• parent advice needed!

    1433039750
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok.... Got a challenge... Went to check on something o. My computer... As my 12 yr old has been on it all week... And found his new phone plugged in under neath.
    Just a casual look on it to see what games he was into...and I got an eyeful of Japanese cartoon porn!! 😮
    Now I know he is almost 13... And he is supposed to know a bit about things..as they do sex ed at school...but this is the first time I have caught him deliberately searching for rude stuff.( and yes...in the search box..it was very explicit in the search parameters!)
    I'm not a prude...,( as many of you regular posters would attest to😄)... But this is new ground with this one.
    I have ready had " the talk" with my eldest.... But this is actually quite a lot of images my youngest has searched for.
    I have checked the history on his searches..and there's loads of different searches..all along similar lines..naked fairy tale/ naked big boobed women / hentai etc

    So...how to tackle this so delicate of subjects... The teen looking up porn online?
    I know that I could lock down the PC and WiFi to parent lock things..and up till now, I have been fairly clear of this sort of thing... And I didn't think I needed to, ad I trusted my boys.i guess that's the first place to start.
    There is a school of thought that if they are old enough to look it up, they should know what they are looking for...but I think it is a bit early for my son to be looking up porn.
    Sigh..... The joys of bringing up two teen boys....
    Any positive suggestions??

    1433052472
    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    While aimed at 14+ you may find this site handy http://bishuk.com/

    1433055439
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    One of my work mates had this very dilemma a few weeks ago.

    She decided to have a chat to her son about why he was searching the Internet for that sort of image and did he know what they were suggesting. This was awkward but generally went well. Her son said that he wanted to know what women looked like without clothes and he thought it was grown up.

    Her son has had the sex ed lessons at school and she did make sure that he understood that there was a difference in looking a pictures and looking at or trying to look at real women. She didn't alter the parent settings on her laptop, and she has encouraged the real women rather than cartoon images.

    her son is 12 and at the awkward stage where he wants to be grown up one minuite but then the next he is playing very childlike. She has found him looking at the underwear pages of her catalogues, and that is fine. So she purchased 2 lad mags for him. I don't know what type but she said she made sure that they were not too explicit but it gave him a sense of being grown up. She did remove the adverts from the back of the mag.

    Its a lot about trust and understanding and trying to guide the younge Man without him feeling too embarrassed or that it's wrong, at the end of the day you would rather he looked at/for these type of images at home rather than at school. Good luck it's a difficult situation.

    p.s. A "leave me alone" or "do not disturb" sign is a great idea, as we all know looking a pictures of scantly clad women leads to masturbation.

    1433068613
    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
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    Yep been there with our son, he's 14, probably not too much we can do regards this, wife said to him he would be better looking at a real woman not a cartoon, now he's just into playing games, you could make him his own login and restrict web access? but if he has a age restriction, open phone(content lock-phone provider) he will just use that instead?

    1433071871
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    This is perfectly normal., I know I was doing the same at that age, locking down the computer and teaching him it's wrong won't help. Talk to him about the changes he's going through and what he's feeling now and thinking about, teach him it's Ok to touch himself and want to see rude things, teach him that porn isn't real and he shouldn't believe that's what sex is, if he's looking at extreme stuff tell him to never try it without asking his future partner first. You know it's not a bad thing to do, but seeing your child do it has made you worry because to you he's so young and shouldn't know this stuff yet but he's going through puberty and is going through a lot of changes, I know it's weird as a woman talking to a boy but you shouldn't expect school or his dad to talk to him, he might fob you off and act embarrassed but it will sink in and he'll Know if something really is bothering him he can ask you

    1433072040
    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    This is perfectly normal., I know I was doing the same at that age, locking down the computer and teaching him it's wrong won't help. Talk to him about the changes he's going through and what he's feeling now and thinking about, teach him it's Ok to touch himself and want to see rude things, teach him that porn isn't real and he shouldn't believe that's what sex is, if he's looking at extreme stuff tell him to never try it without asking his future partner first. You know it's not a bad thing to do, but seeing your child do it has made you worry because to you he's so young and shouldn't know this stuff yet but he's going through puberty and is going through a lot of changes, I know it's weird as a woman talking to a boy but you shouldn't expect school or his dad to talk to him, he might fob you off and act embarrassed but it will sink in and he'll Know if something really is bothering him he can ask you

    100% my friends boy exactly the same n this is what he did

    1433077677
    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    This can be quite an awkward time for teenagers and parents ! Thing is if you confront him over what youv'e seen then you'll have to admit to looking through his phone then he'll just be more careful to hide any evidence in the future.

    We didn't bother with parental locks etc on our computer when the kids were teenagers because if they will just look at it on a friends computer if they can't access it at home. Basically there's not a lot you can do to stop them looking at it but I think it's much more important to make sure they realise that there's a world of difference between porn sex and real life sex and most girls they meet will not look like porn stars or necessarily be willing to particpate in some of the things that happen in porn films.

    Obviously it's normal curiousity to want to see women naked , he's at that age when hormones are starting to play a part and although the school has sex ed lessons there's not always very much of a mention of pornography. I know it's a bit weird cos you still feel that he's your little boy but kids grow up a lot quicker these days so if you've already had " the chat" with your eldest then maybe it's time to get on to it again with your younger one. I also think it's good for a lad to hear stuff from a woman's point of view .

    I should imagined that nearly all parents have been here ( I certainly have !) but all you can do is reassure him that it's not wrong but it's not a very realistic portrayal of real life for most people.

    1433078435
    mrs.hiskett [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh its normal sign of puberty hun.i agree sitting have chat with your son bout boundaries too as lot on net can come across wrong (alot rape porn etc).that sign idea is brill idea!! But keep an eey on wat he looking at too.he at the age of finding his sexual side of himself. Youn and fun has it spot on here .wierd but try looking at some age appriopaite porn (if theres such a thing) make a folder just for him on computer with stuff youbthink appropaite and that way he can add to it so you can keep an eye and he gets a feel on what appropiate for him

    1433079202
    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Honestly I'd just have a talk with him. Personally I don't think his age is too young to be curious and looking at those things.

    My mum and I had a similar conversation a few months back, she found her adoped boy looking at porn (He is the same age) and she went nuts, she took the computer from him and whilst he was sleeping ranted to me about it, saying it wasn't normal ect. I just reminded her that it was in fact normal, computers are still a relativley 'new' thing - she complained that we weren't like that when we were younger. I had to remind her that when we were younger we didn't have access to these kind of things. We had to rely on getting glimses in the Sun, or finding porn magazines (Or my brothers fav was stealing my mums clothes mags to look at the underwear models.) We were all around the same age, but we didn't have acess to it on the PC so we had to get creative.

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    Tigris [sign in to see picture]
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    I generally see porn as cathartic anyways, better for them to be looking at porn than actually out enacting on stuff.

    I remember when I was 13 and onwards, when I as able to access the internet on my psp (no laptops or smartphones back then, but the psp had an internet browser) which allowed me to google search for images (but not play videos) Its partly how I found the furry fandom (I actually didn't really join the fandom properly as part of the community til i was 21) because I would just search a random load of terms and it brought me to....the naughtier side of the artwork people make, called 'yiff' (because lets face it what with rule whatever it is on the internet they sexualise everything).

    Anyways, with the internet and general ability for kids to access pornography, its pretty much impossible to stop them, you could prevent them finding it as long as possible but once they discover it its probably just better to explain it, and so long as it doesn't become unhealthy for them in any way, or they aren't looking at anything illegal, or too hardcore, it will probably be fine...I mean I turned out fine....

    ...I think....

    1433106683
    PetiteJess [sign in to see picture]
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    I dont have a child but hope i can help. I was also looking up porn at that age, its very common for teens to explore porn and be curious.
    I would speak to him calmly about it, dont confront him or be angry as it will not only embarrass him but he will probably be more secretive in the future looking it up and feel sex is something to be ashamed off ( thats how i felt).
    Instead tell him about appropriate and safe porn ( i know that sounds weird but i will explain why) and hiw it is natural to be curious. Also explain to him about the dangerous side of porn on the internet, i know it sounds uncomfortable to do so but i knew many teens at my school who would click on link after link on porn sites and accidentally stumble across disturbing and illegal porn, unfortunately this is common thing to happen (i believe the nspcc have done a report that a lot of teenagers have accidentally been exposed to such porn) and deeply upset them for seeing it, even though it was never their intentions to have seen it.
    Sorry, i really dont want to scare you and there really isnt nothing wrong with him looking up porn, its very natural to do so but i would talk to him about what is appropriate porn and how there is also a very dark side of porn on the internet too.

    1433149487
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Its normal behaviour in teenagers . Maybe if you havn't done so already is the time to have that "birds and the bees" lecture and at the same time mention on what is appropriate on the internet etc.

    However just be gentle and tactful about it . but nothing to worry about. Its just part of growing up and he is probably curious of how his own body will look when fully developed and that of the oppisite sex.

    1433149737
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Well.I had to have a chat with him in the morning yesterday, and he was quite shocked when I mentioned that I got an eye full on his phone when it opened as I moved it from.under my PC. He sort of gulped and went somewhat wide eyed when I gently discussed it with him.
    He then burst into tears, and apologized and said that some of his friends where getting him to look up some of these sires...and he really did t know. What to expect.
    He was mortified I had found out, as he thought I would come down on him hard...which I did everything I could not to. I explained it was natural at his age to. E curious, but some of the searches he made were a bit Ott... As he was looking up hentai, and what size girls boobs are at 13. I had to explain that hentai was something that some ppl do, but they had to do in a very consenting way as it involves tieng someone up, and although it can be OK, it isn't something that a 12 yr old should be investigating, as it isn't what most ppl do in a relationship.
    The looking up naked cartoon version of his fav Japanese cartoons I said is unexpected, and I am sure he was curious, but to keep in mind that images like that are not representative of how two ppl in love make love. I did say I wasn't upset with him, just concerned that he was searching a few subjects which were really too far abovr just basic curiosity.
    He was really worried I was going to be hard on him and tell his dad.. Which I said I would keep it between us, as long as he promised me to talk to me if he had any questions in the future, and that I was there for him. I did my best not to judge him, but give him the impression that although a natural thing to explore, he needed to be mindful, that what he sees, isn't always the whole truth about relationships.
    I said I could put the restrictions on his internet access, but I was going to trust him to be a bit more respond in what he looks up in future.
    He did delete all the web searches off his phone about this,without prompting, and we left it as water under the bridge, and he can ask me about things in future.
    Was the most awkward discussion, but I had to have it.

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    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    Good on you, sounds like you've handled that really well :)

    1433151422
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Yep gentle and tactful as I suggested.

    1435233999
    Kinkychick [sign in to see picture]
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    My 11 yr old lad had sex Ed recently in the last year of primary school and I asked what they had been told he explain about boy there age get erections and wet dreams and girls get periods. He told me what sex was. I told him any questions to ask and never be afraid to ask. He did say a girl in his class was telling him about anal sex (bum sex as he called it), fingering a girl and sucking nipples. I did have to say yes people do these things but not really something a 11 yr old should worry about. And did remind him he wasn't to touch a girls boobs and vagina and he wasn't to let girls touch his penis. And touching his penis does feel nice but its private and done in the privacy of his room with the door shut. I think you did the right thing explaining what was normal and what wasn't for his age.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Kinkychick wrote:

    My 11 yr old lad had sex Ed recently in the last year of primary school and I asked what they had been told he explain about boy there age get erections and wet dreams and girls get periods. He told me what sex was. I told him any questions to ask and never be afraid to ask. He did say a girl in his class was telling him about anal sex (bum sex as he called it), fingering a girl and sucking nipples. I did have to say yes people do these things but not really something a 11 yr old should worry about. And did remind him he wasn't to touch a girls boobs and vagina and he wasn't to let girls touch his penis. And touching his penis does feel nice but its private and done in the privacy of his room with the door shut. I think you did the right thing explaining what was normal and what wasn't for his age.

    I have to say it does concern me how easy it is for youngsters to get access to things like sex and "advanced " types of sex as well . It only needs one kid in the playground to find something out then tells everyone else and then they all become "knowledgable"

    Very disturbing .

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    Kinkychick [sign in to see picture]
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    I know it is worrying what some kids know. At least with my son asking me I can tell him the proper meaning of things and remind him what is and isn't appropriate for his age. Plus we adopted him at almost age 5 yrs so the question of why we couldn't have a baby was brought up and now seems to have a better understanding. I know one of the boys in his class plays games for over 15 and 18 GTA and proberbly sees other stuff.

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    Cuddlekins [sign in to see picture]
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    I remember when my son was in high school and got a call from his Senco saying that my son was in insolation as he had sent explicit emails around the school.

    What we later found out was that the teacher in the room was too busy on eBay selling items to pay attention to what the kids were doing so my son decided to hack the schools email accounts and send all his mates rather rude photos of women he downloaded at school.

    My son was 13 at the time and thought it was funny we were more annoyed that the school was so easy to get hacked.

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    Mary3 [sign in to see picture]
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    You've handled the situation perfectly.... I discovered my eldest had been viewing porn on his phone and just did the casually mentioned that maybe he should delete his internet history..... He's a very sensible lad so I wasn't unduly concerned about it, after all teenage boys will be teenage boys! My middle child is now 13 and has done the odd search of boobs, treading very carefully with him as he's high functioning Autistic, that's going to have to be a much more in depth conversation I fear!

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