• Does a man feel bad if he can't enter?

    1438280238
    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    PokingFun wrote:

    I'm probably not going to be very popular here... Here goes...

    Maybe he's a little inexperienced? Maybe he was nervous too? Maybe he's not had the chance to treat a woman the way he should? Maybe he gets his ideas from pornos?

    Just because he's 25 doesn't mean he's experienced! If he were a caveman then it would be a case of wham bam thank you mam. I think he's probably a little insensitive by not trying harder.

    Tell him.

    Tell him how you feel about that night. Tell him that maybe next time he's with a woman he should try a little more foreplay and be a bit more sensitive with touch and feelings. Tell him that you were nervous, you were not aroused enough because he didn't really care much for the foreplay.

    Looking at what you've said, you made out that it happens often, and you finished him off. No ones fault, but once my OH has finished, he really has no desire to do anything else, that's just the way he is. Maybe this man was the same? As soon as my OH comes, that's it, all arousal and horny feelings are instantly gone, it's just the way his body is.

    The manual comment could've been a nervous ice breaker? He could've felt awkward? He could've felt like he's done something wrong? Or he could've thought you are a cold fish!! No one will know unless you speak to him really.

    The silence could be embarrassment. Or, could be "not seeing her again" I'm just thinking that all the comments here telling you to run for the hills are a bit hasty. Give him a chance to tell his side of the story! If he wants to see you again, lay down ground rules, tell him to give you a massage or something!

    I dunno, I could be wrong, I just think that possibly, he's just not very experienced with sexual contact.

    100% this and couldnt put it better myself.. I will share that I had a simular situation with someone who was 20.. He got too eager one evening and ended up cutting me down below. I reassured him at the time but he did the same and wouldnt reply. Only after a few texts and inviting him back again did he get the confidence to see me again but he was still really nervous for a while about doing it again.

    So personally I think hes gone quiet because hes embaressed he did something wrong and now you are giving him the cold shoulder because he wasnt any good. Remember he's 25 but who is saying hes had that much experience in the bedroom to know what to do in that sort of situation and got a little too keen in the moment wanting to please you (hell even my partner forgets sometimes and gets a little to keen and hes 33 !).

    Men are complicated creatures but I really think hes probably very embaressed and thinks hes blown his chances so hasnt dared to message you and make the situation any more awkward.

    1438337954
    Girl_friday37 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all Thank you so much again for your further thoughts and input on this. Again, your comments have been a really good help.

    In terms of his sexual experience. I imagine he would have had quite a bit, tbh. Very nice-looking, well-built, lovely personality, didn't come across as arrogant or conceited in any way, very social, lots of friends. Plus, he was in an almost 2yr relationship. So, I imagine he's a guy who's had lots of sex, tbh. OK, that doesn't mean his skills are especially sophisticated or refined, but he gave me the impression he felt confident with what he was doing.

    As it' five days later, I think the moment has gone for me to say anything about this. I think it might seem like I'm trying to back-peddle over what I said as now I've "suddenly" decided it wasn't my fault. It could put him on the defensive if he feels like I'm now having a go.

    In all honesty, I think his silence probably has more to do with him thinking, "Well, she wasn't much cop" and feeling that I didn't live up to his expectations of a "hot, older woman" and he basically just isn't in the least bit bothered about contacting me again. Plus, in saving his ego I basically presented myself as being a difficult customer when it comes to sex which isn't exactly appealing when you're just looking for someone to have fun with.

    1438340611
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    Girl_friday37 wrote:

    Hi all Thank you so much again for your further thoughts and input on this. Again, your comments have been a really good help.

    In terms of his sexual experience. I imagine he would have had quite a bit, tbh. Very nice-looking, well-built, lovely personality, didn't come across as arrogant or conceited in any way, very social, lots of friends. Plus, he was in an almost 2yr relationship. So, I imagine he's a guy who's had lots of sex, tbh. OK, that doesn't mean his skills are especially sophisticated or refined, but he gave me the impression he felt confident with what he was doing.

    As it' five days later, I think the moment has gone for me to say anything about this. I think it might seem like I'm trying to back-peddle over what I said as now I've "suddenly" decided it wasn't my fault. It could put him on the defensive if he feels like I'm now having a go.

    In all honesty, I think his silence probably has more to do with him thinking, "Well, she wasn't much cop" and feeling that I didn't live up to his expectations of a "hot, older woman" and he basically just isn't in the least bit bothered about contacting me again. Plus, in saving his ego I basically presented myself as being a difficult customer when it comes to sex which isn't exactly appealing when you're just looking for someone to have fun with.

    I would never make asusmptions regarding someone's sexual experience. I have been in two long term relationships (2-3 years) plus had a few other shorter term partners and was engaged twice and yet could count on one hand the number of times I'd had sex before meeting my current partner. Looks or past relationships aren't a great indicator.

    I think his silence is part embarrasment, part that he thinks you didn't enjoy it. I mean you've communicated very well to us about your foreplay needs, but you didn't to him. So all he can think is that you didn't like sleeping with him. Since you were the party who didn't enjoy themselves, it is more than likely he was waiting for you to get in touch since he figured you're the one who may not want to do it again. Since you didn't get in touch, I'd say he felt he wasn't wanted anymore so has left you alone.

    When a sexual encounter goes badly, BOTH parties feel 100% awful about it. I think it's a bit harsh to pin this all on him that he lacks any sexual skills and then make him out to be an awful hump em dump em type guy. Just seems like a sad case where communication broke down and now everyone feels too awkward to bring it up again. When a women clearly doesn't enjoy herself, your automatic thought is not 'god she's crap in bed, what happened to the older experienced women stereotype?' your first thought is 'crap, she really wasn't into it. I messed up. Bet she'll never come back for more'.

    You may be feeling like he let you down and it's his job to contact you and make it right, but in fact you didn't communicate and so it's not up to him to solve the problem he doesn't even know exists. Arguably it was your job to set it straight, be that at the time or afterwards via text. You could try it now in a non confrontational way, don't come at him all 'oh you need to learn how to foreplay!' just calmly explain what you have here, that you're not frigid or anything but you do need a lot of foreplay to get you going but that it's fun, not a chore, and if he's willing to have a slow and sensual session then you're happy to try again. Make sure he knows it's not his fault, because it isn't! People don't magically know how much foreplay other people need, ya know? Or you could just leave it if you think it'd be too awkward at this point and learn from it so in the future it doesn't happen again.

    1438358246
    Medman 73 [sign in to see picture]
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    Selfish little .....

    Can't stand just banging it in . Prefair hot & wet get a better response in my opinion

    1438428958
    Girl_friday37 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovebirds_x wrote:

    I would never make asusmptions regarding someone's sexual experience. I have been in two long term relationships (2-3 years) plus had a few other shorter term partners and was engaged twice and yet could count on one hand the number of times I'd had sex before meeting my current partner. Looks or past relationships aren't a great indicator.

    Hi, thanks so much for your reply. I completely agree with you on the above, you're very correct. I guess it's just an assumption based on his apparent confidence. Obviously, I have no real way of knowing this, so yes, it was just purely speculation on my part.

    To be fair, I wasn't pinning all the blame on him. I did feel partly responsible (well, initially FULLY responsible) that I let him try to enter when I knew I wasn't ready and then subsequently didn't show him enough or communicate enough about what would get me ready.

    I did actually tell him that I probably would either need to orgasm or be on the verge of it, and his reply was... "How long will that take?" Nothing piles on the pressure like feeling you're on the clock. So, that plus the discomfort just meant the moment was completely lost for me.

    I also didn't want to make it sound like I consider him a 'hump em dump em' type, but just that I think he has lots of options and would find it a real stretch to think he would want to try again or that he would want me to contact him about it. Sure, that could be due to a bit of embarrassment on his part, so it would just be easier for him to move on and forget about it rather than by reminded.

    Plus, I really can't describe how much I made it seem like my probelm So, a large part of the reason why I wouldn't get in touch is that I can probably do without a "Thanks but no thanks" reply.

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