Love sex! advice sought from 'veterans'. Pain should be of the best sort ;) Bad joints

Painkilling gels do help a lot! As an archaeologist I sometimes get stuck in one position for long and my knees can suffer to the point I have problems with stair (going down mainly) or getting on my knees for days afterwards. Or sometimes my fingers just hurt and I can barely open and close my hand. Voltarol helps me a lot to lessen immediate discomfort, sometimes I had to use a bit of it instead of handcream in the morning just to be able to use my right hand. But with painkilling gels be careful how much and how often they can be applied. I also use herbal tincture tincture at times. Is not so effienct in taking the pain out completely and after applying you should try to keep the body part warm (I usually go under blanket), but it seems to help it regenerate a bit. And also works wonders if your joint get a bit stuck and you massage it in.

Pillows tend to do the trick when I really have to kneel down.

AA (because I can't figure out how to quote small pieces of text yet)  My joint issues are hereditary - my dad has this condition as well (though without the complications I have, since he doesn't have my other disability) - none of my joints were straight when I was born.  I think my back has since straightened out, because it doesn't hurt.  On the other hand, I may be going to get a nasty surprise later on in life!  My fingers are noticeably bent, though not as badly as they were.  My knees are actually noticeable, but I usually wear long skirts, so they are hidden away!   lol

As for the low muscle tone, I was born with brain damage.  I don't understand why low muscle tone is a symptom of a mental disability, but there you have it.  Aside from the obvious difficulties of it, having low muscle tone means that my knees are more likely to dislocate, since the muscles on the outside of my knees are significantly stronger than the ones on the inside.

Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

 And trust me, I know the feeling. My back has been playing up so I can't even lie in bed comfortabley. It can really feel like you are a bit useless and broken. But optimism, as difficult as it can be to obtain, is essentiol. Forget everything you know about sex and usethis as an oppertunity to learn eachothers likes and dislikes again. GO slowly znd spent loads of time with foreplay on eachother, kissing, cuddling,  nibbling, tracing eachothers bodies,  erotic massages etc and if you feel comfortable for sex then find your best position and go for it. But sex isn't just penetration. Masturbating in front of him is good, or pleasuring eachother in different wayx. sex toys are favb! If you are both ok with the idea I strongly suggest a male masturbator sleeve to use on him, and you don't need to worry too much about your position or suffering unnecissary pain. This works on both sides, if its you with the pain or your partnr. Me and my man love the Tenga egg if we are both in the right mood for it.

Is your back feeling any better?  I hope it is.

Voltarol is a diclofenic gel and can work really well on particular areas that are inflamed.

I use it on my foot when it is swollen or really bad and it helps it a lot while I'm resting.

You can get generic versions of Voltarol and they do pretty much the same thing and are cheaper, but be sure to read the label.

Kunoichi - My back pain, hip pain, and knee pain comes and goes. It is from poor walking and strain from using my crutches. But it has been particularly bad the past week or so. It has been gradually getting worse since the pains started a few months ago. I need to find a better, less straining way to walk, but since my foot forbids me to walk normally, it is quite difficult.

I'm going to have to walk around a caravan park today, and I'm dreading it. Walking from wet grass to concrete and uneven ground is going to be hellish on my body. But I'm stocked up with painkillers and hopefully I wont have to walk around too much.

I'll be thinking of you. 

I hope you don't have too tough a time!

I hope not too. Thankyou. xx I have to leave in an hour and I'm worrying about this! Not just the pain - I'm dreading that. Don't want to go anywhere today! But it's having to see my ex-employers and trying to identify a caravan that I had my accident in that may not even be there anymore!

*Stop worrying Avrielle.*

*offers hugs if wanted*

It's not a very nice day either, which doesn't help.

Actually. It is nice and sunny here. Which is an absolute blessing! I think I would have had to cancel the meeting arrangement if it were raining like yesterday. I just hope that the ground has dried up though. Nothing worse than walking with crutches over soft muddy wet ground!

I just wanted to say its looks like there are alot of like-minded people here who do suffer from chronic pain conditions, thats why I love this forum its so approachable, open and friendly.

Alicia you give some great advice so I cant add much more; and you cope so well, I really do understand what your all going through.You are all brilliant for offering such good advice through your own illnesses and problems as are laveila, Sharry, Avrielle and Toying around.. and I know many others on here.

I have had Osteoporosis for over 18 years and I also have ME which gives a mountain of symptoms when it flares up, Im a human dormouse most the time and struggle to stay awake from the pain. Im never without some pain so I completely understand where you are all coming from.

So my point im getting to is...from this topic....lol! Getting comfortable is vital, giant cushions, bean bags, rolled duvets are a must for pain sufferers. But can I suggest a few things that helped me with my chronic pain and sex.

Accupuncture has been quite successful for me; a completely understanding boyfriend has been vital too lol. But I cant be without is my TENS machine for pain (not the sex electro units hehe), I have found this a miracle box for me, you get them from you hospitals at pain clinic or can buy them too, its been amazing for me. I wear this 4-5 hours before I know we want sex and then remove it, Ive even left it on, on worse days and its got me through brilliantly.

Im not sure it would benefit you Alicia as your pain is with your nerves (sorry if im wrong). It may feel uncomfortable on your skin. (But maybe worth a try to see?).

Sorry to be boring but we recently splashed out and bought a HUGELY expensive memory foam mattress, wow what a difference its made. If you are on your knees it will mould round them, its so soft. But the support it gives your body is amazing.

Mattress toppers arnt as good but its a start and worth a try, but dont be put off if a topper doesnt work, it wasnt enough for me; but the mattress was a miracle for us and our sex-life.

Apart from that I fall asleep even easier now...yes even during sex, luckily my BF doesnt take it personally anymore bless him..omg!

So use any giant cushions, rolls, bean-bags etc and rolled up duvets too; but please consider the mattress as the memory foam moulds to your body and its changed my life seriously....

Laveila the Angel wings sex chair takes weight off your hips and knees have you tried this, Im looking into buying this one?

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=7747

This is the 1 position I havent been able to do in years; because of the pain in my hips, the porn stars make it look easy dont they lol? Has anyone used this yet, in theory it looks like it will work?

Anyway thanks girls for all the advice given so far your all amazing people on here.

Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

Actually. It is nice and sunny here. Which is an absolute blessing! I think I would have had to cancel the meeting arrangement if it were raining like yesterday. I just hope that the ground has dried up though. Nothing worse than walking with crutches over soft muddy wet ground!

Lucky!  It's pouring here. 

Ah, yes. Accupuncture was a failure for me. Had it done twice. Once from my inexperienced (ex) GP which had me in a whole load of pain with the needles. And the second time was much better from my experienced Physiotherapist, but it didn't make any difference to my foot.

TENS machine can work great on some people. Might take some time to find the right combination of setting that work for you though. It does nothing for me. Physio had an industrial sized TENS machine that was much much stronger than those you get from Loyds or Boots. It did help, but only for an hour or so, then it wore off. But that hour or so was a blessing!

I have had laser treatment and industrial magnetic field thingy that did nothing. I have had two steroid injections, and I think one made it worse!

We had discussed amputation, and I would have been for it and have a prosthetic foot instead, but the doctors advised me that even if they did do that, I may still suffer a lot of pain and ghost pains that may still linger for life. So that is a bit of a pointless risk.

So, now it's a case of just finding a way to put up with it. I'm being reffered to pain management, so I'll see what they can do.

I tried ultrasound once......it just made my knees hurt more. 

Oh yeah. Had untrasound too. It kinda feels like its vibrating slightly and it made my foot hurt more too. Kinda tingly and not very nice being pressed in to the sore, tender bits!

Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

Oh yeah. Had untrasound too. It kinda feels like its vibrating slightly and it made my foot hurt more too. Kinda tingly and not very nice being pressed in to the sore, tender bits!

And the gel they use is faREEZING!

And I nearly reported your post by accident....oops. 

Blondii: I am not suffering it all year round, luckily, but usually when I do during fieldwork, nevertheless I know pretty well how painful joints can go. And my knees are not real fans of kneeling for long time, mainly on hard surface. Bed tends to be fine, unless I spent a week kneeling down for 8hours daily and then its far from that!

But the chair looks very interesting, and sounds like what I would need after working! And yes, Actually doggie style is much easier generally on my knees as my weight is more on both hands and knees and on bed there is no real discomfort, so I dont mind, being a top of my partner is trickier. Hmm... may add it to my wishlist and think about it!

I know it's off topic, but the emoticon  makes me laugh every time I see it.

hee hee hee!

Blondii wrote:

I just wanted to say its looks like there are alot of like-minded people here who do suffer from chronic pain conditions, thats why I love this forum its so approachable, open and friendly.

Alicia you give some great advice so I cant add much more; and you cope so well, I really do understand what your all going through.You are all brilliant for offering such good advice through your own illnesses and problems as are laveila, Sharry, Avrielle and Toying around.. and I know many others on here.

Accupuncture has been quite successful for me; a completely understanding boyfriend has been vital too lol. But I cant be without is my TENS machine for pain (not the sex electro units hehe), I have found this a miracle box for me, you get them from you hospitals at pain clinic or can buy them too, its been amazing for me. I wear this 4-5 hours before I know we want sex and then remove it, Ive even left it on, on worse days and its got me through brilliantly.

Im not sure it would benefit you Alicia as your pain is with your nerves (sorry if im wrong). It may feel uncomfortable on your skin. (But maybe worth a try to see?).

Thank you Blondii - I do a lot of research on my condition because I refuse to take it lying down and I'm a scientist at heart (and in career too) so understanding helps me cope. If I can share the things I've learnt then that makes me very happy. Unfortunately I know a lot of people who suffer chronic pain, though of those friends I have IRL I have noone who truly understands what I'm going through. And support and understanding really does make a huge difference so I like to offer that to others :)

Actually whilst I do suffer a lot of neuropathy the nerve damage is from the chronic pain I was already suffering.

I have a condition called Hypermobility Syndrome - it's a connective tissue disorder with many similar symptoms to ME. My connective tissue is lax, that means my joints wobble around too much damaging the soft tissue around the joints - I get muscle damage and sprains, tendonitis etc. etc. I am also more prone to partial dislocations (luckily no full dislocations yet though they are common with the condition but I'm very muscular and that seems to hold things in a little) which can leave a lot of bruising. I have a basal background pain that is there constantly then I get more injuries of specific joints (like my shoulder at the moment) and a flare up can leave me with increased pain in all my joints. Of course I also suffer severe, chronic fatigue, I have gut problems and I get a lot of brain fog and lose the ability to use proper language on occasion (aphasia). Then because of the constant pain I have, my nerves have taken a bit of a battering giving neuropathy symptoms such as numbness, sensitivity to loud noises (especially when I'm having a bad flare up), a decline in my sight and hearing and pain on pressure in certain areas but I also have a very high pain threshold.

So yeah - that was a long winded way of saying - yes, sometimes TENs does help a lot and gives me some wonderful respite - the only down side is the way it works means the relief is only short term. Whilst it's switched on it works, once it's switched off it doesn't but the respite you've had can make the pain easier to deal with once it comes back :).

I'm sorry that so many people know what it's like to live with chronic pain and fatigue (Blondii I'm sure you'll agree often the fatigue is harder to cope with than the pain) myself included but at least it means there are a lot of empathetic and caring people out there willing to share their experiences in order to help others :)

Kunoichi - with time, you'll find all the things that work for you that make for a happy life even if it will always be filled with challenges. I'm fascinated to learn that brain damage is associated with low muscle tone - will have to read up more on that! One the knee thing - my OH laughs at my shadow - my shadow in skirts shows up a noticeable kink in my knee and my knuckles are also bent though not with the severity you describe.

Good luck and well wishes too everyone and *gentle hugs*.

Adx

Also - memory foam matresses are well worth the money - mine is bloody wonderful. Though you have to get the firmness right, too soft and you get stuck in a hole - not good for joint issue people to be restricted over night as you can end up waking up often needing to move.

Adx

See, Alicia, I would hate to have my oh laughing at my shadow - my dad laughs at my accent (I have speech difficulties as well - ah, brain damage, how wide ranging you are in your effects) all the time, and he won't stop, and it REALLY REALLY HURTS. 

kunoichi wrote:

See, Alicia, I would hate to have my oh laughing at my shadow - my dad laughs at my accent (I have speech difficulties as well - ah, brain damage, how wide ranging you are in your effects) all the time, and he won't stop, and it REALLY REALLY HURTS. 

I'm happy for him to laugh at it but the most important thing is for your family to be sensitive to your own needs and emotions. My OH knows I'm ok with him laughing about somethings and not about others - it's sometimes evidence that he understands what I'm going through when he makes a joke about something.

But if it upsets you, your family should 100% respect and be sensitive to that! I do hate jokes about laziness - I've always been such a hard worker and since my joints deteriorate each year I am capable of less and less - I'm the opposite of lazy and it really hurts when people think or even joke that I am because I can't do things.

I also hate when people joke that I'm spoilt because my OH does certain things for me - because I'm really "lucky" that I *need* someone to do basic things for me *eyeroll at all the insensitive people who make that joke*.

It's all a balance and your dad should really respect your needs and emotions and the things you do and don't like!

Adx