• Advice please. Fuck buddy and D/s relationship

    1441708588
    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7230
    • Joined: 12 Mar 2013

    Hi everyone I need some advice.

    I am interested in exploring a D/s relationship, something I don't have much experience of apart from what I've read on here.

    It would be within a fuck buddy relationship, and is something we both want to explore together.

    My question is can you have a trusting and satisfying D/s relationship if you are only fuck buddies?

    Or do you need to be within a loving relationship for this to work properly?

    Looking forward to reading all your good advice 😊

    1441709290
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    As long as there's respect of course you can, its much easier in a fuck buddy relationship to discuss what you want and dont want because you're less worried about offending, and you can set ground rules without it feeling like you're pushing your partner away.

    1441709300
    Raven93 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2014

    The short answer is yes :)

    1441709313
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6370
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Hi D, I definately think you can have a D/s relationship like this. However, you have to be totally confident of your trust in each other.

    I also feel that you don't necessarily have to be in a loving relationship to enjoy the benefits of a D/s dynamic.

    If you do go for it, just start slowly and make sure that things 'feel' right for you.

    It would be a good idea to have a couple of long discussions before you start anything too, to make sure that you both have similar likes and turnons - and likewise, talk about what you both dislike and are uncomfortable with. Hope this helps :) xx

    1441709550
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3140
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    I think the answer is yes you can as long as there is trust. But it my opinion, it will be a lot more satisfying in a relationship.

    For me a fuck buddy scenario is a means to an end when each person gets what they want.

    A D/s relationship is so much more involved in terms of reading off each other, and basically opening up to the other person - hence moves more into relationship territory.

    Playing around in a D/s way is all well and good and can also be fun - so just go for it anyway.

    1441709600
    Subdom27 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1506
    • Joined: 27 May 2012

    Hey Delilah,

    A D/s relationship can be absolutely amazing, whether it is with a fuck buddy or a long-term partner. The main thing you need to remember is communication; especially if you are entering it with someone you aren't solely betroved to.

    Before you start, talk for as long as you can about what you both want out of the arrangement. There are so many different ways which a D/s can manifest itself that the possibilities are endless. Perhaps write down everything you agree on as you go along, and that will start the basis of your agreement. Rules are everything with D/s, so having them written down really helps.

    It is the role of both the Dom and the sub to create and build the trust through honesty and respect. However, there is more of an onus on the Dom, because the sub is relinquishing all or some control of their life over to them. There already needs to be a level of trust before you start, otherwise it will fall flat on its face.

    A D/s relationship is quite different with a fuck buddy compared to being with a long-term partner. I would say that it is more exhillarating at times, because you aren't together at all times. This then allows a greater build up to sessions, but also creates more possibilities for the sub to do tasks away from the Dom and having to show proof too.

    My advice would be to write every rule down, along with your soft and hard limits. You can make it into a contract if you like, but not all D/s players do. Also remember that if you decide that you don't like something, or if you want something to be added to it, you should revisit your rules and discuss them together.

    I am the Dom in a D/s relationship and I find it very reassuring that my wife (sub) is able to come to me about things. We have altered our contract many times since we became D/s, and it's all about growing and exploring together.

    1441715014
    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 274
    • Joined: 1 Jul 2015

    Personally for me having a D/S relationship with a fuck buddy didn't work.....I think in a relationship there is huge amounts of trust therefore you open up, you give yourself completely & you communicate your wants, needs & fears openly....in a fuck buddy relationship trying to speak about this which is quite deep was really hard for us both to do because it felt very intimate & serious & that wasn't what our relationship had been before, it was more a meet up, fuck & then go kinda thing.
    I suppose it depends on how close you & your f/b are, how long you've known them & how much trust is already in place but for me it was just too intimate & felt too close to how a real relationship felt....and that scared me lol!
    Everyone is different so don't let this put you off, just wanted to explain why it didn't work for me :-)

    1441719926
    Kimberleyking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 971
    • Joined: 19 Jul 2013

    interesting to read all your views on this.

    1441723213
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 665
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2015

    Lots of people have play partners and fuck buddies that incorporate D/s. It is certainly achievable although you may find it is not as fulfilling as you hoped and/or you can't go as far as you would ideally like to until the friendship side of the relationship becomes stronger. That has certainly been my experience. I play down my kinks until I trust someone enough not to judge me and to be able to indulge them safely (both physically and mentally).

    All my kinky relationships, apart from one, have been casual. My current main relationship is someone I have been casually seeing/FWB with for the past year although the fuck buddy relationship has been on and (mainly) off for almost eight years. We've been able to have a fulfilling kink relationship from the start with a definite D/s dynamic (and SM play) but it took a while to get to the stage where we trust each other enough to really push to the deepest parts of ourselves. I don't think love is necessary at all but trust definitely is and because much of D/s is mental, it helps if you know each other well. That doesn't mean it has to be someone you already know, it just means be aware that it might take time to develop a strong enough connection to get to the really good stuff.

    I think you get out of relationships what you are willing to put in and that applies to casual kink relationships too. I may not love the guy I'm sleeping with but I do have feelings for him and care about him. I have trusted him with things nobody else knows about me. I have trusted him with my fears, fantasies and history and he has to trust me to be honest about how I am feeling and what I can take. We play at the more extreme end of the spectrum so communication and trust are even more important but we got to this point by incrementally sharing more, learning more about each other and earning each other's trust. We were strangers when we started playing.

    If you are new to kink generally, or D/s specifically, I would recommend learning as much as you can. If you know what you want and don't want, it makes it much easier to communicate that with a partner. I'd suggest reading some introductory books. It's a little dated but 'Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns' is still one of my favourites. I'd also suggest going to munches (you can find local ones on fetlife) and speaking to other people. It's a great way to work out what you want and to meet other people with similar interests in a non-threatening environment. They aren't dating meet ups or anything like that, they are just groups of people meeting up and having a few drinks/going bowling/whatever else and getting to talk about things they may not have anyone to discuss it with in their day to day life.

    1441743945
    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7230
    • Joined: 12 Mar 2013

    Thanks so much for all your replies :)

    Some great advice, just as I expected.

    We have already talked a lot about our likes and dislikes, but we will set some boundaries too before anything starts.

    A lot to think about before we meet. I did think a D/s kind of relationship would be better in a proper relationship. But I am excited to explore this FB and D/s relationship to see how I feel and what happens.

    1441813352
    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 274
    • Joined: 1 Jul 2015

    Hope it goes well & you get up to lots of kinky fuckery lol! ;-) x

    1441815559
    Ladybette [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 193
    • Joined: 25 Oct 2011

    It's really interesting that you should post this now, I was considering a similar post! I've met a guy and we are chatting about this but it's much too early days to have made a decision. The way I look at it is that this type of relationship is more than a fwb could ever be for me due to the amount of trust involved. To me a fwb is a means to an end and this is alot deeper and more satisfying (although I'm not saying it has to be love!)
    I've always been experimental but haven't had the chance to take things further into d/s. We've chatted and agree that we're interested in the lighter side of bdsm and not pain or humiliation but want to push a few boundaries and see where we go.
    Ideally, for me it would be part of a love relationship but I believe it would work without as long as the trust is there..lots of great advice from others on here that I'll be following too. Good luck and keep us posted!! ;-)

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.