• Serious troubles during first time

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    Avagardner96 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello everyone, I am new here and usually I don't have the tendency of sharing these kind of problems to strangers,but I need to hear opinion different from my friends.

    I've been with my loved one for two years now, but we've only recently started trying to have sex ( because before i didn't initiate anything ,for a long amount of time- we've made out a lot, dry humped ,he's given me oral , but nothing more) . And now we seem to have a problem with him getting inside of me for real,because I'm too sensitive to touch and I seem to shiver everytime,he's tried fingering me in order to become easier and to "prepare" me in some point but that also doesn't work for me..I move too much, and I don't let him do what he has to do because like I said I am too sensitive. I know that it is supposed to be kinda uncomfortable during the first intercourse,the first time the man is inside you etc..but its just an impulsive body reaction. He even joked about tying me up so that I don't move around and stop his hand :D

    And I am getting so tired of all this because I don't know what's the problem - we love each other very much, I don't have any worries and I know for sure what he's doing, I know that he is treating me so well and is so patient, it's not a problem for me to get horny and wet just from kissing and touching him ( that's maybe a plus side to being too sensitive) , I have a lot of sexual appetite etc..but when it comes to the "real thing" I don't know,I just shiver and move even though we've tried a few different poses. So I am asking yoiu guys,what do you think I should do in order to control my body and just let myself relax- should we use lubricant , or smth else, whatever tips you have, I am ready to listen. Because I know that sex is a great thing and I hate myself for not being able to enjoy it at its fullest.

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    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
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    I find the tingle type lubes actually de-sensitise me rather than make me tingle, they types that are described as cool or tingly have a numbing effect which may help you.....but then again maybe not & I'm just strange!
    Do you play with yourself? Is it just when you're with your partner because you're so turned on? Have you used any toys, like a small bullet just on yourself (alone or with him) so you can explore & see how much you can take or maybe something like a glass dildo so you're just feeling the glass rather than vibrations. I've never experienced your situation myself but maybe if you try introducing toys in & exploring your body yourself it might help. Sorry for all the questions lol! X

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    Avagardner96 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe that's another problem -that I've never really played that much with myself, I mean,I 've never "fingered" myself , I've only masturbated in the shower but that's not exactly similar to the real thing and that's another mistake I think I have to correct. :D

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    [suspended user]

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    jr78 wrote:

    I find the tingle type lubes actually de-sensitise me rather than make me tingle, they types that are described as cool or tingly have a numbing effect which may help you.....but then again maybe not & I'm just strange!
    Do you play with yourself? Is it just when you're with your partner because you're so turned on? Have you used any toys, like a small bullet just on yourself (alone or with him) so you can explore & see how much you can take or maybe something like a glass dildo so you're just feeling the glass rather than vibrations. I've never experienced your situation myself but maybe if you try introducing toys in & exploring your body yourself it might help. Sorry for all the questions lol! X

    I think jr78 is spot on with the advice given hun. I was going to write something similar.

    Feeling another part of your body too when you're inserting a vibe etc. Your nipple, your clit. Sometimes I found back in the day, just the lightest touch of my skin relaxed me but increased the turn on. It's all about relaxing, you will be able to finger yourself, but just try a little at a time, building up each time to explore further. Hope this helps x

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    If you're worrying about it being uncomfortable, without realizing you'll be tensing up. It will only be uncomfortable if you're not relaxed or wet enough. Definitely recommend using lube for your first time and try him fingering you a few more times first. Gradually increasing from one finger to however many feels comfortable. You could get a toy for yourself like a slimline silicone or glass dildo to get used to the feeling of something being there. You can use that alone or together. You could add a small vibrator to your clit to help relax down there whilst inserting. Water based lubricant along with a toy will help to avoid any friction. Set the mood beforehand i.e dim lighting, maybe some background music and definitely somewhere you feel most comfortable. Maybe a sensual massage beforehand would relax you too x

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    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
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    Avagardner96 wrote:

    Maybe that's another problem -that I've never really played that much with myself, I mean,I 've never "fingered" myself , I've only masturbated in the shower but that's not exactly similar to the real thing and that's another mistake I think I have to correct. :D

    I definitely think that you pleasuring yourself could help, the best way of knowing what you like & what you can tolerate is by playing solo, I didn't get my 1st toy till in my late 20's but wish I'd invested much sooner lol! If you do it alone it's not so nerve wracking & you can relax more, then when you know what's good or not for you you can show your partner....I guarantee he'll love that lol! Solo play for me is usually just clitoral stimulation, sometimes I might use a dildo or vibrator but more often than not 5 mins with a bullet & I'm very happy! You definitely will feel more relaxed & ready for penetration if you've had a orgasm, try some of the cool or tingly lubes alone & see if you're more sensitive or numb...I know from your post you're feeling frustrated but the fact your partner can get you wet & trembling without being inside you is a great sign of things to come! Enjoy & embrace it, I think when the time is right he's gonna blow your socks off lol! You lucky, lucky girl 😜 x
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    BrumGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi and welcome. Have you thought of taking control when you're both ready and try sitting on him.That way you can hold it and take it at your own speed. Perhaps this might break this cycle.

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    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    was just about to add what BrumGuy said. Having control may help, and just take it as slow as you need. If he's as great as you say then he'll be patient and be more worried about you than himself anyway.

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    Love playtime. [sign in to see picture]
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    I would suggest you go and see you doctor. My wife condition was such that intercourse was very painful whereby she needed painkillers to conceive. Even during birth she could not dilate enough for a regular birth and had to have 3 c-sections for each of our kids.

    Initially my wife was given 3 dildos by the doctor to practice with with the smallest being the size of a thick pencil.

    My suggestion would be for your to perhaps practice by yourself with different thickness dildos without any pressure so you can get comfortable.

    Hope this helps.

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    nodrog [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried making love to him and being on top and in control and lowering yourself on to him you prob have but its just a thought

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    +1 to being on top!

    When I lost my virginity we tried it missionary and it was too painful, so I got on top and it was so much more comfortable. I think it's a good idea to use some water based lubricant too, as if there's too much friction he may not be able to get inside and it will feel uncomfortable for both of you.

    Good luck :)

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried using lube? Your clitoris can become VERRY uncomfortably sensitive when rubbed without enough lubricant (whether that's natural or from a bottle). I would recommend exploring yourself on your own to get to know your body, and experiment with a simple water-based lube. Once you know how and where you like being touched (and equally - where is far too sensitive right now) you can guide your partner and tell him where to focus/avoid.

    Good luck, and remember the main thing is to have fun and not worry about the end result :) 

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    As the others have said using a water based lube could help. Also the suggestion of taking control might help even if it involves hadcuffing or tying your partners arms .

    Another thing I have thought that could help is perhaps having much longer foreplay sessions . Perhaps with the help of a bullet vibe with lube to stimulate various parts of your body and his! .

    Longer foreplay should get your body better aclimatised for penetration. and then as the others have recommended you go on top of him.

    Just try a little experimentation I am quite sure you will get there.

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    FirstTimeLovers [sign in to see picture]
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    Before we did it for the first time we'd build up our relationship, gone through the stages and for about a month or so before we did it for the first time we did a lot of teasing. I would rub my manhood around her area, press towards going in slightly or she would sit on top and rub together so when it came to doing it (we set a date) we were both familiar, relaxed and had played around with it before.

    When we did actually do it we just took it very slowly, went in little by little and when i was fully in i just stopped there for a minute or so and made out just so she could get use to teh feeling of it inside her and talked through it a lot. We stopped part way through as well because it got too much for her so we made out for a bit untill she felt comfortable again to go back in.

    Just because something is stopping you doing the full thing doesnt mean the mood has to change, do something else sexual instead if it doesn't and try again 5-10 minutes later and don't let it bother you because it will happen sooner or later.

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    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven't had sex but the advice given here is brilliant as always. I can tell you though pleasuring yourself (or getting him to, probably best for you at first then you know where to avoid) and getting a small vibrator will help they have some basic ones in the 3 for £10 silver and gold. I'd say those are probably best for starting. A mate bought mine for my sexual frustration but the curiousity or to me and I thought well at least I can use it for a bit of loosening up as it were. Maybe get some lube and a basic vibrator and take it in bit by bit. I'd say a good tip is to at first not switch it on and ease it in a little at a time. When it feels better and when you feel brave enough then switch it on. I found slipping the vibe in whilst "fingering" myself a good way to get used to it

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    Frosty100 [sign in to see picture]
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    Most sensitivity issues come from too much too soon, it helps to build up your body to be ready for penetration by something larger, I'd give it a couple of weeks of exploring your own body with fingers to become comfortable just start slow with 1 and then move to 2 when you're ready and then from there sex will be much less of a jump, the key is to just not rush things.

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