• Torn between two - why can men be like buses!

    1434987337
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2865
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Littlestars... wanted to share one of my favorite quotes:

    "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."

    I'm sorry but it takes only a few seconds to text someone and say hey the next few weeks are bad / super busy I am not sure when I can see you again. And he disrespected you by not responding to your text and call indicating you were moving on.

    Sounds to me like man #1 was distracted by a different woman and when that didn't pan out he is back for more from you. If you are cool with that, I think that is your decision as yes the sex sounded incredible. But, given you are a single mom with a limited schedule even a casual fuck buddy needs to respect your time more.

    I would hate to see you blow off man 2 to have man 1 leave you in a lurch.

    Just my 2 cents here.

    1434990025
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Well I've blown the Italian off my radar, he hasn't bothered to respond to my message but couldn't care either.

    ive reassured the new guy of my decision. I've kept him in the loop through the whole thing too. I'm probably too honest for my own good.

    1434993653
    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1743
    • Joined: 7 Dec 2014

    Good on you littlestars! And if he comes crawling tell him where to go. You deserve respect as well as intellectual and physical stimulation.
    And if the new guy is accepting of all this then he sounds like an understanding nice guy so definitely pursue that a bit :) have some fun, just make sure you prioritise YOUR fun and time x

    1434998001
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Thanks everyone, it does help to discuss stuff like this, it gets cloudy stuck in my head.

    i am a bad liar, so I've always found honestly my best trait. I don't like misleading people. Same on dating sites I make people aware of my kinks and desires as a measure of suitability, it scares a lot of guys off but then if they keep chatting I know I'm not dealing with time wasters.

    it doesn't win me friends either but then I know the ones that stick around love me for who I am.

    1435024076
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2865
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Littlestars you are a girl after my own heart, my close friends tell me I am too blunt at times but also know I never lie to them and love them no matter what.

    If the Italian surfaces again enjoy knowing he misses the hotness too and use the "highlight" reel of him as solid masturbation material.  Naughty Mum went through a similar delima... there is a thread "quietly optimistic" you might enjoy.

    1435030925
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1524
    • Joined: 8 Apr 2014

    Vanessa8 wrote:

    Littlestars you are a girl after my own heart, my close friends tell me I am too blunt at times but also know I never lie to them and love them no matter what.

    If the Italian surfaces again enjoy knowing he misses the hotness too and use the "highlight" reel of him as solid masturbation material. Naughty Mum went through a similar delima... there is a thread "quietly optimistic" you might enjoy.

    You read my mind😘😊 My little love tale started like this..totally.. And I have not regretted my decision to say bye to the 6 ft 5 / ,9" fb ....who dropped in and out regularly... But was obviously only there for sex. It tickled my ego to know I had him bouncing back many a time for more....but when I found my current man...a choice was needed... Awesome sex with a fb who is going nowhere on a relationship... Or a quieter, sensual...more down to earth guy, who I got on with on many many levels , and have great sex... If a bit more vanilla ATM... The relationship around the sex is the bit that ultimately is far more important. I feel making a choice that gave the fb the heave to, and the new man a chance was the best one I ever made. I now have an awesome keeper, who seems to want to move mountains to be with me. Sex can be worked on...a relationship is either there or not...you can't force one into existence. Number 2 is the better option... See how that goes..but don't make rash decisions where kids are involved.test the waters before moving g to any more permanent position. Gl
    1435045743
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Just read your thread naughty mum. It's strikingly similar.

    unfortunately I seem to be having communication issues with new guy at the mo. He hasn't messaged me back since yesterday afternoon and we normally have a sexting session in the evening. It might be due to him starting his new job and getting ready for that but at the moment I'm not holding my hopes up.

    i hope it pulls through, but honesty can be a bitch sometimes, I couldn't hide something like that though. I can be read like I book people around me know if there's something wrong or on my mind.

    wish dating was easier, I get more attention than I can handle at the moment, there's two other guys hanging around in the rafters that I chat to but never met and probably never likely to meet but despite me pushing them away several times now they keep chasing me. Maybe I shouldn't be so honest. Has admitting that I get this sort of attention to the new guy overwhelmed him or something?

    Im inclined to think having a casual fb would be easier than getting caught up in this sort of stuff, but having always been a one man woman I don't know if my head and heart could just stop at sex.

    1435059199
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2748
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    I used to have a similar type of attention, always chatting but no actual relationships. But I met OH and even after our first date told them that I'd keep chatting but nothing sexual or flirty, most left immediately, some stayed and tried to tempt me but I set my boundaries and stuck to them, eventually everyone got bored lol I think that even at the start of a relationship you have to commit otherwise the other person doesn't know where they stand. Start a relationship, if it your all and if it doesn't work! At least you can say you tried your best

    1435128477
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Well the new guys ignored my messages right from 3pm (literally an hour of declaring my decision right til 9pm last night) I'd called, pof messaged as well as kik and got nothing back.

    in the meantime a younger guy who had been chasing me since before the Italian that I ruled out because he's 12yrs younger than me, started messaging me again. Out of the blue.

    So I now arranged a date with him, then the new guy got back in touch, I'd given him a time limit for contact.

    the be all and end all was he got sick, fell to sleep and forgot to message me so told him how pissed off I was considering the decision I'd had to make a his badly timed disappearance. I'd even called 6/7 times as he never has credit on his phone. I asked him what he'd do if he was in my shoes right now. More so with him starting a long hour job tomorrow he couldn't offer me much of his time or commitment right now.

    So as it stands he wants to still chat as friends, I've given him the ok todo that. Clean chat only basis.

    so I have had to make two very similar decisions in 48 hours, something I'd never anticipated! Then to be fair I never thought I'd be dating again in this lifetime.

    1435128783
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2865
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Ah well a new door will.open.

    1435140393
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    A new door has opened Vanessa,I have a date with a much younger guy Saturday, he was pursuing me before the Italian, and strangely messaged me out of the blue again on Monday evening.

    I admit I'm am feriously horny at the moment. I feel bad for wanting sex in general so much at the moment. But again limited opportunities my mum has offered to babysit Saturday so we can meet and no doubt have some fun.

    but beyond that he's a trainees nurse, his availability would allow mid week visits when the kids are at school and nursery not every two weeks or so like it was with the others. So putting my needs first my prospects are much better with him.

    I know sex isn't the be all and end all, but my physical needs are high at the moment. My mojo is roaring at me to get laid.

    it also means I can see him without involvement of the kids too soon. They are my world and I want to protect them from my antics as much as I can.

    1435143117
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2748
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    Don't take this badly but I think you're asking for a lot of commitment from the men while not really wanting to offer commitment on your side, you are talking to several men while expecting them to text you back straight away. I think you need to figure out what you want and then follow through. What I mean is, if you want something casual, talk to as many men as you want., letting them know you're talking to other people, but you can't expect to be of high importance, as they're probably talking to other women too. If you want to be replied to quickly then you have to give more commitment, pick a guy, see it through, if it doesn't work, drop him. I know you made a decision on a guy then he didn't reply but you'd already sent him the signals saying you weren't committed so neither was he, a man won't throw everything to a woman who could text him and pay she's chosen the other guy, he may have seen you'd texted him but wasn't really that bothered because it's just casual.
    I'm not trying to tell you off, just trying to help you realise that you may be going about this the wrong way x

    1435147267
    Secretty [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 125
    • Joined: 27 Mar 2015

    I understand why you wanted to stop seeing Italian bloke because he disappeared for a week. That makes some kind of sense. But giving up on second guys because he hadn't replied to you for a few hours? That seems a bit harsh.

    I agree with Young and fun. Maybe think about exactly what you're after here. The bottom line is, the second guy stopped replying for a few hours, you got another offer and took it. That doesn't sound like someone who is ready to commit. For all you knew the second guy could have had an emergency. Needed to leave his computer/phone behind and go help someone. He might have had a meeting or his phone might have run out of battery. I know it turned now that he was ill, but the fact you gave up on him so quickly is a bit awkward.

    You need to have a think about whether you want a casual relationship with these men or want to find someone to get serious about. Most people in this thread said to go with second guy instead of Italian because it sounds like you would have a better relationship with him and yet, only a few hours later, you were prepared to give up on him. So, do you actually want a relationship with him or anyone else? If not, you need to tell them that all you want is a casual relationship and be prepared that they probably won't reply to you as much as you're expecting if it is casual.

    Sorry if all this seems harsh, but it genuinely does seem like you don't know what you want. If that's the case, you need to figure out what you do want before you start seeing anymore people.

    1435147705
    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 725
    • Joined: 13 Aug 2006

    Secretty wrote:

    I understand why you wanted to stop seeing Italian bloke because he disappeared for a week. That makes some kind of sense. But giving up on second guys because he hadn't replied to you for a few hours? That seems a bit harsh.

    I agree with Young and fun. Maybe think about exactly what you're after here. The bottom line is, the second guy stopped replying for a few hours, you got another offer and took it. That doesn't sound like someone who is ready to commit. For all you knew the second guy could have had an emergency. Needed to leave his computer/phone behind and go help someone. He might have had a meeting or his phone might have run out of battery. I know it turned now that he was ill, but the fact you gave up on him so quickly is a bit awkward.

    You need to have a think about whether you want a casual relationship with these men or want to find someone to get serious about. Most people in this thread said to go with second guy instead of Italian because it sounds like you would have a better relationship with him and yet, only a few hours later, you were prepared to give up on him. So, do you actually want a relationship with him or anyone else? If not, you need to tell them that all you want is a casual relationship and be prepared that they probably won't reply to you as much as you're expecting if it is casual.

    Sorry if all this seems harsh, but it genuinely does seem like you don't know what you want. If that's the case, you need to figure out what you do want before you start seeing anymore people.

    No she gave up the second guy because when he eventually replied back to her, he told her he just wanted to be friends as he couldnt commit right now due to his new job (it says in the post before her last).

    1435151277
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2748
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    Wildcherry wrote:

    Secretty wrote:

    I understand why you wanted to stop seeing Italian bloke because he disappeared for a week. That makes some kind of sense. But giving up on second guys because he hadn't replied to you for a few hours? That seems a bit harsh.

    I agree with Young and fun. Maybe think about exactly what you're after here. The bottom line is, the second guy stopped replying for a few hours, you got another offer and took it. That doesn't sound like someone who is ready to commit. For all you knew the second guy could have had an emergency. Needed to leave his computer/phone behind and go help someone. He might have had a meeting or his phone might have run out of battery. I know it turned now that he was ill, but the fact you gave up on him so quickly is a bit awkward.

    You need to have a think about whether you want a casual relationship with these men or want to find someone to get serious about. Most people in this thread said to go with second guy instead of Italian because it sounds like you would have a better relationship with him and yet, only a few hours later, you were prepared to give up on him. So, do you actually want a relationship with him or anyone else? If not, you need to tell them that all you want is a casual relationship and be prepared that they probably won't reply to you as much as you're expecting if it is casual.

    Sorry if all this seems harsh, but it genuinely does seem like you don't know what you want. If that's the case, you need to figure out what you do want before you start seeing anymore people.

    No she gave up the second guy because when he eventually replied back to her, he told her he just wanted to be friends as he couldnt commit right now due to his new job (it says in the post before her last).

    Wild cherry I got the impression he didn't reply for a few hours, apologised ex's being ill., got a bollocking for not replying and then said he wanted to be friends. But she'd already made plans to date another guy while the other was ill and not replying. I agree with secretty, we don't mean to sound harsh but I think you just need to reevaluate your attitude to dating
    1435151689
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2865
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I find the whole texting / communication response thing to be so off putting these days. People if you are gonna be away from phone or can't talk it rakes 5 seconds to tell someone vs. Them sitting there feeling stupid with no rrsponse.

    I would state here that if I was dating someone / casual or not and they stopped communicating it would bug me. But at the same time if guy doesn't respond how long does one wait for a response?

    I agree that in general Littlestars you want to give a guy the benefit of doubt and time to respond. Too many texts or calls over a short time frame can come across as overly possessive or could scare a hood guy off early as well.

    Good luck with door 3.

    1435164119
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Secretty wrote:

    I understand why you wanted to stop seeing Italian bloke because he disappeared for a week. That makes some kind of sense. But giving up on second guys because he hadn't replied to you for a few hours? That seems a bit harsh.

    I agree with Young and fun. Maybe think about exactly what you're after here. The bottom line is, the second guy stopped replying for a few hours, you got another offer and took it. That doesn't sound like someone who is ready to commit. For all you knew the second guy could have had an emergency. Needed to leave his computer/phone behind and go help someone. He might have had a meeting or his phone might have run out of battery. I know it turned now that he was ill, but the fact you gave up on him so quickly is a bit awkward.

    You need to have a think about whether you want a casual relationship with these men or want to find someone to get serious about. Most people in this thread said to go with second guy instead of Italian because it sounds like you would have a better relationship with him and yet, only a few hours later, you were prepared to give up on him. So, do you actually want a relationship with him or anyone else? If not, you need to tell them that all you want is a casual relationship and be prepared that they probably won't reply to you as much as you're expecting if it is casual.

    Sorry if all this seems harsh, but it genuinely does seem like you don't know what you want. If that's the case, you need to figure out what you do want before you start seeing anymore people.

    Just to clarify it was a full 24 hours before I'd actually agreed to anything with guy three, guy two, had about 8 unanswered phone calls, several texts and many messages on pof and kik. Kik going undelivered. I was desperate for a response from him, after making my choice, so from 3pm one day right through til 9pm the next day I heard sweet fa.

    Considering the decision I'd had to make I genuinely thought he'd done a bunk, and after him rearranging our first date twice and regularly leaving me hanging mid conversation (kik) I was getting more and more pissed at him as time went on. I've been 100% honest with him, right from the off. I was trying to do the right thing by highlighting the thing I was facing. I guess I felt abandoned and when guy three started chasing again I played along for a while, then eventually thought why not? (Just to clarify he hadn't messaged for 2 months then started again out of the blue, serves me right giving what's app info out)

    I don't expect immediate responses, but when you drop a message to someone pretty much every hour or so to see if the previous messages had even been read it leaves you dumbstruck. I feel like I'm nagging someone whose not interested and it looses its appeal.

    As for messaging other guys once I've secured a date the others fall to the wayside, not a priority at all. Friendly chat with them if they happen to drop me the odd message but nothing dedicated. Just friendship.

    I do commit to the one guy but I can only give so many chances before I can decide if they're worth my time. Guy two couldn't see me again til July, I'd waiting to see him for two weeks the first time before he cancelled the day before the date to rearrange for the Monday to be let down again then finally meeting him a full week later than our original date day.

    i laid all my pros and cons out before deciding to move forward, did I want to be let down last min again (based on my child free opportunities?) ignored for vast parts of the day ( when a one line I'm busy chat after 7pm doesn't take too much out of your day) did I like him, absolutely, is his location ideal? Not really lives about an hour away.

    Im not flitting about willy billy, im trying to keep myself sane in a crazy world.

    1435165249
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 169
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Vanessa8 wrote:

    I find the whole texting / communication response thing to be so off putting these days. People if you are gonna be away from phone or can't talk it rakes 5 seconds to tell someone vs. Them sitting there feeling stupid with no rrsponse.

    I would state here that if I was dating someone / casual or not and they stopped communicating it would bug me. But at the same time if guy doesn't respond how long does one wait for a response?

    I agree that in general Littlestars you want to give a guy the benefit of doubt and time to respond. Too many texts or calls over a short time frame can come across as overly possessive or could scare a hood guy off early as well.

    Good luck with door 3.

    This totally!

    its always catch 22.

    Things going through my head at zero contact times......

    Already tried to call so many times today? do I call again? He might have no credit? But am I pestering him too much? Another message won't hurt? It was 12 hours ago, he said he thought about me a lot, but if he's still not looked at his messages has he blocked me? I feel foolish keep messaging him but I like him? Am I going to scare him off bugging him like this? Ok I'm pissed now why does he keep me in limbo like this? Ok he's done this before and messaged me after the school run, I'll give him time. Ok still no message I feel like I've been played for a fool. I've already gave him two chances on rearranging the first date, is this going to be a regular occurrence? I hate disappointment but I feel like he's let me down at a time I needed his reassurance. He starts his new job tomorrow is this just going to get worse?

    30 hours in total he ignored me, so sorry if I'm too easy to give up on him but I felt like I'd been fair enough on him.

    1435165853
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2076
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    It sounds more like you're driving yourself crazy than keeping yourself sane!

    I honestly think you need to relax a bit. The poor guy was sick and you bombarded him with messages then gave off to him? Harsh! It was only 24hrs! You make it sound like that's a lot of time but it really isn't. No one is tied to their phones and he gave you a perfectly reasonable excuse as to why he wasn't able to reply, you have to realise you were out of order to complain at him over that. You're being very impatient with these men :/

    Dropping messages on an hourly basis is very VERY clingy and making you come off as extremely insecure, which isn't going to help things. Seriously, relax! You don't have to speak to them every hour of the day, and them not replying certainly doesn't automatically mean they're not interested. Especially when they're likely hugging the toilet bowl all night!

    You're very much flitting about (and I do not mean that in an offensive way), it only took you 24hrs to change your mind after making a decision to stick with one guy. To me this speaks volumes about whether you really thought you were doing the right thing, so to speak. I'm not trying to be harsh, but you're still sending out mixed signals. On one hand you're saying you want to be casual and chat to a few guys. On the other you're acting like they're tied into a relationship with you from the moment you secure a date with one, and from the first date all other men must be forsaken. It's confusing to everyone involved!

    You also seem to spending a lot of time over analyzing and categorizing these men like they're objects. Why bother? There's no need to make such drama for yourself. You don't need to find the perfect guy, you don't need to choose between any of them, you just need to chill and have some fun dating them! If any of them are going to become proper relationships that will become apparent over time, before that happens just relax and have some fun and don't worry about how many guys you're seeing. Don't take it all so seriously :)

    1435166276
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2748
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    Lovebirds_x wrote:

    It sounds more like you're driving yourself crazy than keeping yourself sane!

    I honestly think you need to relax a bit. The poor guy was sick and you bombarded him with messages then gave off to him? Harsh! It was only 24hrs! You make it sound like that's a lot of time but it really isn't. No one is tied to their phones and he gave you a perfectly reasonable excuse as to why he wasn't able to reply, you have to realise you were out of order to complain at him over that. You're being very impatient with these men :/

    Dropping messages on an hourly basis is very VERY clingy and making you come off as extremely insecure, which isn't going to help things. Seriously, relax! You don't have to speak to them every hour of the day, and them not replying certainly doesn't automatically mean they're not interested. Especially when they're likely hugging the toilet bowl all night!

    You're very much flitting about (and I do not mean that in an offensive way), it only took you 24hrs to change your mind after making a decision to stick with one guy. To me this speaks volumes about whether you really thought you were doing the right thing, so to speak. I'm not trying to be harsh, but you're still sending out mixed signals. On one hand you're saying you want to be casual and chat to a few guys. On the other you're acting like they're tied into a relationship with you from the moment you secure a date with one, and from the first date all other men must be forsaken. It's confusing to everyone involved!

    You also seem to spending a lot of time over analyzing and categorizing these men like they're objects. Why bother? There's no need to make such drama for yourself. You don't need to find the perfect guy, you don't need to choose between any of them, you just need to chill and have some fun dating them! If any of them are going to become proper relationships that will become apparent over time, before that happens just relax and have some fun and don't worry about how many guys you're seeing. Don't take it all so seriously :)

    +1 explained it better than any of us could

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.