• No sex life after baby. Advice please.

    1443859331
    dribbling-mess [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    Hi folks.

    So 5 months ago my wife gave birth to our 3rd child. Obviously I know it's difficult to get back to love making and such. But we've only done it 3 times since. Weeks apart. It wasn't this bad with our previous children so I'm kinda stuck with how to help her libido. I know after having a baby women generally feel unattractive. I have tried the usual be patient be romantic kinda stuff but with nothing back. It's got that bad we don't even cuddle or spoon anymore while in bed. Even to the stage where I get guilt ridden if I get an erectiion in bed with her. I love her more than anything and I've really tried but I feel really stuck now.

    Has anyone here had similar experience with this. How did you get through it.

    Thanks for reading.

    1443863890
    frisk69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Patience. Patience. And more patience.

    My wife went through a real period of post natal depression after our third.

    I'd really say it only started to lift after about three years. One of the consequences of that was that sex just didn't feature very regularly.

    Without wanting to sound too brutal, you probably have to just deal with the fact that relationships aren't always about sex. It's hard work having three, but it's all part of the journey....

    I know sometimes it's really hard (literally!!) but don't let a relatively short (what's a year or two out of your life?) period spoil the enjoyment of the other aspects of parenthood and being a husband.

    Some discrete solo fun in the shower can help with the more basic aspects.

    Good luck, and hope you're getting enough sleep.... :-)

    1443865107
    submissive_jojo [sign in to see picture]
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    It is really about finding your sexual selves again. Which means you should be more open and risky. For example get a babysitter and go have some killer sex in the car parked in a secluded location. Or a quickey in the laundry room after the child is watching a television show for a few minuets or even while the baby is sleeping during nap time.

    Put on a show for eachother, experiment, role play. Be EXCITING again.

    Hope this helps x

    1443866594
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    submissive_jojo wrote:

    It is really about finding your sexual selves again. Which means you should be more open and risky. For example get a babysitter and go have some killer sex in the car parked in a secluded location. Or a quickey in the laundry room after the child is watching a television show for a few minuets or even while the baby is sleeping during nap time.

    Put on a show for eachother, experiment, role play. Be EXCITING again.

    Hope this helps x

    +1.

    It is so easy to fall into a rut of daily living that we don't make time for ourselves and partners especially after having kids.

    I've got a 6-month old baby (my first) and we have a dog. I'm on Mat Leave now, and I intend to take the full year. OH works Monday-Friday 8:30-6pm, which isn't as long as some people work I realise...

    He is usually tired after work, maybe mentally more than physically, and by the time he's walked dog, helped feed/bathe little one, had dinner and tidied up, all he wants to do is watch some TV to unwind before bed. He often falls asleep on the sofa, so I end up waking him up to get him to go to bed!

    I've been trying to instigate more intimacy with him, and sex. Sometimes he's up for it, other times he just wants to cuddle. I try not to pressure him too much, but I do masturbate while he's at work most days.

    I think a babysitter or a mini-break once in a couple of months, like 6-8 weekly intervals, would help you to recouple, figuratively, and literally!

    Try giving her a massage with some candles, and use a nice smelling oil, or there are massage candles too where you can use the molten wax to massage. Run her a bath, just do some things without the expectation it will lead anywhere else initially. As she relaxes and gets out of mummy mode, she may start to feel more desire. And helping out with housework, occupying the kids for an hour while she does something for herself will all go a long way to making her feel appreciated.

    Apologies for the long reply, but I think women sometimes need to feel cherished. Not saying you don't already do that with her, but maybe she needs it more often...You could also try getting her to read some erotic fiction once the kids have gone to bed. The mind is a powerful sexual organ. Perhaps more so for women.

    Good luck rekindling your passion!

    1443874506
    livie [sign in to see picture]
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    I had my baby 7 months ago and am only just starting to get interested in sex again. Its difficult because even though my baby sleeps the whole night through and is perfect in still tired a lot. I do cuddle in bed tho, maybe you should organise a romantic night in, candles, dinner, a DVD and that might help with the cuddling problem. Regarding sex, have patience, if you hurry her she will just feel rubbish that she cant meet your needs and suit hers. Patience, understanding and she will come around 😊

    1443887792
    dribbling-mess [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all your help guys. I don't think I've been too pushy. Just trying to respect the way she feels. And take every day as it comes.

    Thanks again folks.

    1443891004

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    Wow! you're quite a guy. Well done you for reaching out the way you have, I admire that in a man. Some play by yourself is the way to go for now,frisk69 is right on that score. You do have your needs sexually and we can understand that. Not all women go through this but yes those that do will require a longer time of the patience game. It's a little worrying though that she won't spoon or cuddle in bed with you! Has she spoken with her GP about the possiblity of depression? 3 kids is a lot!

    Don't ever feel bad about getting an erection! good grief, even though she feels she can't respond to you in any way right now won't change the fact that she still turns you on, that's wonderful. You just need to go somewhere if you need to take things further and pleasure yourself. I'm sure she would understand that your sexual needs haven't changed.

    You're doing all the right things and I would say not to leave things like this for too long a period though before you seek out some medical intervention. Nice meals out, some quiet time just talking about stuff will keep the connection going. Please let me know how things are :)

    1443901425
    frisk69 [sign in to see picture]
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    dribbling-mess wrote:

    Thanks for all your help guys. I don't think I've been too pushy. Just trying to respect the way she feels. And take every day as it comes.

    Thanks again folks.

    There's nothing about you that came over as pushy. It's perfectly natural what you're feeling. All sorts of thoughts went through my head at the stage you're at. The suggestions on special time above are well worth doing if you can, it might not lead to sex, but it will keep you strong as a couple.

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