• Not being physically attracted to your partner

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've been in a relationship with someone i wasn't attracted to, he was a nice guy and after just comming out of a relationship with someone who was gorgeous bus an absolute prick, thats what i needed, he gave me confidence and made me feel secure again, i never imagined a future with him though, he was a friend and even sex wasnt emotional it was just fun and we both knew we were just helping eachother out.

    my OH is a fair few years older than me and i think people expect me not to be attracted to him, but he's sexy as hell to me, I love his back, everytie he sits in front of me I'm like "WOW" i look at his face and there's not a thing I'd change, he's beautiful.

    its hard to say whether yoou have to be attracted to soeone to love them, obviously the "right" thing to say is no of course not and i suppose thats kind of right, you can have a relationship with someone you get a long with and you can do pretty well, but theres not really any spark, its boring if you dont wake up in a morning look at who's laid beside you and get butterflies. but then you can be in a relationship with someone you're really attracted to and it just doesnt work because he's an arsehole.

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    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    I have been with people in the past that I weren't particularly attracted to. But the mental attraction was strong. Their personality was great. but then... he cheated on me, so maybe they found him more attractive then I.

    Im physically and mentally attracted to my OH though. He's gorgeous:3

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Unless you do On lIne dating or its a person within your circle of friends , then the only way is through physical attaction surely.What I am try to say is Its the physical attraction that gets you together initially. The character and personality side of a person comes later through talking to each other.

    Or have I got this all wrong?

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    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Unless you do On lIne dating or its a person within your circle of friends , then the only way is through physical attaction surely.What I am try to say is Its the physical attraction that gets you together initially. The character and personality side of a person comes later through talking to each other.

    Or have I got this all wrong?

    I always say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I don't think many people would look at me and think "masochist" I don't look at someone and think they're ugly. If their personality is ugly though :/ Maybe it's just me who has given people to prove themselves. before I make a decision?
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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    drurysl02 wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    Unless you do On lIne dating or its a person within your circle of friends , then the only way is through physical attaction surely.What I am try to say is Its the physical attraction that gets you together initially. The character and personality side of a person comes later through talking to each other.

    Or have I got this all wrong?

    I always say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I don't think many people would look at me and think "masochist" I don't look at someone and think they're ugly. If their personality is ugly though :/ Maybe it's just me who has given people to prove themselves. before I make a decision?

    I agree with what you are saying but you arn't going to find out more about them unless you start talking to somebody. For example I was attacted to a lovely lady in a pub with a late bar, before I met my OH . She would have been a trophy girlfriend and obviously it was physical attraction that brought us together initially , however having spent the night talking I felt there wasn't a spark there for me to take the relationship further . So we parted company that night just as friends .

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you for all of your responses. It seems like this thread really picked up a lot of replies, so I'm really grateful for everyone sharing their thoughts and experiences and advice. It seems like there's a really diverse range of opinion on whether it's important, and to what extent. I must say that I'm a little relieved that a lot of people don't think it's a deal-breaker in a relationship.

    I feel like my particular problem is a little complicated, because it's a lot to do with sexuality. My partner and I have been together 7 years now - we've been friends since we were 13, and we're very much soulmates. All of the trust and love and intimacy is there - despite the issues I'm having at the moment with physical attraction, our sex life has always been pretty good because I enjoy the things we do together, and I enjoy that it's with him, on an emotional level, if you get what I mean. I suppose it's also because I've only been with him, never having done anything with anyone else, and so in some ways I feel like I'm missing something from not being with someone I find physically attractive, but in others it's something I've never had so I have no frame of comparison.

    When we got together, I was only 18ish, and I thought that I was bisexual. I suppose I still count myself tokenly in this category because I'm with a man, but I feel no physical attraction towards men. I don't have crushes on men, I don't have any desire to look at men in that way. I don't think that I could ever swoon over a male body because I don't feel anything like that towards men aesthetically, but it's confusing because I do like sex with my partner, and it's not always a really intimate thing - sometimes it's more about physical desire, or very much about Dominance/submission, but I don't feel any pleasure from my partner's appearance because of his gender.

    I've been trying to think really hard about it to understand what I feel the problem is or what to do about it, but it's one of those things that gets so complicated that I don't really know what I feel. It's something I go through phases of feeling very acutely, and get very upset about it. I think I'm able to accept my sexuality a bit more now because I don't really wish that I wasn't attracted to women and was instead attracted to men anymore, although I do wish that I could understand attraction to men in some way because I hate that I can't feel it for my partner. I try so hard not to contribute to his low self-esteem, but he does know broadly how I feel about this and I think it's impossible for it not to hurt his feelings, which I feel so bad about but also really distressed and confused because I feel like it's impossible for me to change who I'm attracted to.

    Sorry for the rant, think I'll leave it there for now- could write forever on this because I'm still trying to work it all out ;)

    Thanks again to everyone for responding, and also if you manage to read all that, wow, well done! hehe.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    The first time I set eyes on my oh he was 16 and looked like a school boy - probably because that's what he was ! I was 23 at the time (he came to work at the same place I was working on work experience) and I didn't think Phoaww !!! fancy him. Actually I really didn't notice him much at all to begin with but as we worked together for a while I began to take notice but I'm almost certain it wasn't his looks. He was kind, funny and he made me laugh so when, a few months later, he had just turned 17 he asked me out - I thought why not. I'd had some really nasty and frightening experiences with older guys and he seemed sweet and not threatening at all but I still dont think there was much physical attraction, at least not on my part. I was his first girlfriend (I'd had several partners) and I did often wonder (and still do ocassionally if he ever wonders what he's missed out on with other girls/women - 

    We married when he was 19 and by that time he'd obviously matured and I fancied the pants off him. . . .and I still do. To be honest though he's not male model material by any stretch of the imagination but to me he's gorgeous. However I love him for him, not for what he looks like. I'm sure he feels the same, I definitely look a lot diffent 25 years on and 2 kids later

    He's a GB athlethe (triathlon) and just before a big race he only weighs around 8 1/2 stone (he's 5'8") so actually looks awful - dosen't mean I love him any less though.

    I guess some things are more important to some people, For me it's having a soul mate to share my life with, that's what's important to me :)

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Im bisexual in that same sort of way, i find women incredibly sexy and physically i want them, but there's very few men i find truly attractive, i think part of my first relationships problems was because he was attractive, i know he was, just like a straight woman can see a woman is attractive, so i felt like i should be flattered he fancied me. i look at men and think yeah you're attractive but meh. whereas women have curves and boobs and stuff! lol but i do find my OH incredibly hansome, i think because i love his mind and soul so much it flows over into his body, i know he has flaws, but seeing him naked is just "WOW"

    i think you're confused becasue you've never known any different so dont know what it feels like to be any different. if you think you're bi and confused about that i would reccomend exploring that, i dont mean by trying to hook up with women, ive never been with a woman, dont really feel like Im missing out but find them incredibly sexy and know im bi. me and OH go to a strip club together, its great for building a bond because you dont get jealous that he's looking at women, they're strippers and you're looking too. ours is classy and quiet, you just sit on nice chairs, drink good drinks and watch women walk around in their underwear and climb on poles.

    as far as attraction to your partner goes, do you think he is an attractive man but you're used to him, or is he unnatractive but you dont care? does he excite you when you see him naked?

    the problem with never having known anything else is that all you've got to go on is the movie style fantasy, like how when we were virgins we thought our first time would be magical with fireworks but for most it was just "was that it" everyones relationships are different, if you are happy in yours, loving someone for their mind and compatibility, does it matter that someone else is in a wildly uncompatible relationship with someone they find smoking hot?

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    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it is important. Not the most important. But if youre attracted to their personality, then they become physically attractive imo. Or things that aren't attractive as such, you find endearing or cute.
    If you think to yourself "oh he looks ugly" after being together there is clearly not a strong enough mental connection, as two people who are together should accept everything. Imagine if your partner was like "I like your personality but I dont really like how you look" youd be crushed.
    So I guess I feel that mental attraction forms physical attraction, they are not completely exclusive.

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    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    Are you sure youre bi? If you feel no attraction to any men, then maybe you are actually gay? Not to try and confuse you of course, I dont know how you feel inside :) you just dont sound attracted to your partner anymore than a best friend and a way to let your own physical needs out. Im sorry if Im misinterpreting x

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel kind of silly for not knowing how I feel about my own sexuality, and have been really trying to think about it properly over the last few days. It's tricky because I get extremely upset about it. I'm not sure whether it's because in some ways I feel like I'm not being my 'true self' because of not being with someone of my preferred gender, whether I feel I'm missing something, or whether it's that I so strongly don't want to work out that I'm actually not bi because I don't want to hurt my partner even more than I do already by not finding him physically attractive.... but I always end up crying when I think about it or try to talk about it :S

    I honestly can't work out what it means to be bi, or to be gay. I've never thought that it was a confusing concept, and I suppose if I wasn't in a relationship with a man, and all my other feelings were the same, it would be perfectly straightforward to recognise that I'm gay because I'm not attracted to men.

    I feel like if when growing up the assumption wasn't basically that everyone is straight until saying otherwise, and that the expectation hadn't been that as a girl I'd like boys, I don't think I would ever have had any physical interest in being with a man. Maybe a curiosity about what it would be like, but not really any desire. I asked my partner how he feels about seeing a naked man, with him being a heterosexual male, and his answer that he doesn't find it offensive or repulsive but that ultimately he's not interested pretty much sums up how I feel. I've only ever really been excited about seeing a man naked when it was seeing my partner for the first time because it was something I hadn't experienced before.

    I sometimes watch straight porn, but totally ignore the male actor other than being a representation of dominance that I associate with sex with men. I think that that's the only thing that I'm ever sexually attracted to about men, and that's not really anything to do with their physical qualities, it's all about what the status and power they represent.

    We have been to strip clubs together, which is only a recent thing, but it made me realise how differently I feel about women. So in a way it's a great outlet, if a bit frustrating - especially because I'm really shy around the dancers, and am always worrying about how I'm acting and also not having the money to have all the private dances they'd like us to have. In some ways going to strip clubs makes me feel more dissatisfied because it draws attention to the difference between how I feel about women and how I feel about my partner in terms of the physical attraction issue, but overall it's something I like doing because I hate the idea of never having any outlet for my sexuality.

    Youngandfun, if you don't mind me asking - how do you and your partner deal with the private dance side of things? Like, do you get them at all, and if you do, do you get them together or separately?

    With the best friend thing, when I've felt this way before, I've said to my partner about being like best friends, but for some reason that label doesn't work or sum us up even with my lack of attraction to men. I suppose it's partly that he's really attracted to me, but also that I know that neither of us could live without the intimacy that we have in our relationship, both emotionally and sexually, so there's no way that we could just be friends or be apart from each other. I think that ultimately our relationship does work for us, but it's difficult for me feeling like I'm suppressing part of myself, and it's also very difficult for him not feeling attractive and knowing that there's no really any solution to it.

    Massively long post, apologies ;) It's more reasoning things out for myself, but any thoughts are always welcome because this is an issue that I'm surprisingly confused about.

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    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm now bi-sexual or maybe even still bi-curious but have no attraction to the physical apperance of guys nor do I really have an emotional attraction. I've struggled with this because I always saw myself as staright and it was always a case of getting attracted to girls whether it be in high school with girls in the same year as me, celebs on TV...etc

    I never ever saw myself as having any attraction to guys in any capactiy, and in fact, the actual circunstances that led me to being attracted to men sexually was meant to be something completely different.

    I don't want to go into too much detail, but I found myself in a situation where I wanted to gain sexual experience (Was a virgin) and have some fun at the same time but instead of having women come to me I found more guys did and that got me chatting which then lead to me becoming curious and evenmtuall bi-sexual although I am not sure I like the term for myself.

    For me it was hard to pin down being bi/gay because my mind has been set on being straight ever since I guess I knew what it mean and I never really took much thought on the subject of what gay/bi really is.

    I guess for you skitty is that you have a lovely relationship with a guy even though you don't particularly like guys, and whatever way you put it for me I don't think It's any more or less than that, just a relationship. What you have to realsie is that there is more to you and your partner than the sexual orientation and it sounds like something really good from where I am.

    I would say even with you being gay (Hope you don't mind me saying that) it seems like you have something in the relation with your partner that's keeping you there for a good reason rather than just being with him just to be with him (Which it doesn't seem like you are imo).

    Your relationship works despite all of what you say so that's a good thing and as long as you are happy with him in other ways then that's all that matters.

    I do hope this helps and I've not rambled on, If I have then sorry.

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    i totally understand how you feel and it is a "normal" part of being bi, you dont feel the sam eabout both genders, I'm also bigender, which took alot of figuring out, and then i had to redecide whether i was actually straight. its all very confusing lol i find men mentally attractive, i can talk to men but not women, women bore or irritate me, but i find women more sexy than men.

    private dance wise we always have one, but only one, we have a 2for1 but have two girls, we each chose a girl and get a dance with our own girl and the other girl, we ussually pick the fun girls than the straight out sexy though, its more fun as a couple. with the getting nervous thing just remember they dont expect you to have a dance, they pounce on us as soon as we get in and we just say we're watching all the girls before we decide. last tie we went a girl made it very clear to ignore and flirt with the OH, fair to say i nearly knocked her head off! he shot her down though obviously. having a dance together just stregthens the fact you're there as a couple.

    i do think you're bi, but just need to explore yourself and settle in to your feeling if you get me? be confident to see who you are, it doesnt mean you're hurting your partner, you're still with him, whether you're attracted to men or not. do you think you'd prefer a relationship with a woman?

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for sharing your experience, Darklightq. You didn't ramble at all, it was really helpful to hear your thoughts and also your own experiences of your sexuality :) I hadn't really considered the idea of being able to enjoy sex things with those of a gender you're not physically attracted to, which is weird because I guess that my whole thread has kind of been about that for me! I guess you just put it in a way that I hadn't thought of, so it's helpful to know that there are other people out there that have good and enjoyable sexual experiences with people who aren't of the gender that you're physically attracted to appearance-wise.

    Youngandfun, thanks for answering my thing about the strip clubs. Maybe I've always assumed that there's more pressure to have more dances than there actually is, although I guess it depends on the club. The last place we went to the dancers were really pushy, which was unfortunate. I can totally imagine and empathise with what you said about one of the girls flirting with your OH! I think it takes a little bit of getting used to to see one's OH so close to any barely-dressed other woman, but when that other woman is intentionally being overly flirtacious it is rather infuriating.

    I don't think that I could be happier in a relationship with anyone else that isn't my partner. I think it's that sort of love that even if we were miserable together, we wouldn't be able to be who we actually are if we were apart.

    Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with a woman, and feel sort of sad that I won't experience that, but it's a fantasy and an idealistic view of everything I'm missing out on, whereas in reality I'd miss much more about being with my partner than I think I'd gain from being with a woman. I do think I'd regret never having some physical contact with a woman that I find attractive, even if it was pretty non-sexual stuff like kissing or hugging rather than actual sex, but my shyness and confusion about my feelings prevents me from trying to engineer a situation where this could happen.

    My partner thinks we should hire an escort and thinks it's a really simple thing like hiring anyone to fulfil any regular need, but to me it's a really big deal. I hope that one day I can get over my lack of confidence, because it does feel like it's something that's missing from my life.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Skitty,

    I don't really have proper advice for you I'm afraid, but I'm also in a committed relationship with a man and would consider myself bisexual (or pansexual to be more accurate). I love my partner to bits, but I've always felt more strongly attracted to women, and don't really have crushes on other men. I do find my partner physically attractive and love having sex with him, but I'm still curious about women.

    I think it's entirely natural to feel the way that you do, given that your partner is the only person you've been with and you haven't had a chance to experiment with a woman. I appreciate that this is a difficult problem to combat without hurting your OHs feelings. My partner knows that I used to date women and have had sex with women before, I've also told him that I don't think gender matters at all when it comes to choosing a partner as personality matters most to me, but I think he'd feel insecure and freaked out if I actually said I find women sexually attractive.

    Again, I'm really sorry that I don't have proper advice for you, as I'm not even sure how to broach the subject myself! But just wanted to let you know that you're not alone xx

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Boogaloo. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this :) I used to feel like gender didn't matter in choosing a partner either, and it was one of the things that I really liked about identifying as bisexual. It seems to have crept up on me now and left me in a bit of a pickle!

    I totally get what you mean about partners being insecure about this sort of thing. My partner has always been fine with knowing that I'm interested in women, and even that I'm mainly interested in women, and I was lucky because he was never insecure about that, but it's a bit different now that I'm basically saying that I'm exclusively attracted to women and can't find him attractive. Any way of having this sort of conversation with him always feels cruel, and the more I try to explain it the more I feel like I'm dragging it out and making it more painful for him. I know I would be hurt beyond belief to know that he wasn't attracted to me, so I hate to know that he has to be aware that I can't see him in that light. I feel like it's so unfair on him to have to be with someone who can't fully appreciate him and can't ever give him the sort of praise and self-esteem boost that he deserves to have.

    Sorry for ranting on and ending up talking more about all of it instead of giving a good proper direct reply - I'm in such a mess about all this. I really appreciate your reply. Thank you x

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    You're not rambling at all :)

    It's a very difficult situation you're both in, and very confusing. It's hard to know whether you're feeling exclusively attracted to women because it's a preference that you've never physically explored before, or whether it's because you're coming to terms with your true sexuality. I'm not debating whether or not you love your partner, because you clearly do, but do you think it's a possibility you may be swaying more towards just women, as opposed to being bisexual? I'm so sorry if that's really rude or forward of me to say, I don't mean to imply it at all, just wondered if you feel that could be a potential issue.

    If your partner has suggested hiring an escort, does this mean he would be okay with you experimenting with women, either as a threesome or on your own? This would be a daunting aspect for anyone, but it might do you a world of good to have the freedom to act on your urges, after lots of careful consideration and planning to make sure you both know the ground rules.

    In any sense, darklightq explained it really well. It seems to me that you do have something special with your partner, despite the fact he doesn't match your sexual orientation. I strongly believe that sex is not everything, and if my partner was suddenly unable to ever have sex again, I'd still stick by him because I love him and he makes me happy. I think it becomes a problem though when you no longer feel happy in the relationship, or if your lack of sexual fulfillment begins to take its toll on your emotions. You may still love the person, but if you're feeling that something is always missing, then it's difficult to achieve mutual satisfaction in the relationship and it become unfair on both of you.

    It's not wrong to feel the way that you do, even if it does put a strain on both of you. It's a difficult process to work through by any means, let alone when you're already in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I hope that you're able to find a solution for both of you, and as long as the two of you are happy and content then I don't think you need to worry so much about the sexual side of things too much. Love conquers all as they say :)

    Sorry if I've worded things terribly! *cuddles*

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't identify with the bi aspect here but I wanted to share that sometimes with a long time partner frankly I have struggled with attraction given just simple boredom and also emotional barriers with other relationship issues. There have been times I look at him and know he looks better than he ever has but becuase of mental or emotional blocks I just don't "feel it." I don't know if that is helpful or not, but know that open communication is the key here. I do know that when I struggled with this it was very hard on his self esteem so I feel your pain.

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    well they always come up to ask but just say no you've only just got there or you're waiting to see some more girls on the pole, sometimes they sit down and hang around, thats ussually when i go to the toilet :) i think you just need to build your confidence in that situation, have you ever had a private dance? my first one was terrifying, the girls took it too seriously but after that they've all been fun, the girls had a laugh with us. i had that same feeling when i settled with OH and knew that was it forever, and i felt sad that Id never sleep with a woman, i was actually talking to a girl when i met OH and had to decide between the two, almost chose the girl just to be with a girl. but now i have explored that i dont actually feel like im missing anything

    OH wants to hire an escourt too, but its terrifying, not just the idea of my OH being with a woman but e being with a woman, i dont know what to do and I'll feel like the 3rd wheel because they know what they're doing i dont. you'll get the benefit of experiencing being with a girl while being supported by your OH though which may make you feel more confident but have you thought about how you'll feel after? will you feel you can close the book on that chapter of your life or will you want more? there's a lot to think about, deffinitely dont rush into it but consider it

    i think you know who you are, you've just never explored it and you're scared to, but you'll feel so much better for letting a naked girl rub her nipple on your nose! :P but seriously, havve a couple of drinks, pick a girl you really fancy, dont rush into it or force yourself to if you dont feel like it but if you want to dont hold back

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks again for chatting with me about this, it's really helping more than you can know :)

    Boogaloo - what you said didn't come across as at all rude or forward, don't worry :) I am feeling very much like the label of 'bisexual' doesn't work for me so much anymore. I've always had to really try to find men attractive, at first because I was young and didn't want to be different, and then even when accepting that I like women, I still wanted to feel like I could appreciate both genders as equally as possible, but I think that it turns out that I just can't. When thinking about the idea of just being gay as opposed to bi, it feels a bit upsetting and frightening, which is kind of silly but at the same time I've always told myself really strongly that I'm bi and it's been a part of my identity for such a long time that it's odd to feel like that's changed. In a strange way it also feels quite exciting to recognise this part of myself, so I'm in a mad flux between crying and out-of-control horny, haha. It seems mad that I've always based my sexuality around men, even in fantasies about women I've always had to anchor it in the framework of putting on a show for my partner or something like that to make myself feel like I'm not just gay, so it feels kind of freeing to start to think about things differently.

    My partner has always been fine with the idea of me doing things with women, but it's one of those things where it's very difficult to get into any situation where this could happen outside of hiring an escort, which I still find very frightening because of it being a new experience. I'm so shy around women and sort of revert back to feeling how I did as a teenager, analysing everything that's been said and beating myself up about looking stupid even when probably really I haven't done or said anything wrong. I can only imagine how awful that would be in an actual sexual context!

    I think you're very right about all of this only being a problem if feeling discontent or unhappy and it affecting the relationship. I hope that by trying to think about the situation I'm in honestly it can avoid as many problems as possible :)

    Vanessa - Thanks for sharing your experience, it is definitely helpful to know that other people feel similar things in the lack of physical attraction area even when it's not related to sexuality type stuff. It definitely is so hard to talk to a partner about this without hurting their feelings, but very much agree with you that open communication is really important :)

    Youngandfun - I have had a private dance, before 1 with my partner and 1 on my own. The one with my partner was a bit strange because it was our very first time at a club and we didn't really get how any of it worked, so we shared a girl for a dance, and I didn't really like it. I think in future we'll do the same as you and your partner, and get 2 girls. The dance that I had on my own was terrifying because it was my first time seeing a woman that I found attractive naked, so I was really nervous about how to act and worried about how I looked, which made me feel even worse because it was so obvious that I was really shy. She was nice about it all though, and despite it being so unnerving for me, it's something that I'd definitely want to do again in the hope that eventually I'll be able to act a bit more normal :P

    I totally get what you mean about hiring an escort being a really scary idea. I'm lucky because my partner has no real interest in being with the other girl, or if he is interested then he's happy not to because I don't think it would be a good first experience for me being with a girl if he was also sexual with her. We've talked about our boundaries quite a lot in the past, and think we could negotiate a situation where everyone's happy.

    What you asked about being able to close this chapter of my life was a really interesting question that I hadn't considered. I can't be sure how I'd feel, whether I'd want to do more, but I think it would make sense that I would want to because I don't think my feelings for women will ever lessen. I slightly worry that it would be so amazing for me that I'd find it even more difficult to be in a relationship with a man and not a woman, but hope that if this was the case it'd be possible just to have a sexual outlet for these feelings every so often and that that would fix it.

    What you said about being a 3rd wheel because of not knowing what you're doing is so close to how I feel! The idea of being sexual with a woman is really daunting to me because of that. I've never really had any sort of performance-anxiety because I've always found pleasing my partner really easy, but being with a woman changes everything and I'd have no idea. The escort might not even be into other girls, which adds another layer of worry for me!

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    I think that the next steps forward will be for me to try to get used to being around women that I find hot by spending more time at strip clubs, getting a bit more experience in talking to women and getting some more private dances, then assess about getting an escort, and maybe not going for a full-sex experience the first time. I don't want to rush the experience, and would rather start off slow with a woman and then if it leads to sex and it feels like the right thing to do then that's great, but knowing that I have the option just to look and touch, maybe do something more sensual like massage, is much more appealing to me.

    Thanks again for giving me this space to discuss this. It's helping so much x

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