• How to turn a guy down after a first date

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm fairly inexperienced when it comes to dating. I'm pretty clueless actually. I wondered if anyone could offer me any advice. I've been on few dates with guys I've met online where the guy is nice and we get along but I don't feel any sexual attraction. It would be totally fine is they felt the same way too and we just drifted but what do you do if they want to see you again? I obviously want to be as kind as possible but I also want to make it clear there won't be a second date. I seem to screw up and either end up with nice but unclear or blunt and mean. I also don't want to lie.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd personally just say that although you've had a great time and you've really enjoyed meeting them that the spark just isnt there for you, just be honest :) x

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    +1 on jessica's comments above.

    It is best to tell them straight away in a nice way and they way she put it is simple and to the point.

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I did it. I got "fair enough" as a reply :/

    I don't think I'm cut out for dating.

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    You are, don't worry!

    Some people just don't take rejection very well, and you should be happy in the knowledge that you've attempted to spare his feelings and tried to be nice when you told him

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    And you are doing the right thing by cutting it off after date 1 if you don't feel anything Friday! I agree with Jessicaleon11 A LOT of men seem to think they are all that and a bowl of soup. So they may not always know what to say to a nice honest response like that. Fair enough seems like an appropriate way for the man to say hey, I get it, good luck out there!

    I have not bee an active date for a long time, so I am sure it is hard, but nothing wrong with trying it out when you feel you have the time and energy.

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    [suspended user]

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    Well of course you are!! Don't say that! We all at some point in our lives have stumbled around in the dark with dating! It's a minefield!

    The more you date though the more confident you'll become, try looking at it that way round. Keep your chin up!

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    It's great that you told him instead of misleading him, plenty of people would just go on a second date to be nice.

    Just because you shut down somebody it doesn't mean you're not cut out for dating! I'm sure we've all rejected someone at some point, you just gotta find someone that you do have a spark with and the rest will work itself out :)

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    oh and if you went on a date with a guy and he wasn't "feeling it" with you wouldn't you want him to tell you right away so you didn't waste your time? I think you are going to be fine out there hun... just have fun with it!

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    Stato1987 [sign in to see picture]
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    From a mans point of view it probably hurts there ego a bit thats why you get the fair enough response. But if it was me then i would prefer to be told on daye 1 rather than further down the line as i would be getting the message that you like me. Keep doing what your doing and you will find the right man.

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks everyone :) I definitely agree I'd want to know rather than going on a second date or just keeping putting off meeting up.

    I always assumed that chemistry was a two way thing but I'm realising it either isn't, or some people don't mind not having it.

    I've been on more dates in the last four months than in the rest of my life (six, though two were accidental...I've yet to meet another person who has managed to go on an accidental second date 😂). Although I'm starting to figure out dating, I've got a lot of learning to do!

    I'm not really seriously looking. I have a longterm casual thing that's really good so I'm just being greedy 😝

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Apologies for the late response , it just that with my sex drive being low this time of the year and work commitments I tend not to hang around the forum a lot .

    If you are looking for tips on how to manage the dialogue when meeting someone for the first time then I would recommend you watching First Dates on Channel 4 . LH usually have an advert lined up during the breaks in this programme . I think its an excellent programme and the people that are on there have diverse backgrounds as well.

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    ^Thanks for the suggestion. I don't seem to have a problem with dialogue on the date (I just struggle with turning people down nicely) but I'm sure some tips wouldn't be a bad thing. I think I watched a previous series of first dates. I might have to check out the new one on 4od.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Well the fact that not all these dates work will help you, as it will show the types of things to say in a nice way, that they don't want to see each other again as a relationship . I have seen some good tips on putting people down in a gentle fashion, with minimalising any upset .

    The reason I watch the programme is that I find it fasinating how the chemistry interacts or doesn't in some cases between 2 people who have never set eyes on each other before .

    Highly recommended

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