too much, so I can't orgasm, because there is nowhere for me to tip over, since I am already tensed up and can't tense up anymore into orgasm. A finger inside relaxes me for some reason.

    Hope at least one of the tips on this thread helps you out a bit x

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    Private_member [sign in to see picture]
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    What we do sometimes is I penetrate my partner and then sit up so she can use a vibrator on herself and squirm until she comes. I get the enjoyment of seeing and feeling her come and she is in control of her orgasm.

    As others have suggested once the pressure is off perhaps you will relax and come in other ways. My first partner could never come unless she was on top and in control of what was being stimulated and the rhythm, once she had come we would switch over and I would come.

    Certainly don't think faking anything is a long term solution, if you can't talk about things with your partner then ... ?

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    Ready to Play [sign in to see picture]
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    So use a bullet or your fingers while being penetrated. Hey if you want it grab it!

    Is there this feeling that you want to come a certain way that you can't? I feel sorry for ladies today being flooded with all these different ways that are supposed to be great but still different: vaginal, g-spot, clit, and now I hear of cervical orgasms. Jesus that's a lot to live up to and expect from your own body. Think God men don't have to out up with this - I'd be crazy.

    I've only had two partners for the last 25 years, one of whom came easily through penetration and one who didn't - although unfortunately she didn't let me know this for several years. When it did finally come up I found out she was afraid to let me know because I'd be threatened. I told her full steam ahead with whatever she wanted vibe, bullet, fingers and voila "problem" solved.

    Demand and grab what you want. If they're a partner worth having they'll be happy you asked. If you hope for more or different keep playing and trying different things but don't get to the point where you fret and it becomes work - always keep it fun.

    But in the end whatever ways your body gives you pleasure is a gift. Enjoy it.

    Anyway that's my advice.

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    I understand your worries. Would you consider using a cockring? Something with a clitoral stimulator for you. Position is important. It's much more effective with the woman on top. The cockring will offer constant stimulation for you as well as you being able to control the speed, depth and force of sex.

    If your shy about suggesting this, I would purchase a cockring with clitoral stimulator and leave it on his pillow, with a note saying you would like to try this. You will probably come home to him naked hard and wearing the ring waiting for you to mount and enjoy him. They can be very inexpensive so it has to be worth a try. This one might be good http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16635

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would offer up a suggestion to try different positions if you have not already and also think about exploring more and massaging your gspot with your or his fingers first and getting it warmed up prior to penetration.

    But you are right stressing yourself out is not going to help matters. The right partner should be explorative and open minded with you and want to make you orgams regardless if it is clitorial or via penetrive sex.

    Faking an orgasm doesn't help you or them... but I understand why you have done it. When I was younger I faked a few just to get sex over with because I knew the partner would not stop and I was just plum worn out!

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    pete_perv [sign in to see picture]
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    I would rather have a woman tell me that she hasnt orgasamed through sex. I think my wife isnt good at acting as I can tell if she hasnt had an orgasum.

    May be have him masterbate close to you so the tip of his penis is just touching you.I know my wife has really strong orgasums by doing it this way. Then he can slip inside you as your about to reach you orgasum.

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    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    I totally get why you've been faking it, I've faked loads in the past, but it does make a difference once you stop.

    We don't ahve a cock ring, but I've found having my bullet lined up along my clit does the job, and I can hold it in place if it's misbehaving!

    You could try having a couple of sessions where the focus is on him, so you can get out of tha habit of faking it, by then he'' want to return the favour so you can start intorducing bullets/other stim etc.

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    nastygrrl [sign in to see picture]
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    So great to come back to the thread and see so much more great advice! I think because Ive always used sex toys for solo play theyre something I associate with being alone so Ive always felt like using toys during sex would depersonalise it? Especially with a bullet... Would anyone have any advice about introducing toys during sex?

    He has said he's open minded in terms of experimenting so I dont think he'd have a problem with me asking to try out some new things. I know if i told him he'd be eager to try, I think it's just me focussing too much on making sure the sex is good for him. Time to be a little bit selfish!

    We arent together at the moment ( gone back home from uni for christmas) but i'll be seeing him in a few weeks once the next semester starts so hopefully can resolve all of this then

    If anything I've learned Im a a much bigger worrier than I ever thought!

    thanks again! :)

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    Stuart S [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi. I am male and suffered the same problem. I grew up masturbating on my own a lot and to involve someone else was a problem as I couldnt relax enough.

    Now it is not a problem as I can wank in front of my wife and if I dont come it is fine. She asks if I am ok. Sometimes we stop for a while and finish later.

    This is my first ever message please reply as I am bolly no mates on here!

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    Stuart S wrote:

    Hi. I am male and suffered the same problem. I grew up masturbating on my own a lot and to involve someone else was a problem as I couldnt relax enough.

    Now it is not a problem as I can wank in front of my wife and if I dont come it is fine. She asks if I am ok. Sometimes we stop for a while and finish later.

    This is my first ever message please reply as I am bolly no mates on here!

    Hi Stuart, welcome to the forum. It sounds like your main problem is relaxing and enjoying yourself. Does your wife orgasm when you have sex?

    I have a couple of suggestions.

    A blindfold, if you play with yourself with the blindfold on you might enjoy it more, and forget that your wife is in the room.

    A good quality stroker, like the tenga spiral (I think it's in the sale) if you are really enjoying the feeling of masterbating with the stroker you might be able to let your wife take over, let her bring you to your climax, or at least let her help you.

    Third and final suggestion, training. Be intermate with your wife, give her oral, let her play with you but your not allowed to come. We all want to do what we are told we are not allowed to do. A bit of sensual massage, it should get you really hard, but no coming, no wanking alone. Then when it feels absolutely like your going to burst, let her get on top. You can consentrate on her boobs, while she dictates pace and depth, and hopefully you will both orgasm. It would make a fun day even if the results take a little time.

    I hope this helps.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    This thread might be helpful to you :) http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-toys/839254-introducing-your-first-toy/

    Also this guide from Lovehoney - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/buyers-guide/how-to-introduce-sex-toys-into-a-relationship/

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    Lola6977 [sign in to see picture]
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    I currently have incredible sex with my partner however I never cum. I regularly can do it myself with either bullet or my fingers rubbing my clit and can cum within minutes. I've tried using the bullet during our play but it never has the same effect and can take ages for me to cum. This has always been an issue with every partner and I used to fake it. I'm aware it's my problem and not something they are or aren't doing. Recently though it has been getting to me as I want to experience the mind blowing orgasms I have on my own with my new partner.

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