• Wife lacks imagination and inclination

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    TonyStark [sign in to see picture]
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    O.K. I know we have two kids and a dog, she works, I work, she does breakfast, I take kids to school, she does dinner, I get kids ready for bed, etc, etc, all pretty equal.

    However! why is it that I am the one that has to single handedly put the spark in to our marriage, I cook and organise dates nights, I organise going to the cinema & meal, I have to buy all the sex toys/outfits for her etc (which is great as I get to choose exactly what turns me on), again, however she does know what turns me on and to be surprised with a hot outfit not of my choosing would be awsome. I organise romantic (dirty) weekends away that she loves.

    I'd just like to be a passenger for once rather than the driver/tour operator!!!!

    We have constant chats about this, things pick up as a gesture on her part, however soon after it all goes back to the normal routine!

    She tells me that she has soooooo much to think about, however I do to, what with running my own business, funny thing though she has plenty of inclination and passion to organise a "girls night" and plenty of imagination and energy for this too!!!!!

    Shes now planning a "meal get together night" at our house for her clients, which just makes me think she just can't be bothered in investing anything in to keeping our flame shining brightly, I feel that if I let things go on my part, our relationship will suffer!

    Any ideas, as I'm getting pretty fed up of the current scenario ?

    Thanks X

    1446122871
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    I often feel the same way with my OH, Tony and it does suck. It would be so nice to be the passenger rather than the driver so to speak.

    Sometimes I do wonder if it's just laziness...like oh well you do all that, so I don't have to...I do sometimes voice my wishes that he'd do some of the leg work sometime with organising a date for us or whatever. I suggested he organise his mum to babysit our 7-month old and the dog, while we go out for a nice meal in December, for his birthday. He didn't plan anything though didn't even speak to her about it...now we've been invited to a mutual friend's place for a gathering with other people we both know from Uni, so it seems he's off the hook.

    But grrr, it grates on me sometimes. Sorry I'm ranting and not actually giving suggestions.

    Maybe stop doing so much...she might realise how she takes you for granted. And maybe, just maybe she'll do something nice for you...jeez, though how nice and refreshing to see there's a guy on here though, who does so much nice stuff for his woman!

    1446123335
    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my hubby went through the same as you tony. He was always pushing, and I knew everything he planned, would result in sex of some sort. In the end I just couldn't be bothered and we actually went through a no sex period.

    She will plan when's she's ready is all I can say. How about some days out which don't involve sex at all. Relationships are not all about sex.

    1446123863
    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't really give you any more advice on this really other than talk to her (and you have) but you can't force her to want to do it much like anything else really, a person has to want to do it for themselves.

    Maybe again sit her down and tell her how neglected you feel about the fact she can arrange things for other people but not you and it's just putting a strain on things for you.

    My husband can be the same when he is stressed, don't get me wrong he can be very sweet with gifts and what he does for my birthdays and sending me roses but if I want something like you are suggesting (date nights, weekends away ect) he's just a bit crap at organising them unless it comes to dirty nights in and when he puts his mind to it he comes up with some amazing ideas.

    Some people just aren't that good at imagining things like that up especially for a guy.. if I was to do something for him he'd probably prefer pizza, a movie and then kinky bedroom fun over a candle lit dinner lol.

    Good luck x

    1446123994
    TonyStark [sign in to see picture]
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    I've done days out too, I took her shopping and spent a fortune a few weeks ago, which is probably making it sound "quid pro quo", but its not, it was just me treating her, I wanting nothing more than her looking stunning in her new clothes, which shes does!!!! I took her for lunch out on that day too!

    1446124018
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Couple looking to spice things up wrote:

    Me and my hubby went through the same as you tony. He was always pushing, and I knew everything he planned, would result in sex of some sort. In the end I just couldn't be bothered and we actually went through a no sex period.

    She will plan when's she's ready is all I can say. How about some days out which don't involve sex at all. Relationships are not all about sex.

    No relationships are not just about sex, but just because you like to do nice things like organise cinema dates or meals for your OH does not automatically mean you just want sex and nothing else. It means you want some intimacy with them. Being with them, going out as a couple, away from the regular stresses and strains of daily life. I don't think that's too much to ask. But that's me.

    And if she plans things for her clients or girlfriends but not her man, then it basically shows she doesn't really respect him as much as she could do. My opinion though.

    I went through a whole number of years of not wanting sex hardly ever, and it was like oh this is such a chore, but I still did things with my OH to try and keep some common ground. In the end my sex drive has increased, due to coming off the pill, his is probably similar to what it was, but it's still me that buys stuff on here, me that organises dates and activities and suggests we do something more interactive like have a board games evening rather than sit in front of the tv...

    some people just don't feel like they need to do that stuff. I guess we all show love and affection in different ways, but to be more attentive to our OHs, we need to do things that they like once in a while, even if it does nothing for us...I try to explain this point to my OH...not sure he gets it, but I won't back down...

    1446124370
    TonyStark [sign in to see picture]
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    I am thinking of simply doing nothing whilst keeping a smile on my face, I know she'll feel randy at some point, and roll over in bed and hop on, (kind of OK when she wants it, but not when the shoes on the other foot). It will be sustanance sex, not good sex, and I'd rather have no sex than bad sex!!!! It's not about sex at all really, to show that she acctually desires me as much as I desire her would be enough.

    So I think depriving her is the way forward, however I get so horney that I cave in at the first hurdle, which is wrong as it kind of condones her action !!!!

    1446124681
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    TonyStark wrote:

    I am thinking of simply doing nothing whilst keeping a smile on my face, I know she'll feel randy at some point, and roll over in bed and hop on, (kind of OK when she wants it, but not when the shoes on the other foot). It will be sustanance sex, not good sex, and I'd rather have no sex than bad sex!!!! It's not about sex at all really, to show that she acctually desires me as much as I desire her would be enough.

    So I think depriving her is the way forward, however I get so horney that I cave in at the first hurdle, which is wrong as it kind of condones her action !!!!

    Yes I think it is about desire....that you care enough about someone, to show how special they are to you. So if you think you need to deny her sex, then I guess do what you think is best. But try to make sure it doesn't backfire, and you end up in a no-sex stale-mate.

    1446124744
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Tony

    A couple of things. The most common complaint about a relationship is " I wish my other half would do more /surprise me once in a while" . This is quite normal and there are many couples on here including myself who have been in a relationship for many years find this scenario frustrating and is perhaps the only downside of our otherwise near perfect relationships . I'll be honest here you probably won't be able to change her its just the way she is.

    On the other side of the coin just think yourself lucky that you have a loving busy wife who is happy to comply to your requests . I can think of qiuite a few contenders on here that would be happy to change places with you .People who are struggling with set backs to get a relationship going in the first place those who suspect their OH is playing away, or stuck with the same vanilla sex routine

    Sometimes we have to think.how lucky we all are with what we have already even though its not quite perfect.

    Carry on as you are doing and keep romancing her. I am sure deep down she appreciates it but doesn't show it. But don't let your relationship drift apart , this I am certain you will regret .

    Keep up with the good work,keep your pecker up and carry on being a martyr to the cause !

    1446125848
    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
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    Think we'll have to ageree to disagree on this bit luv bunny
    "And if she plans things for her clients or girlfriends but not her man, then it basically shows she doesn't really respect him as much as she could do. My opinion though."

    I honestly can not see how this would expire into her not respecting her partner enough. Surely you could actually say he doesn't respect her enough to just accept she's sooo busy at the moment.

    Tony from your previous threads I don't think you have much to complain about.

    1446126671
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Couple looking to spice things up wrote:

    Think we'll have to ageree to disagree on this bit luv bunny
    "And if she plans things for her clients or girlfriends but not her man, then it basically shows she doesn't really respect him as much as she could do. My opinion though."

    I honestly can not see how this would expire into her not respecting her partner enough. Surely you could actually say he doesn't respect her enough to just accept she's sooo busy at the moment.

    Tony from your previous threads I don't think you have much to complain about.

    Perfectly happy to disagree, coupleLTSTU, that's what makes these forums great after all 😉

    Others have expressed their opinions to me about things I've posted on here...some of the things haven't always been to my liking, but I will concede that some fair points are often made. So it's all about different folks perceptions.

    I think though, in giving your case, whatever the subject may be...you need to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and consider their viewpoint before coming to a conclusion. Things need balance after all.

    1446127095

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    I have this too :-( my sex drive is much higher than OH's and I'm always thinking up new ways to tease and please him; I really wish he'd surprise me sometimes. *Hugs*

    1446128765
    Sir Psycho Sexy [sign in to see picture]
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    I also have this. Although it is about the quality over the quantity. But what annoys me most is that I can't even passionately kiss my OH without her thinking I just want it to lead to sex.
    Another annoying thing is the fact that she is perfectly happy to be naked in front of me due to getting changed or having been in the bath etc and she expects me NOT to get horny. Come on I'm only human!

    1446129279
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Sir Psycho Sexy wrote:

    I also have this. Although it is about the quality over the quantity. But what annoys me most is that I can't even passionately kiss my OH without her thinking I just want it to lead to sex.
    Another annoying thing is the fact that she is perfectly happy to be naked in front of me due to getting changed or having been in the bath etc and she expects me NOT to get horny. Come on I'm only human!

    Try romancing your partner . Its a bit old fashioned as me but some ladies still luv it. Take her out for a meal and dress to impress and behave like a gentleman ( ettiquete I mean here) but don't suggest sex . She might though is she really enjoys herself.

    Other things like buying her flowers occasionally , offer a massage , cuddle . She will thank you for this.

    Its worth a try.

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    mrandmrsakn [sign in to see picture]
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    confidence. if one person lacks it a little its no easy for them to do things.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    mrandmrsakn wrote:

    confidence. if one person lacks it a little its no easy for them to do things.

    You are spot on but alcohol could change that on the night . Alcohol can give people confidence when it comes to sex. But its onlly temporary .

    1446132623
    TonyStark [sign in to see picture]
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    Couple looking to spice things up, the thing is I'm busy to, however shes's not too busy to organise a girls night etc, is the point that I'm making!

    I get your point about the way people are, and they can't change, is that not just stubborn or even selfish ???

    I am continually putting her 1st, all I'd like is for her to put me 1st perhaps just once in a blue moon, instead of taking for granted that its OK for me to keep the flame alive, if it were left to her they're would be no flame at all!!!! And that's not great, as in any relationship it takes two to tango!

    Ahain! its not about sex, its about imagination and inclination!!!!!!

    1446133146
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    TonyStark wrote:

    I get your point about the way people are, and they can't change, is that not just stubborn or even selfish ???

    Tony try not to think that in a negative way its not because your OH is NOT stubborn or selfish . She might not have the imagination you have ( I have a lot and design all our role play scenarios) and confidence to organise the bedroom routine.

    For me it was also a learning curve as well as 2 years ago we just had vanilla sex . It was boring and routine . However since luking around the forum on here and later becoming an active poster , I learnt quite a lot and was able to spice things up . Now unless your OH has access to reference like that on here then maybe she doesn't have the skills or reference material that you clearly have.

    Just accept her for the way she is and what you have told us about here I think you are very lucky guy IMHO.

    Don't forget many  relationships has a leader in your case it is you

    1446133402
    TonyStark [sign in to see picture]
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    The thing is she did actually used to take me away, organise date nights etc, she just doesn't any more, probably because she's too busy organising girlie nights!!!!

    1446133806
    Kimberleyking [sign in to see picture]
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    I am normally the one who wants to spice things up and i get pretty fed up when he wants just normal sex i am usually the one to ask for a massage or get new things to try i would like for my partner to engage to but i think it is not in his nature and have took the role of organising stuff myself

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