• Refusing sex after sexting?

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    Avagardner96 [sign in to see picture]
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    So here is my problem- there is this friend of mine with whom I've had been friends for a long time but there was always an attraction and for a week now we've been sexting,he's told me straight away how he thinks we would both enjoy it if we have sex and I didn't deny it-I mean I wouldn't sext him if I'm not attracted or something.We have an arragement for tonight- to meet at his place and drink wine and ofc he expects something to happen especially after all these messages but I'm not ready to do it and I wonder how can I refuse having sex without ruining my chances for getting at it sometime later. I mean all that I wanna do is just make out a little ,not do everything we have talked about. Its obvious he is gonna be dissapointed ,because we've talked about a lot of stuff.one of my girlriends said I'm a kind of a tease and I set myself up for it .so I wonder, how do you think is the best way to refuse getting through with the whole sexual intercourse thing

    (also he knows I have a boyfriend so that could always be an excuse to stop halfway through but Idk,I am confused so I need an advice.Thanks in advance

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    How does your boyfriend feel about this?

    The simple answer is if you don't want to do something, say no. Tell him upfront you just want to spend time with him and make out, you can tell him you're not ready but that it's something you do want to later on and if he doesn't respect that, don't waste your time.

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    Avagardner96 [sign in to see picture]
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    Its complicated with my boyfriend,lets say that we have kind of an open relationship-we're serious about each other but we also have an agreement that if one of us does anything with someone else then he shouldnt feel bad about it.( like in this case) .

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    CocoGirl [sign in to see picture]
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    I would be unfront with him. If he is really your friend then he should respect your decision and not want you to engage in anything that will make you feel uncomfortable.

    I personally wouldn't use your boyfriend as an excuse to stop half way because he may wonder why you were in that position in the first place.

    Honesty would probably be easiest in this situation. I hope he understands and you don't feel compelled to act before you're ready.

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you might be over-complicating things a little - but I can totally understand how and why. I've done it myself.

    You have the right to refuse sex whenever and however you wish. You could even promise you would have sex in every position, book a date and a time for it. You'd still have the right to refuse or change your mind.

    I think the best way to refuse sex is to simply say 'no' and if he can't handle that, then perhaps you need to rhink about whether he's the kind of guy you want to sleep with. 

    I think these comics about consent by Alli Kirkham demonstrate it perfectly: http://www.boredpanda.com/consent-rape-comics-alli-kerkham/ 

    Just make sure you don't feel 'forced' into anything you don't want to do, and stand your ground :) 

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    Nice link BTW Jess. I think the cup of tea analogy is a good one too, have you seen that? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8


    I agree with all the above posts, if you don't want to then you don't have to and you shouldn't feel bad about it.
    To be honest, if he makes you feel bad about it then he's a dick anyway!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Avagardner96 wrote:

    Its complicated with my boyfriend,lets say that we have kind of an open relationship-we're serious about each other but we also have an agreement that if one of us does anything with someone else then he shouldnt feel bad about it.( like in this case) .

    TBH I find it difficult to get my head around that arrangement but I guess that is the sign of the modern times .

    As regards your original question, I don't think that you should be pressured into having sex wuith somebody. So just tell him straight that you want to get to know him first and also make sure that when you want sex that you take the necessary precautions such as condoms etc .You could also tell him you can't have sex at the moment because its your time of th month etc. That will buy you a bit more time .

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    If he really is a nice guy then you wouldn't be feeling guilty and think you have a problem.

    Remember it's easier to talk yourself up on text etc and he may well be feeling the same way too.

    Above all, no means no

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    Lovinthetoys [sign in to see picture]
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    Just be upfront, if he cant handle that then "on yer bike son"

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    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
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    Think your very much confusing your situation, have you had sex with any else? Your first time is nothing to be rushed into... are you 100% sure your bf will be happy with you sleeping with others. Safe sex shouls also be pointed out is so important.

    As regards to sex, just tell him your not quite ready for your relationship to move that quickly just yet, as you said he is your friend so he should understand. There is no point lying, ive found boys get more annoyed when girls use the 'monthy or headache excuse' so just been honest, also if you 100%your not gunna upset your bf then go with what you feel ccomfortable with. If your bf ia gunna be upset etc, and your sure you want a relationship with anyone you should end the one youve already got. Sorry if this isnt what u want to hear.

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    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess wrote:

    I think you might be over-complicating things a little - but I can totally understand how and why. I've done it myself.

    You have the right to refuse sex whenever and however you wish. You could even promise you would have sex in every position, book a date and a time for it. You'd still have the right to refuse or change your mind.

    I think the best way to refuse sex is to simply say 'no' and if he can't handle that, then perhaps you need to rhink about whether he's the kind of guy you want to sleep with.

    I think these comics about consent by Alli Kirkham demonstrate it perfectly: http://www.boredpanda.com/consent-rape-comics-alli-kerkham/

    Just make sure you don't feel 'forced' into anything you don't want to do, and stand your ground :)

    +1 and agree with jessicaleon11 :)

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