• Absence of Orgasms

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    your mindset / mood definately affect your sex drive. I would say get in a headsspace where you can relax and feel sexy. I personally dont do that great with hands play, toys are my go to for solo play so just find what works for you and how you are most comfortable exploring.

    Also, dont stress and make orgasm the ONLY outcome. There are times I masturbate and don't necessarily hit the big O, but I did get to relax a bit and unwind. If you fixate on it you may be stressing yourself out about it, which probably wont help.

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    Echo32B [sign in to see picture]
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    Could well be then as I also suffer from depression. I know that men can suffer from ED when depressed, maybe this is sort of along those lines?

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    ZiggyStarbucks [sign in to see picture]
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    No my hands just don't excite me. The majority of the time I only masturbate to relax or just to make myself feel good, but this o absence is bothering me a bit.

    I think most of it is anxiety, 'cause I'm always panicking about when someone's going to come home and I rarely get time to have fun. Ideally I'd move into my own place but that's impossible right now.

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    HappilyExperimenting [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried stimulating yourself in different places? Nipples, inner thighs, breasts, collarbone? I understand you prefer your trusty rabbit and sometimes I feel only a toy can get me there too, but it turns out 80% of the time I finish myself with my fingers.

    It really helps being very aroused (are you giving yourself enough visual/psychological stimulation?) Have you tried watching a bit of soft porn? You can watch it on your phone or laptop with earphones if you're afraid of being caught by your family! Alternatively there's lots of erotic literature out there. Try different methods and ways and try not to worry about the destination as much as the journey - it's all about the mindset. Good luck!

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    ZiggyStarbucks [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah, I much prefer using a toy. My boyfriend is quite good at using his hands but it's too intense for me and I end up kneeing him accidentally. When his hair touches my inner thighs that really helps but ultimately we need some sort of aid.

    I do enjoy watching porn to get me in the mood but it's my noise that's the problem! I just need to get my family out of the house for longer than 2 hours.

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried wearing a set of jiggle balls? I wear mine loads, usually while doing mundane things like the housework. I forget about them but they get me very wet and excited, a bit like forplay.

    They are not expensive if you don't have a set and they might just rekindle your passion.

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    ZiggyStarbucks [sign in to see picture]
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    No I don't have any. I suppose I could give them a try, they don't cost much.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Fun Louise wrote:

    Have you tried wearing a set of jiggle balls? I wear mine loads, usually while doing mundane things like the housework. I forget about them but they get me very wet and excited, a bit like forplay.

    They are not expensive if you don't have a set and they might just rekindle your passion.

    +1 and an excellent suggestion Fun Louise... I also wear mine to "warm me up" if I think I may play. the Lovehoney basics are the ones I have / reviewed off my profile as well. That may help so when you actually get alone time you are not starting from ground zero.

    I would say the lack of privacy would be a MAJOR issue in this because you cant focus on yourself to release with one eye or one ear on a door or listening for housemates.  Would taking a toy into the bathtub give you more privacy and longer play time?

    1435023123
    ZiggyStarbucks [sign in to see picture]
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    I've just added a pair to my wish list which hopefully my boyfriend will treat me to ;)
    Unfortunately it's pretty much impossible to get any privacy in my house, in the bathroom or not. Sometimes my boyfriend and I go out in the car when it's dark but I still can't fully relax with the possibility of people seeing.

    1435061571
    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Toys and lubes different positions etc do help..however. The situation is not a physical issue , but a mental emotional one. Several times you have mentioned stress and anxiety, is masterbation/reaching orgasm you only release from this?

    If so, you could be putting so much presure on your body/mental emotional bodies, that they are saying, I NEED SOME REST. Certainly look into ways to honor your self, give your self some YOU time. Put the kids on mute, dissconnect the phone...and go and chill.

    You have also mentioned that there are always people around.in your house etc..This wont help either, obligations and feeling obligated to others, can be a pain in the butt to say the least.

    Basically in a nut shell what I am putting across here, is that, you need to give all of you a hug, communication with your hubby/lover will help too. Dont be ashemed or guilty, just talk and see what comes to the surface. Trust.

    Yep some ziggy time, would do yuu the world of good, cos when you feel pampered and appreciated your body wont be so tense, and your mind not going 100 to the dozen when it comes to playing with your self

    xxx SF

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    Miranda Hart [sign in to see picture]
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    I say shop around for one of the really dirt cheap hotel deals, write down a fantasy for your boyfriend, be detailed, relax and moan to your hearts content

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    ZiggyStarbucks [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks SensualFire that's given me a lot to consider.
    I'm seriously considering a cheap hotel!
    Thanks guys xx

    1435071543
    RedCheeks [sign in to see picture]
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    Could definitely just be stress or not having the right environment to fully let go.

    Alot of medications can have the side effect of anorgasmia too, might be worth checking that if you are on any medication.

    1435075393
    ZiggyStarbucks [sign in to see picture]
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    I reckon environment is playing the main part for me. I've just googled anorgasmia And could find anything referencing citalopram, which is what I take, though the causes that stood out to me were depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder, of which I suffer from all three.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh Ziggy, I am so sorry you are suffering from these conditions. The good news you have identified what your struggling with and hopefully you are getting treatment.

    I had another thought and wondered if you changed up locations would that help? I have masturbated in a my car a few times... even while still in the garage just for extra privacy and change of enviroment.

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    ChloeW96 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey sweet! I went through a really bad patch last summer where I literally couldn't orgasm for about a month and a half, and it was down to the medication they put me on for my anxiety. I also find that when my anxiety and depression is bad, my vagina just doesn't co operate with me at all! I wouldn't worry, I know it can be frustrating not being able to finish, but i would give it a couple of weeks and test out different toys, positions, lubricants, going a few days without, trying different porn, etc, before going to your doctors. If it comes to that, your GP will be happy to see you about it :)

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    ZiggyStarbucks [sign in to see picture]
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    I do like it in the car quite a lot but I don't get much of a chance. I've tried a few different positions and that helped a bit but ultimately I haven't gotten any further.

    I've had another look and it turns out anorgasmia is one of the side effects. I have a feeling that my mental health + medication + annoying family that never leave the house are probably where this is all coming from. I'd really rather not switch my meds though 'cause they help me so much. I'll wait a few weeks more and then maybe give my doctor a visit.

    Thanks guys!

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