• Sexual attraction

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    GameofThronesfan99 [sign in to see picture]
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    Can you be sexually attracted to someone who you are not physically attracted to, I feel such a strong sexual connection to this man I think I'm starting to find him physically appealing. He's not ugly but he is the total opposite of my "type".

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    There are no rules so I'd say yes you could be sexually attracted even without a physical attraction!

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    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes I totally think you can....and I think it's really confusing when it happens because it's happening to me right now lol!
    I met someone in February, he's the complete opposite in every way to what I usually find physically, mentally & emotionally attractive, his out look on life is different, his attitude is different & he's nothing I would ever have expected to want......however from day 1 we were drawn to each other (I'm not his "type" either by the way) the chemistry between us is absolutely amazing....much to both of our annoyance because we are complete opposites & fight like cat & dog!
    The sex we have is completely mind blowing however I know we will never get together properly as chemistry is not enough, there's too many things that annoy us both about each other. If you have the chemistry & get on reasonably well I'd say go for it, it's been an eye opener to me to try something with someone who's not my typical type....I just wish he was a bit less annoying
    and I'd probably marry the weirdo ha ha!

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    Kimberleyking [sign in to see picture]
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    yes definatly

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    Could somebody please define "physical attraction" versus "sexual attraction"?

    Thank you.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    Physical attraction implies attraction to something physical about a person meaning it has nothing to do with them as an individual. Sexual attraction means you feel sexually aroused by them.

    Physical attraction can be a form of sexual attraction, but you can be sexually attracted to someone based on their personality too :)

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    I must admit, I'm finding it hard to accept that the two can exist one without the other. I can accept that you can be sexually attracted to someone based on any of their traits (character included), but how can you be sexually attracted to someone without likeing their body or what does it mean being attracted to somebody's body without it resulting in sexual attraction? I always interpreted the two concepts to be one and the same, synonyms.

    I mean, I might like someone's body without being attracted to it, but I would NOT call that "attraction". I would just call it aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. Attraction to me by definition is a chemical reaction in your body towards that person, therefor what we commonly call "sexual arousal". So I do know what sexual attraction is, I'm just wondering why people say that physical attraction is something different and not necessarily related to sexuality.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    I guess the difference is that even when you find someone physically attractive it doesn't necessarily mean you would want to have sex with them given the chance. I think everyone has their own definitions though so it's a tough one to judge.

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    Caliente [sign in to see picture]
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    I didn't think my ex had a handsome face, or an especially attractive body, but he really turned me on! He was sexy in other ways: his voice, posture, expressions, dancing.... And I grew to really apreciate his looks. Of course the relationship was a disaster because we were so different, but that's a story for another time. :)

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    Talia [sign in to see picture]
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    era wrote:

    ......

    I mean, I might like someone's body without being attracted to it, but I would NOT call that "attraction". I ....

    NatandTom wrote:

    ....when you find someone physically attractive...

    (Sorry, can't do the frame...)

    And I think that's the key to the problem/Era's question, which I (German) came close to second, but now I think I have the answer:

    "Attraktiv" exists in German, and it's used (at least by me) in the same way as beautiful, handsome, desireable (just looked it up in the Duden, they use it for wages, work conditions, people and clothes in their examples). So I could find a person "attraktiv" - which I would translate into English as attractive - without really being attracted to them in the physical/sexual sense. Actually, it happens often enough that I like people's looks without wanting to have sex with them.

    In short: Finding somebody attractive is not the same thing as being attracted to them - right or wrong?

    Hmm, is that actually an aswer or should I stop writing and get lunch?

    As to the OP's question: I can't imagine being sexually attracted to somebody whose looks or behaviour I actively dislike, but they say that pheromones are powerful... And 'not my usual type' is not the same thing as 'active dislike'...

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    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
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    era wrote:

    I must admit, I'm finding it hard to accept that the two can exist one without the other. I can accept that you can be sexually attracted to someone based on any of their traits (character included), but how can you be sexually attracted to someone without likeing their body or what does it mean being attracted to somebody's body without it resulting in sexual attraction? I always interpreted the two concepts to be one and the same, synonyms.

    I mean, I might like someone's body without being attracted to it, but I would NOT call that "attraction". I would just call it aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. Attraction to me by definition is a chemical reaction in your body towards that person, therefor what we commonly call "sexual arousal". So I do know what sexual attraction is, I'm just wondering why people say that physical attraction is something different and not necessarily related to sexuality.

    It's really hard to explain but my experience is I didn't fancy the person I met in February at all, not a thing about him was appealing to me (too tall, too thin, too blonde, too cocky, too annoying) so when I started randomly thinking about having sex with him I couldn't work out why! I still don't fancy him now (in the typical sense of loving his body or face or how he acts) but it's not his body or his face that turns me on it's more the way he looks at me or challenges me or is pissed off at me that gets me completely turned on, there's maybe 3 things I could say I like about him yet there's at least 25 I hate.....yet we have the most amazing sexual chemistry I've ever felt & the sex is out of this world! We both agree we are too different for it to ever work as a full time real relationship but we're just enjoying it while it lasts because he can literally have me on the edge of orgasm by just touching my neck or whispering in my ear.....however he can also drive me from happy to completely insane within a few words.....and I can do the same to him. It's passionate but it's so passionate I think it could be dangerous if we ever went any further into this than we are now, we know what buttons to press & we do it often to try & get the upper hand which results in a very explosive kind of arrangement which is not healthy but quite addictive all the same.
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    Talia wrote:

    era wrote:

    ......

    I mean, I might like someone's body without being attracted to it, but I would NOT call that "attraction". I ....

    NatandTom wrote:

    ....when you find someone physically attractive...

    (Sorry, can't do the frame...)

    And I think that's the key to the problem/Era's question, which I (German) came close to second, but now I think I have the answer:

    "Attraktiv" exists in German, and it's used (at least by me) in the same way as beautiful, handsome, desireable (just looked it up in the Duden, they use it for wages, work conditions, people and clothes in their examples). So I could find a person "attraktiv" - which I would translate into English as attractive - without really being attracted to them in the physical/sexual sense. Actually, it happens often enough that I like people's looks without wanting to have sex with them.

    In short: Finding somebody attractive is not the same thing as being attracted to them - right or wrong?

    Hmm, is that actually an aswer or should I stop writing and get lunch?

    As to the OP's question: I can't imagine being sexually attracted to somebody whose looks or behaviour I actively dislike, but they say that pheromones are powerful... And 'not my usual type' is not the same thing as 'active dislike'...

    Ok, this explanation kind of works... Thanks! :)

    @jr78: I can't imagine myself in a situation like this! Must be interesting! :)

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    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely go for a yes on this! I am currently going through a real dilemma! I am very happily married to a really adventurous sex goddess, sex is awesome! we have a very close friend who weve known for over 25 years and is newly single and I have never been attracted to her and not even now, I been there for her helping with DIY and just being there to listen, just can't get her out of my mind, sexually, I don't know why because when I see her I know there is no attraction but I can't help the urge of wanting to sleep with her! Fortunately I know the feeling aren't mutual! Thank god! Lol

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    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
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    Interesting......you could say that lol! The bit that's great is if we're arguing (over the stupidest things because as I said we're complete opposites & argue a lot) I just look at him & say "I bet we would have great sex right now because we're so mad" and he chucks me up against the wall & fucks me like something off a movie 😂...then once we're done I tell him to get out of my house, I block him on facebook, whatsapp & my phone & we ignore each other for a few days....then we do it all again lol! It sounds horrendous to some people but I think the fact we don't like each other much makes the sex raw & angry & like nothing else I've experienced. It's just what it is and as long as neither of us gets daft ideas about taking it further I'll carry it on till one of us has had enough. If he walked away I'd miss the sex but I wouldn't actually miss him at all, we bring out the best in each other sexually but the worst in every other way & it gets exhausting sometimes so I know it won't last forever! X

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    KitsiKiki [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes, I think the only thing complicating the issue here is wording and each individual's personal opinion of definition and/or appropriate usage. I myself would not consider 'physically attractive' as synonymous with 'sexually attractive'. But I would consider 'physically attractive' as synonymous with 'aesthetically pleasing', which is the wording era used as something separate from physical attraction. When all is said and done, we're technically agreeing in terms of meaning; we just disagree in terms of wording.

    So basically, all I need to do is replace my preferred wording for yours:

    Yes, you can be sexually attracted to someone without finding them aesthetically pleasing. And vice versa. I think the two major causes of the former are emotions and bio chemistry. Though in cases where emotions are involved, one will often follow the other.

    My personal anecdotes: I was both physically and sexually attracted to my ex. But over time, emotional, mental, and other issues arose in our relationship, and my sexual attraction to him faded away along with my romantic attachment. I still find him aesthetically pleasing, though.

    My new lover? Wouldn't have picked him out in a room. (Didn't. He picked me.) His personality hooked me at first, and then just getting close to him once got me addicted. There's definitely something chemical going on between us, because even before we knew each other that well, we were uncontrollably sexually magnetised to each other. We can each get the other going with little to no effort (and when there IS effort involved... hoo boy!) and our sex is mind-blowing. The kind of sex that I imagined it should be like when I was a virgin and hadn't yet suffered the disappointments of reality. The man has literally made me orgasm with nearly every part of my body. But following in the wake of our sexual connection and our growing emotional bond, I am finding myself appreciating his aesthetics more and more.

    So while I think the two often follow one another, they don't always, and I don't believe they automatically come hand-in-hand.

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely...

    My husband isn't my usual 'type' but my god I fancy him, it's the way he carries himself, his sense of humour,his cockiness and the way he treats me (I don't want to be treated like a princess, I want to be wanted and to have lots of cuddles but I need to be put in my place a fair bit as I can have an attitude lol)

    I wouldnt say I was physically attracted to him the first time we met, but I most definitely couldn't wait to get my hands on him, it was the way he acted and his personality that made me want him. He's the whole package to me, and at the end of the day, looks fade so you've got to have that overall attraction I think in order for it to last

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    I'm going to keep it simple..of course you can! I second and third + what everyone has had to say here. Specially what Jessicaleon11 had to say and the way it was put!

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