• Advice please!

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    Yummy_Mummy_86 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 13 Jan 2013

    Hi I'm recently new to this website and came across the forum and after a bit of advice really. I've been with my husband now for 11 years married 3years. Got a good sexual relationship altho I'd say I've got more of a high sex drive than him but that's not a problem.
    Thing is before I got with my husband he had had a few relationships ie slept with older women and prob girls with more experience than myself as he was my first. Which is fine, The problem I have is ever since I have had my little girl, I don't feel as confident as I once used to be and I remember me making a negative comment about squirting ( which I can't quite master) and he said it's not a bad thing , it's all good or something along those lines. Which then makes me feel really bad cause I can't do it and made me think about his past relationships. I guess it's my own insecurities which I need to deal with but can't help thinking about it. Think I need to stop thinking about the past, just difficult when you don't feel as confident in the bedroom as you once were! Any advice About dealing with this situation or am I just being stupid! X

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    Dom+sub1810 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 15 Jul 2008

    Hi Yummy_Mummy_86

    I don't think you are stupid at all, and nor should you !!!!

    In regards to the squirting thing I think the biggest piece of advice that I can offer is too RELAX. I know that you will be seriously enjoying yourself but you must try to lay completely still until you feel like you want to cum and then just push it out like you were trying to push out a wee.

    My first squirting experience was years ago, but I didn't tell my now husband as I seriously thought I had wet myself lol. I was using a rabbit vibrator.

    In regards to your insecurities I totally know where you are coming from, not in regards to my husband being my first but me being I suppose jealous of his past relationships, to be honest I always thought he was settling for me because the others were taken!!

    However he was my first in a lot of things and me to him too. I sometimes still do something I know he hasn't done before and say "did your past girlfriends do that????" lol.

    I believe that your husband must love you very much to be married to you, and maybe you could look something up on the internet and teach him some new experiences lol. Toys definitely help my sex life and maybe yours too. Infact we went one further and 5 months ago started to begin a Dom/sub relationship (thank you 50 shades of grey lol), which infact saved our marriage!!!!

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is that sex in all of it's wonderful forms is meant to be fun, so try and enjoy it and yourself.

    Good luck to you, and I hope I have helped in some way xx

    1439510985
    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 262
    • Joined: 1 Jul 2015

    I don't think you're being stupid at all, I felt exactly the same after I had my son & the slightest remark my OH made would play on my mind for ages.....you need to get your sexy back which if you're not feeling it can be hard but I found buying nice underwear & taking pics of myself helped me look at myself from a different point of view (it took quite a few pics (ok hundreds lol) & I used filters to flatter me but it worked lol!) Then I'd pluck up the courage & send him them, the reaction was absolutely amazing, you only need 1 comment to boost your confidence & it just builds & builds. It's really easy after kids to not feel like your old self but when I look at pics of me now my boob's are more rounded, my bum is bigger & I feel really womanly, I mentioned about my belly which I hate & he spent ages just kissing & stroking me, it freaked me out & I wanted him to stop but he said "that tummy gave me the most beautiful gift & it's one of my favourite parts of you...after ye boob's!" Once I started feeling sexy again thoughts of what he did before me or who he did it with completely went out of my head. I really don't think about it!
    As for the squirting thing I personally really have to put some work in to make it happen, it's not easy for me but I can do it now with really intense clitoral stimulation using a bullet, I didn't do it everytime we had sex & it's great but it really isn't the bee all & end all, maybe have some solo play & push your limits yourself, it took me ages because I'd orgasm then stop until 1 day I kept going for a bit longer & hey presto lol! For me clit stimulation & then when you're really sensitive & think you can't take anymore just try, worked for me lol! Hope this helps put your mind at rest a bit X

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    Stace1990 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 13 Aug 2015

    Hi Yummy Mummy,

    All wemon feel insecure from time to time, but you cant compare your self to his past relashionships, as evryone is different. Having children knocks comfidence out of women, as their bodys change, which set off insecurities. But all you need to do is think about what you used to do in the bedroom that made you feel on top of the world like nothing else mattered. Have you tried doing some thing different in the bedroom expermenting is always a good way to build you confidence up, for example when your in the middel of forplay tease your partner untill he wants you so bad. Not all lady's can squirt, iv tried and i couldn't. but you shouldn't put your self down or compare you self to others. You are perfect in your own way, and you are not stupid. Chin up i hope i could help you. Good Luck XX

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    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    Your not stupid at all hun, I think learning how to love yourself again is the key here :)

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    NEvans [sign in to see picture]
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    I completely get where your coming from! I am the youngest person my partner has been with, he has only been with people older than him. I felt very unconfident during pregnancy and after birth, as lollipop said its definatly about loving yourself and gaining confidence. I am pretty sure your partner thinks your amazing you just have to feel the same too.

    X

    1439581873
    Yummy_Mummy_86 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2013

    Thank you so much ladies for all your advice, I wasn't expecting anyone to reply to be honest.

    Yes I find trying to squirt a bit of an effort as even with plenty of solo play and trying to relax it just does not happen. I always think I'm going to wee myself so maybe that's why I don't let myself go. That's not my real problem I don't think as I suppose it's not something to stress too much about.

    It's just my own insecurities I think, I feel sorry for my husband as constantly asking him does he find me attractive, his reply is always yes but since having my little one my body is just not the same anymore so think that makes me feel a little insecure.

    I have tried to spice things up in the bedroom asking him about using toys but think he felt a bit threatened and we only managed to use a cock ring which was mostly pleasure for myself which is not a bad thing. He is a very good lover and will always put me first so I suppose I don't know what my problem is. Just every now and then I still think about his past relationships and get paranoid about it, hence this post.

    Thank you again for all your advice it was much appreciated, going to try and take your advice and stop worrying about the past and try getting my sexy back. I purchased some fishnet stockings and crotchless knickers from Love Honey so going to team that with a baby doll to cover my tummy. Just waiting for a baby free night to spice things up! Xx

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    jr78 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 262
    • Joined: 1 Jul 2015

    The sensation of feeling like your going to wee is right before you squirt (for me anyway) so put something underneath you & just go for it lol!
    Hope you get a baby free night soon & you can have lots of fun, you're not alone in feeling like you do but if you slowly build your confidence up before long you'll be feeling like a complete sexy minx.....enjoy! :-) xx

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    Yummy_Mummy_86 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2013

    Thank you Jr78, I will have a go when I have a bit of alone time. Feeling scared! 🙈 ha ha.

    Had a little chat about my insecurities to my husband and he said i being silly, Hoping for a bit more sexy time to boost my confidence again. Bit of a prob with a baby that does not sleep through! Ha ha thanks again for you advice xx

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