• Looking for love but worried about sex

    1451253786
    Jobias28 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 17 Jun 2015

    Hi everyone,

    Just wanted to talk about things and get other peoples ideas and suggestions.

    I'm a transguy and I would like to meet a nice woman but everytime I want to get close to a woman I need to tell her that I don;t have what she thinks I do in my boxers...

    I don't really know what to do I work out and am getting happier with my body.

    I have also been told, I'm too nice and women don't like that. I treat women with the respect they deserve. I kind of hoped I would be the perfect understanding boyfriend having gone through everything women do... except giving birth.

    So I feel quite lonely has anyone got any opinions on what I can do or what kind of places I could meet open minded women?

    1451257246
    skrammd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 14 Jul 2009

    To be honest. Not everyone wants to jump straight into bed.

    I am a straight guy, who respects woman for who they are, and never look at them for future sex etc.

    Just go along with it if they love you they would cope with who you are inside. There are other ways to please them other then what a guy has in his boxers.

    I may be wrong but that is my opinion.

    1451259105
    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 26 Jan 2011

    That's a tough one. I can't really offer much advice I'm afraid but I can offer my support and send hugs.

    My friend is a heterosexual transwoman and she said it's actually easier for her to find partners in the LGBTQ community. Most people there are more open and accepting as a lot of us have been through it ourselves in one way or another. Again, this was just her experience but I would imagine it wouldn't be an issue in the same way with a bisexual woman perhaps (I am one by the way so I'm just expressing my opinion not blanket statementing the entire group!).

    Don't worry about being the 'nice guy.' I mean, Jesus. If I have to hear one more man tell me why nice guys finish last I'll seriously contemplate something drastic. If it's not right, it's not right and if you are truly kind (which it sounds like you are) a woman will love you for it. Ignore all that bullshit. Neediness is different, which often is what men mistake for 'niceness.'

    Good luck. It's tough out there.xx

    1451312192
    Jobias28 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    skrammd wrote:

    To be honest. Not everyone wants to jump straight into bed.

    I am a straight guy, who respects woman for who they are, and never look at them for future sex etc.

    Just go along with it if they love you they would cope with who you are inside. There are other ways to please them other then what a guy has in his boxers.

    I may be wrong but that is my opinion.

    Thank you, I apreciate your input, you're right, sex isn't everything. I have only had 2 gf, so Im not too sure how things are meant to work lol, I'll get there.

    thanks agian

    1451312664
    Jobias28 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 17 Jun 2015

    bex1213 wrote:

    That's a tough one. I can't really offer much advice I'm afraid but I can offer my support and send hugs.

    My friend is a heterosexual transwoman and she said it's actually easier for her to find partners in the LGBTQ community. Most people there are more open and accepting as a lot of us have been through it ourselves in one way or another. Again, this was just her experience but I would imagine it wouldn't be an issue in the same way with a bisexual woman perhaps (I am one by the way so I'm just expressing my opinion not blanket statementing the entire group!).

    Don't worry about being the 'nice guy.' I mean, Jesus. If I have to hear one more man tell me why nice guys finish last I'll seriously contemplate something drastic. If it's not right, it's not right and if you are truly kind (which it sounds like you are) a woman will love you for it. Ignore all that bullshit. Neediness is different, which often is what men mistake for 'niceness.'

    Good luck. It's tough out there.xx

    Thank you so much for your reply, you have opened my eyes. I have obviously been attracting the wrong people.

    As a bisexual, it wouldn't bother you? perhaps I am focusing on what I feel I may lack, when I prob have more to give outside the bedroom than a lot of cis guys out there.

    I am a genuinely nice guy but women my age seem to see it as a weakness.... and my guy friends see me as 'under the thumb' I treat my gfs like a queens but we're equals, how is that a weakness?

    1451313738
    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 962
    • Joined: 26 Jan 2011

    Jobias28 wrote:

    bex1213 wrote:

    That's a tough one. I can't really offer much advice I'm afraid but I can offer my support and send hugs.

    My friend is a heterosexual transwoman and she said it's actually easier for her to find partners in the LGBTQ community. Most people there are more open and accepting as a lot of us have been through it ourselves in one way or another. Again, this was just her experience but I would imagine it wouldn't be an issue in the same way with a bisexual woman perhaps (I am one by the way so I'm just expressing my opinion not blanket statementing the entire group!).

    Don't worry about being the 'nice guy.' I mean, Jesus. If I have to hear one more man tell me why nice guys finish last I'll seriously contemplate something drastic. If it's not right, it's not right and if you are truly kind (which it sounds like you are) a woman will love you for it. Ignore all that bullshit. Neediness is different, which often is what men mistake for 'niceness.'

    Good luck. It's tough out there.xx

    Thank you so much for your reply, you have opened my eyes. I have obviously been attracting the wrong people.

    As a bisexual, it wouldn't bother you? perhaps I am focusing on what I feel I may lack, when I prob have more to give outside the bedroom than a lot of cis guys out there.

    I am a genuinely nice guy but women my age seem to see it as a weakness.... and my guy friends see me as 'under the thumb' I treat my gfs like a queens but we're equals, how is that a weakness?

    It really wouldn't bother me at all. I've actually been attracted to quite a few transmen in the past. I read a study somewhere saying that bisexual people tend to be a lot less bothered by it as we can kind of grasp the concept of gender fluidity a bit more easily. Again, not saying all of us do or that hetero/gay/lesbians don't but this has been my experience. Wish I could find the study but it was just so long ago...

    I think this is something that's been trained into us rather than what we like or dislike as women. It is true that people are more attracted to their partners when at a distance so intimacy overload can be a turn off. You don't have to treat someone badly to put a little mysterious distance between you. This is particularly important in the early stages of the relationship.

    It could also be your age and the age of the women you go out with to be honest. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?x

    1451320360
    Jobias28 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 17 Jun 2015

    bex1213 wrote:

    Jobias28 wrote:

    bex1213 wrote:

    That's a tough one. I can't really offer much advice I'm afraid but I can offer my support and send hugs.

    My friend is a heterosexual transwoman and she said it's actually easier for her to find partners in the LGBTQ community. Most people there are more open and accepting as a lot of us have been through it ourselves in one way or another. Again, this was just her experience but I would imagine it wouldn't be an issue in the same way with a bisexual woman perhaps (I am one by the way so I'm just expressing my opinion not blanket statementing the entire group!).

    Don't worry about being the 'nice guy.' I mean, Jesus. If I have to hear one more man tell me why nice guys finish last I'll seriously contemplate something drastic. If it's not right, it's not right and if you are truly kind (which it sounds like you are) a woman will love you for it. Ignore all that bullshit. Neediness is different, which often is what men mistake for 'niceness.'

    Good luck. It's tough out there.xx

    Thank you so much for your reply, you have opened my eyes. I have obviously been attracting the wrong people.

    As a bisexual, it wouldn't bother you? perhaps I am focusing on what I feel I may lack, when I prob have more to give outside the bedroom than a lot of cis guys out there.

    I am a genuinely nice guy but women my age seem to see it as a weakness.... and my guy friends see me as 'under the thumb' I treat my gfs like a queens but we're equals, how is that a weakness?

    It really wouldn't bother me at all. I've actually been attracted to quite a few transmen in the past. I read a study somewhere saying that bisexual people tend to be a lot less bothered by it as we can kind of grasp the concept of gender fluidity a bit more easily. Again, not saying all of us do or that hetero/gay/lesbians don't but this has been my experience. Wish I could find the study but it was just so long ago...

    I think this is something that's been trained into us rather than what we like or dislike as women. It is true that people are more attracted to their partners when at a distance so intimacy overload can be a turn off. You don't have to treat someone badly to put a little mysterious distance between you. This is particularly important in the early stages of the relationship.

    It could also be your age and the age of the women you go out with to be honest. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?x

    Thank you for answering the question ,I hope I didn't get too personal with it.

    I'm 28 and quite traditional, very much a gentleman to everyone, regardless of their gender, I got called chauvinistic for this a few times... holding the door open etc

    I am an introvert, so I don't really talk much but when i love someone, they can feel it, if that makes sense?

    1451326930
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 3 Jul 2014

    Maybe try somewhere like FetLife. Quite a large and active LGBTQ community on there, as well as those who identify as genderless and/or pansexual. I'm sure you'll find like-minded, open-minded people on there with advice and common cause to share with you.

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