• Torn between two - why can men be like buses!

    1434957634
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 170
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Ok, no judging need a little reflection here and writing this out helps.

    time lines are tight as a single mum I have my children a vast majority of the time so if I like someone it involves a lot of online chat and meetings well we tend to cut to the chase.

    I get two sometimes three child free dating opportunities a month, if I'm lucky the guy I'm interested in might be able to do a daytime date on a nursery day (youngest has two full days a week at nursery)

    I met my first guy end April, Italian sex incredible lacking intellectual connection slight language barrier but his cock, stamina etc is out of this world. He went awol! Ignored me, gave him a week I messaged him, called him told him I'm moving on all ignored. So started chatting to other guys. One guy been chatting to for two weeks meet up, our intellectual connection is spot on, it felt really natural to be with him but although the sex is good and he has some kink in him (Italian practically 100% vanilla) the spark of sexual hunger I got with the Italian just wasn't there.

    Anyhow Saturday the Italian starts messaging me again, apologising on how busy he been and wants to see me. I want to go to him the sexual magnetism I get from him is intense.

    I feel like I've messed up big time. I know don't know if the connection to the Italian was due to him being my first after ex or was I expecting too much from new guy. Argh!

    1434959214
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 937
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    What sort of relationships are you hoping to continue with either or both of them? Have either of them mentioned being exclusive etc?

    If it's just dating and a bit of fun is there any reason you can continue to see them both? Especially if meetings are scarce.

    If you're looking for something steady though, it doesn't sound like your Italian is the man for that job.

    I don't think at this point you've really messed up, you just need to decide what you want and stick with it. It's not easy navigationg new relationships, even harder as a single mum (i'm there myself) and an intense sexual connection is pretty hard to resist. Just make sure you do what is right for you.

    Good luck x

    1434959283
    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2076
    • Joined: 21 Apr 2014

    Personally. I'd go for the second.

    If you have feelings for a second man, then the first obviously wasn't good enough.

    If the italian was "too busy" to even text you that he was "busy" (a message takes seconds) then I think that says more than it needs to.

    I'd choose an intellectual conversation over sex any day. The sex gets better with chemistry.

    I was with my ex for a long time. The sex was terrible. And I mean terrible. He called himself a "dominant" but he was actually just a control freak. I stayed with him, through the crap sex because on a mental level he was clever, sane, could hold a good conversation, never ignored me, always told me If he was going to be unable to talk.

    I think you jumped into bed too quickly If you're wanting more than just a sexual relationship. (There's nothing wrong with that, I've done it too many times)

    I guess you have just gotta choose who is with you mentally. Think with your head not your peach.

    Hope I helped... I'm tired and I arent really making sense

    1434960608
    ChloeW96 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 24
    • Joined: 17 Dec 2013

    In the long run, you're better off with someone you have feelings for. Yes, the sex may be fantastic with one guy, but it won't mean anything if you don't have any feelings for each other. However, if you are just looking for casual sex, the first guy would be better to go for, as you don't want the second guy expecting a relationship if it's not what you're after :)

    1434961139
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 170
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Your right about the intense sexual connection being hard to resist. The new guy fulfils more of my intellectual needs, for instance I can successfully sext him with interesting mutual results the Italian could only half follow that.

    With a little time the new guy could be sexually fulfilling, I'm not saying it was bad I just I didn't get the same draw to him, his body and everything else still did a lot for me. There is a lot of kink in him I see but he hasn't really explored yet. For instance he wants me to peg him, he will deny himself pleasure in situations of tease as a form of self control in his eyes I see kink there, that he doesn't realise. I think it could develop into quiet an interesting relationship. The Italian is just sex, sex and more vastly vanilla sex.

    1434961404
    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2076
    • Joined: 21 Apr 2014

    Littlestars wrote:

    Your right about the intense sexual connection being hard to resist. The new guy fulfils more of my intellectual needs, for instance I can successfully sext him with interesting mutual results the Italian could only half follow that.

    With a little time the new guy could be sexually fulfilling, I'm not saying it was bad I just I didn't get the same draw to him, his body and everything else still did a lot for me. There is a lot of kink in him I see but he hasn't really explored yet. For instance he wants me to peg him, he will deny himself pleasure in situations of tease as a form of self control in his eyes I see kink there, that he doesn't realise. I think it could develop into quiet an interesting relationship. The Italian is just sex, sex and more vastly vanilla sex.

    I think you may have made up your mind?
    1434961550
    MysticalMayhem [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1167
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2015

    I agree with LadyS and InkandKink, the Italian stallion probably isn't the right choice, your head and heart need to work together here!

    1434962055
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 937
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    Littlestars wrote:

    Your right about the intense sexual connection being hard to resist. The new guy fulfils more of my intellectual needs, for instance I can successfully sext him with interesting mutual results the Italian could only half follow that.

    With a little time the new guy could be sexually fulfilling, I'm not saying it was bad I just I didn't get the same draw to him, his body and everything else still did a lot for me. There is a lot of kink in him I see but he hasn't really explored yet. For instance he wants me to peg him, he will deny himself pleasure in situations of tease as a form of self control in his eyes I see kink there, that he doesn't realise. I think it could develop into quiet an interesting relationship. The Italian is just sex, sex and more vastly vanilla sex.

    I reckon the vanilla sex which eventually get boring, or his attitude/intellect will end up making him less appealing.

    Where as exploring new kinks with someone, either new to you, him or both, could be so much fun, and could quite possibly result in a different kind of intesity. I think if I were you this is where I'd be headed.

    1434962194
    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2076
    • Joined: 21 Apr 2014

    +1 to lady S

    1434962543
    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2076
    • Joined: 21 Apr 2014

    +1 to sistahunny. You need to make up your mind soon I think, because i don't think it fair on the second guy.

    Sod the italian in my opinion, he can't even drop you a text in 168 hours?! Then you don't need him x

    1434963083
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5937
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I think the secoond guy has more fun potential and also your feelings appear to be more true for this guy. Don't let the kink put you off too much. Agree boundaries and then experiment and develop the relationship.

    It sounds like the Italian guy has already messed you about anyway , even though he has apologised.

    1434963247
    Volbabe88 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 28
    • Joined: 20 Jun 2015

    I would go myself wih guy number 2. The Italian might be fun but it sounds like he will mess you about a bit.

    Vanilla is just a flavour of icecream in my book haha. And he same flavour gets boring!!

    Go go with your heart x

    1434964498
    Lorah13 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 667
    • Joined: 8 Jun 2013

    Personnally I would pick guy number 2, it sounds like there is more chance of a proper relationship with him, and if hes open to a bit of kink with no language barrier to stop discussing what you both want from a sexual relationship whats not to like? ;)

    1434966230
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3126
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    second guy all the way

    1434966984
    KeptLocked [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 322
    • Joined: 13 Jul 2014

    Just to throw a spanner in the works here, and please forgive if this comment seems in appropriate, but from what you've written it occurs to me that you might be tieing yourslef down too quickly?

    I do understand your situatuion with the children and the limited oopportunities that you have, but it's early days for both men so why don't you allow yourslef some room.

    Go with your gut, see who you want and be honest with both of them about what you are looking for both in a relationship & in bed. What I'm trying to say, in a inept way, is do it on your terms.

    Good luck.

    1434967665
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1317
    • Joined: 30 Jan 2013

    Second guy 100% who's to say guy one Won't leave once in a relationship & he knows he will click his fingers & you will go running back.

    1434970228
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 170
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    mysteron wrote:

    I think the secoond guy has more fun potential and also your feelings appear to be more true for this guy. Don't let the kink put you off too much. Agree boundaries and then experiment and develop the relationship.

    It sounds like the Italian guy has already messed you about anyway , even though he has apologised.

    It's the kink that excites me about him. I'm finding all sorts out about myself at the moment. I'm not put off at all. The fact if felt so normal and natural for me when I was with him kind of dumbstruck me. I guess I kind of expected a similar kind of feeling I got with the Italian. The intensity. But I didn't get that, we could talk properly, chat about random stuff and still it felt like I'd met another me really. I guess soul mate would be too strong a label at he moment as we've only physically met once but chatted for hours and hours on kik. Who knows
    1434971152
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 937
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    Littlestars wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    I think the secoond guy has more fun potential and also your feelings appear to be more true for this guy. Don't let the kink put you off too much. Agree boundaries and then experiment and develop the relationship.

    It sounds like the Italian guy has already messed you about anyway , even though he has apologised.

    It's the kink that excites me about him. I'm finding all sorts out about myself at the moment. I'm not put off at all. The fact if felt so normal and natural for me when I was with him kind of dumbstruck me. I guess I kind of expected a similar kind of feeling I got with the Italian. The intensity. But I didn't get that, we could talk properly, chat about random stuff and still it felt like I'd met another me really. I guess soul mate would be too strong a label at he moment as we've only physically met once but chatted for hours and hours on kik. Who knows

    My situation is a little different, but just to say I've recently experienced the same. I was seeing a woman who physically I just could not put down, my body just sprung to attention for her and it was fab. We also go on well, but there was a lot wrong with our pairing so it had to end.

    I then started to chatting to a poly couple, and while there definitely was and is sexual attraction it wasn't with that same burning intensity. However a few dates down the line and lots of chatting and sex etc I find my time with them far more fulfilling. I think because there is so much more to it. Friendship, common interests etc. Not just that OMG sexual hunger. Though I admit as time goes by that is building as we learn more about each other.

    I felt the same as you when I first met them, where it just felt natural and normal and it's nice knowing I can explore kinks safely and without judgment. I think this is a winning formula, so hopefully you will find the same with the man you are chatting with.

    :)

    1434972111
    happyvibes [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 42
    • Joined: 26 Apr 2015

    I agree with all who say the 2nd man is preferable of these two - the Italian was not too busy to text, nobody is too busy to even text in all that time, he just thought he had a better option, or wasn't as interested as he made out. Now that's fallen through or he's decided he is interested after all, or he just wants some sex. Brutal, and I don't mean to offend, but if he's really interested he'll be chasing you. And everyone deserves to be chased.

    But I agree with KeptLocked in a way that it is early days, remember there are more possibilities than these two men. I understand opportunities and time are limited, but when you've come out of something serious it's sometimes hard not to just fall into that with a new person - have some fun and try and keep things casual for a bit maybe. Be honest with everyone, keep your options open, and when the right one comes along you won't need to ask anyone if they think he's the right one, you'll just know.

    Have fun! x

    1434976065
    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 170
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    LadyS wrote:

    Littlestars wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    I think the secoond guy has more fun potential and also your feelings appear to be more true for this guy. Don't let the kink put you off too much. Agree boundaries and then experiment and develop the relationship.

    It sounds like the Italian guy has already messed you about anyway , even though he has apologised.

    It's the kink that excites me about him. I'm finding all sorts out about myself at the moment. I'm not put off at all. The fact if felt so normal and natural for me when I was with him kind of dumbstruck me. I guess I kind of expected a similar kind of feeling I got with the Italian. The intensity. But I didn't get that, we could talk properly, chat about random stuff and still it felt like I'd met another me really. I guess soul mate would be too strong a label at he moment as we've only physically met once but chatted for hours and hours on kik. Who knows

    My situation is a little different, but just to say I've recently experienced the same. I was seeing a woman who physically I just could not put down, my body just sprung to attention for her and it was fab. We also go on well, but there was a lot wrong with our pairing so it had to end.

    I then started to chatting to a poly couple, and while there definitely was and is sexual attraction it wasn't with that same burning intensity. However a few dates down the line and lots of chatting and sex etc I find my time with them far more fulfilling. I think because there is so much more to it. Friendship, common interests etc. Not just that OMG sexual hunger. Though I admit as time goes by that is building as we learn more about each other.

    I felt the same as you when I first met them, where it just felt natural and normal and it's nice knowing I can explore kinks safely and without judgment. I think this is a winning formula, so hopefully you will find the same with the man you are chatting with.

    :)

    I literally couldnt put the Italian down, he tickled my mojo in such a way I was literally begging for more. But that said we could be laid next to each other chatting and only half understand what each other said.

    the new guy has style and is laid back, easy going. Interesting in sharing info.

    Niether are great communicators though and messages can go unread for many hours, frustrating but I don't expect them to put their life on hold when I'm self employed and around the home a lot more than them.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.