• Advice needed please.

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    andysouthwest [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi

    So my wife and I had our second child last August.

    Since then my wife has totally lost interest in sex.

    Is this normal ?

    Is there anything I can try and do to help her. We've never been sex maniacs but we did enjoy it we did.


    Thank guys,

    1436139204
    BDSM-curious [sign in to see picture]
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    1436140029
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    I notice you posted a thread very similar to this back in 2012 saying your wife had lost all interest in sex after your first child. Since you now have a second, I am going to go out on a limb and say you got something going again? Could you perhaps reflect on what worked before and use that as a point of reference, maybe try some of the things you tried before or find something new but along the same lines?

    1436169076
    andysouthwest [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, not really. We had a relatively crap couple of years for a while. We decided to try for a baby and my wife then had a misscarriage in 2013 and evenly had our baby son in August last year. I think really over the past 3-4 years we only really had sex to try and have a baby. Since then nothing at all, were close always cuddling on sofa and I'm giving her massages Etc so it's not that we're not close etc as we are. I just don't know what's wrong, and to be honest she doesn't really either.

    1436171790
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    If it was me I wouldn't pressure her into having sex. I would think outside the box a bit. Try to get some time together and think more of romance than sex. Perhaps a break away to a hotel with the kids left with the grandparents ( thats what gand parents are for to lend supporrt) . Some meals out together and perhaps spoil her with some new lingerie . I think you really need some "Us time" together with perhaps plenty of cuddles and kissing. Sex may come after but don't force her let her make the first move.

    Good luck

    1436172277
    Never know [sign in to see picture]
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    Sexy lingerie, she might not be feeling her sexiest after having a baby so give her something to show off to you. Both are winners then. I like the Lovehoney Adore Me chemice

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    andysouthwest [sign in to see picture]
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    I won't pressure her in anyway, it's never been an important part of our lives just something we used to enjoy now and then.

    Problem with buying her new stuff is she's a bigger girl and sadly it's very hard to find things to fit yet alone she may feel comfortable wearing. I do wonder if it is her body that's putting her off sometimes but unsure. Never been an issue in the past when she was a lot bigger but I just don't know. I just want to help her get through what ever she is going though.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    andysouthwest wrote:

    I won't pressure her in anyway, it's never been an important part of our lives just something we used to enjoy now and then.

    Problem with buying her new stuff is she's a bigger girl and sadly it's very hard to find things to fit yet alone she may feel comfortable wearing. I do wonder if it is her body that's putting her off sometimes but unsure. Never been an issue in the past when she was a lot bigger but I just don't know. I just want to help her get through what ever she is going though.

    Lovehoney have recently changed tact when it comes to lingerie . They are getting more and more sexy plus size stuff in . There are some very very nice babydolls which I think will fit and suit most ladies .for the comfy side don't over look the sexy chemises. Don't forget LH's return policy if it doesn't fit you can always return it.

    If it is a body confidence thing then pay her compliments of her body. That will give her more confidence especially if you keep saying nice things about her .

    1436199937
    happyvibes [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely agree, lots of compliments to help build up her confidence in her body. I would also say try officially taking sex off the table for a bit. If she's not feeling confident or comfortable with sex then she may be shying away from really getting into too much kissing and cuddling as she's not comfortable with where it might lead. If you've both verbalised that you want to take it off the menu for a short time and concentrate on romantic gestures, time out for you both to enjoy each other's company and kissing and touching without the "main event" then you could end up in a situation where you're enjoying the other stuff so much now any pressure is off that she ends up wanting it more. But yes, let her lead you on that first move. If she's not sure what the problem is either then maybe it could be some form of depression and could be well worth talking through with her doctor.

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    Carly [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Andy, If she has had children, perhaps her chest has changed? If choosing sexy items for her, perhaps look for items that have good support, or arent too see-through?

    Also, have you considered moving out of the bedroom and starting things through text messages or online to build up without the face-to-face pressure?

    Good luck to both of you :)

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have commented on this before but you need to not under estimate how much "MOM mode" is a sex killer. When a woman becomes a mom she is now caring for now other people and it is very taxing emotionally and physically. It also can make her feel like her body is not her own anymore if she is breast feeding and if the pregnancies resulted in weight gain, c section scars, stretch marks or other body jiggels she may have body confidence issues. Other considerations are possible post pardum depression or hormonal imbalances.

    Just the sound of a child kills a mood for me, so think about ways to reconnect as a couple AWAY from your kids such as date nights, walks alone and even booking an extended weekend away. Think about difrerent places in the house that may feel more "away" from the kids than your bedroom might be after they go to sleep.

    Finally, women need to feel appreciated and cared for. As a stressed out mom, having a partner who can do the dishes so I can soak in the tub or take on a duty to allow me to relax goes a long way in the sex department.

    I hope that is helpful and good luck.

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