• How to rebuild a sex drive after having a baby?

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    Berry123 [sign in to see picture]
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    So, I'm curious. How many ladies, men, couples, had a great loss in sex drive after having a baby? My son is now 9 months, and I'm only now feeling I can regain my sex drive!!! 😩 any useful tips to help out?

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    Ive got a 5 year old and a 4 month old.

    My sex drive varied a lot after each of them. Are you breastfeeding or on any birth control at all?

    After my first I didn't want to have sex full stop.
    This time I couldn't wait lol, I only waited about a week before having sex and we are back to where we were before I had baby if not a higher sex drive (just less time)

    I'd start with the basics, bath, candles, nice underwear... It's as much about getting yourself in the mood for it as anything else.... X

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    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
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    If you're breast feeding, your baby is not the only one who can feed,,,,,,,,, if you're both OK with that? was good for us.

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    Berry123 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not breastfeeding anymore, and I was on the pill, but I'm not at the moment as I'm going on something else. But I'm thinking maybe the pill wasn't helping? The past week my sex drive is coming back with a vegance, but then I'm still holding back where for months, I've just been refusing! I will definitely start back with the basics. I think my partner would enjoy that too!

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    oh hon, been there and here are some thoughts from my journey:

    1. vaginal dryness due to hormonal shifts, I had to use a vaginal moisture product and it was a God send. It is sold here in the states called Replense if you need a recommendation.

    2. I also had body image issues and had to work hard to regain my confidence in my body. So I invested in some lingerie, that helped a lot and I also did a couple boudoir photo shoots as a suprise for the partner which I think I sometimes enjoy looking at the pics and feeling like I am a sexual being just as much as he does.

    3. It is a mental issue at times... I get in "mommy mode" where I just feel like I am not a sexual person or run out of energy for sex because I am taking care of everyone else. So I had worked to develop a routine to create headspace and get my mojo back with bathtimes alone / with a nice glass of red wine after I put the baby to bed to get myself more in the mood. Also try having sex in other places, some of the best post baby sex was in the car in the garage. =)

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    Berry123 [sign in to see picture]
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    Completely get the body issues and mentality!
    I'm back, pretty much to the size a was before, squeezing in excersise at any spare moment!
    But even when I haven't had a full on baby day, I still find when it gets to the end of the day, all I can think about is bed!
    I am determined to regain the sex life we had! I ordered a few goodies over the past few days in hope some new lingerie will put my head into it!
    I've read and had so many people tell me that through and after pregnancy sex drive is heightened, but I didn't feel it at all.

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    Berry123 wrote:

    I'm not breastfeeding anymore, and I was on the pill, but I'm not at the moment as I'm going on something else. But I'm thinking maybe the pill wasn't helping? The past week my sex drive is coming back with a vegance, but then I'm still holding back where for months, I've just been refusing! I will definitely start back with the basics. I think my partner would enjoy that too!

    I went back on the pill and I came off it last month and my sex drive has gone sky high. I think cos of the change in your hormones after having baby that the pill can alter it in all sorts of ways. And whilst breastfeeding a lot of women's sex drive is lower, so between breastfeeding and the pill that could be why. Now you're off them hopefully it'll pick back up quickly for you. Yeah the basics work a treat, and it's nice to have some couple time, we love to have a bath together when we've got some peace and quiet and the toys definitely get things going again. Maybe blindfold your OH and then you can do as you please with him whilst it takes away any body issues too ;)
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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had to stop using BC Pills due to hormones killing sex drive post baby. I went with the Mirena IUD and love it!

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    Vanessa8 wrote:

    I had to stop using BC Pills due to hormones killing sex drive post baby. I went with the Mirena IUD and love it!

    Have you had any problems with it? I'm looking into the copper iud as the hormones in mirena don't agree with me but I'm just slightly put off by the idea of the iud in general lol
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    megan86 [sign in to see picture]
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    I lost my sex drive after having my 3rd last year and hate my wiggly bits, my oh suggested trying anal which helped me get my sex drive back x

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Regarding the IUD, I am on my second Mirena and the only problems I had was the initial spotting / break through bleeding after initial insertion. I also had them trim off the strings because they bothered my partner. I am not sure if you plan to have more children, but since I am done I liked the upt o 5 years aspect. The insertion is a bit of a bitch but since you have had a child it would not be that huge of deal, I just hate anything being done down there.

    I have never had the copper one and dont know of anyone who has, so I am not much help there. I just know the hormones in the pill were a serious sex drive killer for me and this made the most sense for me medically.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes it took us over 2 years to get things back on track.Thats why I tend to recommend the old Romance formula when others request advice on a similar problem. It worked with us but it was very slow but the key thing is good communication and support for the female partner.

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    Berry123 [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely sounds like doing the basics is a good route!.
    Very intrested in the coil Too! We have started to think of having a second child, but that would be it for us, so I'd like to get the coil! I haven't heard many great things about the copper coil. But, my mum does go a bit OTT with how bad things actually are 😂
    so, last night I plucked the couraged to just put a pair of sexy panties on. (something I haven't done In over a year) I have to say, it definily helped me push through a mental barrier I have in place about sex!

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    Fab :) Yep basics is the way forward, some romantic time together and sexy underwear, baths, massage, candles... Once you get back in the swing of it then you'll be back to normal

    Yeah I haven't heard great things about the coil in general before, my mum had lots of problems on the Mirena but due to not being able to have the hormones anymore I'm looking into the copper one... As otherwise it's pretty much condoms and they kinda ruin the moment...

    Plus I don't want any more children now at least for a fair few years lol

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    Berry123 [sign in to see picture]
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    My partner is so funny with condoms. Will use them, but only if I get one, which completely ruins my mood! My mum told me she used to be able to feel hers during sex! Sure it's not the same for everyone... But definitely puts me off! I'm running out of contraception choices now though 😵

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    Lovethekink [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah my mum could feel hers too, and had to have the strings shortened as my dad could (far too much information shared by my mother for my liking)

    And snap, we use condoms but I have to go get them!

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    Berry123 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oo it's such an off put!

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have never felt the Mirena, but I yes my partner could feel the strings on the first one and thus why I had them clipped off.

    I am sorry I am not more help here!

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    misstasty [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm also using the coil and my partner says he can feel it during sex! Was it you GP that suggested clipping the strings, Vanessa8? How can they safely remove it when the strings have been clipped? I may request that my GP do the same.

    Am I the only one who's sex life has improved since having children? We have a two year old and a six month old.

    I couldn't keep my hands off my man after the birth of my children in particular, my first. I was so highly attracted to him 'cause he had given me these beautiful, healthy children. I love making love to my OH. Sex is so much more enjoyable when love is evolved in my opinion.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I live in the States and my doctor that inserted it here was a OBGYN. I told her my partner could feel the strings, one time they even scratched him! at my first post insertion check up and she got in there and snipped them off and we never had a problem again. So when i got the second one she just snipped them off right away.

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