• Torn between two - why can men be like buses!

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    Also +1 loverbirds spot on.

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks lovebirds, in light of the issue I was dealing with at the time I genuinely thought it was over.

    Yes I realise 24hrs isn't long but dropping half way through a convo like he did threw me. Especially when he didn't reply for such a long time.

    ive never actually ever really been on the dating scene ever! It's still new and quiet weird for me. I've no idea what's normal or not.

    i was happy single if I'm honest, but I started getting the attention on Internet dating it's kind of rushed to my head a bit. I am having fun, I've no idea if it normal or not to keep chatting to guys when your dating another. Being married and with the same guy for so long (14yrs married 9) it's quiet overwhelming and as a person who lives by a fair amount of logic I guess I've relied on logic rather than emotion to get an answer to my problems.

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    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovebirds_x wrote:

    It sounds more like you're driving yourself crazy than keeping yourself sane!

    I honestly think you need to relax a bit. The poor guy was sick and you bombarded him with messages then gave off to him? Harsh! It was only 24hrs! You make it sound like that's a lot of time but it really isn't. No one is tied to their phones and he gave you a perfectly reasonable excuse as to why he wasn't able to reply, you have to realise you were out of order to complain at him over that. You're being very impatient with these men :/

    Dropping messages on an hourly basis is very VERY clingy and making you come off as extremely insecure, which isn't going to help things. Seriously, relax! You don't have to speak to them every hour of the day, and them not replying certainly doesn't automatically mean they're not interested. Especially when they're likely hugging the toilet bowl all night!

    You're very much flitting about (and I do not mean that in an offensive way), it only took you 24hrs to change your mind after making a decision to stick with one guy. To me this speaks volumes about whether you really thought you were doing the right thing, so to speak. I'm not trying to be harsh, but you're still sending out mixed signals. On one hand you're saying you want to be casual and chat to a few guys. On the other you're acting like they're tied into a relationship with you from the moment you secure a date with one, and from the first date all other men must be forsaken. It's confusing to everyone involved!

    You also seem to spending a lot of time over analyzing and categorizing these men like they're objects. Why bother? There's no need to make such drama for yourself. You don't need to find the perfect guy, you don't need to choose between any of them, you just need to chill and have some fun dating them! If any of them are going to become proper relationships that will become apparent over time, before that happens just relax and have some fun and don't worry about how many guys you're seeing. Don't take it all so seriously :)

    Posting from my phone so apologies but,

    This.. I haven't dated for 11 years now but I think it is definitely too much to be texting him.. ringing him.. messaging on pof too? Not comparable really but if in the swinging world someone does this to me I run a mile.. and I'd never do this either as i'd be way too afraid of coming off too keen.

    One "Hi, hope you are ok and works going well x" type of thing does it otherwise it comes off way too clingy and perhaps maybe the reason why he told you he just wants to be friends now.

    I think because the Italian guy treated you the way he did perhaps you are treating this guy like he's going to do a runner too, if he has started a new job like you said or has been ill he has probably been very overwhelmed or busy with it all.

    Really though please don't go working yourself up over this, if they don't reply to the message (one message ;p) you send ignore it, it's their loss and occupy yourself with something else (believe me you are not the only person who gets annoyed when someone ignores your text). I also wouldn't advertise that you are dating other people to these guys, but just keep yourself open to other opportunities too.

    Men are complicated creatures indeed, breath, take a step back or even a break from it for a few days and then take a fresh new look on it.

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    I've taken your advice wildcherry, I've cancelled guy three date and I've closed myself off from it to think for a few days.

    just to clarify though, isn't having sex/dating etc with more than one guy cheating? I couldn't comprehend even kissing one guy whilst seeing another. 

    any advice/links on normal dating expectations much appreciated

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    It's not cheating as your not in a relationship with anyone.

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    At what point do you class it as a relationship?

    When you introduce the kids, when they sleep over?

    its a bloody minefield

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    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    Lollipop ;) wrote:

    It's not cheating as your not in a relationship with anyone.

    This.. you are not tied to any of them, it's not cheating and just to put a spanner in the works how do you know they're not dating too? Honestly have a little fun and be treated and spoiled on a few dates getting to know people. There is no need to rush these things as part of the fun in dating is the getting to know each other and having fun.

    As to when you class it a realtionship, I would assume it is when you both agree to become an item? I guess if I had children I wouldn't introduce someone to my kids for a month or so or at least until I knew the person was going to be in my life for a while too.

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks that clarifies things a bit

    so I'm clearly clueless on dating.

    I think I need to step back and slow down, I'm chatting to guy two. You are right it's unfair to him. I seem to plant myself as exclusively as belonging to one guy but having been that for so long it's a hard thing to break free from.

    that implies relationship really doesn't it?

    Id still like to meet guy three, is there any harm in being casual with both to see who I like over time?

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    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    Littlestars wrote:

    Thanks that clarifies things a bit

    so I'm clearly clueless on dating.

    I think I need to step back and slow down, I'm chatting to guy two. You are right it's unfair to him. I seem to plant myself as exclusively as belonging to one guy but having been that for so long it's a hard thing to break free from.

    that implies relationship really doesn't it?

    Id still like to meet guy three, is there any harm in being casual with both to see who I like over time?

    No dont be silly, there are no hard and fast rules, learn as you go along. Were all different too, I'm the type of girl who is old fashioned and thinks the guy should ask and approach the girl (Although saying this I actually got fed up of my husband not asking after 3 months of dating and asked him myself on my birthday lol).

    No there isnt (My sister is currently "dating" and had 3 dates over a week, only by doing this did she realise that 2 of them wernt right for her at all ) I'd still go on the date with guy three too.

    When I got with my husband I had just split with my ex 9 months before. I constantly looked to be in a relationship and thought being alone was terrible. Only when I stopped looking, enjoyed dating and talking to guys did I finally find my husband.

    I guess what im trying to say is try not to put a massive pressure on it or yourself. Just enjoy and see where things take you and if they do as the Italian guy did to you, shrug it off and it is their loss :)

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    Date with guy three still on, guy two has an open door so to speak, he's ok with that.

    i had a discussion with each of them on their own personal definition of what dating was and when it becomes a relationship. I've not committed exclusivity to either of them, they both know this.

    Both have left the decisions to me, I strangely feel like a lot of pressure is off my shoulders now. Making choices is difficult under pressure, who knows where things will go with either of them.

    obviously they are slightly aware that there is a likely other but I've only suggested that the door is open to the other party not that active dating is taking place. But as a ridiculously honest person (it does me no favours really but I can't lie for toffee) if asked I will be openly honest with them just as I have been from the start.

    i just hope that things can progress now without fear. I'm not getting my hopes up at this point I feel like my insecurities have really screwed things up. Hope things settle down and move forward smoothly.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Littlestars Lovebirds offers amazing advise here. I go through this with my girlfriend that is actively dating / using dating sites regarding the texts and communication.

    I tell her this and I will advise the same, send a message... if he doesn't respond let it be fore A MINIMUM of 24 hours. You have no idea what is going on with him as far as illness, family or work stuff. And I dont want to sterotype but us women tend to chat more than men anyway.

    I do agree with you that him dropping off mid conversation is rude but this whole texting thing vs actually talking creates issues that there is no tone and you have no idea what else is going on with that person. A good old fashioned phone call or skype chat is so much better than texting in my book.

    So maybe back off so much texting for a bit and try to get to know any potential dating partner with a mix of communication types. I think too much texting creates sometimes flase intimacy and attraction because people say things they may never face to face and also the receiver applier this own emotion vs. real emtoion intended by sender at times.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Wildcherry wrote:

    Littlestars wrote:

    Thanks that clarifies things a bit

    so I'm clearly clueless on dating.

    I think I need to step back and slow down, I'm chatting to guy two. You are right it's unfair to him. I seem to plant myself as exclusively as belonging to one guy but having been that for so long it's a hard thing to break free from.

    that implies relationship really doesn't it?

    Id still like to meet guy three, is there any harm in being casual with both to see who I like over time?

    No dont be silly, there are no hard and fast rules, learn as you go along. Were all different too, I'm the type of girl who is old fashioned and thinks the guy should ask and approach the girl (Although saying this I actually got fed up of my husband not asking after 3 months of dating and asked him myself on my birthday lol).

    No there isnt (My sister is currently "dating" and had 3 dates over a week, only by doing this did she realise that 2 of them wernt right for her at all ) I'd still go on the date with guy three too.

    When I got with my husband I had just split with my ex 9 months before. I constantly looked to be in a relationship and thought being alone was terrible. Only when I stopped looking, enjoyed dating and talking to guys did I finally find my husband.

    I guess what im trying to say is try not to put a massive pressure on it or yourself. Just enjoy and see where things take you and if they do as the Italian guy did to you, shrug it off and it is their loss :)

    I agree to a large extent the points Wildcherry makes.

    I am not an expert on On line dating as I don't think it wasn't much used as a dating tool when I was last single .

    However I accept that with online dating you do need that "first" date to filter out the chaff from the wheat and to find out if there is potential chemistry . In my days this stage would have been equivalent of the chatting up stage as you would know that by chatting with the other person , if there was a potential relationship. It is then  you asked that person out on a proper date.

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    That makes a lot more sense to me mysteron. My dating experience was texting and emails or meeting in a club/pub and chatting a guy up. Predates social media massively thanks for your help everyone, I seem to be chilling out and having some success getting my head in order. still having date with guy 3 on Saturday. The door is open for guy two to continue dating with me if he chooses phew!! I'm not a complete fuck up yet

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    I want to thank you guys so so much for kicking my ass and knocking some sense into me.

    as a person who has spend the last year functioning on a huge amount of logic to get past the whole seperation with hubby etc. your help has made me avoid regretting something important.

    i did date guy three this weekend, he was wrong for me on so many levels, he's one guy I would describe as being the whole issue of having obsession with porn and what sex should be like. Yes we did have sex, it was an interesting experience. A first interracial experience as well as 12yrs my junior. It was basically 4 hours of hardcore fucking. With rests of course but heck I've never had such detatched sex. It was pounding at its rawness.

    im not proud, but I can say I've learnt from this. Had a serious confession to guy two, who was very accepting (he knew there was guy three) he asked the details of the evening I told all, no point in me hiding something like this. I treat someone how I'd wish to be treated.

    Its made me realise that sex is certainly not always a pleasant sensual experience with a few kinks, but can be highly detatched two Dom trying to compete against each other heated experience.

    guy two is now high on my agenda I see him again at the weekend. I'm thankful you guys brought me to my senses and I didn't loose him. We connect well on many levels, sex with him was deep, sensual, loads of kissing, mmmm

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I am glad it worked out for you.

    I am perhaps old fashioned but I am a firm believer in romance , cuddles ,kissing etc. I have tried making love to a woman about 10 years older than me in my past( to gain some experience) and failed miserably. I failed because I didn't have ny feelings towards her. Perhaps this is ringing true with yourself as well.

    Don't get me wrong sex is fantastic and myself and my Mrs enjoy it with all the kinks as well , but it is only one aspect of our relationship ie the icing on the cake.

    It looks like you have perhaps started a relationship in the true sense and you sound much happier for it.

    Good luck

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    You hit the nail on the head perfectly there mysteron.

    yes I like to feel at true connection to a person, and feel like I'm an extension of themselves. I like to get into the moment with them. Yes I'm typically the dominant one in bed as I know what I like and I've quiet good at reading the signs to know what they like too.

    im never one to push either, guy two is happy to experiment with me, which I feel will be quiet a bonding experience for both of us. We've already had some kinky fun together which astounded him, he's a quiet guy and clearly has some desires, we've discussed a few but generally he's happy to have a go at anything. I feel this will bring us intimately closer. Oh our desires involve using a strap on on each other 😍

    The young guy very much wanted the experience, there were at least three things he admitted too that he'd never tried before, and he was very much taken aback by the experience. But his tendencies feel more towards sadism than I'm comfortable with. I'm a pleasure seeker not a pain seeker and didn't appreciate having a large set of hands placed round my neck whilst on top, and forced to ride him til the point of exhaustion. It's an experience I won't care to repeat with him that's for sure. I messaged him yesterday to tell him my thoughts on our evening together and that I had no desire to see him again, he didn't put up a fight just cheekily messaged about meeting for regular blow jobs lol. Not happening!

    in my eyes you only have so much go, if you tire of a certain position then change it. There's no set rules but at least be comfortable.

    anyhow I'm happy with how things have worked out, my full attention is now on guy two, I've chilled out and not persistently messaging now. We chat most evenings on kik for a good couple of hours, it suits us both nicely, sometimes we get into some serious sexting. Good times 😘

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Tbh..guy 2 was right from the sound of it from the start.... And take it from me...a sensual lover is far more rewarding than sex with someobe just for the sake of sex...
    My fb was to be quite frank...awesome to have sex with! At 6 ft 5.. And hung like a horse..he hit spots and kinks I had never tried before!!
    But when my current partner came on the scene..if was a totally different experience. Sensual ,loving, connection, hugging and caressing,,, long evening just enjoying each other, without going all the way. Sure he doesn't hit all the spots that the fb did...( he is not the same build so to speak!) But he is sure finding new ones.
    I have a connection with him I do t think I have ever had with any partner in my past... Even in this heat...we cuddle up in bed in a lovers knot.. Which I find sooo wonderful.

    So when you find a steady, sensual man...nurture them...they can find their kink later...it it easier to kink them up...than to teach a serious kinky hot date how to be sensual and intimate.
    Go with date 2.. And keep the faith...

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I suppose I am an example of that . I am a sensual guy ,and enjoy long foreplay and the slow undressing of each other in the process, . If you want a bit of "sensual kink" try a bit of sensual spanking when doing foreplay. My OH nearly explodes when I do this whilst gently rubbing my other hand inbetween her legs whilst she is on all fours. Sensual spanking isn't about causing pain its all about arousal so it can been done very gently .

    Anyway Littlestrars I am sure you will have good times ahead exploring each other.

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    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    Date two with guy two came and went. He failed to turn up, no rhyme, reason or explanation. He's not been in touch since late night Thursday.

    im in limbo, I haven't messaged him loads, just once a day, to try and get an answer but I'm at the point where I'm stopping trying now. Which is a pity. But before we dated I knew he had a 5 month old daughter it's an ex. I'm beginning to think things might have reconciled for him on that line and if that's the case I'm happy for him.

    despite my reservations about guy three, I've decided to give him another shot, our tensions were running high when we first met esp with us both being with dominant and forward, maybe things a can settle a bit. I've struggled to erase him out of my mind since I brushed him off and he messaged me again a week later, we chatted and set him aside again but there's something still there craving him. I'm not exactly sure what keeps drawing me to him, but if I don't give it another shot I'll never know.

    i am still chatting to other guys at the moment, I find I scare them off or they block me easily on both pof and fet, maybe I'm too forward for my own good. I'm a very honest and open person, I'm quiet demanding too, I need a guy who can keep up with me.lol

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