• I know it's all I seem to talk about and there's tonnes of threads but...

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never loved myself though and I know we aren't going to get back together but we are getting back to talking even though she doesn't want us talking (tough I'm afraid she was the one who took him away she's had over a decade to like him and it was only when she found out how well me and him were getting on THEN came the flirting and I think it's just because she's available for sex any time whereas I'm not. He's scared he'll hurt me he doesn't care about her because she doesn't hurt easily) I'm just so grateful for him helping me through everything.

    I have tried moving on but it hasn't been very long and he was part of my life for like nearly half a year so I can't just say fuck it and leave him and not care.

    I wasn't looking when he came my way but so glad he did. He told me his sister found out and went mental at him because she doesn't want things to get messy because it's two of her friends and her brother caught up but she hasn't said anything so it's fine I just think she doesn't want us getting hurt. I think he's just scared because he's been so hurt in the past and he's scared I'll do it to him or him to me.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I appreciate its not going to be easy but to avoid youself getting hurt even more you really need to try and move on .

    I think that you are trying to make excuses for him but the fact is hard as to accept but for what ever reason it is , he prefers staying with this other girl . Yes you could be right that its because she is available . However this still places you in second place and that is were you are at the moment. This status quo is unlikely to change in the near future and I think you are raising your hopes unnecessarily in waiting . If he really thought you were Mrs Right then he would be moving through hurdles to get to you .

    I hope I don't come accross has being too harsh but its because I care and don't want to hear of you get hurt any further. I think you have endured enough .

    I also don't beleive that you are ugly as you claim yourself. IMO there are no ugly people in this world . Everyone is an individual and there is always someone out there for everyone. Perhaps because of the set backs and problems you have that you may have let yourself go a bit. Thats undestandable but on the other hand it is reversable . I have always been amazed at how different ladies can look with different hair styles and a new outfit.Stop being too ctitical and harsh about your body .

    Perhaps a place to start is to shake yourself up and brush yourself down and start taking perhaps a little pride in yourself so others take notice . Your only young so time is on your side.

    Just make it happen .

    Take care.

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    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty i think the best thing you can do right now is move on and learn from this relationship.

    you found love once so theres nothing stopping it happen again. He has showed you that there are good guys out there who will love you for you. He found you beautiful so there are other men who will feel the same. He showed you what it was like to feel confident and pretty, take that and remember how good it felt.

    he has also shown you what qualities you like and what you want and need from a relationship. Move on with that in mind and find someone who will treat you right.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am trying to move on but what I have said isn't me thinking overly highly of him that's how he is. I mentioned her to him the other night saying she'd go mad if she found is talking he said he didn't care it was ok. I know I probably won't get him back but he still cares about me and for now that's what I need. I would like to think slowly we can sort things out even his family have said him and this new girl are basically just using each other for sex and the novelty will soon wear off (sounds like it already might've tbh)

    I also believe that's there's only one for everyone and I've lost that. I don't want anyone else right now I just need him to help me through everything and that's what he's doing. He's been messaging asking me if I'm ok and when I say no he gets me to tell him what's troubling me and he'll wait patiently whilst I tell him everything and then he's so caring and soothing him and his sister are the only people I can rely on and trust right now

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Either he's with you or he's not, but it won't help you at all hanging onto the hope of getting him back. You need to either accept he's just a friend and move on with your love life, or cut him out completely. It's hard, a lot of us have been through similar things, when it's so hard to let someone leave your life but you will get tired of trying to hang on to him and you've hurt for so long for nothing.

    you will love again, you will not go through life alone because you lost this one person, I am confident of that. In 10 years what is happening now will mean nothing to you, my guess is: he will mean nothing to you, he'll just fe a distant memory. I have the timehop app, and a while back I was seeing tweets from two years ago sounding so heart broken, I cannot remember why I was so sad, you do eventually forget the hurt.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Eventually yeah maybe but I don't think I'll forget him. For now it's friends but I can't say if it'll change or not because it has in the past. We weren't even going to message it had stopped completely then two weeks later he messages me. His sister did say she doesn't think he knows what he wants apart from not wanting me hurt that's the only thing he's sure of

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry Kirsty hun, but perhaps you just need to get this guy out of your head...for good.

    Pining away for someone who won't commit to you will just prolong your heartache.

    others have pretty much said it already. I think you know what you need to do. It will be painful at first, like ripping off a plaster, but hopefully in the long run, it'll cause you less pain and grief.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not saying well get thongs back to the way they were but he's in part of my life and I can't get rid of him. He still wants to be in mine and I still want him a part of mine. I can't help it but he's the first guy I've ever loved.

    He's helping me through so much I nearly lost someone close to me over the weekend and for what they thought was going to be some of their last words to me they told me I needed to sort things out with the guy if he made me even a bit as happy as they thought that guy made me and I couldn't just let things slip and I'm talking to the guy about it and he's being villainy helping me through.

    Besides I am still trying to move on with my love life I'm still chatting to people on tinder and cam guy so it's not like I'm holding off for him to come back to me.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    *things

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    ** brilliant

    WHY is my phone changing words once I've typed them? Stupid thing and via phone I can't edit either x

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    He has just sent me the most amazing messages and managed to make me cry and laugh he told me he'll always be there for me. He's so incredible to me

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    babymable [sign in to see picture]
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    Coming from someone who suffers from depression I really really think that you need to take up the referral from your Dr to see someone. You really need to speak to someone about all the stuff you went through when you were younger and what you are going through now.
    It sounds like you are obsessed with this guy and that is not a good thing. You just said that you think he is with this other girl because she is there to give him sex whenever he wants and you won't. Why on earth would you want to be with a guy that you think is using a girl for sex, a guy who is dating someone but going behind her back to message you. Don't you think he would do the same to you if you were dating him. I think you need to forget him as he has obviously made his choice with being with the new girl. I'm not trying to be mean but he may only be texting you to keep you on his good side just in case things don't work out with this other girl.
    I've been reading your posts for a while and you seem very naive when it comes to him and cam guy. Personally I think they are both using you. You need to see someone professional, it will help make you stronger and make you have more self respect for yourself. The amount of time and energy you are putting into those 2 wastes of space could be better spent on you talking to someone and bettering yourself. Once you feel more confident about yourself I'm sure you will find the right person. Please take a long hard look at what everyone is telling you, hopefully you will make the right decision.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am seeing someone it's just gonna take some time for it to go through.

    I have been told by several people it's just sex and that includes him. It's not because I won't it's because I can't I live too far to give him everything he deserves. I'm not obsessed with him in the slightest I gave him up for over two weeks without a backwards glance but then he got in contact with me. He's helping me with everything I've been going through and trying to keep me going. He actually managed to make me laugh.

    He is sticking by me despite all the shit so I'm doing the same with him I don't care if I'm just another option the main thing is he's there for me when I need him the most.

    Most of this stuff I've been saying isn't what i think it's what I've been told.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    babymable wrote:

    Coming from someone who suffers from depression I really really think that you need to take up the referral from your Dr to see someone. You really need to speak to someone about all the stuff you went through when you were younger and what you are going through now.
    It sounds like you are obsessed with this guy and that is not a good thing. You just said that you think he is with this other girl because she is there to give him sex whenever he wants and you won't. Why on earth would you want to be with a guy that you think is using a girl for sex, a guy who is dating someone but going behind her back to message you. Don't you think he would do the same to you if you were dating him. I think you need to forget him as he has obviously made his choice with being with the new girl. I'm not trying to be mean but he may only be texting you to keep you on his good side just in case things don't work out with this other girl.
    I've been reading your posts for a while and you seem very naive when it comes to him and cam guy. Personally I think they are both using you. You need to see someone professional, it will help make you stronger and make you have more self respect for yourself. The amount of time and energy you are putting into those 2 wastes of space could be better spent on you talking to someone and bettering yourself. Once you feel more confident about yourself I'm sure you will find the right person. Please take a long hard look at what everyone is telling you, hopefully you will make the right decision.

    I have already said my thoughts Kirsty, but what babymable says is 100% spot-on...please hun, lose these two guys, focus on yourself, get yourself to a better place emotionally and don't be so trusting of others...you sound like a really sweet girl, but very naive. I admit, it is very nice to get attention off guys, but you have to question their motives sometimes. I wouldn't keep sending stuff to this cam guy. You don't know what he's going to do with it. You need to respect yourself hun, or guys like them will walk all over you.

    No can help you ultimately but yourself. xx

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty trust us all here we are thinking of you and you only . You really need to move on here and if you can't do it alone then speak to your doctor. Depression isn't easy to handle but it can be cured in time. Thse guys are just wasting your time please accept that .None of us are trying to be spoilers here .

    You really do need to start looking after no1 which is you . Get yourself sorted and start concentrating on your good things . As I have stated before, start to appreciate yourself. Change things that you don't like about yourself after you have concentrated on your good things but start taking some pride and interest in yourself and just forget about others for a while .

    If you start doing this this will bring more confidence to yourself and then others willl note this and then and only then start looking for a new partner.

    Believe me you deserve much better than these guys could possibly offer you .

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven't bothered with cam guy in a while got rid of tinder and I have been trying to change myself since the start of the year it's not working.

    The guy I was seeing I can't be doing without right now I need him I can barely trust anyone as it is. I'm just talking to him seeing how things go.

    I don't care about myself i never really have done. I just want to be happy and he's being there for me I'm not going to kick him out of my life for no reason. People argue all the time it doesn't bother me

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    I don't care about myself i never really have done.

    Thats your biggest problem and the one you need to sort. . If you don't care about yourself ,how on earth can you expect others to start caring about you and having a relationship with you .

    I am trying not to be harsh here but everything has to start with you and you putting yourself right first .Without you attending to this then nothing will change and you'll be posting the same problems 12 months down the line as you are doing now.

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    Mr & Mrs P [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 just be happy 😃 and only you can make the right decision xx

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I honestly appreciate everyone caring and the messages but there's only so much I can do. Hopefully me getting counselling will help me love myself but I'm not holding out my hopes.

    With this guy he's been nothing but amazing and supportive and whether or not it's right or wrong or if he's using me or not I can't just dump him. I don't have a lot of people I can open up to right now but he's one of the very few I can. He's doing his absolute best to take care of me and help me through everything including the stuff I haven't even said on here.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Kirsty92 wrote:

    I don't care about myself i never really have done.

    Thats your biggest problem and the one you need to sort. . If you don't care about yourself ,how on earth can you expect others to start caring about you and having a relationship with you .

    I am trying not to be harsh here but everything has to start with you and you putting yourself right first .Without you attending to this then nothing will change and you'll be posting the same problems 12 months down the line as you are doing now.

    So true what mysteron has said here...the question is WHY do you not care about yourself?

    What has happened to you in the past to make you think so little of yourself? Have you been bullied, or neglected or even abused? I am not trying to pry, and don't wish to upset you or try to get you to divulge anything that is too personal or painful to talk about, but the thing is...for some reason you have it in your mind that you're essentially nothing. That is such a soul-destroying way to think.

    So you need to start telling yourself, actually I am worth a damn. I am worth caring about, and I deserve love. Because until you do that, no one else will think that of you.

    Sorry to be blunt, but that is the way it is. When you work out why, come back on here, and tell us what you plan to do about it. Until then, it's no use saying how much you need this guy in your life. What you need is some damn self-respect, young lady!

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