• HELP

    1447593273

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2844
    • Joined: 16 Jan 2015

    Can I just say if I may? if that's your real avatar then all I can say is..............phew buddy!

    The guys are all right..I think a serios pow wow is in order here!

    1447669964
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5940
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Sounds like she has set herself in her ways a little. Perhaps she feels a lack of confidence for going out to a place were there will be lots of other couples etc.

    I think its just a case of reigniting that spark again and building her confidence up , after all 33 years is nothing to sneeze at . My own relationship is 25 years so you have a few years on us.

    If you are a good cook then why not start at home and cook her favourite meal or go out to say your local Weatherspoon pub for a meal. At least for the latter she doesn't need to dress up and most other people in there should be in your sort of age group .If she likes it then try and make it a regular thing as its not expensive . We tend to spend about £20.00 for basic meals and drinks and therefore we make it a regular Saturday night thing. Normally we manage to find a quiet table in a corner and tend to chat about things we don't talk about at home.

    In all I don't think its anything for you to over worry yourself.

    1447692932

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2844
    • Joined: 16 Jan 2015

    I can relate some what to his predicament sadly. It's how my OH and myself are now. It just died, the spark never came back no matter what we did. I hope that's not the case here, but I've been married to him for 29 yrs, so yeah the investment was there, but some times you do just know, and venting your own thoughts out there can sometimes make things clearer.

    I hope Cap54 that's a a mere blip you guys are having and can get back on track.x

    1447853559
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1030
    • Joined: 28 Nov 2013

    I think it's more common than we realise for one partner in a couple to become very for want of a better phrasing...self-centred...maybe?

    It seems like one makes all the effort to look nice, do pleasant things for the other, plan trips and social events, while the other sits in the passenger seat...or even the back seat!! And as for intimacy, it may be the same person initiating things there, while the other lies there for England or makes a half-hearted attempt at something more...

    ok, yes, I'm talking from experience here, but not sure what advice I can give you really. Other than talk to them...explain in a non-confrontational way how you'd like things to change. Remind them what it was that first attracted you to them in the first place... Don't say 'well you used to be so....' But try to say 'I found you/it really sexy when you did ...'

    and if that doesn't work... I don't know...maybe withhold your full affection until you start seeing some in return...

    i've even heard of one partner giving their OH their wedding ring, and saying, 'I don't feel like we're both in this marriage anymore...' Maybe a bit extreme...but could be the kick up the butt they need????

    1447856791
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5940
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Luv bunny wrote:

    I think it's more common than we realise for one partner in a couple to become very for want of a better phrasing...self-centred...maybe?

    It seems like one makes all the effort to look nice, do pleasant things for the other, plan trips and social events, while the other sits in the passenger seat...or even the back seat!! And as for intimacy, it may be the same person initiating things there, while the other lies there for England or makes a half-hearted attempt at something more...

    ok, yes, I'm talking from experience here, but not sure what advice I can give you really. Other than talk to them...explain in a non-confrontational way how you'd like things to change. Remind them what it was that first attracted you to them in the first place... Don't say 'well you used to be so....' But try to say 'I found you/it really sexy when you did ...'

    and if that doesn't work... I don't know...maybe withhold your full affection until you start seeing some in return...

    i've even heard of one partner giving their OH their wedding ring, and saying, 'I don't feel like we're both in this marriage anymore...' Maybe a bit extreme...but could be the kick up the butt they need????

    It is and you are correct.

    As an older guy I am a firm believer in romance . I romance my partner all the time , I buy her flowers occasionally , I will slap her on the but if she is bending over at home , she will pinch my but occasionally . We sit together on the settee in the evening and not a opposite ends and we talk often about problems at work but we are both attentive listeners .She will give me a godnight kiss when she retires to bed ( she is up at 4.45am and thererfore goes earlier than me) What i am saying is that there is constant interaction between us and its all becasue of romance and neither of us just press a button for sex its something that evolves. The only exception we sometimes set time asside for roleplaying when we are in the same mood.

    But after saying all this I am probably the leader and plan all the toys , costumes and the buyer of such. She does take a back seat when it comes to bedroom play but its something I live with as many couples on here are in a similar position but as long as she does her fair share of the housework then I don't have a probelm . But that is us in a nutshell. No magic on and off switch just constant interaction between 2 people .

    1447866168
    VR [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 248
    • Joined: 11 Jul 2015

    It sounds very much like she could be depressed or lacking in confidence.

    Stupid question, but could she be going through the menopause? I'm going through it and have had issues, but my gorgeous, bubbly friend is having a rough time - she's lost all her confidence and won't go out unless she has to. She's also been having issues with sex - she no longer gets wet and has started getting UTIs. I've persuaded her to see her GP and she's now on anti-depressants and a hormone cream. I'm hoping they'll help her get back to normal.

    Please don't give up - and I hope you don't mind me saying, but there's rarely help at the bottom of a bottle. You sound loving and caring and I know it'll be harder for you if you keep trying and she keeps rejecting, but, again, don't give up.

    Communication, as others have said, is key.

    I hope you can sort it out.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.