• Wife lacks imagination and inclination

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    Redmosquito [sign in to see picture]
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    I can really relate to this thread, been in the same boat myself for a long while now.

    Likewise we have a very much equal relationship when it comes to the kids and housework, we're both busy but between us we make it all happen. It's also always me that plans and does things, little surprises, flowers, lunches, dinners etc. I honestly can't remember the last time she took the effort to surprise me with anything, I usually even have to tell her what to buy my for Christmas and my birthday. Same goes with our sex life. It's nearly always me that initiates it and most times she wants to watch porn first. She is more than happy to have the things she loves done to her, she won't do the things I like, well maybe once every 3-4 years (no exaggeration). Mostly I think if I didn't put the effort in then it wouldn't happen at all. If I suggest anything new she gets annoyed. I even bought some lingerie for her from here, stuff that's similar to things she's pointed out in the past. The boxes they came in haven't been opened in the 5 months since I bought them. I'd just like to know, once, that she cared enough to put some effort in. I've tried to talk about it loads but nothing ever changes.

    Sorry, no help at all, just a rant really but I know how you feel about it leaving you feeling unwanted, unattractive and all that stuff.

    I'll keep trying and that's all I can suggest for anyone else too.

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    aaroncoughlin [sign in to see picture]
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    This is really sad! You are doing your utmost to keep your relationship healthy and lively, constantly making effort to do things that men imo don't do enough of nor always as thoughtful and awesome as you. I think she's taking you for granted, she doesn't know what she truly has I don't think and unfortunately not many people realise until it's too late and one day they wake up with nothing. Perhaps she needs to know what it's like when you stop doing things and for her to realise you aren't going to continue putting your time, energy and devotion into making your relationship exciting. You can only give give give for so long before you run yourself into the ground. Of course we don't know her side of the story and why she is like this but what you say is believable and if it wasn't too wouldn't bother opening up on here which I think is really courageous of you so good for you. In a way what you're doing right now is again something for your relationship because you're seeking advice to help sort things out rather than give up. It's really unfortunate, I'm sure she loves you but when you are "in love" surely you'd be having lots of fun (not just sex) and happiness between you both. Of course life is busy these days but you have to commit to your relationship no matter what and if you can find time time between caring for the kids, running your own business etc surely she could find time rather than spending it organising things to do with her friends. I really don't mean to come across as I'm insulting her or anything but it's just the truth from where I'm sitting and I really think she needs to understand how this is making you feel and that she needs to step up and do more with you and put as much love and time into being together. Not many men out there who would do what you're doing dude so remember that it's nothing you're doing wrong!

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    Redmosquito wrote:

    I can really relate to this thread, been in the same boat myself for a long while now.

    Likewise we have a very much equal relationship when it comes to the kids and housework, we're both busy but between us we make it all happen. It's also always me that plans and does things, little surprises, flowers, lunches, dinners etc. I honestly can't remember the last time she took the effort to surprise me with anything, I usually even have to tell her what to buy my for Christmas and my birthday. Same goes with our sex life. It's nearly always me that initiates it and most times she wants to watch porn first. She is more than happy to have the things she loves done to her, she won't do the things I like, well maybe once every 3-4 years (no exaggeration). Mostly I think if I didn't put the effort in then it wouldn't happen at all. If I suggest anything new she gets annoyed. I even bought some lingerie for her from here, stuff that's similar to things she's pointed out in the past. The boxes they came in haven't been opened in the 5 months since I bought them. I'd just like to know, once, that she cared enough to put some effort in. I've tried to talk about it loads but nothing ever changes.

    Sorry, no help at all, just a rant really but I know how you feel about it leaving you feeling unwanted, unattractive and all that stuff.

    I'll keep trying and that's all I can suggest for anyone else too.

    Oh my! that sounds pretty awful I have to say! As I said previously on this thread it takes two. I myself have my own issues at home, but putting them to one side and concentrating on you for the minute, I have to ask! have you talked to her about this?

    We can all be accused of letting it all slip, but sometimes a gentle reminder of how bad things have got might just be all it takes! Watching porn instead of getting busy with her man and pleasing him in the bedrrom or any room at that should be top of her priority list!

    I'm sure she really does want you! or she would have gone out the door already! It does disturb me that you've purchased some sexy gear for her, yet they're still in the boxes! That's not right! I think a pow wow time is in need here, and be frank with her. Tell her it hurts that she'd rather watch others fucking, yet her efforts with her man are...well..hap hazard at best! I'm sure you're not unattractive either! She needs to start making you her no 1 again!!!

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    Redmosquito [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you, and yes I definitely agree that there's two sides of it. It's just been getting her side of it out of her is nigh on impossible. It's nothing new and I've tried talking about it several times. Normally when I bring things up she gets either upset or annoyed (I really do try to do it nicely, not in a I'm complaining sort of way but just how I'm feeling or I'd like it if such and such happened etc) and then nothing ever changes so it's hard to muster up the willingness to do it when all that happens is she gets mad at me again for a few more days and we're back at square one anyway.

    On the dressing up side of it, I've dropped loads of hints, tried to send cheeky messages telling her to put the new stuff on etc but again she just gets annoyed at me. A few years ago she did say she felt self concious of her body. I completely understand this having lost 5st myself to get to where I am now. She's lost a lot of weight herself now and looks amazing. Other than the hints there's no actual pressure from me, if she tries them on and she doesn't like how she feels in them then that's absolutely fine, I'd say no more about it. I just wish she'd at least try them on for size.

    Mostly our relationship is really good, we've been together a looooong time so that, combined with the kids and busy work lives it is inevitable that our sex live isn't going to be her top priority. Again, totally not a problem, I'd love to have sex more often but I understand why she might not so that side of it isn't an issue. It's the other stuff, those little small things that make you know they've put some thought and effort into you, that you're worth it I suppose. She's great at buying little gifts for friends and family if she's out and sees something she thinks they'll like. She's never done that for me.

    Like everyone, it's just nice to feel special and wanted from time to time.

    I'll try and sit down with her tonight and talk about it.

    1446751573
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    I also agree that some could possibly regard sex as a hobby.I can think of many worse hobbies than sex but for us alas no . For us its a way of being intimate with your partner and strengthening the relationship .

    The worse case scenario is if sex is regarded as a chore.Then that could be a problem .

    Could be an interesting topic of converstation in its own right

    It was with my ex, it never changed same routine, same moves evety time I gave up in the end. I thought if you can't bothered to make an effort why should I?

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    Redmosquito wrote:

    Thank you, and yes I definitely agree that there's two sides of it. It's just been getting her side of it out of her is nigh on impossible. It's nothing new and I've tried talking about it several times. Normally when I bring things up she gets either upset or annoyed (I really do try to do it nicely, not in a I'm complaining sort of way but just how I'm feeling or I'd like it if such and such happened etc) and then nothing ever changes so it's hard to muster up the willingness to do it when all that happens is she gets mad at me again for a few more days and we're back at square one anyway.

    On the dressing up side of it, I've dropped loads of hints, tried to send cheeky messages telling her to put the new stuff on etc but again she just gets annoyed at me. A few years ago she did say she felt self concious of her body. I completely understand this having lost 5st myself to get to where I am now. She's lost a lot of weight herself now and looks amazing. Other than the hints there's no actual pressure from me, if she tries them on and she doesn't like how she feels in them then that's absolutely fine, I'd say no more about it. I just wish she'd at least try them on for size.

    Mostly our relationship is really good, we've been together a looooong time so that, combined with the kids and busy work lives it is inevitable that our sex live isn't going to be her top priority. Again, totally not a problem, I'd love to have sex more often but I understand why she might not so that side of it isn't an issue. It's the other stuff, those little small things that make you know they've put some thought and effort into you, that you're worth it I suppose. She's great at buying little gifts for friends and family if she's out and sees something she thinks they'll like. She's never done that for me.

    Like everyone, it's just nice to feel special and wanted from time to time.

    I'll try and sit down with her tonight and talk about it.

    That's really very sad. I get the busy part, but geez! she's really not showing you much at all is she! Well done to both on the weight loss! The small things matter, I don't get them at all, but we've veen married 29 yrs, he never did the small things in the early days either! But by the by, I hope the talk works out, and clears things a bit for you both. That just sucks the way things are right now, when it's really clear you'll do anything for her!!!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I am quite saddened reading much of this and just wondering if me and my Mrs are abnormal here.

    Even if either of us are not in the mood for sex ,because both of us lead busy lives we still interact and touch each other. For example if my Mrs was bending over getting one of her mags from the coffee table I would give her a playful slap on her arse. If I was doing the washing up she would come up and pinch my bum. Whats I am saying is it does take 2 to keep the relationship going but also it isn't like a light switch either whereby you just switch it on and off as you please. It is a constant interaction between 2 people .

    If this isn't happening in a relationship then it needs to be reignited IMO.

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    Oh he'll touch me when he passes me sometimes! but he always locks on to my tits! Nipples to be honest! Very rarely will he slap my arse, yet I'm always brushing past his backside carressing it, or I'll spank it, a hand wrapping round his waist! But he really is quite crap at that sort of thing!

    But I give up! He's been like that for as long as I can remember. If I can't get him to change his ways after so many years together, I think I can say to myself, Corinne! it ain't happening love!

    Nice to hear from another perspective though, that it does really happen between a coiuple! x

    1446829784
    Redmosquito [sign in to see picture]
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    Didn't get a chance to talk last night, she was really annoyed with work so didn't seem like a great time to add to her woes. Hopefully we'll get a chance to talk over the weekend.

    We, well I do the whole give her bum a little spank if she bends over and we do have plenty of physical contact, that's not an issue and we do have sex too. It's just she very rarely imitates it and it's the other stuff that's missing.

    I've been giving it all a lot of thought and it's not that I don't think she's not doing it on purpose or that she doesn't care. I just think, despite my hints that it just doesn't occur to her to do it.

    (Oh and Ozz, if you got a random Twitter request yesterday, it was me, I couldn't DM you to say who I was)

    Anyway have a good weekend lovely people

    1446836915

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    Redmosquito wrote:

    Didn't get a chance to talk last night, she was really annoyed with work so didn't seem like a great time to add to her woes. Hopefully we'll get a chance to talk over the weekend.

    We, well I do the whole give her bum a little spank if she bends over and we do have plenty of physical contact, that's not an issue and we do have sex too. It's just she very rarely imitates it and it's the other stuff that's missing.

    I've been giving it all a lot of thought and it's not that I don't think she's not doing it on purpose or that she doesn't care. I just think, despite my hints that it just doesn't occur to her to do it.

    (Oh and Ozz, if you got a random Twitter request yesterday, it was me, I couldn't DM you to say who I was)

    Anyway have a good weekend lovely people

    Oh okay! perhaps I've already accepted you!

    Well it sounds on the whole okayish. She just needs to start putting you first and using some thought too!!

    1446837813
    Redmosquito [sign in to see picture]
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    You have now, I sent the follow request yesterday, and yes the guy in the suit id definitely me!

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    Redmosquito wrote:

    You have now, I sent the follow request yesterday, and yes the guy in the suit id definitely me!

    I know that now!! haha

    1457806281
    TonyStark [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok my wife has finally got her act together and is taking me away for the night!!!!!!
    It's my birthday so she's asked me to pack what is like her to wear, which will set the scene for the night.
    I've packed new latex catsuit with full crotch zip and neck buckles, latex cincher to go on top, patent knee boots with massive heels, butt plugs, strap on, various dildos, lube, hand cuffs, bed restraints (as we a a four poster) whips, crops etc. Candles, bottle of champagne etc!
    I hope this sets the scene.
    No rules, pretty much anything goes for us!!!!!
    We'll probably start with a nice meal, then double bath together, then this is where you all come in, I'd love to know your Suggestions for the rest of the night/ morning?
    After the bath, she'll dress in the boots, catsuit, cincher, make her self up with smokey eyes and dark red vamping lipstick??????
    Look forward to you replieds, thank you

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