• I don't feel pleasure from vaginal penetration

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    thedevils-little-helper [sign in to see picture]
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    As the title says. This has always been an issue, with every partner, no matter how horny and wet I am. Sometimes it really hurts, sometimes it just feels like tightness and pressure. Never pleasure. I only feel sexual pleasure on my clit. I don't have any STD's or anything. And sometimes guys have had trouble even getting into my vagina, like, it just sort of, closes. Like the hole completely shuts and nothing can get in. I've never been sexually abused either so there's no reason for this to be happening. I can't even wear tampons. I see people post on the forums about beautiful glass dildos etc and I would really like to be able to have some, but the only toy I can use is a vibrator on my clit. It's also really messed with my sex drive, as I just don't want sex, because it either feels like nothing, or causes me pain. I'll happily stick with masturbating and never have a guy touch me again, and obviously, this is a problem. Does anybody have a similar problem, and any ideas on what's wrong with me?

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    [suspended user]

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    I am not a doctor, but there is a condition that might be your case called vaginismus. You should really talk to your GYN about it though.

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Vaginismus maybe? And I don't think you have to have been abused to get it. Maybe just the way you feel or used to feel about sex could be causing your vaginal muscles to constrict...

    1443484528
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Snap Era!
    Devils Helper, NHS CHOICES have info about it.

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have the same problem but I have/had difficulties with sex for psychological reasons so I know how difficult it can be when something makes sex unpleasurable and how that can start to leak out into other parts of your life (relationships, your thoughts about yourself etc). You don't have suffer in silence and alone. I'd definitely recommend seeing your GP or visiting a GUM/sexual health clinic (most do much more than just test for STDs and give out condoms). I'm not a medical professional but the first thing that sprang to mind was vaginismus http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/Pages/Introduction.aspx There are probably many other things with similar symptoms so speaking to a medical professional should help you get to the bottom of it and hopefully help you to feel better about it and/or help you to start enjoying penetration.

    Edited to add: We are all so in tune! I didn't read the previous messages before thinking of vaginismus and posting the NHS choices link!

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    We just know our bodies I guess. Seems to make sense. We all like sex on this site, so going to have a vague idea of issues that could be causing sexual dysfunction (without making it sound like the OP has something 'wrong' with them)

    1443494839
    AdventerousCouple [sign in to see picture]
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    A previous long term partner of mine had exactly this issue. She was given some physical exercises to do, but eventually was referred to a psychologist. She refused to consider it could be her emotions because she was ridiculously stubborn and didn't want to take responsibility for her approach in life or to act on how previous people had treated her. So she kept blaming me all for her problems, and thank god we eventually got divorced as the more I tried to help her the more she blamed me. Anyway, my point being, I don't claim to have any idea what the root cause (excuse the pun) of *her* problem was, but just from my experience, albeit as a male, please consider it may not be a physical issue but rather an emotional issue. Don't be stubborn about it, which I don't think you are since you're openly talking to people about it. Good on you :-)

    For what it's worth, she was initially prescribed various pelvic floor exercises, including insertion of very small dildo's, gradually working her way up, and was given relaxation music to use whilst doing this. The idea was just to keep it in there whilst lying down, relaxing, just getting her min used to the idea of having something inside.

    Given your recent posting about an arsehole ex, this may very well be related. I hereby prescribe you a healthy dose of avoiding arsehole men, and to hunt yourself down one of the many better guys out there that don't realise you're looking for them. If you can talk to your mum or a sister or girlfriend(s) about this then it might help to release your emotions and let the crapness stay in your past where it belongs.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    I have this problem when I'm on top I struggle to get my other half in 70% of the time. I think mine is purely due to my past and my body dysmorphia so I tense up and it won't happen. Are you relaxed before?

    Also when it's happened a couple of times you're probably thinking about it happening again so subconsciously could be tightening down there next time you come to have sex.

    I would see a doctor like others have suggested just to see if there's a physical issue or whether it's purely psychological x

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    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    One thing I saw suggested was Vaginal Acceptance Trainers. A couple of people commented on them on the NHS choices Web page, saying how much using one helped them.

    I think also spending some time being single and enjoying solo play will have its benefits. It will hopefully encourage you to relax more, as you won't be having subconscious thoughts about the guy hurting you. Not saying that's the underlying cause, but it does sound like your ex was probably either controlling or manipulative. Apologies for jumping to conclusions though...

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    Some great advice here already and I fully support seing a specialist or health care professional.

    Now I'm a practical girl and I like a practical solution. I have two suggestions.

    1. Glass of wine, soak in the bath and a small dildo just to rub around teasing at the entrance and no pressure, no expectations of penetration. I think with repeated practice, no forcing it in, just gentle gliding close to the entrance and the tip might pop in. If and when it does, just leave it there. Try to relax (relaxing is going to be difficult for you I feel your anxiety even in your post) I think this dildo might be a possible start point. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=12177 it's only small, perfectly safe for playing in the bath.

    2. Have you considered anal play? Ok it might not be your cup of tea, but on the other hand it might. The dildo is suitable for use in either but remember viginal to ass fine, ass to vigina NO. And clean it thoroughly after use.

    I hope this helps and that things move forward for you soon.

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    Shy-Bee [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes soundsike vaginismus. This is something you'll need to see a professional about. If you like the idea of glass dildos, why not get a slim one and a good quality lube, theme hen you masturbate your clit, hold the glass dildo inside without thrusting so your muscles can get used to something in there. If you feel the urge to thrust it, do so but gently with lots of lube.

    I'd recommend something slimline. This one is a beginners glass dildo at 3.5 inches in circumference:
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31109

    This one is absolutely gorgeous, it's one I've be lusting over for a while and it's high on my wishlist. It's even slimmer than the beginner dildo, at 3.15 inches im circumfrence:
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22160

    With it being glass, you could use a silky silicone lube if you were that way inclined. Or if your clit vibes are silicone, I'd recommend a nice thick water based lube so you could use them together. I really like Sliquid organic natural gel lubricant, I think the thickness of it complements the glass well.

    Also, just something to remember, not all women are able to orgasm from internal stimulation alone. I am one of them, I can appreciate a slight feeling of pleasure from internal masturbation or sex but I could take it or leave it really, it's all about the clit for me. Everyone is different.

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    thedevils-little-helper [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the tips everyone! I was thinking it might be vaginismus but I felt really uncomfortable with the thought of having to go the doctors about it. I'll try the using small dildos and working up to bigger ones thing. Thanks!

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    Kimberleyking [sign in to see picture]
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    yep go talk to dr but to be honest i get most o fmy orgasm through my clitoris :) hope it goes well...

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I go to a female gyno because In the past I have been embarassed to discuss things with a doctor. But remember they have seen and heard it ALL, and your health is important!

    1443542510
    JSKM [sign in to see picture]
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    My GF has this exact same problem. We went to the doctors and GU clinics over and over. Initially she was absolutely fine then started to get a lot of pain every single time. We were eventually referred to a sexual health specialist and gynecologist. Essentially there is no physical abnormality with her other than her muscles spasm when touched which causes tightening and pain though this could be over come with the use of vaginal trainers. The largest difficultly is the ingrained psycological side that is penetration is associated with pain and we have had to very gradually 'retrain her brain' and she is now able to enjoy some insertion though full penetration is still being worked on. It took us 3 years to be referred and have been working on the issue for 3 years now.

    1443554443
    thedevils-little-helper [sign in to see picture]
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    JSKM wrote:

    My GF has this exact same problem. We went to the doctors and GU clinics over and over. Initially she was absolutely fine then started to get a lot of pain every single time. We were eventually referred to a sexual health specialist and gynecologist. Essentially there is no physical abnormality with her other than her muscles spasm when touched which causes tightening and pain though this could be over come with the use of vaginal trainers. The largest difficultly is the ingrained psycological side that is penetration is associated with pain and we have had to very gradually 'retrain her brain' and she is now able to enjoy some insertion though full penetration is still being worked on. It took us 3 years to be referred and have

    Wow, 3 years to be referred? I think I'll just buy a set of those training dildo things and sort it out myself quicker!

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    Elle & em [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi I have a tilted cervix it could just be something like that , you need to try relax but it's easier said than done as if you think it's going to hurt you tense up making it even worse so can become a vicious circle xx

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    thedevils-little-helper [sign in to see picture]
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    Elle & em wrote:

    Hi I have a tilted cervix it could just be something like that , you need to try relax but it's easier said than done as if you think it's going to hurt you tense up making it even worse so can become a vicious circle xx

    I know, I always try my best to relax but as you said, I tense up to prepare for the pain I know is coming. Who thought having sex could be so difficult lol xx

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    Talia [sign in to see picture]
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    While looking for sex toy reviews I came across this blog post on vaginal tightness: http://missrubyreviews.com/article-vaginal-tightness/ and maybe you can take comfort from what Michael Castelman said at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201109/the-rare-truth-about-tight-and-loose-women:

    "A man who attempts intercourse before the woman is fully aroused–before her vagina has relaxed and become well lubricated–is either sexually unsophisticated or a boor. Most women require at least 30 minutes of sensuality—kissing, hugging, and mutual massage for their vaginas to relax enough to allow the penis to slide in comfortably."

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    Anonybloke [sign in to see picture]
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    if i could offer a bloke's point-of-view. My OH doesn't climax from vaginal penetration. Stats suggest that is is common to maybe 60-80% of the female population. In our relationship sex is pretty much anything that involves at least one of us having an orgasm with the other one there. Sometimes she does it herself while I watch, sometimes I do it for her with a vibrator or fingers or tongue. Sometimes i get finished off by hand, sometimes inside her.

    Just pointing out that sex doesn't have to be penis-in-vagina even from a man's point of view!

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