• I know it's all I seem to talk about and there's tonnes of threads but...

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Bullied a fair bit throughout life. I was pushed over and someone stamped repeatedly on my back (I was only little), I had some older guy kick me in the back to the point where he left a foot shaped bruise on my back (a little older but still fairly young but still remember it I was about year 1 he was a year 5-6) and when I myself got to year 6 I was bullied to the point where I had no friends and even teachers started against me.

    It's never been a problem at home my family have always fought my side and helped me and tried to push up my self confidence etc but I find it hard to believe

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Well that would explain so much.

    I'm sorry if I came across as overly harsh in my last post, but there is nothing more frustrating than trying to help someone if they won't help themselves...

    As for the bullies, they prey on people who seem weaker than them, as they are cowards. But really these bullies are the weak people. It is good that your family try to bolster your self-esteem. Sadly, though, it has to come from within, which is where you are seriously struggling. I really hope the counselling works out for you.

    in the event you don't get on with the first person you see, ask to see someone else. Don't give up and think, well that was a waste of time, because if you don't sort yourself out, you are going to waste so much more time in the future.

    Trust me on that last point.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    And that's not even taking into consideration things like when I was about 8 years old I accidentally got a man fired from his work but it was for inappropriate behaviour things like sitting us on his lap playing with our hair.

    When I was 15 another guy was trying to take advantage I was on placement with him and he was constantly flirting and stalking us and no one in the school would believe us but he was really inappropriate touching my bum telling me you know what good girls can do if they can roll their tongue etc. I've had decent guys in my life too but none like this one he's incredible

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the help but I think it's gonna take a miracle for me to love myself

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I say accidentally because I didn't realise he was being inappropriate I just told my mum about the trainee teacher who would come in at golden time on a Friday and when the teacher wasn't there he'd sit us on his lap and play with our hair telling us how beautiful we were

    The second guy was married with a baby mid 30s and even though there was two others from my school with him and he was doing the same with them the school took no action.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    And that's not even taking into consideration things like when I was about 8 years old I accidentally got a man fired from his work but it was for inappropriate behaviour things like sitting us on his lap playing with our hair.

    When I was 15 another guy was trying to take advantage I was on placement with him and he was constantly flirting and stalking us and no one in the school would believe us but he was really inappropriate touching my bum telling me you know what good girls can do if they can roll their tongue etc. I've had decent guys in my life too but none like this one he's incredible

    Ugh, the guy who touched you and said about girls rolling their tongue, he sounds like a paedophile.

    The guy who played with your hair, well, it might have been innocent, but it was definitely inappropriate, and if it was indeed 'innocent,' then it was extremely naive of him to think that would be OK with young children in a school.

    It sounds like you are the type of nice girl who is an easy target for a creepy guy to manipulate and groom for his own sexual gain.

    You do really need to stop being so trusting of these types of people before you get seriously hurt.

    Do not succumb to peer pressure just because other people do things, whether it's sex, drugs, crime whatever. You have your own morals and values. Live by them.

    And why do you find it hard to love yourself? Aside from the bullying. Take that out of the picture, and what is it that makes you so down on yourself? Were your family overly critical, or teachers at school?

    again I don't want to pry, but there must be a reason behind it all. I want you to work out why, so you can start to make some progress!

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    It might've been innocent but my parents, the school and other parents when it came out certainly didn't think it innocent.

    The other guy almost certainly was a paedophile but no one dos anything to help us they refused.

    I had teachers join in the bullying (sort of) when I was about 9-10 apparently the kids had every right to bully me. (Some help those teachers were) there was this thing called play leader and I was basically play leader for the receptions and I got told that didn't count and I didn't deserve anything by other teachers but the two lunch ladies I helped tried to fight my case because I basically took charge of that playground I did nearly everything kept the kids occupied, sorted out arguments and helped cheer kids up and even helped with the odd injury the only thing I wasn't allowed to do was change them if they had a wet or soiled accident. But apparently I didn't matter I wasn't part of it I was just the lonely bullied kid who hid out in the receptions playground and I apparently deserved to be bullied.

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Teachers are shit with bullying, it's usually the weird kid that gets bullied (not being offensive- I was that weird kid) so most teachers don't like you anyway. I was pretty antisocial and arrogant at school- also known as asperges, dyslexia and highly intelligent. Most teachers hated me and would snigger when a bully bullied me or just turn a blind eye, there were a couple that would really try and help me, one would sit at school until 7pm talking about depression.

    a lot of people are bullied, most bullied are bullied, particularly at home, or feel in some way inferior, or like myself, have problems that mean they don't realise that what they said was hurtful. You can't let bullied control your life. I'm getting a tattoo soon that says "a lion does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep" because that's such an important thing to remember. The reason people bully IS because they're jealous, I know it sounds corny but it is, I got bullied for being smart and not worrying about how I looked, I didn't follow trends or anything, whereas other are controlled by what is popular, that must be pretty frustrating and a crap way to live, I feel sorry for bullies, they must really hate themselves.

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    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    Bullying is absolutely dreadful, and it takes years to get over (at least a bit!) it. You have my deepest sympathies. I was bullied severely during my ears at elementary school and at high school; as a teen I was not only bullied by my peers but also by a teacher (for seven dreadful years) who took evil pleasure in humiliating me in front of my classmates (who did not like me, either). I have never found out why he did so.

    And, being an unattractive swot and bookworm who wore glasses, I also lived through many cases of attacks (both verbal and physical ones) by other students - the most bizzare incident was the one when I was about 15 and a couple of my classmates decided it would be fun if I contracted some serious disease; a mother of one of those girls worked as a lab assistant in some public health institute, in a department that studied diseases transmitted by ectoparasites. Her daughter somehow managed to visit her at work and sneaked an infected tick out, in order to be able to pass it onto me. The next day, she threw it into a pile of my clothes as we were changing for P.E. (I saw her fiddling with my stuff, and, several days later, I heard her talking to her friend about her disappointment that I did not get seriously ill - ot that I did not die). When I came home, I discoered it on the onderside of my left breast - I went to A&E to have it carefully removed, and they were looking at me in total disbelief; it was mid-January, after all, freezing cold weather, snow and ice, and definitely no damp grass full of ticks... Mercifully enough, I did not contract any tick-borne infection. What was worse, though, was that I could not provide any tanglible evidence against those b.tches, who - their assault having failed - just kept on laughing at me (and stealing my stuff) for several more years...

    Yeah, being bullied is something dreadful, you can never truly forget it. My advice for you would be to find some new hobbies - in other words, to find a passion for something that would be your "safe haven" of sorts, something that can never stab you in the back or betray you. You can do anything you fancy, from intellectual pursuits, through crafts and painting, to geocaching, sports or baking. And (yeah, I appreciate that an advice from a 28yo virgin is something you may not want to take seriously) when it comes to searching for some nice guy to date, I would suggest you look for someone who has equally deep passion for (at least) one of the hobbies you enjoy - I may be wrong but sharing a hobby and starting a friendship based upon something different than sex talk and compliments on physical beauty sounds like a lot safer way to get to know someone who might eventually become your partner...

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a few hobbies and I always found that the ex guy I was seeing was also into the same things as I was. Gym, football, music and stuff like that. We used to talk in depth about ten I especially liked how we'd talk about football I didn't know much but it was enough to impress him.

    I'm so sorry that you've been bullied and I agree with you both it takes a lifetime to get over its probably why I have all these issues now but I don't care tbh I just want that guy in my life and he currently is even if we don't get back to how things were it's ok because he's truly here for me and that's what I need

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a few hobbies and I always found that the ex guy I was seeing was also into the same things as I was. Gym, football, music and stuff like that. We used to talk in depth about ten I especially liked how we'd talk about football I didn't know much but it was enough to impress him.

    I'm so sorry that you've been bullied and I agree with you both it takes a lifetime to get over its probably why I have all these issues now but I don't care tbh I just want that guy in my life and he currently is even if we don't get back to how things were it's ok because he's truly here for me and that's what I need

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty, have you sought out any professional help yet?

    x

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've been to the doctors but I have to wait for counselling.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Well, if you need to talk in the meantime, please continue to use the thread here, and we may be able to help... Despite not being trained, I've had counselling and CBT, so at least understand some of the principles behind it.

    Sounds like your childhood was difficult. Mine was too, for different reasons, but after some crap times in the past, I feel like my life is more or less on track now. It's not always peaches and cream, but it's not all doom and gloom either 😁

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you i greatly appreciate it. It doesn't feel like I had problems I mean some people my age and younger and older have been through more than I ever will.

    I've never cared about myself and it's never caused me problems to be honest just means I hurt less when things happen because I expect it to happen.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    Thank you i greatly appreciate it. It doesn't feel like I had problems I mean "some people my age and younger and older have been through more than I ever will."

    I've never cared about myself and it's never caused me problems to be honest just means I hurt less when things happen because I expect it to happen.

    Yes, other people go through a lot more than it seems we do, but it doesn't make it any less important, hun. You need care and support too.

    And going through life expecting shit stuff to be all you deserve is no way to live. I'm not saying you should go around acting all entitled, but you deserve common courtesy and civility from your peers, whether it's at school, or in workplace.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm in work now but I don't get on woth one of the women there either she's so... One minute she's up then she's down it actually caused me to have panic attacks at work

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    How bad are these panic attacks?

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm on 40mg propanalol to help doctor actually said they're work related panic attacks due to boss being so inconsistent well get on for a while then she'll have a massive go st me for things I supposedly dos months ago. Heart races, brain tells me to get the heck out and I go all funny and clammy and it's horrible

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    The panic attacks sound very unpleasant. So when your boss has a go at you for things you 'supposedly' do, is she blaming you for other people's mistakes, her own mistakes, or what?

    Is she a highly strung kind of person who gets stressed easily?

    If she is highly-strung, then perhaps ask her if anything outside of work is bothering her.

    But, if she is trying to cover her own ass, by blaming you for her mistakes, then that is bullying...

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