• I want it rough, but OH is scared of hurting me

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    Jeelloo [sign in to see picture]
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    So, I'm one of those girls that likes to be held down, not restrained with cuffs (although that is lovely too), but held down with sheer force so no matter how much I strugge I can't get up or away. I just love that helplessness you feel when you can't do anything to escape. I want to be forced to submit, forced to surrender.

    I'm pretty strong for a woman so I guess I'm lucky my OH is even stronger, and heavier, and could easily pin me down if he wanted to.

    Now my problem is my OH is pretty worrysome and cares about me a lot, not to mention a switch leaning more towards sub than Dom, so he's always scared of hurting me even though we have safewords in place and he knows I would tell him right away if I didn't like it.

    So my question is, do any of you people have tips on how to slowly introduce these sort of activities in a way that will both make us feel like we get what we want. Him being sure I'm not getting hurt and I getting the helplessness and sense of being forced I crave.

    I'm stumped on how to begin, since I don't want to jump in head over heels, but take it slow and kind of ease into it since we are both beginners. But I really can't think of anything..

    So please, help :c

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I suggest you do a role play , That way you play a character and not yourself. Could do it as an intruder breaking in etc. I would recommend though any activity like this is that you have safewords and once spoken the play stops immediately no questions asked.

    For this type of thing I wouldn't recommend it for new or newish relationships.

    1437568657
    Jeelloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hm, an intruder sounds kind of hardcore, I don't think my OH would be able to do that, at least not right off the bat. Not sure I would be up for that either yet. Definitely a thing to try once we're more used to the whole concept though.

    And we've been together for over 4 years so definitely not a new relationship :3 Although it IS long-distance so the sex part is "underdeveloped", sadly.

    I guess I just need a way to introduce my OH to more rough play in small steps.

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    BDSM-curious [sign in to see picture]
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    With this I would just talk him through it. Make it a teaching session, no sex required. Just get him to hold you down, tell him harder or softer. Reasure him you enjoy it at the level you feel happy with. Explain how you feel safe, you trust him and how good it feels. Hopefully this will make him more comfortable and confident about holding you down.

    Not great advice but the best I've got right now without thought.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    BDSM-curious wrote:

    With this I would just talk him through it. Make it a teaching session, no sex required. Just get him to hold you down, tell him harder or softer. Reasure him you enjoy it at the level you feel happy with. Explain how you feel safe, you trust him and how good it feels. Hopefully this will make him more comfortable and confident about holding you down.

    Not great advice but the best I've got right now without thought.

    +1 I couldn't suggest anything better . The reason I suggested roleplaying was that it would get over your OH's psyche of hurting you as he would be playing another character. I agree it could be hardocore it depends on how forceful you want your OH to be when in character. We havn't gone this far with roleplaying and roleplaying we have been doing over 12 months now.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    BDSM-curious wrote:

    With this I would just talk him through it. Make it a teaching session, no sex required. Just get him to hold you down, tell him harder or softer. Reasure him you enjoy it at the level you feel happy with. Explain how you feel safe, you trust him and how good it feels. Hopefully this will make him more comfortable and confident about holding you down.

    Not great advice but the best I've got right now without thought.

    Sounds great advice to me :) x

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    All great advice, I think the most important thing is to not pressure him too much or ask for too much each time, my OH is very much the same, we've made some advances but I know he's reached his limit of what he's comfortable doing, and I'm ok with that, he's made compromises, I've made compromises

    1437573619
    Jeelloo [sign in to see picture]
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    BDSM-curious wrote:

    With this I would just talk him through it. Make it a teaching session, no sex required. Just get him to hold you down, tell him harder or softer. Reasure him you enjoy it at the level you feel happy with. Explain how you feel safe, you trust him and how good it feels. Hopefully this will make him more comfortable and confident about holding you down.

    Not great advice but the best I've got right now without thought.

    This is indeed great advice ^^ Just trying it outside of a sexual situation seems like a good start. No pressure, just experimenting :3 Thank you! I'll definitely try that!

    @Mysteron I totally understand your point, but we haven't really touched roleplaying yet, so losing yourself so much in a character that it overrides your own emotions is definitely a level we are not on yet. And besides, it sounds a bit scary to be honest xD Definitely not a roleplaying scene I am ready to take on quite yet.

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    Jeelloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    All great advice, I think the most important thing is to not pressure him too much or ask for too much each time, my OH is very much the same, we've made some advances but I know he's reached his limit of what he's comfortable doing, and I'm ok with that, he's made compromises, I've made compromises.

    Indeed, this is why I want to take it slow. Because as much as I want to experience these situations, I also love him dearly and don't want him to not enjoy himself.

    How nice that you guys have found a compromise that works for both of you, I hope the same will happen to me and my OH in time c:

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    There is a situation in the Movie Fifty Shades of Grey which you could try but not as a roleplay so don't worry :)

    Perhaps when you OH is on top of you on the bed perhaps he could put your hands together and "pin" them above your head . When I say pin , I mean just gently hold them down almost restrained symbolically with just one of his hands . That shouldn't be too heavy for him and may satisfy your needs for now.

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    Jeelloo [sign in to see picture]
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    First of all; Fifty Shades of Grey... -shudders- >_<

    Second, we have actually done that already, but with cuffs. It was fun but I wasn't exactly restrained. I'll definitely see if we can try it with just his hands on mine. Maybe try it reversed as well, me on my knees and my hands on my back and him just holding them there. Doggy style. Thanks for the tip :3

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Jeelloo wrote:

    First of all; Fifty Shades of Grey... -shudders- >_<

    Second, we have actually done that already, but with cuffs. It was fun but I wasn't exactly restrained. I'll definitely see if we can try it with just his hands on mine. Maybe try it reversed as well, me on my knees and my hands on my back and him just holding them there. Doggy style. Thanks for the tip :3

    The idea that I was trying to get accross is if he pins both of your hands with one of his above your head , then he still has one hand free to do whatever he wants . :)

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    Jeelloo [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Jeelloo wrote:

    First of all; Fifty Shades of Grey... -shudders- >_<

    Second, we have actually done that already, but with cuffs. It was fun but I wasn't exactly restrained. I'll definitely see if we can try it with just his hands on mine. Maybe try it reversed as well, me on my knees and my hands on my back and him just holding them there. Doggy style. Thanks for the tip :3

    The idea that I was trying to get accross is if he pins both of your hands with one of his above your head , then he still has one hand free to do whatever he wants . :)

    I understood what you meant :3
    The thing we did with the cuffs was I only had my wrists in cuffs and he ordered me to keep them above my head, not to move them, while he went to town xD Like from 50 shades of grey. And I just thought the doggy style version of your idea would be fun to try as well c: I'll most likely try both someday.

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