• D/s help

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    Holly Love [sign in to see picture]
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    We both took the mojo upgrade quiz the other night and out of our many results we both selected trying a dom sub relationship switching between roles as we both would like to try dom and sub side of things. We may even try it 24/7 if we love it.
    We have toys and restraints and are looking to get a gag but have no idea where to start except sorting a safe word.

    Any tips or recommendations for 2 willing beginners to the lifestyle would be greatly appreciated.

    1429432459
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there, trust and communication are the most important parts of a D/s relationship. Make sure you take things slowly and at a pace you are both comfortable with. I'm pleased you have a safe word as this is very important. If you are going to experiment with gags, make sure you have a safe signal or hold a bell or a squeaky toy in your hand, so that your partner knows when you have reached your limit.

    Here are some guides which are worth having a read through. You could also try a game as this is a fun way to explore, experiment and find out your likes and dislikes :) xx

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/keep-safe-bondage-techniques/

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/bdsm-for-vanilla-lovers-bondage/

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=29558

    1429434849
    Markeymark [sign in to see picture]
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    Absolutely agree with all of the above. Especially with safe words, prior discussion of hard limits (you are "NOT" using one of those on me") etc.

    As D, I also find it helps to have a plan in mind for how the session will go - maybe just the first few minutes rather than scripting the whole thing. This may, for example, include knowing which restraints and toys we want to use, then working out how to bring them in to play. A good option is often to blindfold and/or restrain your s, the have a quiz or test - with a punishment for each wrong answer and a reward when they get it right. Some people do this in the context of a role-play scenario (eg boss/underperforming secretary), others prefer to do it straight - "real play". The advantage of this approach is that you don't get too many "what shall we do next" moments, the D has confidence being in control because they know where they are heading, and this in turn helps the s to trust them. There are lots of other options, but I know this works for me.

    Good luck and have fun.

    1429518852
    Holly Love [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you very helpful got a few ideas to try out now we have a length of Shibari rope so we are going to try that out and definitely going to get a gag and maybe a spreader bar.
    Any other advice from experienced people would be great espicialy on using the rope?

    1429519187
    Holly Love [sign in to see picture]
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    Is http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15706 a good gag to get for a beginner?

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I wouldn't use a gag. Communication especially safe words are very important. I appreciate hand signals could be used but nothing beats the spoken word in an emergency.

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    Holly Love [sign in to see picture]
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    We are going to get a little cat bell for when gagged it also will be handy for when my mother stays over as I can get quite vocal.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats OK as long as you are in a position to reach it. Again restraining will need to be done carefully in such a way that reaching the bell isn't impeded in any way .

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    Holly Love [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm going to hold it in my closed hand then drop it to stop.

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    Markeymark [sign in to see picture]
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    Rope is great, but take some time to learn how to tie it properly or you could end up cutting off circulation etc. If you do a quick search on YouTube there are some good, straightforward video tutorials. It's more expense, but wrist and ankle cuffs (the leather strappy sort) can be a good alternative - and easier to undo if you need to do it quickly. I'd also suggest incremental steps - try a bit of restraint first, then maybe add in other things like a gag next time.

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    Markeymark [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry, should have added a couple of links to tutorials. I like the Twisted Monk series (eg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O6TCcl3_ws8) but I know a lot of people recommend the ones from Two Knotty Boys (eg www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDn0RO8kq1U).

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    Subdom27 [sign in to see picture]
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    Before you learn about the knots you require, read up about rope safety. It's overlooked by so many when starting to play with rope, and it's so essential to know what to look for.

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    Markeymark [sign in to see picture]
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    +1. Definitely .

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    redqueenwildboy [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly - give it a good while before you jump into 24-7 power exchange. It can be overwhelming for both parties if you're not ready or not prepared to be fully invested. My partner and I were together as active kinksters for six years before we transitioned to lifestyle-based power exchange, and we are still working hard to find our feet.

    Detailed, realistic (and non-horny) discussions about your desires, curiosities and limits might not sound like the sexiest thing to do, but it needs to happen!

    More immediately - a dog training clicker with a wrist strap is ideal as a "safe word" during play!

    Best of luck for the future xxx

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