• Out of Practice - Emotionally?

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    CutieCurious [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all,

    I wasn't sure where to put this thread. I couldn't decide between here, because I'm seeking advice, or OT, because I'm looking for advice on relationships as a whole rather than just sex. I ended up plumping for here - if I've made the wrong choice, apologies!

    My last relationship was a few years ago. Since then, I've had literally nothing at all going on - not just a lack of relationships, but also no flings or even flirtations. The nearest I've got to dating in that time is two first dates, both with people I met online, and both disastrous.

    Recently, I've thought about getting back in the game, and realised that the thought just seems really exhausting. It almost feels like a chore. I feel like I've forgotten how to connect with people, what it feels like to have that spark with someone. When I think about getting back out there, the whole thing just feels like work from start to finish, and I don't know if I have the energy for it. In the past, while long-term relationships have obviously needed work and commitment, I don't remember it being this much work just to get out there and flirt a little!

    I've heard people talk about being "out of practice" when it comes to sex, and some people completely losing interest in sex because they've went without it for so long. I kind of feel that way, but about relationships. I feel "out of practice" not when it comes to sex, but when it comes to connecting emotionally with someone.

    Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Is it normal to feel this way after a certain period of singledom?

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Why not, instead of going out looking for a relationship, start a new hobby, boxing-like sports are always good, you'd be surprised how much a team they are, it's really sociable and obviously lots of hot guys and opportunity to get close.

    sorry I didn't actually answer the question, but the short answer is yes, it's normal to feel our of practise about anything you haven't done in a while and almost not want to do it because you can't quite remember how and you don't want to do it wrong or it seems like a lit of effort to relearn. But once you have you'll be so gad you did

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Not at its all normal fellings to have. Its the same as anything in life we have not done for a while. Its all about simply trying iam a firm believer in there is someone for all of us you just have to find them. Be open and receptive and most of all be natural and true to yourself. Dont try to hard . I wish you well and good luck

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    Echo32B [sign in to see picture]
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    I think its normal to an extent. I had some hard times a few years back and kept repressing feelings and now suffer from emotional detachment/dissociation, I'm really struggling at the moment as I've got my first genuine relationship (before this its been fwb or open relationships) and I just cant seem to convey my feelings, or if I'm honest to actually feel anything at all at times.

    I'm annoyed at myself because he says I love you alot and I can rarely bring myself to say it back despite the fact that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Its just like theres a mental block around saying the words. I'm hoping I just need some time to adjust and I know that in the long run it will be worth it (thats if he doesnt give up on me as a lost cause before then :()

    I'm sure that you too will find it easier in time, and I wouldnt let it put you off getting out there as I'm sure the longer you leave it the harder it will be. I know that even though I'm finding it hard at the moment I'm very very glad to have my OH and the smile on my face when he is about tells me everything that my brain doesnt seem to want too; that I love him.

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    Echo32B [sign in to see picture]
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    I meant to say in my post that I also find that the idea of making freinds and mixing socially in general is exhausting to me and as you've said in your post it just seems like a lot of effort. Taking an intrest and being emotionally available to people sounds like work.

    So to sumarise I wouldnt worry too much as you arnt the only one feeling like this. :)

     I wish you the best in getting yourself backout there, maybe take up a hobby so you can meet people? I have already accepted my slow decline into becoming a social hermit! :P

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    Bettycat81 [sign in to see picture]
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    I was in a very similar situation until recently. My last relationship ended almost 4 years ago but the break up and emotional fall out lasted much longer. Internet dating just didn't work for me, I've always dated people I knew beforehand, and I felt daunted by putting myself out there again. I had some counselling which really helped me change the way I thought about myself and the future. I spent time resetting my batteries, a lot of time finding my turn ons etc then found myself naturally being a lot more open to taking chances and now I'm in the early stages of a lovely relationship with a guy who has been in plain sight all along!

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    CutieCurious [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you for the responses everyone - it's good to know I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way. I think I'm going to give the online thing a try again to go on some casual dates. The bad dates really put me off, and I think I need a couple of good dates to just remind myself how much fun it can be to have that spark with someone.

    The suggestion of taking up new hobbies is a good one, and something I've been considering lately. I've joined the Meetup website and I've joined a vegan group that meets up for dinner regularly, an LGBT group that meets for drinks once a month, and I'm going to go cycling with a ladies group once a month as well. I'm really looking forward to them all and will hopefully make new friends that way, broaden my horizons a little bit.

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