Hi all, I know this is a sex forum, so delete if inapporpriate, but I've seen people give some pretty good advice on here and really need some myself.
I've been seeing a guy for just under a year now. Casually at first (long distance) then after about 6 months I left the country for 3 months (which was pre-planned so we both held back a little). When I got back things were fine and the plan was to move to his city (regardless of him, for work).
However, whilst a way a family member whom I live with was diagnosed with a terminal illness and as a result my plans to move are on the backburner. On top of this, said family member used to have a mental illness (if you can talk about mental illness in this way?) however over the past few weeks it's started showing itself more and more so now I think that has come back also.
The plan would have been to naturally progress into a commited relationship with this guy when I moved, however I'm not and given my current circumstances I just don't think I'm in the right space to be in a semi-serious relationship with someone right now.
He's great and all of that, but when it comes to my current situation, his sympathy is very superficial and 'it'll be ok lovely' and if anything that just annoys the living day lights out of me. It won't be ok. Not being glass half empty but facts are facts here.
I've spoken to my ex about my family member (he was close to her and I've been very honest with the new guy from day one that my ex and I are friends and still speak) and he has been much more understanding and spiritual about it all which I find helps massively.
As a result I've just been left feeling like I need space from this guy, I'm unsure if we're just not compatible on a spiritual level or if it's just everything is upside down at the moment and I'm not thinknig straight. How do I say that right now I need to be selfish and focus on me/my family and it'd be unfair on him as now I pay him half the attention that I used to because of everything that's going on. I of course don't expect him to wait around for me but you can't really say to someone oh I want to cool things off because you aren't spiritually supportive enough... but really that's kind of what it comes down to?
And also because we've never really had a good try at a relationship yet, I don't know if I'm just being a little rash?
Please advise! Am I being selfish here? What would you guys do?