• I know it's all I seem to talk about and there's tonnes of threads but...

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Forgot go say photography is another great hobby.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I volunteer and fundraiser frequently just in step months I did 3 5K charity dashes.

    I used to read and write a lot but I cant really concentrate at the moment.

    Tried cross stitching again I'm not good at anything creative, I used to write a lot but I don't have time anymore and it was just repetitive crap. Nail art is again being creative I've tried and no good at that either I just smudge I'm no good at make up.

    Baked cakes the other day for a fundraiser and it went wrong even though I usually bake ok cakes.

    I don't feel like it matters if he's carrot dangling or using me I just want him in my life. I'm not just chubby I'm plain fat and ugly and I can't love myself but when he wanted me I did love myself because it's hard not to when someone so amazing loves you

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    I volunteer and fundraiser frequently just in step months I did 3 5K charity dashes.

    I used to read and write a lot but I cant really concentrate at the moment.

    Tried cross stitching again I'm not good at anything creative, I used to write a lot but I don't have time anymore and it was just repetitive crap. Nail art is again being creative I've tried and no good at that either I just smudge I'm no good at make up.

    Baked cakes the other day for a fundraiser and it went wrong even though I usually bake ok cakes.

    I don't feel like it matters if he's carrot dangling or using me I just want him in my life. I'm not just chubby I'm plain fat and ugly and I can't love myself but when he wanted me I did love myself because it's hard not to when someone so amazing loves you

    It sounds like you have this guy on an impossibly high pedestal, and you are very down on yourself...that's not good for you hun...

    poor concentration is a symptom of depression, so just do something for the time being that doesn't require too much concentration.

    Please learn to love or even just like yourself. Yes you have flaws as we all do, but beating yourself black and blue does not help...trust me! It just damages your self esteem more. Find one good thing about yourself everyday, and write it down if you have to!

    You are lovable and deserving of love. You're going through a bad time and you need to be kinder to yourself girlie! xx

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe you just need to give yourself a rest and take some time to chill out. How about putting on some easy listening music and lying on your bed with the lights out and a candle burning and just breathing and enjoying the music.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the messages I don't realise it's being harsh I just see it as true I like my eyes and boobs and maybe my bum is just about bearable but that's all there is and only because I've got 38 F boobs and blue eyes with white patterns in it but even then my boobs droop

    He doesn't see himself the way I see him. He sees himself full of flaws even though there's not a thing wrong with him he's gorgeous and the sweetest man ever such a romantic gem a one in a million guy.

    I've got a brand album I want to listen to but after last night and today I just can't listen to it yet

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    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel so much for you i really do :( I split from the love of my life who i feel for the same way it sounds like you feel for this guy, and i understand that never ending ache to just want them, to know they are the one, and how much not being with them tears you apart every second of every day. I'm crying now because i identify so much with what you're saying about having no confidence in yourself and seeing yourself as nothing, as i'm just the same. I was severely emotionally controlled and abused by an ex, and i've been bullied all my life, even by random strangers in the street. But we need to learn that we are the same as everyone else, ugly does NOT exist, EVERYONE is attractive and perfect to someone, so we are ALL beautiful, we all deserve someone that treats us like the the only one in the world for them. I know it's hard when you feel like nothing, i've felt so often that prisons full of the worst type of criminal deserve more than i do, but as hard as it is to believe, we deserve love, we deserve happiness, and we ARE worthy, of so, so much more than we believe. I don't need to know what you look like to know that you're beautiful, you're absolutely beautiful personality wise, there's no way that could not shine through how you look too.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Virgin Angel you are beautiful and I am so sorry you've been through so much.

    He treated me like the only one in his world and with everything I'm going through I just need him with me. With him I was so confident and felt sky high with happiness but then I came tumbling back to earth and realised there's nothing special about me. I'm not pretty, I'm not special and I can't even keep hold of a man so to speak. I hate how bad I feel but I just want him back in my life id give up every guy, every ounce of money and all sorts just to have him back. I don't care if he's using me or stringing me along I just want to remain a part of his life even if I'm only an open option.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    It feels like all of my life is falling apart if I could just have him back I'd have something stable in my life and something to keep me going

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    LOVE YOURSELF DAMN IT! It's so hard to explain to someone why you need to love yourself, stop putting yourself down. I think taking up a sport with a coach, or even a personal trainer at the gym would really help you, you need someone whose opinion you can trust who will tell you how well you're doing and give you confidence. You need someone who you don't put on a pedestal to show you how amazing you are

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    LOVE YOURSELF DAMN IT! It's so hard to explain to someone why you need to love yourself, stop putting yourself down. I think taking up a sport with a coach, or even a personal trainer at the gym would really help you, you need someone whose opinion you can trust who will tell you how well you're doing and give you confidence. You need someone who you don't put on a pedestal to show you how amazing you are

    I can sense your frustration Y&F, but no matter how much advice we give Kirsty only she can make the decision to act in the best way she feels is for her.

    But, Kirsty, please do heed some of this advice. If not now, maybe in the future. And my last piece of advice for you is this...do not make any rash decisions while you are so vulnerable emotionally. You may do something you'll really regret later on, (like losing your virginity to an asshole, for one), so just consider all your options before making your final decision...

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok thanks guys will take advice.

    Currently talking to the ex guy i was seeing. He's being amazing listening to my problems. I warned him he said its ok I'm here to listen.

    The personal trainers are always so busy as there's so few of them.

    I'm not going to lose my virginity yet but I'm not gonna lie I'm excited to get started so I can try all sorts out.

    And I can't love myself I have tried so hard no method works. I get told positive stuff from family and friends but my brain goes well they have to say that and I know you guys don't have to but a tiny part of my brain goes yeah but they haven't even seen you

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    You are having lots of Negative Automatic Thoughts, or NATs if you like acronyms.

    When I went for CBT after my first serious depressive episode I learnt all about how my brain would automatically come up with such negative thoughts, like what you are saying about yourself. Every time you have one of these thought, you need to pause and challenge that thought with something more balanced.

    for example, if you automatically think 'that guy didn't reply to my message, he must think I'm ugly,' then instead challenge that thought by thinking, 'oh well, maybe he's just busy or he's left his phone somewhere away from him so he didn't get the message now, but he'll reply when he gets it...'

    This might sound over simplistic, but if you start challenging your thoughts in this way, EVERY time you have them, then soon it will become second nature.

    I still occasionally have the odd NAT, but I still try to challenge them with a more balanced response.

    A major thing with depression is it makes you jump to conclusions, that aren't necessarily true. Or are downright daft! It also gives you very black and white / all or nothing type thinking. But there are always other ways to perceive things. You just have to try!

    No we haven't seen you, but there is more to people than looks, hun.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry I contradicted myself, and gave another piece of advice, but it just makes me sad to think you really can't love yourself.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    No worries Hun and thanks you're right it's knee jerk reaction I always try to think more logically but it doesn't help when it's me. I'm ugly because I've been told I am since I was about 10 I was horribly bullied and alone in last year of primary school, got to secondary school to have guys tell me how ugly I am to getting it in the street: fat and ugly are the most common ones.

    I can't seem to stop hating myself unless someone else loves me like he did

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I know it's really hard to do but try to forget what people did at school. You are right they were bullying you and usually bullies are really insecure people who get a kick out of making other people bad or they are jealous of you. I got bullied at school too and then a few of the guys asked me out when I was older and I thought to myself if I wasn't good enough for you before then no thanks and turned them down. The guys shouting out in the street at you are just acting up in front of their mates and trying to be the big man. They're just tossers and I' m sure even though they think they're God's gift they are not. You probably wouldn't look twice at them so ignore them and walk away with your head held high.

    You said you have blue eyes which is a beautiful colour so make the most of them by accentuating them with make -up to frame them and really make them stand out. Have a make -up lesson if you need advice and tips at a department store.

    You said you have nice boobs but you think they are a bit droopy so wear good supporting underwear and do extra bust exercises to firm things up. You also said you had an okay bum so dress to show off your best bits to your advantage. Again you can get a personal shopper to advise what styles to go for to accentuate your figure and make the most of it in a department store. Are you an hourglass? Lots of men love the bombshell retro vintage look on a woman.

    You are a lovely young girl who is just as good as everyone else. Make the most of your youthful looks. You will look back years from now at old photos and realise that there was nothing wrong with you at all.

    Try to focus on all your good points not the negatives. You will meet someone who will love you just as you are. I met my husband after I had stopped looking and had given up on meeting anyone. I just started to go out and enjoy myself with my friends and not worry about dating and then we met. So please don't give up. Your time will come.

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    A very wise person once told me that "all diamonds are beautiful but like humans they all have flaws" (unless it is a ridiculously expensive flawless diamond)

    We all have bits we don't like about ourselves but other people don't even notice them.They accept us as we are, the complete person and it is only if we bring something to their attention that they will scrutinise it. We are all guilty of being our own harshest critic.

    Your friends probably look at you and think I wish I had glossy hair like Kirsty or lovely skin like Kirsty, big blue eyes etc etc.

    I wonder if you went for a boudoir photo shoot and got your hair and make-up done and got some pictures to take home to keep if it would give you a much needed confidence boost and let you see how lovely you really are in black and white or colour. You could take them out and have a look whenever you felt a bit down and doubted yourself to remind you how good you can look.

    If anyone bullies you from now on just walk away from them, don't react and let them know that they have hurt you. They soon get fed up if they don't think that they have upset you and that spoils their fun and they stop doing it.

    One last thing. You mentioned something along the lines of that you thought you weren't thin enough to deserve to be with your ex in an earlier post. If someone loves you they love you no matter what size dress you wear. It's much better to be healthy and happy than starving and miserable to impress a guy. Make the most of what nature gave you.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    lmh95 wrote:

    A very wise person once told me that "all diamonds are beautiful but like humans they all have flaws" (unless it is a ridiculously expensive flawless diamond)

    We all have bits we don't like about ourselves but other people don't even notice them.They accept us as we are, the complete person and it is only if we bring something to their attention that they will scrutinise it. We are all guilty of being our own harshest critic.

    Your friends probably look at you and think I wish I had glossy hair like Kirsty or lovely skin like Kirsty, big blue eyes etc etc.

    I wonder if you went for a boudoir photo shoot and got your hair and make-up done and got some pictures to take home to keep if it would give you a much needed confidence boost and let you see how lovely you really are in black and white or colour. You could take them out and have a look whenever you felt a bit down and doubted yourself to remind you how good you can look.

    If anyone bullies you from now on just walk away from them, don't react and let them know that they have hurt you. They soon get fed up if they don't think that they have upset you and that spoils their fun and they stop doing it.

    One last thing. You mentioned something along the lines of that you thought you weren't thin enough to deserve to be with your ex in an earlier post. If someone loves you they love you no matter what size dress you wear. It's much better to be healthy and happy than starving and miserable to impress a guy. Make the most of what nature gave you.

    +1 to all that lmh95 said. Definitely try a boudoir photo shoot!!
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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys. I've tried make up tutorials but can't get the hang of things no matter how much I try same goes for hair.

    I've sometimes wondered about having a photoshoot done and looked into it but there's none local they all require a fair bit of travel but then I wonder if I had any sort of photoshoot done as still don't like how I look not even in the photos then I'm in trouble.

    I'm the one who thinks I'm not thin enough for him he always told me thin isn't sexy curvy girls are I just feel like because of him and his amazing body (super buff, perfectly tanned, tattoos, just the right amount of body hair which for me is very little to none etc) he needs a girl who compliments him. He's not interested in anyone skinny I just feel he should be.

    I kinda have hourglass but I also have a massive fat double stomach and handles. I do exercises to try and perk up my boobs as well as the ones to lose weight but im not seeing much of a difference.

    I never let people know they've hurt me. I always walk with head held high but it's an act it still gets to me. After being bullied in primary I was then repeatedly humiliated by a guy I really liked and that happened for a few years. Went off lads for a while come to college fancied a guy and he publicly humiliated me and then another at the very end was closer to me and went away didn't say a word then tried to act like nothing happened so when I confronted him he ran again. That says to me there's definitely something wrong with

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    Thanks guys. I've tried make up tutorials but can't get the hang of things no matter how much I try same goes for hair.

    I've sometimes wondered about having a photoshoot done and looked into it but there's none local they all require a fair bit of travel but then I wonder if I had any sort of photoshoot done as still don't like how I look not even in the photos then I'm in trouble.

    I'm the one who thinks I'm not thin enough for him he always told me thin isn't sexy curvy girls are I just feel like because of him and his amazing body (super buff, perfectly tanned, tattoos, just the right amount of body hair which for me is very little to none etc) he needs a girl who compliments him. He's not interested in anyone skinny I just feel he should be.

    I kinda have hourglass but I also have a massive fat double stomach and handles. I do exercises to try and perk up my boobs as well as the ones to lose weight but im not seeing much of a difference.

    I never let people know they've hurt me. I always walk with head held high but it's an act it still gets to me. After being bullied in primary I was then repeatedly humiliated by a guy I really liked and that happened for a few years. Went off lads for a while come to college fancied a guy and he publicly humiliated me and then another at the very end was closer to me and went away didn't say a word then tried to act like nothing happened so when I confronted him he ran again. That says to me there's definitely something wrong with

    Kirsty, I think before you focus on anyone else in your life you need to focus on yourself and go and get some professional help.

    It's all well and good all of us suggesting things and trying to help you but at the end of the day you can't help someone that won't help themselves. I really do feel for you but I really think you should seek help.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with the above post. You really need to start Loving yourself and see past any little imperfections that you may have.

    Once you can do this then there will be a chance you will meet another guy that will also see past any imperfections. This is what love does .

    Like I said before Mr Right is out there but you need to be patient .

    I don't think this guy that this other girl is seeing is the Mr Right for you. If that as the case both of you would make more of an effort to couple up together . I think you are lettting out your emotions for this guy but he doesn't appear to feel the same for you.

    For your own sake you really need to move on and start looking at yourself in a more positivel light.

    By all means get professional help as I think you are showing signs of depression.

    There is a lot of lovelly meaningful people on here that really care about you and thats why we all want yoiu to do something about it .

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