• I know it's all I seem to talk about and there's tonnes of threads but...

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    The way I see it is that you and a guy met on tinder. You've been having some fun (both of you) and even if you never meet, you've still had fun. You haven't sent any photos with distinguishing features so you are pretty safe in that respect. If you do meet up you are going to meet him with friends so you are pretty safe in that respect too. In life there are always risks, it is just a matter of analysing the costs against the potential benefits.

    One thing to be aware of is that some people use tinder for wank fodder with no intention of ever meeting the person they are chatting to. I've had chats with guys that have gone on for days or even weeks that have been pretty hot. I know they aren't really bothered about meeting (people who want to meet up tend to organise a date pretty quickly) but I'm not either. It's harmless fun and we are both enjoying ourselves. Some people might feel hurt if they discovered the guy had no intention of meeting them though. If it turned out this guy had no intention of meeting you, would you still feel ok about skyping etc? If you wouldn't be, it might be an idea to try arrange a meeting soon. If he cancels you might be looking at someone who uses tinder for wank fodder.

    I've done some pretty stupid and dangerous stuff in the past and been fine. I've also ended up being severely hurt when what I was doing was low risk. I'm not saying throw caution to the wind, I'm just saying we can't prevent ourselves from ever getting hurt without locking ourselves away. I think the most logical thing to do is to try minimise risks and only take risks that seem worthwhile.

    You may well get hurt. You may well lose your virginity to him and then never hear from him again. You might be happy with the experience even if you don't stay in touch or you might regret meeting him. It's also possible you'll have an amazing time and you'll be so glad you met him. There is no way to know for certain. All you can do is give it plenty of thought and trust yourself to know yourself.

    I had sex for the first time consensually with a guy I met in a club (not in the club). We emailed for about a week and he told me that it would just be for fun, there was no chance of a relationship. People told me I'd regret losing my virginity to a guy I barely knew, who I didn't love and who didn't love me but I was ready to have sex and I am not exactly romantically inclined. What people were actually saying is that they wouldn't want to lose their virginity to someone they didn't care about. We don't all want the same things. My first time was brilliant. The sex was great, the guy was hot, and I was ready. I have never regretted my choice.

    The reason I am telling you that is because the idea there is a "right" way to lose your virginity drives me mad. There is no "right" way, only a way which is right for the individual.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Vanessa8 I understand and I don't even know if I'll go on Skype for him and he doesn't force me to if I don't want to. I will be careful.

    Friday13 thank you for seeing my side I understand people just want to protect me but i can't say anything else than what I've already said to show I'm being careful.

    If I had listened to the doubters I never would've had the best guy to have ever come into my life (in a non family way) and honestly I have never once regretted my decision.

    I'm not worth it and don't deserve better, I don't even deserve what I have to be fair but I don't mind

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    I'm not worth it and don't deserve better, I don't even deserve what I have to be fair but I don't mind

    I'm really sad to hear you say that. You deserve to be happy and treated well. I 100% support your decision to do whatever makes you happy but I don't support any decision that's based on the misassumption that you should accept whatever is offered because you don't deserve better or it is the best you can expect.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the support and I just don't know how to change my outlook friends and family always try to help me think positive tell me good things about myself but the way I see it... They're my friends and family they HAVE to say that, the kid in the street that calls me and ugly fat cow, the lad i knew who publicly humiliated me regularly for liking him, the people that tell me I'm ugly etc they don't have to be nice so they're telling me things how it is

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh Kirsty this kills me to hear, it like you're me two years ago. I can. Whole heartedly tell you that you will fall I love again, with an incredible man who will give you what you give him, these people do exist, and I probably bet that he's being taken advantage of by someone too. It's how it is, people like us get treated like shit, then you find someone who appears to treat you well and they get bored of you or you mess it up by being too "you" and you think no one will ever love you so you might as well just have a fuck buddy. People like us are few and far between, but when you meet someone like you there's no turning back, they give you their all, just as you give your all.

    i almost lost OH because I felt like you feel now, but somehow he snapped me it of it and I am still trying to repair myself from the years and years of torment, for me it came from my family as much as school kids, so it was like even my family think I'm a fat freak so I definitely am. OH didn't need to do extravagant things, he made me feel safe jus by being there, rushing home when I thought someone was in the garden.

    if you need this fuck buddy to get through then just be careful, if it turns out he's not interested don't let that lower your value.

    Peoples opinions of you don't give your value, not even your opinion of yourself does, your value is in who you are and you seem pretty awesome to me, damaged at the minute and not living up to your own worth probably because you're scared of what people think of you, but you know you're in there and you know you're worth more than this.

    at the end of the day, this is life, you can't change that, this is the world we live in, it sucks most of the time, but as a person who has tried, killing yourself isn't all that easy or nice so you just have to keep going, so you might as well enjoy it, don't get stuck on the past, that guy is gone, he wasn't what you thought he was, you might see that now, it might take you months or even years, it took me months to realise my first wasn't ever interested in being my friend, just his fuck on the side.

    You will love again, I promise, and you will be loved in such a way you question the world, because this incredible mad loves me, despite my many faults, he loves me, and if this incredible being loves me and those other people didn't, that's their problem, because I'm awesome, he told me so. And so are you.

    i don't really know if all that made sense, maybe it's just a ramble but you remind me so much of me I wish someone had told me that the world gets better, and I wish I'd believed them, maybe it'd have saved me some scars, but hey! They make me who I am so maybe that's the path I was supposed to take, all the best people in the world grew up believing they were worthless, it's what makes us so awesome, when you've been through hell and come out the other end the devil fears you, you're stronger than the world.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I might come accross as an old fashioned romantic but I firmly beleive that out there there is a perfect match for eveyone.

    You just have to be patient and try and find that person .Love will always find a way .

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    Kirsty92 wrote:

    I'm not worth it and don't deserve better, I don't even deserve what I have to be fair but I don't mind

    I'm really sad to hear you say that. You deserve to be happy and treated well. I 100% support your decision to do whatever makes you happy but I don't support any decision that's based on the misassumption that you should accept whatever is offered because you don't deserve better or it is the best you can expect.

    oh kristy92 my dear it actually mad me cry to read you wrote this. YOU ARE WORTH MORE, I dont care what your weight is, what your silly family says... but my dear do not accept less and think that is all you deserve because that is how women end up in abusive relationships and with men who take advantage of them.

    This line ALONE is a reason to seek out that counselor for self esteem work.

    I am not judging you enjoying this online / virtual flirtation hon, I just wanted to put some perspective on here to try to help as you seem very young and there are some of us on here who like to "mother" a little bit.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Youngandfun95 I'm sorry that happened to you. I get it off my brothers but they've got behavioural problems and I try not to take it to heart well actually they haven't said anything for a while now. I won't self harm or try to kill myself. I haven't had thoughts like that that was one thing my dr worried about. Glad your OH was able to help you but this guy was the same it's not him people tell me it is entirely his fault but it isn't it's mine wholeheartedly and I know that.

    Mysteryon I feel the same but I feel he WAS my one. He loved me for me, he loved my flaws and the things he thought were my perfections, he was and still an amazing man. i hate that girl who's with him now but I just want him to be happy. Maybe I did like him a bit more than I ever let on but I was scared to lose him. He messaged the other day needing to know if I was ok and needing to apologise, he still cares for me after everything. He was like how r u? So I was like don't think it matters he said don't be stupid them another message straight after saying always matters. My heart melted (not that I let him know) I'll always have a spot for him in my heart and I'd always take him back if he'd let me

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Vannessa it's not my family it used to be my little brother with behavioural problems but I just gave as good as I got it was people in the street. My family are always trying to tell me positive stuff. How pretty I am how funny and all these other things but I feel because it's my family and friends being nice that they HAVE to be nice to me because they're my family and friends that's their job. They'd be a crap family and friendship group of they didn't try to make me see myself positively.

    Been crying myself just reading these replies x

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty92 wrote:

    Youngandfun95 I'm sorry that happened to you. I get it off my brothers but they've got behavioural problems and I try not to take it to heart well actually they haven't said anything for a while now. I won't self harm or try to kill myself. I haven't had thoughts like that that was one thing my dr worried about. Glad your OH was able to help you but this guy was the same it's not him people tell me it is entirely his fault but it isn't it's mine wholeheartedly and I know that.

    Mysteryon I feel the same but I feel he WAS my one. He loved me for me, he loved my flaws and the things he thought were my perfections, he was and still an amazing man. i hate that girl who's with him now but I just want him to be happy. Maybe I did like him a bit more than I ever let on but I was scared to lose him. He messaged the other day needing to know if I was ok and needing to apologise, he still cares for me after everything. He was like how r u? So I was like don't think it matters he said don't be stupid them another message straight after saying always matters. My heart melted (not that I let him know) I'll always have a spot for him in my heart and I'd always take him back if he'd let me

    I appreciate from a guys point of view its probably a bit different.But if a guy nicked my woman or even tried his life wouldn't be worth living.

    If this guys is right for you then you ( your heart will tell you so ) then you should fight for him and get him back regardless of the consequencies .If its the same girl as you mentioned before then she didn't care much for you when you had him so whats stopping you ? Get him back and ignore her.

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    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, just to add like Friday 13, I lost my virginity to a boy I wasnt with but was good friends with after adrunken night out, no I dont regret it it was absolutely fine.. though like u say mates said i would regretted it .. nope. And Friends were pissed off he didn't want a relationship after I didn't mind.. dont let anyone decided things for u x

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Just needed to add I don't mean litterally fight for him ie fist i cuffs or anything like as I don't want to advocate violence .

    But think about starting to tap him up . Be a pain if you like for the other girl . You know all of his contact details then go fot it . If need be turrn up on his doorstep. Another plus side if he can see that you arn't giving up on him it may signal to him that you really care about him .

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Boo had recommended a book on another thread I am working through called Loveability it is on amazon

    I will admit I have not got that far into it but it addresses how to better give and receive love

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I tried to fight so much for him in the end he said not to because he couldn't stand seeing me get hurt. That's why things went wrong, he's hurt a girl in the past she ripped his hurt out and fed it through a mincer to get back at him so he's terrified I'm going to get hurt I've tried to tell him I won't and I want to risk it but he won't let me because I'm a "great girl" and he "couldn't do that to me" he's with this other girl because (and it sounds bad) but he doesn't care because she won't get hurt coz it's purely sex. I hate how things ended up but I feel like he still feels for me and he's trying to do this to protect me from himself. His own family have said he's never been the same since that girl.

    I can't stop caring about him, I miss him and apparently I should hate him but I truly can't no matter how much I've tried.

    I want to be back with him and part of me thinks he wants to too but maybe it's being clouded by his fear for hurting me.

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    If you are meant to end up with the first guy then you will get together again eventually. If not you don't know what special guy you will meet in the future. Try not to dwell on him and the girl he is seeing just now or you will only make yourself feel even more sad.

    As for losing your virginity. I waited till I was in a relationship with someone I loved and cared about and it happened just before my 22nd birthday and we had been dating 11 months and I have never regretted waiting till the time felt right. I had plenty opportunities before I met him but it seemed wrong to share something so intimate and special as sex with any of those other guys.

    I could never have casual sex with anyone as I couldn't cope with how I would feel about myself afterwards. I would feel rejected if they didn't want to see me again and used. I am rather old fashioned in my outlook for these days and think that sex for me needs feelings and connection.

    One of my friends used to get with random guys for sex all the time to try to feel loved, special and better about herself but she only felt worse afterwards and got herself a bit of a reputation. Then she met her OH and put it all behind her.

    It is your body and your life but please be careful.

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    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    As others have mentioned above, something isn't right here with him hanging up the phone all the time Obviously he's needing to end the call as he's likely married ot has a girlfriend walking into the room causing his
    2 hang up.
    You've obviously waited awhile to lose your virginity so be careful who you lose it to and there's no rush. After all you're gushing by yourself ;)
    Take care hunni

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I want to sort things out with him and I hope to be back with him.

    Yeah it's great to be able to gush by myself but I feel it with someone else might be nicer and yeah.

    His phone only went off twice I don't see why it's a big deal but will be careful

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Go get that guy Kirsty if you feel so strongly for him!!

    But believe me, love will always find a way. What is meant to be, really will be, no matter what happens x

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know how to get him back I've tried all sorts but he's stubborn I was warned that from the start and if he thinks he's doing this to protect me he won't back down.

    He's amazing deserves so much better than me and that girl put together but he truly doesn't see it. He made me feel SO happy it was like being super happy, having so many butterflies you felt fit to burst, and the excitement for a long awaited event like a concert all put together yet better still.

    He treated me like a true princess. He doesn't see it but to me he's worth the risk, worth the heartache, worth a million of me and he's incredible but he doesn't see it. No one see him like I do. No one has ever seen me like he has.

    I take it as a good sign that he messaged me and still cares. I hope one day I can get him back

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    When we last messaged I told him I missed him and he said I know it's shit but its the way it has to be. He truly thinks this is for the best.

    He was given a dire warning by my mum through his sister to never contact me again but he still went ahead and did it because he said he needed to know if I was ok and I could cry at how much he still cares cry with happiness then cry with sadness because we could actually be a great couple one day his sister even called me her future sister in law but he's so scared by his past that he'll hurt me and scared st what his mates are like he thinks he's the same as them and he thinks he'll hurt me like he hurt his ex.

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