• I know it's all I seem to talk about and there's tonnes of threads but...

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    caramel-eyes wrote:

    Hi, I've not posted on here before but I have been reading in and the various comments.

    In my opinion, if this guy wanted to be with you then he would be.
    And you say you love him and he's amazing and makes you feel great etc etc but.... He's either lied to you or has been disrespectful to another girl.
    If he's not fooling around with the other girl then he lied to you; that makes him the opposite of amazing.
    And if he is fooling around with this other girl which at one point you said she knows its casual and the next she's saying he's her man, and he's messaging you behind her back, and saying they're not together any more or that it never really happened, then that's not amazing either.... He sounds like a tool to me.
    The only way you can be truly happy is to forget about hour other people make you feel and concentrate on you. You don't need people to make you feel good, you need to make yourself feel good!!

    +1 I have been banging on this drum for a long time now.

    I can only see this current arrangment ending in tears and more hurt .

    I think KIrsty is just being messed about and will stifle any progess that Kirsty needs to make to start concentrating on herself. She doesn't need friends like these as I think they are unhelpful .

    Her best friends and support are us on this forum .

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    He doesn't know I know that they aren't together a family member found out recently an told me last night. It's her best friend and she was like oh me and your brother never happened I've actually got a boyfriend and she asked him and he agreed. He thinks it's the only way to stop me getting hurt.

    I do love all the support on here but I'm no closer to just getting rid of him I just can't do it.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    We aren't dating and we aren't seeing each other casually we are just friends but it feels a bit better knowing he's not sleeping with her. That girl is a mate of his and his sisters and lied to help him. At the time I think he thought he wanted me out of his life we had a heated arguement and things had ended and then when we both calmed down he messaged me. I just want to see how things go if friends is all we'lol be then so be it.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    If it helps just keep him as a "friend ". But keep your virginity intact and therfore strictly no sex . When the time comes and I am sure it will , lose you viginity to someone you fall in love with. It will feel much better and be a memorable occasion for you both to cherish.

    Believe me Kirsty you deserve much better than this . Some lucky guy will find you one day but really you need to start taking an interest in yourself first. Taking an interest in yourself is the first of many tiny steps .

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thing is he is the best I have ever had. I wake up every morning thanking my lucky stars he's a part of my life (a little less than I did when we were seeing each other but still), I would go to bed every night so grateful that we spoke and if a day went by when we didn't speak... Well that day was just no good. It didn't matter if I was having the best or worst day of my life if he messaged, that day was immediately automatically much better. We are just friends and not interested in sex with each other at the moment at least. He doesn't want sex he's scared he's gonna hurt me. It hurts me that he won't let himself be happy because he's scared of his past and scared he's like his friends. We were doing so well even his family were making jokes about me being his future missus. I would just laugh and be like ok maybe not just yet eh? Hes literally the best man I've ever had and if having him as a friend is all I can have then so be it because him being in my life is better than not having him at all. I WANT us to progress back to how we were but I don't see it happening.

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    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty it isnt going to happen. You are single and he is single. He knows you are into him, and yet he hasnt made a move?

    the only way to move on is to either cut him out completely or accept that he only thinks of you as a friend and accept the fact that if you are friends then one day you will see him hook up with another woman and possibly end up marrying her and starting a family together.

    Only you know if you could put on a happy face for him for the rest of your life or not.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    Having him here is better than not using him at all. I'll see how things go day by day. It's not that he's not making a move he's showing me he truly cares about me, he's being there for me and doing more than he has to. He could've walked off and never returned which is what I though had happened but he messaged me a little while later he's being better than any counsellor could. He's done what he always does and made me laugh when I was truly crying.

    He doesn't WANT a girlfriend and I don't really want a boyfriend but I do want fun just a casual hook up like we had but with sex (we waited I wish we hadn't) he's just so worried he's gonna hurt me physically and mostly emotionally. When talking about me losing it he had the worries not me "what if I hurt you?" "What if I choke you?" "What if I'm a complete dick to you after I've done that before i was a total nob!" "What if we go seperate ways and it hurts you because I'm your first? I can't do that to you"

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Kirsty if you want to carry on like this and go against advice then fine.

    However don't put your life on hold for someone that appears to me anyway as some sort of fantasy character . If you place your life on hold then you will regret this in the future when he settles down with another woman . As sure as night follows day this will happen at some point .

    As many of us said before start taking an interest in yourself , start getting yourself ready to meet the right guy . He is out there but you need to make an effort to find him .

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I won't put my life on hold for him if I find someone else I find someone else but I'm not counting on that happening. He's helping me so much and I can't just leave him.

    Nothing may ever come of it but whilst I'm single and he's single then I don't see why I can't try. If friends is all well be then so be it but life without him at all sucks. I don't know what the future holds so I'm gonna take each day as it comes. If he falls in love and has a family then I'll deal with that as it happens l. I have thought about when that'll happen but if it hurts when it happens I'll sort it then because for all I know we won't even be in each other's lives when that happens

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